Second update in about half an hour! Luckily. I don't think I'll keep it up, so enjoy while you can :P
Howl...
The words echoed through Remus' mind. over and over, they repeated, until he decided he was going insane. Straight from the mouth of the woman he loved more than anybody in the world. 'I'm pregnant'.
Without thought of how she would deal with it, Remus fled the confined space of the room, leaving his newly pregnant wife behind.
Tonks sat at the table, in shock for a minute. She'd expected him to be happy. Sure, they were in the middle of a war, he was a werewolf and she a metamorphisis and the chance that she'd actually survive the pregnancy were low. But still...
It was his child, his spawn, growing beneath her breasts. He hadn't even said a word. He'd just left. It hurt to know that he didn't care enough to hang around, or even offer the slightest bit of comfort.
Because Tonks needed it. She was a scared, young pregnant woman, whos' husband had bolted upon finding out that this was real.
Nymphadora Tonks, young member of the Order of the Pheonix, the niece of one of the evilest and most insane woman ever, wife of a werewolf, Hufflepuff turned fighter, cousin to the man who'd helped kill Dumbledore, was scared and it took a lot for her to admitt it.
Her fear, of the unknown, of the baby, for the baby, of Lord Voldemort, for her friends and family, all came crashing down on her at that moment. All of her weaknesses, her insercurities, her denial, fell apart, leaving a gaping hole.
The hole was as deep as it was wide. Placed right over her heart, it grew with every thought she had. Her husbands rejection had left her wide open for the entry of every maleviolent emotion she'd ever felt. Tonks sat there, staring at the table in shock, as her sense of self was ripped away and burned into oblivian. She briefly wondered if there was a dementor nearly by, because that was the only other time she'd given up hope so utterly. She abolished this idea after a moment, it was silly to think that only a dementor could bring about this change in her.
Tonks had always prided herself on her emotions. She'd never been able to really control them, and everyone always knew what she was feeling, thanks to her abilities which unconsiously gave shape to her every want, need and thought. But she'd always thought that this was a good quality. She'd never had to deal feeling pent-up-rage. She'd always had a release for it, like every other emotion she'd ever felt. She was a blunt person, and this release was only another aspect of her personality.
But now Tonks felt lost. Her husband had gone. She was alone, in there house, with really no practical way of reaching help. She'd read somewhere that Flooing was bad for unborn babies. Baby. It fell on her like a bucket of cold water. The revelation bringing about a feeling of euphoria.
She was having a baby. A baby. A child, born from her womb, with the man she loved so dearly. Even if Remus decided to leave her, she'd still have this baby. It was her child, and nobody could take that away from her. Death would be the only thing that could stop this child from being born, a fuck it if Tonks was going to die.
Radiating determination, Tonks stood, stretching her stiff legs. Her hair turned black, her eyes following suit to show her feelings. Odd, that the colour of determination to her was black, when it was always accociatied with the Dark side. Then again, the Dark Side had more determination than nearly everybody else. Especially Voldemort himself. He'd died countless times, been reborn more than a few, and each time had been reincarnated just as evil as the first.
But, how could you call it evil? Him evil? He was simply taking his emotions and letting them be free. How was that different than what Tonks herself did every day? With a start, Tonks realised that she and the Dark Lord had a lot in common, personality wise. They were both determined, short tempered, inpulsive... And... Powerless? Tonks had no power over the course of her life really. She'd been born into a family of odd ends. A muggleborn father, who was so cheesy and protective it was a wonder he'd survived this long. A pureblood mother, who'd been raised into one of the most pureblood lines ever the walk the earth. Voldemort was much the same...
As she'd been thinking along these, dark and basically endless lines, Tonks had been making her way to the bedroom for no particular reason. She sat on the bed, had over her non-igsistant bulge, and thought.
She thought of her love. Of her family. Of her friends. And she made a decision that opened up doorways for her.
Her mother had never really reverted to bloodtraitor. Oh, Tonks never doubted that her mother had loved her father, but Andromeda had been indoctrinated from a young age into pureblood elitism. It wasn't obvious, but Tonks knew. When her mother had flinched upon hearing her House. The small bits of disdain Andromeda had shown for Tonks muggleborn and halfblood friends. She was a wonderful woman, and didn't regret turning from her family, but Tonks knew that her mother missed her sisters. The door widend ever so much more. Her aunts would love to accept her into their ranks, purely to spite Andromeda. Voldemort would do much the same.
