Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis and A Little Bit Stronger.
A/N: I got the idea (and song) when I was watching the movie, Country Strong. The song is sang by Sara Evans. This song was actually sang in the movie and included in the soundtrack.
"Country Strong" is actually a three-shot, all composed of songfics.
Like in the first part, they are naturally talking in English.
Guide:
blah - Story
blah - Flashback
blah - Lyrics
"blah" - English
"blah" - Japanese
A Little Bit Stronger: Picking up the pieces.
Four years.
I had stayed in Japan for two years, not that I minded it. I had numerous fans there, and even if I was sure some of them didn't understand my English songs, they loved it all the same. I had even co-written some Japanese ones with some select songwriters. The experience was enlightening, to say the least.
In those long four years, I also spent time with my friends as I went from one place to another, though I stayed at my old home in Tokyo. My father had decided to stay in America so it was only me, my mother, Alyssa, Karupin and Nanako there. I even made a few of concerts in places I knew some of my old rivals were staying in, just so I could catch up to them.
The years had not been kind to any of us, and not all of us could continue our dream to the professional tennis circle. Some did not give up on tennis but went on to take different professions. Some were expected and some were not. Some even already had families, not that I was lagging behind them.
I was in love. It was not new to me; I knew about it before I even decided to stay in America to pursue my uprising career in the music industry. That person encouraged me, even if he knew that I would quit tennis as a future profession.
Yes, you read that right.
I, Ryoma Echizen, had fallen in love with a male, but a very feminine looking male, not that I was shy to admit I was one myself. This particular man was unusual, to say the least, but he was all I wanted.
Fate was at my side when he became a colleague of mine. Aside from being a famous singer, I was also a model, and he was the photographer for that shoot. From then on, he always did my photo shoots, and I had an inkling idea on the reason why that happened, not that I was against it.
Soon after, we dated and stayed strong for almost three years. I felt like I was the happiest man alive, and my manager and mother noticed it. They didn't mind it one bit, but Alyssa was wary of my boyfriend. I initially guessed that it was because the effeminate nature of my boyfriend's looks, which was undoubted, but I was wrong.
That bastard had been cheating on me.
It was sometime after one of my concerts. Alyssa had asked to talk to me in private after the little picture-taking that took part afterwards. It was a good evening and one of my best concerts so far. After a little talk with my fans, which included autographs, I went straight to my dressing room to find Alyssa waiting there.
She looked nervous and scared, and her face was very pale, which made me worried. When I asked her what was wrong, she only told me to follow her and keep my trap shut. That I did, and followed her to one of the unused dressing rooms. She opened the door a bit to make a little crack and peeked in. She gestured me to take a look afterwards and what she showed me was one of the things I never wanted to see.
My boyfriend was making out with another guy. It wasn't any plain guy, no. It was one of the people I harbored respect and looked up to. Judging by their disheveled state, I had to guess they had been at it for quite a while and didn't look like they were planning to stop soon. My heart broke at the sight.
I quietly closed the door and slumped against the wall next to it, wrapping my arms around myself. I shut my eyes tight and willed myself not to cry but judging from the wet tracks I felt on my face, I knew I had failed. I just kept my head down but suddenly, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me.
"I'm sorry, Ryoma, but the guy's a jerk. I had a bad feeling about him since the start."
Her voice was apologetic but dark. I could sense how pained she must be feeling, being the one to break down such news on me. To me though, I was glad it was her. I moved my arms away from myself and wrapped them around her, crying silently against her chest. Her warmth brought me the comfort that I was seeking.
"How could he do this to me?"
She didn't answer me but pulled away. I looked at her with a hurt look in my eyes but she was staring at the ground. She fished out a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped away my tears then hers. She helped me stand then walked away from the room, heading towards the parking lot.
She drove us home in a few minutes flat and guided me straight to my room. She made me eat dinner, take a bath then wear my pajamas with her helping all the while. Everything but the memory of what I saw and Alyssa was so insignificant to me at that moment. She even stayed by my side until I fell asleep.
