Chapter Title courtesy of Thirty Seconds to Mars! World of wonders courtesy of JK as always!
Hermione bolted upright in bed, her dying screams echoing off the stone walls of her bedroom. Sweat trickled down the back of her neck as she shoved strands of her hair out of her face. Her breathing ragged and just shy of a full blown panic attack, she closes her eyes again and tries to slow down her heart. Pulling her legs up to rest against her chest, she wraps her arms around herself, putting pressure on her cursed scar as the pain flares up, a reminder that she is still not healed from the war. Every part of her body is reacting to the nightmares. Her muscles seize from the pain of the cruciatus curse inflicted by Bellatrix at Malfoy Manor. Her head is throbbing from the screaming of everyone fighting and dying during the final battle. Her lungs cannot seem to hold enough air in them and her heart feels like it is going to burst at any moment in a racing panic. But her eyes, those stay dry. It has been six months since the end of the war, six months of funerals and rebuilding and utter loneliness, but she doesn't cry. She has not cried at all and though she wants to let go of her sorrow and her pain in rivers of tears, the permeating cold just will not release her soul.
Knowing she was not going back to sleep today, Hermione climbed out of bed slowly making her way to her bathroom. As she turned the water in the shower to just this side of scalding, she stripes her pajamas off and stares at herself in the mirror. She is still painfully thin from the lack of food while on the run. And even though she has more to eat available now, she has found that her appetite is still not really an existing thing. Her skin, which used to glow with a healthy golden brown, is now pale and dull. The scars that intersect her body are all in varying stages of healing, some puckered pink and looking new and fresh while others are silver lines now fully healed and etched into her skin for good. As she turns her left arm outward the ugly slur seems to scream at her in a shrill imitation of the crazy witch that carved it into her and she winces, the cold flaring and spreading inside her. Though it is not an open wound anymore, the word is still an angry red and there are small black lines that spider out and along the carving, making a macabre picture of her greatest shame.
Rolling her eyes at herself, Hermione stepped into the burning water and leans her head against the side of the shower, letting the water cascade down her back in searing rivulets. She clears her mind of all the pain and terror and slowly pulls herself back from insanity. Once she feels that she has locked her emotions and her terror behind the thick wall of her occlumency again, she washes and scrubs until she no longer can feel the sweat and grime of her nightmares on her skin or in her hair. Once out she dries off and applies the healing ointment on her arm before wrapping it up for the day and heading back into her bedroom. As she looks at her room, a very small smile forms for a second on her lips. Her room is exactly as she would have wanted it to be if she has decorated it. Gone were the Griffindor red and gold of her house and in its place a soft cream and lilac purple, the tone both smile inducing and calming. Her bed had no posts at all but a beautiful wrought iron head board and foot board that depicted scenes of dragons and the fae and other wondrous creatures she had learned about in the wizarding world. It was a queen sized bed which was good because she knew that she tossed and turned in her nightmare induced sleep and probably would have rolled right out of the dormitory twin bed she used to sleep in. She had a cream colored matching dresser and armoire along the walls and though she has only managed to put up a few pictures on the remaining wall space, once she was done it would be a collage of all her friends and family smiling and laughing…reminders of better days before…well just before. Turning away from the smiling face of Harry and Ron and the pain of thinking too hard about before, Hermione walked to her closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and a long sleeved black shirt. She was glad, or as glad as she could muster that this year the 8th years were allowed to forego the uniforms and just wear normal clothing. She could not imagine how ridiculous she would feel at 19 years old, survivor of the second wizarding war, war heroine and recipient to an Order of Merlin first class and having to be in a Hogwarts school uniform. She already felt that her persona of herself these days was fraudulent; she did not need any more help feeling like a fake.
