PART II
Ghosts do not exist. Ghosts are impossible. There are no such things as ghosts. Jacob Black is dead. Jacob Black has been dead for a year. Jacob Black is not standing in my bedroom.
My eyes are shut tightly, my breathing erratic. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm just overtired, overworked, overstressed, and that is why I saw Jacob Black standing in my room. If I keep my eyes shut the vision will pass. It will pass.
"Jasper…"
No one is here. No one is speaking to me. It's just my imagination.
"Jasper…"
This is just a vivid daydream. I'm hallucinating. I'll open my eyes, and he'll be gone.
"Jasper, open your fucking eyes you pussy."
Shit. He really is here. No one else would dare talk to me that way. Not even in my own imagination.
I slowly, fearfully, open my eyes. There he stands. Jacob Black. Dead one year, now standing in my bedroom. He's nearly translucent, and his once coffee-hued skin is now chalky, seemingly made of gray wisps of smoke. He's draped in large chains, which explains the strange sounds I'd been hearing. They must be very heavy, as his tall frame is stooped over with the weight. His sunken eyes look mournful, and despite his tone they've lost that fiery spark they once contained.
"Jacob," I breathe. What else is there to say? I'm still convinced this is a dream or…something. Anything but reality.
"Well, well, well. Whitlock. You must really be fucking up. They wouldn't have sent me otherwise."
I glare at him, ignoring my confusion for now. Black always knew how to get under my skin.
"Doing better than you though, Jacob, aren't I?"
He scoffs and shakes his head, but otherwise ignores the jab.
"Look Jasper, you better listen up. This whole afterlife thing is shit and, as it turns out, that's completely my fault. Well, I'm also holding you partially responsible, but that's beside the point. I have to wear these things constantly, and for eternity. They're my curse, essentially. I wander the globe, I can't rest, and I have to wear these chains, and they're so goddamn heavy, and I'm so tired, Jasper…so tired…"
His weary form sways on the spot and his eyes briefly close. He shakes his head quickly and opens his eyes once again – they are deader than before.
"Jacob…I don't understand. What are the chains? Why do you have to wear them?"
Black chuckles dryly, without humor.
"You'll have them too, Jasper, unless you clean up your act. Maybe even more than me, at the rate you're going…" he trails off, thoughtful, before continuing. "I have to wear these because of what I was like in life – greedy, selfish, an all-around bad person. These chains are my punishment."
His words make me shudder for some reason, even though I'm still convinced I'm dreaming. I'd always considered Jacob to be the better person of the two of us, and if he is being punished for eternity…what does that mean for me?
Yikes.
"You can change things though, Jasper. You're getting a chance I never had, and I suggest you take it. Listen to me carefully. What I'm about to tell you will change your life."
I stay quiet, still at a loss for words.
"Tonight, you'll be visited by three spirits. They will take you places and show you things you've never seen…at least, not the way you will see them tonight. You must listen to them, Jasper, and change your ways, or you will suffer the same fate as me. And sooner than you think."
"Um…" I manage to splutter out, but then I blink, and Jacob is gone. Suddenly, I've never been more tired in my life. I collapse into my bed and let exhaustion take me.
I awake with a start. Through the window I can see that it's still dark outside, and I glance at the clock through bleary eyes. It's 1 am. I groan, and start to roll over, when I see a strange light in a far corner of the room. I sit up quickly.
How many times am I going to get freaked out tonight?
I am about to climb out of bed to investigate when the light begins to move. It rises from its position near the floor and begins to move towards me. I back up into my headboard, putting as much space between me and this…thing as possible.
As it nears the bed the light morphs into a small, human figure.
The figure is female. She's tiny, almost childlike, with long blonde hair and a beautiful angelic face that glows from within. She's smiling softly at me, and I feel my fear dissolve away when I look into her sparkling crystal blue eyes.
But despite her childlike appearance, she emanates the wisdom of centuries.
"Hello, Jasper."
Her voice is like wind chimes, and as soft as a spring breeze.
"Who…who are you?" I whisper. She looks as fragile as a porcelain doll – like if I even speak too loudly, she'll crack.
"I am the Ghost of Christmas Past," she tells me, then leans forward and whispers conspiratorially, "but you can call me Jane."
I nod, not knowing what else to say. I rub my eyes vigorously, but she doesn't disappear. Was Jacob's spectre not a dream? Could this be what he was talking about?
"You're not dreaming, Jasper. And it's time for us to go, we have much to see!" She giggles like a bell, then extends her hand toward me.
"Where…where are we going? How are we getting there?"
She smiles once more.
"We're going to the past, Jasper. Just take my hand, I'll lead the way."
I'm aware that she hasn't exactly answered my questions, but I take her hand regardless. I stand from the bed, and she leads me to the bedroom window.