After that horrendous day that haunted me for a few weeks, I broke up with my boyfriend the next time I saw him, which was a reunion with our friends from middle school hosted by Keigo Atobe. Monkey King knew about what happened; surprisingly being the closest friend I had with all of them. My boyfriend – I mean, ex-boyfriend asked me why I wanted to break up (broke up) with him.
"Just lip-lock in a random room next time I perform, asshole."
The look of realization and horror on his face was sweet. Considering that he often hid his emotions in a mask, it made that moment all the sweeter. The inner sadist in me cheered at the pain I saw reflected in his eyes. I used to drown in those deep pools but at that moment, I would've done anything to punch the daylights out of them.
Keigo helped me move on by dragging me to numerous parties he hosted or was invited to, with Alyssa's permission, of course. Ever since I found out, she had been a close eye on me and kept track of where I went when I leave the house. I had a feeling she was making sure the asshole wasn't present in any way, but with Keigo, she was a hundred percent sure I was safe.
After a couple of months, I finally moved on. I mean really moved on – with not cursing or glaring at him whenever his around, but I still call him names. He was dating that bastard he cheated on me with, the nerve of him. I could care less at the moment though. I was on in a few minutes, planning to introduce my new song.
The audience was a wild one from what I could hear from my dressing room. Alyssa, who was sitting next to me, told me that all my friends and a couple of acquaintances were there, even that asshole with his bastard boyfriend. Inwardly, I was seething in anger that they had the balls to actually come there.
"It is better this way, Ryoma. You can tell it to all of your fans but only he and a select few would know its meaning."
I heard her say, pulling me out of my reverie. I gave some thought about what she said before nodding, understanding what she meant. I gave her a small smile as I placed my hand over hers. She gave me a big grin in return before standing up, dragging me with her.
"Let's wait outside. Shall we?"
I nodded then let her pull me with Felicia – my little darling, my favorite guitar – tucked tightly under my arm. After a few minutes, my name was called. I turned towards Alyssa, who still had a big smile on her face.
"It's your time to shine again, you brat. Don't waste it. Feel it."
With a light peck on my cheek, she gave me a small hug before giving me a little push towards the stage. I managed to regain my footing and walk casually to the center. The audience's cheers filled my ears, and they intensified when I gave them a small smile.
"I have this new song and I want all of you to hear it."
Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger
A heavy feeling rested on my shoulders as I woke up. I looked around the dim room only to notice the female lying next to me. I peered up to look at her face to see it was Alyssa, fast asleep. Memories of what happened the day before came to mind.
'Thank you, Alyssa.'
I gingerly got up from bed and moved the thick curtains apart, letting the morning light enter. It was a weird, how such horrible memories would haunt me but the world still moved on without care.
"How are you feeling now, Ryoma?"
I turned around to see Alyssa sitting at the foot of my bed, rubbing her eyes. Even with the haunting memories of yesterday at mind, I gave her a small smile, thanking her for everything she did for me.
"It's a new day, Alyssa."
Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but then I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger
I had another photo shoot that day and Alyssa told me that he was still the assigned photographer. It went on well at first, but during our break, he was making moves on me like any other day. I resisted the urge to cringe at every touch he made, but made sure to keep my distance.
"Let's go have lunch, Ryoma."
I was hesitant on whether I should go with him or not, but I was saved by Alyssa, who suddenly walked up towards us and told him that we already made plans. Being the possessive bastard I knew he was, he gave her a dark look. Before he could say a word to her though, I spoke up.
"It was on this day years ago that she got assigned as my manager. We are just going to celebrate."
He looked unconvinced but decided to remain quiet. It wasn't a complete lie. We only lied about already making plans. He didn't know that though and it was better that way. After a few minutes of small talk, Alyssa and I left the building.
"I know this cool restaurant that sells sushi, Ryoma. Let's go!"
And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
For a few weeks, I tried to avoid him as much as I could. I already planned on breaking up with him, but I didn't want to be a wreck when I did. I was adamant that that moment would be the last time he'll break me like this.
"I know he's a bastard and all, Ryoma, but why do you go to such great lengths even when you plan to leave?"