Once dressed she returned to the bathroom to put on the light makeup to cover up her lack of sleep and color and then repeats the plethora of spells to dry, condition, and straighten her hair so that it hangs like a silken waterfall of chocolate and honey down her back. It is the one thing she takes the time and effort to fix. After being dragged by her curls and the resulting torture, her hair being wild and in her face she has learned is a trigger for flashbacks and terror…so straight hair it is. She thought about cutting it off completely but knew that her father always liked it longer. Since he was no longer around to appreciate it, Hermione could not seem to force herself to move past that. So long it was but the curls had to go! Thinking of her father was always a mistake as the pain of that loss ripped through her again, causing her to physically jerk from it, dropping her wand and bending over to gasp in desperation. With a will power born of pain and anger, Hermione pulls back on the wave of grief and pushes it back down into the bottomless pit where she stores all the other negative emotions and thoughts she cannot yet face. Standing back up, she flicks her wrist and her wand soars from the floor back into her hand with no words spoken. Nodding at her reflection she leaves the bathroom and heads for the common room. She only has to endure this very first breakfast with the rest of the school and then she is blessedly free to be alone again, or as alone as her education this last year will allow.
Glancing around her common room she takes a moment to appreciate the ambience here as well. All the furniture is light leather and wood. Book shelves line every wall and are full from top to bottom with every reference book she might possibly need to use this year. A desk is situated off to one side looking out a window for her to study at and the fireplace is just large enough to warm the whole room but cozy enough to sit in front of and read. She cannot decide if studying on the desk or reading every book possible by the fire is the thing she is most looking forward to doing. For now she will settle with being able to do either in peace and be satisfied with that.
Grabbing her book bag, Hermione heads out of her portrait hole and into the hallway. Pausing long enough to take a deep fortifying breath, she pastes on her golden girl smile, head up and confident she begins her walk to the great hall for breakfast, nodding and saying hello to any and all who greet her. On the inside her entire world is freezing over once more as she realizes that there is no one who actually seems to know her anymore. All the smiles and the greetings and not one of these other students or even professors seems to know it is all a lie to cover up the winter that is now a constant presence in her soul. Looking around her at the hustle and bustle of the school and for a moment she wonders why she came back and who she is trying to prove a point to this time. No one really cared anymore if she finished her education or completed her NEWT's. Her parents no longer remembered they even had a daughter to fuss over and never would regain those memories. Harry and Ronald were so busy living their own lives and trying to get by with their own trauma, that her anxiety over school seemed trivial. Though at least Harry and Ron cared enough to try to stay connected to her and what she was doing. It was more than any of the Weasley's or the Order had bothered to do since the break up several months before. Ginny did send owls to check on Hermione, but any face to face interaction was non-existent at the moment, most likely to avoid any drama with Mrs. Weasley over Ron and Luna and family loyalty. At just the thought of that sweet but strange witches' name, Hermione's hold on her shields cracked and a sneer slipped onto her face that even Malfoy could have been proud of. The least he could have done was give it a little time before he had moved on with such relative ease. Even Luna had seemed lucid enough to question coming forth with their relationship so fast.
Regaining control, she continued forward until she stood directly in front of the large double doors. Taking one last fortifying breath in, Hermione pushed open the doors and strolled into the noise of the first breakfast of the first day of her very last year at Hogwarts. The fact that it was the last place she really wanted to be was not lost on her. The Great Hall quieted down slightly as her presence was recognized and then came the increase in volume as it felt like every single person wanted to talk to her or about her as she made her way between the house tables and up to the front to the round 8th year table. She did her best to respond or wave and smile. "Yes keep smiling Hermione" she thought to herself as she tried to keep from flinching or grimacing when an over enthusiastic fan touched her or patted her back a little too roughly. As she came up to the table, her inner dread tried to overwhelm her and the cold deepened causing a shiver to run down her spine.
There were 12 chairs set around the table. Each chair had a returning 8th year that would be part of this terms new class set up or one of the teachers that would be a study mentor. Hermione made her way around the table to sit in the only available seat between Professor Vector and Hannah Abbott from Hufflepuff. Once settled she grabbed a few slices of toast and spread apple jam on each. As she reached across the table to grab one of the apples, her hand collided with the very pale, long fingered hand of none other than Draco Malfoy. Mumbling an apology, Hermione drew her hand back to her lap without the apple and dropped her eyes to her plate and slowly began to eat. After a few minutes, the same pale hand came into her view from across Hannah's plate with a shiny red apple held out to her. Raising her head, Hermione came eye to eye with Draco, confusion and wariness evident in her eyes.
