So, here's probably my "holiday update", or whatever all the jolly, festive people like to call these sort of... updates. I mean, there'll be barely any mention of holidays or celebrations in this chapter, but that's okay.

Slight content warning: I kind of mention being "racially white" in a humorous manner. I hope it doesn't offend any of you-all. As a pasty-skinned Metis person, I thought I could get away with humorously laughing at such a patriarchal concept. (I mean, there really is no purpose of dividing people into races, is there? But that's a discussion for another time.)

I hope you enjoy this!

"Minho!" Lennon whispered, shaking his cousin. "Are you asleep? Wake up! I think someone's walking on the roof!"

Yawning, Minho blurted out, "It's two o' clock in the morning! What're you even doing awake?"

"As I've said, there's obviously some creeper up on the roof!" Lennon looked genuinely concerned. "Does this normally happen around here? Is that why your deportment at this very moment is so nonchalant?"

"Do me a favor, and never use words like that again when I'm still half-asleep."

"Words like what?"

Minho groaned.

"I wouldn't worry about it if I were you," he said. "I bet it's just Santa Claus or Daddy Christmas or Lady Befana or someone like that…"

"First of all," Lennon replied, "we're too old to believe in folks like that. But, second of all, and more importantly of all, it's not even the Christmas season. Therefore, even if someone was going around dressed as them, why would they be doing it right now? And why on this very roof?'

"You seem to forget that only a few days ago someone dressed up as a cow and squirted us with grape juice. Remember that? After witnessing that, it wouldn't be surprising if someone dressed as a Christmas character and caused a ruckus."

Minho rolled over and went back to sleep, but Lennon kept hearing sounds on the roof.

The sounds kept coming and coming and coming.

It was too much to handle.

"I'll first go check outside," Lennon muttered to himself. "Then, I'll decide how to handle the situation. If it's a creeper who needs to be tranquilized, or something, I might have to call the police. I just first have to remember the number to call 911… I'll have to look it up in the phone book, maybe."

He walked out of the bedroom, went through the parlor and to the front door. Gulping nervously, he crossed himself, then slowly opened the door handle. Creeping outside, he looked up at the roof.

"Brenda?!" he gasped. "What on earth are you doing up there?"

"Hi, Lennon!" Brenda greeted. "Sorry about this. My dad wants me to scout out just in case his arch-nemesis tries to come and foil his plans."

"Oh…" Lennon couldn't help but think that this was extraordinarily weird. "Well, I hope you have a fun time acting as a scout. What does that one racially stereotyped character say? 'Kemo sabe'? Yeah, the whole 'faithful scout' thing. Oh, well. Good night." Right before he went back into the house, though, he thought of something. "Hey, Brenda! You want tea or hot chocolate or something?"

"Sure," she replied. "Could you bring me some green tea?"

"With honey? That helps with colds and stuff and tastes perfect."

"You mean bee vomit? Arthropodal cud? No thank you. Just put in one or two teaspoonfuls of sugar."

Lennon prepared a green tea with sugar for Brenda, and a chai with sugar and milk for himself. He then went outside, and he climbed the trellis to get on top of the roof.

"Here's your tea," he said.

"Thanks," she answered, taking a sip of hers. "What type did you get?"

"Chai," he replied, "with sugar and milk."

"Hmmm…" She didn't look too happy.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry- I shouldn't react like this, I guess. It's dairy milk, isn't it?"

"Um… Yeah?"

"It just… It breaks my heart to know how humans have been hurting the other animals in the biosphere, and to see someone participating in something like that."

"But how does dairy consumption hurt the cows? It's not killing them. I mean, not all farms are factory farms. Some treat their cows really well."

"All I can say is that when my mother was pregnant with me, she didn't want anyone messing with her to steal the milk that was supposed to go to me. She figured that cows and goats and camels and llamas all think the same thing."

"Oh…"

Lennon decided that once he was a little more awake he'd rethink the dairy industry.

