Pretend (Part 2)
by BrDPirateMan
Shiki and I spent our summer having what she called dates. In all truth, I wasn't her real boyfriend and she knew that, so the exact term for such would be 'pretend dates'. On hindsight it sounds ridiculously childish, but no one knew what we were up to so there was no one to laugh at us, so even I thought it was fine to play along. The girl just wanted a friend to accompany her through the summer in hopes of livening it up.
We went out once a week, sometimes twice. The first 'dates' weren't exactly proper dates to begin with. Sometimes we would have tea at a fast-food restaurant, talking about everything that fell under the sun. At another time we may be going shopping – more like she was doing the shopping and I just tagged along to help carry her bags. And if a movie came out we might watch it together in a cinema. In short, although Shiki called them dates, they were perfectly normal things to do with anyone, so it was hard to feel any kind of romance. It almost felt like we were just going out as friends.
But don't get me wrong, there were certainly fun times to be had. I enjoyed it when I was with her, and I was sure she felt the same way too. It's just that after a while, when it fell into something of an enjoyable routine, I almost forgot that I was her 'boyfriend'. More like I was simply a friend hanging out with her.
Then on a seemingly normal day at Ramen Don – a noodle shop – the tone of our dates would take on a drastic change.
"Hey, Neku," she said, in between mouthfuls of miso ramen – her favourite, "Come to think about it, we may have known each other for a while now…"
I mumbled through a curtain of ramen to acknowledge her, "Hmmm?"
"…but I don't know much about your personal life. Sure, I got the gist of what you like and how you get to school and stuff… But we never actually got to talk about, say, your family or… you know!" Then in a hurry, she added, "I'm not looking to intrude on your life, though! It's just… I'm curious about you, Neku…"
Curious about me? ! I almost choked on my ramen. Fortunately I didn't, but I swallowed it in one big lump without chewing at all. I was struggling to wash it down with my glass of water while Shiki panicked and fussed over me.
Once order had been restored, I tried to act cool, like nothing had happened, and said with a small smile, "I guess the topic of 'The Life and Times of Neku Sakuraba' never once came up, huh…"
Shiki chuckled. "'Life and Times'? That's a good one, honey."
"H-Honey? !" I stiffened.
"Well, yeah…" she said nonchalantly. "I mean, we're lovers now, right? And even though we're just pretending, it can't hurt to be authentic, can it? Lovers call each other that, you know."
"M-Maybe it was a bit too authentic…" Sweat was gathering inside my shirt but I had no idea if it was a cold sweat or if it was warm today.
"Ha ha ha… You think?" Then she continued from where she had left off. "But it's true. I haven't heard so much as a peep about your parents, or what you do at home… Pretty much what I know about you is the outside, but not much of the inside."
She was right, to be honest. I had been a lone wolf for a long time, and was never in the habit of talking about myself and my background. All people saw and knew of me was the skin of the apple: superficial and ultimately not very deep at all. It was then that I realized how little she knew about me, and for that matter, how little I knew about her, too. I had never asked much about her. We were in the same camp. Funny how we were great pals without knowing a lot about each other.
I wanted to find out more about this girl… She was interesting, but she would want answers from me first, so I would have to wait.
"I-If you're really uncomfortable with it," Shiki said, "you don't need to say anything…"
"No, it's okay. But, uh… Where should I start?" I said, scratching my head, "Well, I come from a pretty average family really… Just my mum and dad and myself." Shiki was all ears. She said not a single word. But why did she want to know all about my life all of a sudden? Not that I had a problem with it, but why?
Was it because I was her 'boyfriend' and she felt she should know me better?
I gave her a few more cursory tidbits of personal information and then the summary of Neku Sakuraba's life was over.
"Wow, so you're a latchkey child, huh?" she said at last. "I guess if both of your parents are working then it's only natural that you'll come home from school to an empty house. But… is it really like that every day for you?"
"Yeah… Something wrong?"
Shiki had an almost invisible frown on her face. Not an angry one, of course. "Don't you feel lonely, coming home and there's no one in the house?"
I shrugged, not understanding why it was unusual. I had lived that way all my life, so I told her that. "I'm used to staying at home alone till my folks are back. And I don't have siblings, so that kinda helped me adjust to my solitary life since I was young. It's no big deal."
"Oh… I'm glad to know that."
"Huh? Why?"
She replied, "I just thought that maybe there are times when you do get lonely and you start thinking about me… Too much of that is unhealthy for you, you know…"
"Wh-What? !" I spluttered. Luckily I wasn't eating anything at the moment or I could have choked for real.