With a hesitant smile, he bobbed his hand up and down once in offering. "I do not have a monopoly on apples Granger, contrary to the gossip going around. Take it."
Smiling softly at him, Hermione gingerly took the apple from him, looking at him once more in thanks and taking a small bite. Closing her eyes as the sweet juice coated her tongue she chewed slowly, savoring the fresh taste and for the first time since she crawled out of bed this morning, she leaned back and relaxed. Glancing around the table, Hermione made note of all the 8th years that came back this year. Sitting next to her was of course Hannah Abbott. Next to Hannah sat Draco Malfoy and then Theodore Nott. They seemed to be the only two 8th year Slytherins with any courage to come back to school this year. Next to Theodore was Professor Snape, the one and only professor that had not bothered to talk to her the entire time she had been helping with the rebuilding of the school. Hermione was not sure if she was thankful for the reprieve or sad that he still did not seem to care to acknowledge she was a real person. Shaking her head she continued her perusal. Next to Professor Snape was Susan Bones, a very tough but sweet Hufflepuff that at one time she remembered enjoying being around. Next to Susan were Michael Corner and Lisa Turpin from Ravenclaw who seemed to be in deep conversation about a magazine they were both looking through. Between the students sat Professor Flitwick, whose retirement was announced originally for this year but then renounced when he agreed to be an 8th year mentor. Next along the table after the old charms professor was Trevor Boot and Padma Patil. It looked like Ravenclaw would be the most represented house in the 8th year classes.
A small frown formed for a moment as she realized she was the only Griffindor that had bothered to return to finish her schooling. Of course, she had known that going into this year. Harry and Ron had both been offered auror positions at the ministry following the death of Tom Riddle. Ginny, though a year younger, had decided she could not stand the site of the castle and had taken to learning how to keep house from Molly before her wedding to Harry happened and she could start being his wife and the mother of the next generation of Potters. Ginny also decided to start a charity for orphaned children that kept her, Luna, and several of the other Griffindors busy through the week now as well. Last Hermione had heard, Seamus and Dean had taken a port key to America to travel and go to a privately funded school to finish the few subjects they wanted to pass and then open their own business. She wasn't sure what it was they planned to do and honestly, she very rarely even thought about it anyway. She had no idea at all about the remaining students from her house and why they were missing. It was probably for the best she was the only Griffindor that returned. If anyone else had come back she would have felt obliged to talk to them and interact with them and that was the last thing she wanted to deal with this year…obligation to anyone but herself.
Keeping her eyes on her plate, Hermione managed to go the entire meal with absolutely no other contact with her fellow 8th years and was pretty sure her very demeanor had put anyone else off of acknowledging or trying to speak to her. As the Headmistress stood and welcomed back all the other students in each year, Hermione drifted into the next step of her day and tried to keep her nervousness under control. She had only one outcome in mind for how her year had to go and she hoped that the key factor to that would not cause any upset to her goals. Headmistress McGonagall finished her welcoming speech by explaining that the 8th years would not be in the normal classes but would be following a different format this year to complete their education. After asking the students to please respect the 8th years need for privacy to uphold the large work load, she dismissed them all to their very first class of the day. The noise level rose even louder as the students from the other 7 years proceeded to leave the great hall, laughing and talking about what class they had and the teachers and other students. Some of the returning 7th years eyed the 8th year table with suspicion and disgust as their eyes roamed over the Slytherins, but no one made a move to actually confront them…yet. Hermione figured it was only a matter of time before Malfoy, Nott, or Professor Snape had to deal with the backlash of their actions the year before. Even though all three had been found not guilty for the participation on the side of Tom Riddle, there were some who believed every person who stood by him even for a moment needed to be rotting in Azkaban and not walking around free. As Hermione had given a testimony to Kingsley for the trials of any Death Eaters she had knowledge of or a run in with, she was not inclined to agree. She had even said as much when her testimony contradicted Ron's in reference to Malfoy. Ron had wanted him locked away for his part in the war and both Harry and Hermione had testified that he was just a child like the rest of them and deserved to be given some leniency after what he had endured as well. The courts had sided in favor of parole and letting Malfoy off without a sentence and that had just been another chasm her and Ron could not overcome.