"You mentioned not killing cows," Brenda said. "Are you a vegetarian?"

"Yeah," Lennon replied. "You can't imagine how shocked everyone gets when they learn that, as if it's the weirdest thing in the world."

"I've been asked a bajillion times whether or not I eat fish…"

"Me too! And I also get asked about 'humane killing', and stuff like that. It gets so frustrating!"

"Do you ever get asked questions like, 'What do you eat?' or 'What's that actually like?'"

"Yup. It gets so annoying."

"Over the years, I've gotten so touchy about the subject of animal rights that I barely ever go to potlucks or certain get-togethers because I can't stand the sight of all those dead animals and their secretions…" Brenda sighed.

Lennon was quiet. He didn't know how to reply.

Brenda then said, "You know, there's a vegan restaurant over in Montreal that folks have been telling me is really great. Maybe we can try it out together sometime. You know, so I don't have to go alone."

"Okay," Lennon said. "You seem a decent enough person to go to a restaurant with."

Brenda laughed.

"Decent enough?" she inquired. "I guess that's better than what you could have said. I mean, you could have told me I'm just some creeper who climbs on roofs, so why in the blue blazes should you be going into town with me?"

Lennon laughed. Soon, the two of them were laughing together.

Brenda was deciding that Lennon was cool. He was nicer, and seemed more sensitive, than his cousin. Every time in the past few days when she'd talked to him, she felt better about herself, and, she felt a little more optimistic about her uncertain future. (Because, as we all know, it's not easy having to live with a mad scientist).

"So, Lennon, who are some of your friends back in Chicago?"

Smiling, Lennon said, "My best friend is Matthew. I was really shy when I first moved to Chicago, and he was one of the first people to talk to me. Ever since then, we've been closer than you'd think. We're almost always spending the night with each other, either at my family's houses or the community service commune his moms live in."

"Your family has more than one house?"

"My mom and Harry have one house, Jack has another."

"It's sort of like my parents. My mom's been living at Blue Oak Reservation her whole life, but my dad's been wandering around, searching for trouble to cause. I miss my mother, and my BFFs Rosie and Lilly. They're all awesome, and they're all far, far away. Oh, and by the way, I don't go by the last name Janson, since I identify more with my mom."

"What last name do you go by?"

"I go by…"

"Brenda Andersson!" Minho exclaimed accusingly as he climbed the trellis onto the roof. "What are you doing here this early in the morning?!"

"None of your business, Minho!" Brenda scowled.

"Lennon, why are you here talking to her?" Minho asked. "You're just encouraging her to stay and keep me awake! Brenda, if you don't leave right now, I'm gonna call the police!"

"But she isn't doing anything that'll hurt anyone," Lennon said.

"Yeah," Brenda added. "I'm just sitting on the roof, pretending to be on the look-out."

"I don't care!" Minho's face was red as an angry chameleon's. "What you're doing is called trespassing, and that's against the law!"

"But Lennon didn't tell me to leave," Brenda said. "Therefore, I simply assumed that it was alright to stay up here."

Minho glared at Lennon. But then, he looked back at Brenda.

"Well," he said, "I guess I can't argue with that sort of excuse. At least Lenny here wasn't allowing someone like Teresa or that dingbat Aris on the roof. I hate those guys!"

With that, Minho climbed off the roof and went back into the house.

Later on that day… Or was it the next day?... Halmeoni came to town. She was Minho and Lennon's paternal grandmother, an ancient, revered lady who had decided to move to North America after receiving the news that, number one, her sons were faring well and successfully over there, and, number two, that her husband had run off to Gangnam, got a facelift to look younger, and became a one-hit wonder based off a ridiculous dance he did in a music video. She simply couldn't live with that reputation! Anyways, she decided to buy a house in Minnesota, because she loved the weather there, and vowed to visit her grandchildren as frequently as possible. Which, sadly, that wasn't always possible, because she got a lucrative job opportunity to work as a lounge singer.