Alyssa asked me while we were eating lunch. I was surprised she suddenly popped the question but I didn't mind it since it was her. My mind raced through blurry memories of nights crying myself to sleep.
"I'll make him pay."
Alyssa gave me a questioning look, probably not understanding what I meant. I narrowed my eyes as I remembered that night after my concert, the scene that Alyssa led me to. I forced down a growl at the thought.
"I'll make him feel every ounce of hurt I felt since the day I knew.
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
As I sang, I searched the crowd for a certain group of people with my eyes. Just before the next stanza, I found them. More importantly, I found him. The bastard was acting like nothing was wrong.
'Oh how much I want to bash his face against the ground numerous times…'
The thought brought a certain delight I haven't felt in the weeks before I wrote this song. I poured out all my hurt and anger into this song, and it came out bitter but moving on.
'You'll see, you fucking bastard. I'm going ahead, farther than you can ever reach.'
Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger
The break up was swift and uneventful, in my own terms. In Alyssa's interpretation though, she said it was borderline maniacal, just the way I wanted it to be. Days past and I was moving on, slowly but still moving.
Then I saw them together.
A familiar but not recent anger bubbled up within me, making me grit my teeth. I looked a little closer at him, ignoring the other man. He looked the same, as always, with that annoying mask on his face again. Our years together had increased my skills in reading him and his actions.
I noticed the little strain he had betraying on his mask, the little droop in his usual light face, and the stiffness of his actions. I was damn sure he wasn't over it yet, but I was better than him. I was getting by slowly, was managing to get over the whole thing, and was not forcing myself to forget.
I left as soon as that passed my mind.
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
Keigo had reeled me into one of his parties again, but luckily, Alyssa was able to come with me. My flamboyant best friend – the ever eternal Monkey King in my mind – was hosting this one and would be busy entertaining his guests, the reason he invited Alyssa too.
"Keigo throws the best parties, Ryoma."
I nodded at her as I handed her a glass of champagne. She gladly took it and drank it up slowly until it was half empty. She gave me a big grin afterwards as she dragged me to the balcony. The view we saw was simply majestic, with the garden maze below us. On its center was a huge fountain partially covered with vines and was circled by numerous bushes with lots of roses of varying color.
My eyes scoured the whole garden only to meet with a sight that made my heart clench painfully. I looked away instantly, forgetting that I wasn't alone for just a second. Alyssa was by my side in an instant. She asked me what was wrong, but I only pointed outside, telling her where to look.
"That bastard is here."
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
I kept my eyes trained on him, even if he didn't look at me directly. A dull thump in my chest began when I noticed that, but then he looked straight at me, eyes locked on mine.
'Just in time too.'
The pain in my chest grew, but I paid it no more heed afterwards. At that moment, I could tell him everything I wanted to say without any real words doing their thing. This song is something I wrote for him, and he better listen to it.
'It's time you feel the pain I went through, you fucking bastard.'
Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby
In those few months after I broke up with him, I took my time to reflect on what happened and understand my feelings, something I never did before. It was Keigo's advice, much to my surprise. He merely shrugged it off as something Yuushi told him, but I felt that that wasn't the case. Either way, that's a story for another time.
I did as he said, and it was productive. Instead of wallowing in anger and despair, I was beginning to see the light in what happened. The pain is still there, but that was the proof that I actually loved that bastard. Still, distance or not from the source of my hurt and anger, I was slowly moving on.
I began to stop cursing him every time I saw that sorry excuse of- Scratch that. I stopped cursing him verbally, but in my thoughts, it was still the same, but I was coping. Keigo and Alyssa's on-going support kept me going, and I wasn't planning on letting them down.
'I'm better off without you.'
And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I was cleaning my room when I found it, our album of memories. I felt a pang of hurt hit my heart as I clutched the album in my hands. Despite the angry voices in my mind to throw it away, I opened it instead. I slowly and thoughtfully flipped through the pages that showed our best memories caught by camera.
'We were doing great. What happened?'
I felt tears prick my eyes and I simply let them fall. I let the pain wash out of my system with the tears as I continued looking through various photographs when we were still dating. When I reached the end, I broke down into sobs. There, on the last page, was a picture of us on the place we dubbed 'our spot', the place where we got together.