"Ha ha ha! Just pulling your leg!" she said, smiling, "I was just curious to see how you'd react to that. I should have taken a picture!"
I had to admit, she did catch me by surprise there. The blood filling up my cheeks wasn't subsiding quickly enough. What made the affair all the stranger was that she was nearly spot-on with that last statement. She was always on my mind.
"Th-That was certainly… unexpected," I mumbled, my senses still frazzled.
She just grinned and carried on eating, cheeky as ever.
Once our business was over for the day, I walked her back to her apartment, some high-rise building where she stayed on the fifth floor. We were about to part ways at the ground level foyer when she grabbed me by the arm.
"Something the matter, Shiki?"
"Oh, no, nothing… Just…" She hesitated for a bit. "Neku… is it okay if I… uh, pop by your house one of these days?"
"Um…" In my whole life, I had never invited anyone to my home. For that matter, neither had I been invited to anyone's homes. This would be the first time I let someone who was not my parents or relatives into my place. Even though I had long gotten rid of my anti-social behaviour, I wasn't completely comfortable with the prospect of someone else entering my private zone. I wasn't quite sure what to do…
But as I looked at her expectant face, somewhere at the back of my mind, I knew that if it was Shiki, it would be alright. I could trust her.
Trust your partner…
"That's cool with me," I said at last. She smiled.
"Awesome! Then maybe I'll surprise you one of these days."
"Wait."
"Huh? Neku…" she gulped, looking confused, "…you… you're not changing your mind, are you?"
"No, no," I corrected her quickly. "But do you even know where I stay?"
The light bulb of realization lit up in her pretty little head. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that! Silly me!"
She could be so ditzy at times… but that's part of her charm. Having given Shiki directions on how to get to my apartment, I parted ways with her and was back home in ten minutes. My parents, still at work, were nowhere to be seen.
I threw myself onto the couch, gazing around the living room. Shiki's words from earlier echoed in my mind, "Neku… is it okay if I… uh, pop by your house one of these days?" That was when I suddenly realized I had no clue about what I should do if she did come. What would it be like? I honestly didn't know. And… she and I would be alone in the comfort of my home… What if we…
No, no, got to get those perverted thoughts out of my head. She was just going to pay me a friendly visit. We weren't going out anyway. What reason had I to think that we would get to… uh, "other matters"?
I just hoped that if she did surprise me, she wouldn't do it when my parents were in… That might be disastrous…
XOXOXOXOXO
The teachers in my school were mindful enough to not let us get too wild during the summer break, so they issued us with holiday homework of all kinds: mathematics, physics… the works. Of course I didn't like to have to do anything school-related during a time when we were all busy relaxing, and that pile of unfinished homework was hardly a comforting sight, but what choice did I have? So, that afternoon, on a rare whim of diligence, I decided to get some work done.
My mathematical abilities weren't too hot, so I started with physics. What felt like an hour or two of my time passed like water as I delved myself into the sea of what makes things work. Let's see… If force is equal to mass times acceleration, then for question 7, I would have to…
The sudden scream of my cell phone shattered my train of thought. Who…? As I reached out for it, my mind turned to a certain bespectacled girl. Could she be the caller?
True enough, the display on my phone read: "Shiki". Another date, huh? I honestly didn't mind. Physics wasn't all that much fun.
"Hi, Shiki."
"Hey, Neku…" she said, "whatcha doing?"
I felt upbeat upon hearing her voice. "Just getting started on homework… Have you? I'm working on physics now, and there's a lot to do."
"Really? Oh, that's great timing! I mean, well… I'm having some problems with physics, and… uh…"
"You need me to help you, is that right?"
"Y-Yeah, exactly! If it isn't too much trouble, could I come over now? I really need help."
She wanted to come over today? Today? ! I wasn't ready yet! What should I do? But then, just before I was about to lose it, I managed to pull myself from the brink of temporary insanity. All she wanted was someone to help her with her homework. That was all. There was nothing weird about that. Besides, she was a pro in mathematics so she could give me a hand with my math. It was a win-win situation. What did I have to lose?
"N-Neku?" her meek voice drawled from the other end of the line, "Um, are you… still alive?"
I laughed. "Yeah, come on over! Think you could help me with math while you're at it?"
"Why not?" she said happily, "Okay, Neku, see you in ten!"
She was standing at my doorstep before very long. The first thing I noticed about her was that she was struggling to hold her school briefcase properly. Even with both hands on the handle, her arms were straining.
"Is your bag heavy? I'll take it for you," I offered.