Anyway, she reached Grenouille, and it came as quite a surprise to Aunt Gyeong and Uncle Myeong, who hadn't received any calls or letters in advance saying that she was coming.

"Eomeoni!" Uncle Myeong exclaimed, as he saw his mother come out of her red sports car which she'd parked right in front of the house for all the neighbors to see. "You didn't call ahead or write ahead in advance to say that you were coming!"

"I knew you'd be totally chill about it, though," Halmeoni said. "That's why I just sped my way right up here. Now, where are the grandchitlins? I heard that one was over visiting, and I know your own one sure is always happy to see me."

Out of the house burst Minho and Lennon.

"Halmeoni!" Minho exclaimed. "You're here!"

"Halmeoni!" Lennon exclaimed. "You're here!"

"Of course I'm here!" Halmeoni replied. "Now, please help your little old grandmother up the stoop into the house. With all these cracks in the pavement I just might trip and fall. Be mindful, I have a trick knee. Don't do what your fathers did to me on Whippoorwill's bat mitzvah."

Just then, Newt walked by with a basket of vegetables.

"Hey, you're the British kid, aren't you?" Halmeoni inquired.

"Um… Yeah?" Newt replied. "Aunt Gyeong, my mother said that these were for you."

"Thank you," Aunt Gyeong said, walking down the stoop to take the basket of veggies. "Tell your mother that I'll have that quilt ready in about a week."

Newt was quiet. His eyes wandered, then opened way wide.

"Whoa!" he said. "Look at that car! Is that a 1983 Velociraptor Razor Convertible 4000?!"

"It sure is," Halmeoni said. "I payed for it with some of the money my husband got for his music video."

"That's totally sick!" Newt said, still ogling the car. "Can I take a selfie of myself next to it?"

"Why not?"

After his selfie, Newt said he had to skeedaddle, so he skeedaddled off in the direction of his house.

Once Halmeoni was inside and placed in the rocking chair (which moved forward every time it got rocked back and forth; Minho called it the Moving Chair, because he's creative like that), she said, "Now, I wanna know what's up with the kids. When my boys would come home from school when they were little, they'd always tell me everything that happened. Except Youngsoo, Harry. He would always be mean and sit in a corner, scowling at everyone. So, kiddos! Tell me what's up in your lives?"

Minho said, "Everything's good. Pretty good. Except I keep seeing that awful girl Teresa, because she keeps hanging out with Thomas. I don't see how he can stand her! She fills me with a rage every time I hear her name!"

"Every time you see her," Halmeoni said, "you should do what I always do when I have to see the woman who stole my man years ago, forcing me to marry that CPA-turned-singer."

"What do you do?"

"I give her a hug, and say, 'You smell so different when you're awake'."

Minho and Lennon laughed and laughed at that.

"So, Lennon," Halmeoni said, "what's new in your life?"

"Well," Lennon said, "nothing much. I recently went up on a roof for the first time."

"I remember my first time up on a roof… I decided to jump down, and I barely even got hurt."

"Eomeoni!" Uncle Myeong sounded absolutely and utterly shocked. "Don't give them any ideas! Just the other day, Minho…"

"Oh, kids will be kids!" Halmeoni said gleefully. "Now, Minho, how's it going with you and that one girl? Dorindabelle, I think her name was?"

Blushing, Minho replied, "She wasn't interested in me. She liked a guy with bigger pecs."

"How dare she?!" Halmeoni looked appalled. "I better go over to wherever she is and give her a piece of my mind! I'll shout it all in Korean, though, so she has to lie awake at night for the rest of her life, wondering what I was even saying to her! If there's one thing I absolutely can't stand, it's someone choosing one person over another for garrulous reasons! I mean, Minho, you're a thousand times awesomer of a guy than some fellow with humongous pecs! Why's she gotta turn you down for the Rock's teenage twin? Huh?"

Minho laughed.

"And, Lennon," Halmeoni said, "is that Ella girl still bothering you?"