Once the great hall was empty of other students, Headmistress McGonagall stepped down from the head dais and looked over her returning 8th year students.
"As you are all aware, this year is going to be a more in depth program. All of you have had your schooling interrupted due to the war and the prior year before that. As such, I decided a closer relationship with a Professor and a few students was better to ensure you received all the help and attention you may need while taking your classes and studying for your NEWT's. The first week or so will be review and testing to make sure everyone is up to date on the current curriculum. Once your level of competency is established, your mentor will help you create a personal study session for each subject you plan to take a NEWT in so that we can ensure your education is complete by the time you graduate this June. Are there any questions before we start the sorting for your mentor?"
Folding her hands in front of her, the Headmistress looked around at her oldest students. She was very proud of those who deemed their education worth coming back to finish. She was surprised to see the young Malfoy and Nott on the list when the final owls had been delivered. After the war, she expected all the older pureblood families to keep their heirs at home learning about family affairs. She did not expect to see any of them back at the school to take NEWT's. She was also surprised and a little saddened to know that not a single Griffindor except for Miss Granger had bothered to return. Though considering all that had happened and the jobs that were lined up to be offered to them this year, she should not have been. Her worry for her little cub was understandable as she could tell Miss Granger was not the same girl she had been in years previous, though she did her very best to hide that fact from everyone else. Minerva was just not sure how else to go about trying to help her find her way through her pain. Hopefully with time, Miss Granger would open back up to those here this year and finally release her hold on her emotions. After giving it enough time to make sure the students did not have any questions, she cleared her throat and addressed them again.
"Alright then let us proceed with the sorting. We will begin with the highest marked student and work out way down. Of course, you were all some of the brightest students we had from your class year and I am not at all surprised to see your faces back this year. I am so very happy you all decided to join us to complete your education at Hogwarts and your mentors and I hope this new program helps to keep you on track. If the mentors will please stand and take a seat at one of the house tables we will get your students sorted for you."
Professors Snape, Flitwick, and Vector stood and after nodding to the Headmistress, walked to their own respective house table. Professor Vector, being the only mentor who did not originally attend Hogwarts for her education, moved over to the Hufflepuff table. Professor Flitwick carefully moved over to the Ravenclaw table before conjuring another stack of books on the bench to sit upon. Professor Snape glanced around at the students with a blank and careful expression, noting that none of the students would meet his eyes, before turning and making his way to the Slytherin table.
"Now as you can see, there are three mentors ladies and gentleman. This means that you would split into groups of three. Each mentor will take on three of you for the year and help you in every subject you are reviewing for. All three professors were chosen because of their years of experience teaching, as well as their areas of study and accomplishment. Each mentor has at least two masteries, and in the case of Professor Snape, four. All the mentors are well versed and acquired at least an Exceeds Expectation in every NEWT subject you are all interested in. So let us not worry about whom can teach which subject better, as they are all able to teach and help with any subject. As I stated before, we will start with the student with the top marks and make our way through the list. Miss Granger, as the student with the highest marks to date, you have first pick of your mentor for the year. Please take your things and go sit with whomever you have chosen."