Tonks was decided, then.
She didn't want to live without Remus, that was certain. But if she followed her first instinct, her mother wouldn't let her out of sight long enough to go through with this. Tonks didn't want to murder her child, quite the opposite, but the only way to ensure that she could leave this world, ensuring that her child would be fine, was to find a power. And who had more power to protect her child than the most murderous of Dark Lords the world had ever seen. With her choice made, tears ran down her cheeks.
If Remus did not return, she would give up everything that she believed in, to make sure her child survived and she did not. Even as she made the choice which would secure her future, Tonks cried. She cried for her lost love. For the fate she was convicting her child to. For the shame her mother, father and friends would feel. For Remus.
Nothing in the world meant more to her than him. That was certain, up until a few moments ago she would have done anything to keep him. But it was obvious that he didn't feel the same. He hated the idea of a child. Hated the very fact that she was having one. And one thing Tonks was not willing to do to keep him, was to give up her unborn child. She refused to. It will be a boy, she announced to her own, single mind. The child of a werewolves seed, and my womb, will be a boy. Tonks was shocked at her own certainty, but then, she'd always been certain. Certain that she hated her name. Certain that she loved being an Auror. Certain that she would do anything for Remus... And now that certainty was bashed to a pulp.
The gaping hole in her chest had stopped hurting her until that moment. Her decision about the Dark side, had not so much healed it, but knumbed it. Stopped her from thinking about the child that had almost certainly ruined her marriage, but the son who she could not bring herself to hate. Back to certainty, again. Tonks life circled certainty. And now that she didn't have it, she was ruined. The hole broke open with new ferosity. A blistering pain split her mind and heart, and she slowly sunk. Tonks was drowning. There was a way out, she knew. To switch off her feelings, the feelings of which she was so proud. If she ridded herself of these feelings, the would never have to regret her choice to kill herself.
But Nymphadora Black Lupin nee' Tonks couldn't give up her feelings. Her emotions defined her from everybody else. They gave her strength. They were her soul. But even her emotions couldn't free her from the depths in which she'd sunk. A cloud of blindness was surounding her mind, giving no substance to her thoughts. There was no way that she could help this. She would become a death, blind, mute rather than become an emotionless brute as she would if she were to survive this.
Tonks soul wasn't enough to free-
"Dora?" The voice was timid, and entirely to beautiful for it to be anybody else. Because, while her own sould hadn't been enough to save her from the hole in her heart, the other soul which could heal the hole, could.
Without thought for the pain he'd just put her through, or the pain they were both going to suffer in the near future, Tonks flung herself at him. It didn't matter that he was still worried over their son, or that the war was so close to breaking point that either of them could die within days. All that matter was that he'd come back. She wouldn't have make the final decision to close off her mind to anything.
Because, as she lay against his breathing chest as he tried to comprehand her abrupt tears, she realised another certainty. Another thing of euphoria.
She was him. He was her. Without him she was nothing. Without her he was nothing. He was her everything, she was his. Nothing, not even death, would be able to pull the pair apart.
She realised something, as Remus muttered meaningless things into her rapidly changing hair, which was now a dark blue.
Remus had been trying to get her to realise this all along.
If you could only see,
The beast you've made of me...
I had it but now it seems you've set if running free...
Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart...
Drag my teeth across your chest, to taste your beating heart...
My fingers tight skin, try to deny it...
You are the mule that breaks,
A night for which a house of cards...
My fingers tight skin, try to deny it...
You are the mule that breaks,
A night for which are hearts dooo...
Howl!
Ohhh! What fun. I know this is probably REALLY OOC for Tonks, but this chapter decided where it wanted to go, and dragged me along :P Tonks and Remus are one of my favourite HP pairings. I love them.
On another note: After about a month of looking, I finally figured out how to put a line across the page! YAY! Major acheivement :P
Anyway, enjoy your day(or night depending on where you are) :D