"Not much," Lennon replied. "I still can't quite get over her, though. Oh, and I made eye contact with her once. We just so happened to be at a peace convention at the same place same time. It was awkward."

"But you both kept the peace, though, right?"

"Halmeoni, we didn't even regard each other's existence."

"As you should in that situation. I ignore tons of people, all day, all the time."

The two shanks talked with their grandmother for quite some time.

Finally, she stood up, and said, "Well, I gotta see what Gyeong and Myeong are doing. They're probably trying to cook me some dinner, which, as you-all know, I'm picky about how I get served."

With that, she left the parlor and walked straight into the kitchen. Minho and Lennon heard her holler about "back in her day" folks doing such and such while fermenting cucumbers and leaving the eyes in the herring and not drinking sauce straight from the bottle.

"Sometimes," Lennon said, "she makes us seem polite."

"Yeah," Minho agreed. "But we love her."

"Of course."

The two of them walked down into the basement, where the TV was kept.

"Let's watch that movie we got from the video store the other day," Minho suggested.

"Which one?" Lennon asked. "Didn't we get two?"

"Oh, you're right!"

The DVDs had been left on the davenport. Minho picked both of them up. One title was "The Fault In Our Stars", the other title was "The Maze Runner".

"That second one sure looks lame-o," Lennon said. "I mean, if I didn't know any better, I'd think it was an exercise video, or something."

"Yeah," Minho agreed. "I think it's based off of some book. Let's watch this first movie."

Towards the end of "The Fault In Our Stars", Minho was bawling his eyes out.

"It's just not fair!" he said. "Why'd that have to happen to Hazel and Augustus? They were so young!"

Lennon shrugged his shoulders.

"It's too bad," he said. "I guess it had to happen, though, or how else would this have made a great movie? Well, book. I read the book."

Through tears, Minho replied, "Don't tell anyone I reacted like this to this movie. In fact, don't tell anyone I watched it. And, if you do tell anyone I watched it, I simply watched it because you wanted to."

"Aye, aye."

As the film credits rolled, Minho commented, "I'm crying even harder now than when I saw 'Titanic'. And '101 Dalmatians'."

"How did '101 Dalmatians' make you cry? It ends perfectly happily, with none of the puppies getting hurt or dying."

"But I was so scared that something horribly awful would happen to them, and that they wouldn't get home safely. For a small child, that movie is traumatizing."

"I liked it. It was a commentary on the slave trade, the fur trade, and all those other awful trades, but it ends with good triumphing over evil. Plus, also, they're all British."

The sound of knocking on a door came from upstairs, and then the door opening and closing. Footsteps sounded on the stairs, and Alby and Thomas entered the basement.

"Oh, my word!" Alby said. "Not to sound like a white person and all, but… Hey! What movie are you watching?"

Before the DVD cases could be hidden, Alby swiped them.

"This 'Maze Runner' movie looks cool," he said. "But seriously, dudes? You guys are also watching a sappy romance?"

"It was very heartwarming and heart touching," Lennon explained.

"Bro, you gotta watch something that'll keep your mind from becoming Play-Do!"

"Well, I watched a documentary yesterday, and that certainly was some awesome brain food."

Alby shrugged.

"I guess if you balance it out with something like that," he said, "you can't go wrong."

"Not that I like romances all that much," Lennon continued. "I mean, I watched this one, and it was cool, but most are not something I can relate to. I mean, the concept of romantic feelings is unrealistic. I believe in friendships on various levels, and I guess some people are drawn together by the hots, but the traditional stereotype of how couples feel for each other? Rubbish!"

"He's an ace," Minho explained to his friends. "They don't have traditional relationships, or traditional feelings."

"I haven't passed my eighteenth birthday," Lennon told his cousin. "Until then, my identity and feelings are ambiguous."

"I'm sure you're gonna have the same orientation by the time you roll over in the grave," Minho said. "I mean, you're almost eighteen, anyway."