The slight whispering that had started at the beginning of her pronouncement that each mentor would have three students only came to an abrupt stop as all eyes turned to her. Hermione took a deep breath and stood. She knew that if her chosen mentor did not want her or believed he could not work with her, she would have to settle for her second choice. Here's hoping he has changed through the summer and doesn't hate me entirely anymore, she thought as she moved around the table and toward Professor Snape. As she got closer, he raised his head and though his face stayed blank, his eyes widen slightly in surprise as the young Griffindor sat down directly in front of him, head held high and her eyes starring directly into his with complete conviction. Waving his wand to cast a silencing spell, he waited just a moment before speaking to ensure his surprise was under control.
"As you know Miss Granger, I am not an easy teacher nor will I go easy on you this year. I still have the option to say yes or no to any student and if you are not sure about this arrangement, I will tell the Headmistress I cannot work with you and let them think it was I who turned you away. Are you sure that you want to choose me as your mentor?" Raising an eyebrow at the last statement, Severus waited to see if she would stand by her decision or turn tail and run from him as fast and as far as she was able. At this point he was not sure which option he wanted or would prefer.
"I assure you Professor Snape I did not decide to choose you as my mentor lightly or without thought. As far as I am concerned, you are the best and only logical option for someone like me. I am top of my class and plan to have the highest number of Outstanding NEWT's since your own scores sir. To achieve that goal, I need and I want the best possible mentor I can get this year. That would be you Professor Snape. You will not coddle me or lie to me or stroke my ego on how brilliant I am. I have been hoping that you will be a little less acerbic since the war is over and you no longer have to deal with that stress. But even if you are just the exact same as you have been every other year before, you are the most intelligent and knowledgeable professor and I would be a complete dunderhead to not choose you over everyone else." As she answered his question, her eyes never deviated from his and she never stuttered in her reasoning. Though it looked like she wanted to say more, Severus could tell she bit back on that and waited with false bravado for him to reach a verdict. Letting his eyes linger on her for another full minute, he finally looked past her to Minerva and gave one sharp nod of his head in approval as he canceled the silencing spell. Though he pretended not to notice, he saw the relief flash in the eyes of the other non-Slytherin students who were afraid someone would get stuck with him instead of one of the other two. What he did not see was the moment of relief that flashed in his first student's eyes at his acceptance.
Once that was settled, Headmistress McGonagall looked back down at her list and called out for Draco Malfoy, who was second in their class. Standing gracefully with the same aristocratic air about him, Draco leaned down and grabbed his satchel and then headed for the Slytherin table as well. Sitting himself down on the left side of Hermione he nodded at Professor Snape and then gave a small smile to the Griffindor that would be sharing his study space all year. She nodded at him and returned his smile before dropping her eyes back to the table to wait. Severus watched the exchange between his Godson and Miss Granger before looking up and nodding his assent again. The headmistress continued to go down her list, the next few a lot smoother as Padma Patil went to sit with Professor Vector and Trevor Boot went to sit with Professor Flitwick. Next in line was Theodore Nott and as expected he stood and walked to the Slytherin table. What was unexpected was for him to sit on the right side of Hermione, setting his bag beside him on the bench and keeping his gaze straight ahead. She wasn't sure what it meant that the two Slytherins choose to sit on either side of her instead of together but she realized that she really did not mind sitting in between the two. For Hermione, it felt almost like sitting back between Harry and Ron but without the pressure and expectations that came with being Hermione Granger, brains of the golden trio. Professor Snape pulled on every ounce of his self-control to hide the smile threatening to break through his stoic composure at how odd but comfortable his three pupils seemed to be sitting together the way they were. It was even a relief to see such a brilliant student as Miss Granger finally be surrounded by a caliber of student she should have been with from the very start. If it had not been for the war, he would have welcomed her into Slytherin and been very content in teaching her and helping her expand her mind and her creativity. Seeing the students he would be mentoring this year, Severus found for the first time in 20 years he was feeling excitement and a positive anticipation for the upcoming academic year.
The Headmistress finished off the list, watching as Lisa Turpin and Michael Corner moved over to sit with Professor Flitwick and Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones took the last two spots with Professor Vector. Once the sorting was done, she smiled and rolled up the parchment. Doing her best to not show her worry over where Miss Granger placed herself for the school year, she addressed the students one last time.