Below the picture was a silver ring, the physical proof of our love.
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
I never returned the ring, but kept it in the album. It was better not to revive such bitter memories, as much as I want him to suffer. I knew that I would hurt just as much if I did so.
'I'll return it if he does.'
It was foolish, but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't deny that I loved the bastard, and somewhere deep down, I knew I would never be the same again. He wasn't my first, but I was hoping he was my last a couple of months ago.
'This ring is just a silver band now, it has no meaning.'
It was true. It had his name on it, the proof that he owned me when we were together. That wasn't the case anymore, and the ring had no value anymore. Often this few months, I doubted if he ever loved me for real and wondered when he started cheating on me. I asked myself what I could or couldn't have done, what I should and shouldn't have done, and my head full of "What if"s that will never be answered.
'But I'm okay now, and I'm moving on…'
I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
After the concert, I skipped my usual talk with a few of my more level-headed fans to head towards my friends. He was still there, but as far away from the other guy as possible. I wondered why but I pushed the question away from my mind when Eiji-sempai gave me a hug.
"You were awesome up there, Ochibi!"
He babbled on and on along with the others, and I thanked them all for their praises. We caught up a bit and talked some more until some had to go. It was a Sunday and most of them had work tomorrow, just like me. We all parted ways after the short talk. It made me sad that we couldn't catch up more, but we were grown up now with lives that weren't centered on tennis and school like years before.
"Can we have a talk?"
I was hesitant to answer when he asked me but I eventually nodded. I told him to wait for me by the entrance. I rushed to my dressing room and got changed. I told Alyssa about it and spent nearly half an hour to convince her that I'll be okay on my own, just like how I expected would happen. Afterwards, we went to a nearby café and took a seat as far away from everyone as possible, just to give ourselves some privacy.
"I'm sorry."
I was surprised at first, but I composed myself and asked him what he was apologizing for. He said lots of things, and all of them had to do with our previous relationship. I gave him the chance to explain himself, and that he did. He didn't lie, or at least I didn't detect one, which made me believe him and his words.
The truth that he told me was surprising. The guilt was sincere and he never hesitated to look into my eyes when he told me something, a feat that I thanked him for doing. I told him that it would be impossible for us to get back together, a thing we knew from the day I broke up with him.
It wasn't because of anger or hurt. It was more than that, and it clearly affected us both. The talk we had, had proved it and helped us. It would take us a long time to completely get over it for good, but it was a start. That day I found out he was cheating, something in me broke.
We both made mistakes. He pointed out mine, which I was glad he did. In my thoughts, I was defensive but I kept my trap shut (Alyssa's ever reliable advice). Hearing it come from him relieved me of a certain weight I felt for the last few months. I lost that heavy feeling brought by always wondering and doubting.
It felt great to know, but it also hurt me, to know that I had hurt him that much too. I wasn't easy, and we spent hours talking and listening. After that long heart-to-heart we had, I felt that things would be okay between us, but not for a while. Our talk wasn't filled with just understanding. We exchanged a few hurtful words here and there, but that was expected.
He walked me home, and I thanked him for it. We exchanged a few light words on the way, just like before we started dating, when we were still just friends. It was refreshing, not hating or loving him, just being a friend. The walk was long but uneventful. Before he walked away, I gave him a light peck on his cheek.
"Thank you for everything, Syusuke."
I walked to my house and went straight to my room. I sat on my bed for who-knows-how-long staring at nowhere, until Alyssa barged into my room with a short greeting. She observed me for (what I judged) a few seconds before sitting next to me. She asked me what happened. I simply told her one thing.
"I haven't called him a bastard since we left."
A/N: I was a little bitter when I typed this, hence the drama. You can say I put a little of my own experience here and there after I tweaked them to fit the story.
I hope you liked it and that it was worth the wait. I'll type up the third songfic soon. hehehehe...
I know I should be updating Beyond Forbidden, but this idea got stuck in my head so...
Constructive criticism is appreciated. *bows*