"Thanks," she said, "It's got all my homework in it, so it's kinda – Whoa!" No sooner had she extended her bag towards me did she start to topple over towards me. I grabbed her in time, but her bag was heavier than it looked, and the weight threw me off balance. We tumbled unceremoniously to the floor together in a tangle of limbs.
Pain seared across my back where it had struck the rock-hard linoleum. By instinct, as I fell I had tucked my head forward to prevent it from smashing against the floor and knocking me out cold in the process, so thank goodness for that. Shiki, on the other hand, seemed to be fine. She was cushioned from the impact because she had fallen on top of me.
…On top of me…
After the initial grunts of pain and muffled apologies, Shiki and I found ourselves staring at each other. At that moment, it was like time had come to an abrupt stop; the sands in the hourglass of time ceased to flow. Up close, she was even more beautiful than I imagined. Our faces were mere centimeters apart. Her dizzyingly warm breath caressed my skin.
"N-Neku, um, sorry again…" She scrambled to her feet, but I was so dazed that it took me a little while longer to get up myself. "I'm always so clumsy, ha ha ha…"
"Well, l-l-least you're okay… r-right?" Was my voice quivering?
"I'm fine… I hope I didn't… hurt you all that much…" Was she blushing?
"No, no… I'm okay, honest." And was I blushing along with her?
That little mishap over and done with, we reconvened at the coffee table in the living room, where we sat down to get some serious work done. She undid the clasp of her briefcase and out onto the table poured a tidal wave of books and self-written study notes. Rummaging around the mess she fished out some papers which were her half-finished physics worksheets.
I set my math homework to the far side of the table. "Shiki, if you don't mind, I need some help with math afterwards."
"That'd be 1000 yen per hour, Neku," she joked.
"I'm guessing I don't get a discount…"
For a while everything went smoothly. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. No rude surprises or interruptions disturbed our study session. We worked on our physics homework, and progress was good. In fact, in an hour's time we had actually managed to figure out how to do everything, so once we were completely done with it, we moved on to math. We swapped places as tutor and student and it was her turn to teach me.
It was after things finally fell into a comfortable pattern that my mind began to wander. I remembered thinking, Everything's going smoothly… I thought we would end up chatting and joking around, but even in the presence of her 'boyfriend', Shiki could be serious. And she was a great teacher too! I could understand everything that she said, and suddenly math didn't feel so bad.
In addition to that, she was awfully cute… Now this was the part where my mind was starting to go astray. She was wearing this T-shirt with very short sleeves, and it was… breathtakingly tight… I couldn't tear my eyes off of her…
I felt a soft whack to the head. "Neku!" she scolded, "Stop daydreaming!"
"Ow… S-Sorry… It was just for a few seconds. I wouldn't do it again, Misaki-sensei."
"You'd better. Where were you looking anyway?"
"Um… n-nowhere… Just kinda… blanked out. Sorry." How could I tell her I was getting an eyeful of her chest?
She frowned at me, unsure of whether to believe me or not. Fortunately, she let it be and we continued. That was close. If she had known that I was looking at, uh… well, that'd be bad… Still, it's like it's drawing me in… I wanted to concentrate, to listen to what Shiki was saying, but…
"Neku! Hey!" she snapped, hitting me harder, "Get your act together!"
"Sorry!" I cried, nursing my head. "I-I'm really sorry!"
With a cross expression on her face, she reached for the little square pillow on the chair behind her and jammed it in between her chest and the edge of the table.
She trained an intense glare at me. "Neku… you were looking at my breasts just now, weren't you?"
"What? ! No!" Better play dumb than admit and get killed. "What makes you think that? !"
Instead of arguing, she just let out an exasperated sigh and dismissed the matter quickly. She left me with a piece of her mind, though. "Geez, Neku… I know you're my 'boyfriend' but at least show some decency! It's distracting knowing that you're staring at something else other than our homework."
"Sorry…"
"On another note," she said, "wanna take a break for a bit?"
"…Alright, I think that's a good idea."
Much of her annoyance had gone by now. Her pillow never strayed away though, still wedged protectively in front of her body.
"Hey, Neku."
"Yes?"
She took a moment to think before she spoke. "Do you have anyone whom you have a crush on?"