"Unless there is some odd conflict that comes up where a student needs to move mentors, this will be your group for study this year. I hope you all find your mentors to be to your liking and I wish all of you a productive and less adventurous year then the last few. I will leave you in the capable hands of your mentors now as I have some paper work to finish finalizing this arrangement. As always if you have need of me, you can find me in my office. My password for the beginning of term is Serval." Giving one more smile to the occupants of the room, she spun around and headed out the staff exit at the back of the platform.
Professor Vector and Professor Flitwick stood, gesturing for their 3 mentees to follow them out of the great hall. Severus watched them go before he looked back to his three in contemplation. He knew what he would be facing this year with these three as his. All three were known for their intelligence and their obsessive study habits. He would finally have his work cut out for him not in having to watch a bunch of idiot children screw up things they did not care about but to help three who cared as much as if not more than he did. For a retirement year, this was going to be the best one yet.
"So are you really going to make us call you Professor Snape this year or do we get to get away with calling you Severus, Sev…maybe Sevy?" Of course his Godson had to pipe up with his snarky mouth and ruin his moment of self-congratulations.
Turning his entire head and raising one eyebrow, he starred down Draco until the young man huffed and dropped his eyes. Looking over at his other two, he could tell Theo was doing his very best to hold in a laugh and Miss Granger looked like she had seen a ghost or maybe the resurrected Dark Lord himself. That look alone is what did it and a very small chuckle left his lips before he could get a complete hold on it. Her head snapped towards him so fast he was afraid she might break her little neck and Theo lost his hold on his laugh as he threw his head back and let it flow out of him. Draco looked up and glanced at the scene before snorting out a laugh as well, shaking his head at the look on Granger's face starring at his Godfather. She truly looked like the world had just stopped and she had no idea what reality she had landed in.
"I know it may come as a shock to you that I do in fact have a sense of humor Miss Granger, but do please take a breath before you pass out from lack of oxygen," Severus stated in his honey over gravel voice. He watched as Miss Granger's personality seemed to bleed back into her eyes and realizing she was in fact not breathing, took a deep breath before blinking and letting a small smirk form on her lips. Shaking her head at Theo's inability to gather his composure, she turned to face Draco, an incredulous look in her eyes.
"Sevy…really Malfoy that is what comes out when asking what to call Professor Snape…Sevy?" Rolling her eyes she tsks a few times before continuing.
"I think we should find a bomb shelter or something because I am absolutely positive the apocalypse is about to start any minute now and I really do not feel like having to deal with anymore fire and brimstone," came her sarcastic reply as she glanced between him, Theo, and Draco with an feigned shell shocked expression.
Severus let another huff of a laugh escape before he shook his head and stood. Hermione was the first on her feet, almost as if she were pulled by strings at his standing. The other two followed more leisurely getting to their feet. Once all three had their bags secure, Severus turned and headed for the door.
"You will, I think, find many situations this year to be world ending if one slight laugh from me causes that way of thinking Miss Granger. As for your question Draco, if you are comfortable with it, you may call me Severus in the privacy of our study group and room. It is Professor Snape in public no matter where we are though. And you will do well to never call me Sevy again in your life Godson if you plan to ever have children" he deadpanned as his hand pushed open the great hall door and he starred Draco down.
Smiling from ear to ear and completely unrepentant, Draco nodded and reached over to take Hermione's book bag from her. "No problem Uncle Severus, I will be happy to stick to that rule. As the only girl in our group Granger and since Theo and I have never bothered to show you any true manners, let me get that for you. This year you are going to get to see what it means to be a powerful witch who is appreciated for her abilities instead of downgraded for her supposedly inferior blood status."
Relinquishing her bag with absolutely no fuss, the shock keeping her from thinking about making one, Hermione found that this year may just be the oddest one she will ever have had here at Hogwarts. Following Professor Snape and walking between Nott and Malfoy, she for the moment has completely forgotten about her resolve to be alone and the cold inside went unnoticed as it retreated a little.