Thomas looked horrified, somewhat, but then he said, "You know, when I'm with Teresa…"

Minho interrupted, "Don't mention that maven of good will around me, shuckhead!"

"Whoa, whoa!" Alby said. "Cool it, Minho! There's no need to use words like that!"

"Who are you to judge what I say?" Minho asked harshly. "I mean, you're the one coming in and criticizing the movies I watch!"

"The only reason you're saying such mean things about Teresa," Thomas said, "is because you're schlepping such harsh, horrible grudges against her! Why can't you just let it go?"

"Ooh!" Alby said. "You just mentioned my jam. Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back any more…"

"I'm not schlepping grudges!" Minho said. "I'm perfectly content with the grudges!"

Just then, into the basement ran Halmeoni.

"Do I hear somebody making my little grandboy upset?!" she hollered. She was carrying two pies in her hands. "Take that!" She threw one at Alby, which hit him right in the face. "And take that!" She also threw one at Thomas, which also hit him in the face. "Nobody makes fun of or pokes at my grandchildren's touchy subjects!" With that, she rushed back upstairs, probably to go eat pie.

"Um…" Thomas said. "Who was that?"

"That's Halmeoni," Lennon explained. "You get used to her. The Kang mischpoche is sometimes known for its apparent mischegas."

"The Schliwinsky family must be extremely calm in that case," Thomas said. "You're not one tenth without self-control as Minho is."

"I will say that my mother and her relatives are rather zenned out," Lennon admitted. "Still, I don't know if I could be qualified as part of that crowd."

"Yeah," Minho said. "Did I tell you yet? At, like, zero o'clock in the morning, or something, he was on the roof with Brenda, chatting up a storm!"

Alby exclaimed, "You were on the roof with Brenda?! What was she doing here?! That's so weird and creepy!"

"Lennon didn't seem to think so," Minho commented. "I guess Illinoisans have a different definition of trespassing and curfew. Anyway, Alby, what were you saying before you took notice of my rented DVDs?"

Alby thought a moment.

"Oh, yeah," he said, suddenly remembering. "I've got horrible news."

"And what is this 'horrible news', that makes you sound like a white person?" Minho raised an eyebrow. He remembered Alby's controversial statement from a few moments ago! There's no way he's forgetting that!

"I just noticed I'm the only white person in here…" Thomas muttered.

"I'm white, also," Lennon said. "And Asian. Isn't genealogy so fun? The other day, I was on , and they came out with an article that said…"

"Hey, I'm talking about my own news over here," Alby interrupted. "Anyway, the showing of Mamma Mia I was going to go see next month is cancelled! Isn't that the most horrible thing you've ever heard?!"

"Horrible," Minho said. "Absolutely horrible. Not like I even care about that musical, though. I mean, I'll be happy as long as that production of Urinetown doesn't get cancelled."

"Can we go back to the topic of being white?" Thomas asked. "I mean, I really want to complain about blinding everyone during swimming suit season."

"What a garrulous problem," Alby said.

"Yeah!" Minho added. "Why not talk to us about…"

"Okay, Minho," Lennon said, putting a hand over his cousin's mouth. "Before this friendly conversation becomes a heated debate on racial privilege and rights, let's not mention the millennia of depressing histories. We can discuss this when you're feeling calmer and less likely to act like Halmeoni."

"Did someone say my name?" Halmeoni inquired, running down into the basement. "I hope you-all aren't talking about me behind my back! I'm watching you!"

With that, she went back upstairs, hollering something about how "back in her days" kitchens were such-and-such without that-and-that and this-such. The fellas in the basement couldn't help but laugh.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you have any suggestions, please review or message me!

Happy Christmas, Hanukkah, Yule, Kwanzaa, that-holiday-from-Bear-in-the-Big-Blue-House, &tc.! Don't get tummy-aches from all the awesome food, all you-all! And, if anyone reading this is a Jehovah's Witness, simply have a great day!