"What? !" I spluttered, suddenly finding myself at a loss. "Where did that come from? !" How should I respond? Because the one whom I had a crush on… was her…
"Come on, Neku! I'm just curious. There must be someone you like," she giggled, growing very interested. "It'll be fun to know!" It didn't look like she would let me go without an answer…
I tried to worm my way out of this. It wasn't the right time to tell her the truth yet. "B-But it's a very delicate matter…"
That proved to be the grave I had dug for myself. "So you do have someone on your mind!" she squealed, that Cheshire Cat smile of hers growing broader. "It's the only logical conclusion if you say it's a 'delicate matter'. Hee hee!" Now there was no way I could lie that I had no one whom I had fallen in love with.
How would she react if she found out she was the one whom I held dearest to my heart? She would see me in a different light… but in a good way, right? I could use this chance to confess to her, but it was probably not a smart move. It just didn't feel right at all. I didn't want to have to dance around the issue but the current circumstances left me with little choice.
She rained questions at me, the first of which was, "Come on, tell me? Please?" Well, it was more of a demand than a question…
"It's… really embarrassing…" My face was burning. Hers, on the other hand, was as fair as ever.
"Is it Eri?"
"No, it's not her…"
"Could it be one of the other girls in our class?"
"I'm not even close with them."
Her brows knitted as she stabbed at me with another wild guess. "Uh… Rhyme?"
I recoiled in shock. "What? ! For goodness' sake, Shiki, there's no way! She's so much younger than me!"
"Ah… I figured as much. Even I thought that's unlikely." She stubbornly pressed on. "At least gimme a hint so I can leave you in peace!"
"You'll stop asking me about this if I just describe to you the girl whom I like?"
"Maaaaaybe." The way her speech drawled while she cast her soft-eyed gaze at me was irresistible. Like she was a purring cat. I wanted to hug her.
"Seriously, when you get an idea in your head," I sighed, "there's no way you're gonna just let it go. But alright, I'll tell you… Just don't tell anyone!"
"You have my word on that!"
"Um… if you say so… I'm only gonna give you a few hints and that's it, okay?"
"That's cool with me!" she grinned, eager to know the secret behind my romantic interest. Unknown to Shiki, it was herself… So it was only appropriate that the details of my crush that she wanted to know would pertain to herself. In other words, I was basically talking about her without her catching wind of it… I hoped.
"Well… she's nice and friendly," I mumbled, "and… when I talk to her, I don't feel weird at all, and –"
She stopped me. "I don't wanna know that! Of course your crush has got to be nice and friendly and stuff! Gimme something more substantial!" That gleam in her eye which suggested eagerness was extremely unnerving…
"Like… what?"
"What hobbies she has, for instance… Or if she's a good cook, or –"
But I couldn't exactly let on that the girl of my dreams was "adept at making stuffed pigs"… Only one person in Shibuya was capable of such a feat and it was Shiki. For now, all I could say was:
"As a matter of fact, she is a good cook. Still learning the ropes, but she's good nonetheless." Her onigiri was awesome.
"Now that's what I'm talking about!" she grinned, as though she had finally gotten the upper hand in a particularly tense Tin Pin match. "We're getting close, but then again… there're lots of girls out there who can cook well."
Oh brother. Was she asking for more? "That's all I'm telling."
"But that's no fair!" she pouted. "I really want to know about this Juliet of yours, Romeo."
"Hey now," I said, smiling, "Why don't we leave it at this? It's more fun if it's a mystery, you know." Hopefully that would stall her.
Sensing that she wasn't going to make any headway, she gave up. "Alright, fine. But you're gonna tell me about her true identity some time soon, you hear? Every mushy and disgusting detail."
Yeah… during my eventual confession.
XOXOXOXOXO
For a while after that, as long as we still had homework to finish – and there was a lot of it, mind you – we would be at my home to cooperate with each other and do our remaining holiday assignments. With each study session we would typically do the same things: do homework until it's finished, chat a bit, and then Shiki would go back. I knew I was growing closer and closer to her with each time she came over.
Half of the summer break had gone by at this point. However, though I had been spending a lot of time with Shiki, I had not been able to solve the mysteries surrounding her. I still couldn't shake off the feeling that there was more than meets the eye with Shiki asking me to masquerade as her boyfriend. There must be some underlying reason.
In the meantime, I definitely had no right to complain. This was one of the best things to happen to me in a long time, even if Shiki still had no idea of my romantic inclinations towards her. I wanted to tell her about it, to tell her that I loved her… but the knowledge of her failed confession prevented me from doing so. I didn't want to confess to her when she was still feeling the sting of unrequited love… There was a right time for everything and I was waiting for that.
But I was scared.
What if someone else came into her life and stole her away? It would be too late… again, now wouldn't it? The future that I hoped to share with Shiki was uncertain. To what end should I wait?