She'd had flashbacks before and she had learned how to get through them and she was able to fight them off when she felt like she was going to have one. What she didn't expect was for the flashbacks to start the way they did, nor did she think they would be as persistent. They were packing up to leave for the day and no one had bothered to ask if she was okay.
Deeks watched her leave and knew that she wasn't handling things that well. The case had reminded him a little of Afghanistan and he knew it had to have hit a little too close for her. He took off after her and found her standing at her car, he called out for her waiting for her to turn and acknowledge him before approaching. It was a minute before she turned to him "what do you say pizza and beer at my place?" he asked as started to approach her. He watched her hesitate for a second before she looked up at him and asked "can we get yummy yummy heart attack instead of pizza" he smiled at her "yea sure."
Kensi told Deeks she would meet him at his place despite him insisting they ride together and he drive. He picked up the food and drove to his place as quick as he could with traffic hoping she hadn't tricked him and went home instead. He sees her car as he approaches his place, he didn't expect her to be holding monty and telling him that she was having a really bad day when he entered his home. Deeks spoke up alerting her that he was home and had dinner but was trying to avoid startling her in case she was in the middle of a flashback.
Kensi jerked up when Deeks spoke letting her know he was home and realized that for the first time all day she had let her guard down and wasn't fully aware of her surroundings. She looked at him and could tell he was trying to be careful and not startle her to much and for that she was grateful. She moved towards him and grabbed the food and looked at the beer and hesitated for a minute before asking if she could have water instead. He nodded his head and went to put the beer in the fridge before returning with two waters. They ate in silence and Deeks cleaned up the food and put what was left in the fridge, as he turns to go back to the couch she speaks for the first time since she asked for the water. "Thanks, I didn't think I could handle being alone tonight." With those words Deeks knows he was right "I was almost afraid you would turn the offer down and I'm glad you didn't. For the record you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to." "I thought I had it under control, I knew what my triggers were and I have been able to pull myself out the flashbacks as soon as I felt one coming on, but today for some reason I can't pull myself out of them.. I keep replaying it all in my head over and over again and no matter how hard I try I can't stop the flashbacks. I can smell the cave and I can feel the cold despite the fire being lit, I can feel the cold heavy weight of the chain they had on my ankle." She pauses for a second and Deeks is about to tell her she doesn't have to tell him the details of the flashbacks but she starts speaking again "I can recall everything they said and feel every blow.. I just want them to stop but nothing is working."
Deeks doesn't know what to say that can help pull her out of the flashbacks but he knows that she's not alone in recalling things that you would much rather forget. "I know you do and I wish that I could make them go away for good but I can't however I can promise you that no matter what I'll try to help you in anyway I can. I could tell the minute you started to struggle and Sam and Callen would be mad to know that the job stopped being my priority. I didn't say anything in front of them because I figured you didn't want them to know if you were having flashbacks. I'm really glad that things didn't take a turn for the worse once we went for the take down." He stops talking not sure what else to say. He doesn't know how long he has been watching her pet monty when she speaks again "just being here with you and monty is helping a lot more than you think. My mind is a little clearer and I don't feel as if I'm drowning in them as did when I got here. The next time you see me struggling like today just tell them even if I lash out at you for doing it just tell them because we might not be as lucky as we were today. I really put everyone at risk and as my partner you're suppose to have my back but as part of this team you need to look out for not only me but for them too." Hearing her say she was doing better just being there at his place with him made him feel a lot better. He looked over at her and said "that's good to know" he almost gave her that little grin but opted not to.
He reached for the remote "ok now on to a much lighter subject what do you want to watch?"
Deeks looked over at Kensi when the credits to some movie started and noticed she was asleep. He sighed with relief knowing that the flashbacks had eased enough allowing her to fall asleep. He didn't want to move her on the off chance it sent her into a flashback so he went and got blankets and a pillow for him, after making sure she was covered he got comfy and ready to go to sleep himself. He was half asleep when his text alert went off, he sighed and grabbed it seeing it was from Sam he started to wonder if maybe they knew she wasn't okay today "how is she doing" he was about to reply when he received another text "Please tell me you didn't let her leave alone and that if she insisted on going home alone you eventually showed up at her place and refused to leave" Deeks chuckled and responded to Callens text "Of course not, she's asleep on my couch right now" then he responded to Sam's text "She is doing better for now, I'll know more in the morning." Deeks put his phone down and hoped him and monty would be enough to keep Kensis demons at bay for the night.