"Um…what…um…there's no way to get down, what are you – "
I'm cut off when Jane yanks me forward toward the window. I can't even bring myself to scream as we fall through the solid, very much closed window. There is no shattering of glass, and I turn around to see we've passed through the wall unscathed, my window is intact, and…oh yeah, I seem to be flying over the town.
I squeeze Jane's hand as tightly as possible. She just laughs.
"I won't let you fall, Jasper. You can close your eyes if it will make you feel better."
I take her advice and shut my eyes tightly, taking deep breaths, ignoring the cold wind blowing through my hair and the lack of something solid beneath my feet.
Until there is.
I open my eyes.
Jane's small hand is still in mine, but we're now standing outside of a small building. I peak inside the window in front of me and immediately recognize a classroom at my old boarding school. There is a Christmas party going on, my classmates running happily around the room, playing games and making decorations. I search the room until my eyes fall on a small, blonde-haired boy sitting in the corner by himself, reading.
Me.
My heart soars as I remember this day. My father had made no arrangements for me to come home for the holidays, but my sweet sister wouldn't hear of it. I looked toward the classroom door, anxiously awaiting her arrival.
Jane turns to me.
"What are you looking at?" she asks me.
"I'm waiting for my sister, Victoria. She rescued me from spending Christmas alone at the school this year, I remember…"
Jane smiles.
"You love her very much, don't you?"
I nod, and am surprised to find myself suddenly fighting back tears.
"I did, yes. She's been dead for a while now…died on Christmas day, actually. So did my mother."
I swallow the lump in my throat as I see the door open and the unmistakeable mane of fiery red hair sweeps into the room.
"Jazzy my love! I've come to whisk you away!" she calls dramatically. I see 'young me' leap from the desk and launch myself into Victoria's arms. Her laughter rings throughout the room and I can feel the tears falling freely from my eyes now.
Jane squeezes my hand, and the scene in front of me begins to fade.
"No! No, Jane, please, just let me see a little more, please!"
"We have too much to see, Jasper, we have to keep going."
We're in the air again, soaring across the dark landscape, and I feel like I've lost my sweet sister all over again.
We land once more in front of a tall office building, and Jane lifts us up to peer through the windows on the top floor. There is a holiday office party going on, and I see a small woman with long dark hair, dressed in a business suit, standing with a group of people.
Maria.
I haven't seen her in ages. I was an intern in her accounting office…this accounting office, for three years as a teenager. She was ruthless, and cold, and taught me everything I know about the business.
Wait…this party…I remember this party…this was when I met…
And suddenly, there she was.
Alice.
To this day, the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on.
I see myself standing near Maria, a few years older now than that boy at boarding school. I'm clearly not paying attention to the conversation around me, more interested in the drink in my hand than the fake smiles and high-pitched laughs of those trying to impress Maria with their wit.
Then, as though I feel her presence, I look up directly into the deep blue eyes of Alice Brandon. Like a planet and its moon, we're pulled together by a force more powerful than either of us. No words are spoken. She simply takes my hand and leads me to the space where people are dancing. I remember promising myself that I'd never let her go.
My heart clenches at the memory. The party begins to fade before me, and I know where Jane will be taking me next.
On a snowy dirt road, I see a slightly older me standing with my beautiful Alice. She's crying and handing me a diamond ring that once graced her lovely, slender left ring finger. I don't want to hear her words again. I know them all by heart as it is, having replayed this conversation in my head millions of times. But Jane pulls me closer, and I can't help but listen like the masochist I am.
"You're not even here anymore, Jasper. Your body is, but your mind, your heart has been gone for years now. I know losing Victoria and then your mother was hard. I know that. But it's like you died along with them, and I can't take it anymore. I deserve better than this. I…I deserve better than you."
And with that she turns, sobbing, and runs off down the road back to her house. I stand in the road clutching the ring, then slip it into my pocket and walk slowly in the opposite direction, defeated.
Present-day me is crying like a little girl, the ache fresh in my chest. I can't remember smiling, or laughing, since that say. I bury my face in my hands and let the tears flow freely.
"I was so stupid to let her go. After I lost my sister and my mother, my father walked out on me, and I just…shut down. Instead of leaning on Alice and letting her into my heart where she belonged, I pushed her away, buried myself in my work, and…she was right. She deserved so much better than me."
I feel Jane gently grip my arm above the elbow, and when I lift my head I'm sitting in my bedroom, in my bed, alone.
I flop back onto my pillows, attempting to convince myself that it had all been a dream
There are tears running down my face.
My arm is still slightly warm from Jane's grasp.
There is snow on my floor.
Fuck. That really wasn't a dream. That really happened…
Suddenly, like I've been drugged, I can no longer keep my eyes open. Sleep takes me quickly.