Blind
2
Outside of Iruka's apartment, Kakashi paused to wipe a tired hand over his face and groan.
You fucking moron… Heaving a sigh, he glanced back at the door behind him apologetically. Mission 'Prove to Iruka-Sensei You Don't Hate Him' hadn't gone very well, in the Copy Nin's opinion. Scrubbing at his face again, he decided he'd better just hurry his ass up and get his chores done. Decided, Kakashi vanished with a pop and a cloud of smoke, appearing again across town just outside of the Hokage's Office.
This badly startled the two masked ANBU guards standing on either side of the large hardwood doors, and both dropped into defensive postures, kunai drawn. Then immediately dropped their hostile intentions when they recognized Kakashi.
"Damnit, Hatake! Can't you walk through the fucking front door like a normal person!" One of the two masked nin asked roughly. Kakashi smiled serenely. He hadn't been involved in ANBU operations for a long time, but he was still known and respected as the Hound among the elite troops. "You fucking scared the shit out of us!" The Ferret continued. He and Kakashi were once drinking buddies. Opposite Ferret, a young man in a hawk's mask made an appropriately flustered squawk.
"Y-You shouldn't talk to Hatake-Sama t-that way!" Kakashi smirked.
"Since when was I normal?" He asked Ferret, who in turn laughed. Hawk was still making small, panicked gestures with his hands. Kakashi turned to him. "How old are you, kid?" Hawk squawked again, head turning to look in alarm -even with the mask covering his features- towards Ferret.
"Not old enough to drink yet, if that's what you're asking," Ferret answered. Kakashi laughed.
"Well, screw that then…I guess it'll have to wait a few years then." He stepped casually towards the door. "I'm assuming the Old Lady's around, then?" He asked loosely. Hawk again made some half-choked, partially protesting sound of dismay. It went ignored.
"Yeah.. 'S been a pretty quiet day, actually." Ferret informed, giving the wooden door a thump with his gloved knuckles before pushing it open for Kakashi. As Kakashi slipped past him, he added in an undertone, "Please don't piss her off this time--!" Kakashi laughed and stepped in.
Tsunade looked up from her desk, and quirked an eyebrow.
"Terrorizing my guards again, are you?" She asked dryly. Kakashi snorted.
"Just one of them." He answered easily. Tsunade rolled her eyes.
"Well, if remember myself correctly, there's someone you're supposed to be looking after. Give up so soon? It hasn't been half a day yet." Tsunade said, fixing Kakashi with a piercing look.
"Not giving up, Hokage Sama. Just seeking advice." Kakashi answered in a sober tone Tsunade had not expected.
"Go on."
"He's weaker than he looked… and in pain. I was wondering if you had any suggestions for ways I might make him more comfortable…" Something like amusement flashed through Tsunade's eyes, but Kakashi didn't catch it.
"Just give him whatever household painkiller you can come up with, and just make sure he eats healthy foods for a few days… high protein stuff." A pause. "Meaning more than ramen or take out." She added, fixing Kakashi a look. The man could epitomize bachelor life at times, she knew. She was again surprised at Kakashi's seriousness in the matter. Usually, if she told him no junk food, he would whine like a ten-year-old. Now, he only nodded sagely.
"Makes sense. Thank you." He bowed and turned to leave.
"How are you getting along?" Tsunade asked. Kakashi stiffened, stopping in his tracks.
"Um… better than I expected, but not as well as one could hope."
"You've gotten into a fight?"
"More of an argument. He's worried about his pride, and apparently his purity as well, because he didn't want me to help him get dressed when he could hardly stand." Kakashi said, his back still to Tsunade. "It was something of a fiasco. He's sleeping now."
"I'd wondered about that…" Tsunade murmured, then added more clearly. "Well, I still stand by my decision that you're the right man for the job. Thank you, Kakashi." Kakashi nodded stiffly, and disappeared from the room, not bothering with the door.
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Staggering back to Iruka's home with several bags of groceries, Kakashi mentally checked the apartment number again.
Apartment 227...Door number…227...good He was a little worn out from the struggle back, and had to jockey the half dozen bags between his hips, knees, chin and one arm in order to get the door open. Stumbling inside, he used his rear to push the door closed, as his hands were occupied and he didn't want to just kick it shut. He suddenly understood why all those women he'd seen doing the same thing with their children always looked so harried. Dumping the bags on Iruka's kitchen counter with a sigh of relief, Kakashi shook his tired arms out as he walked back towards Iruka's room. Using every bit of stealth he had, Kakashi cracked the door open, and peeked in. Iruka was rolled onto his side, facing the door. His eyes were shut, his breathing low and even. He was clinging sweetly to a stray pillow, hugging it firmly in his sleep. Not making a sound, Kakashi slipped back out of the room shutting the door behind him.
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Another hour had passed with Kakashi just finishing up with his cooking endeavor, and now cleaning up after himself - no one seemed to suspect he could be both responsible /and/ tidy when he so desired- when his homemaking was interrupted by a sharp cry in the otherwise silent apartment, coming from the back room.
Kakashi was down the hall in an instant, and stepping into Iruka's bedroom in time to see the Chuunin toss once more in his sleep, then sit bolt upright with a scream.
Iruka had just awoken from the first of many nightmares to come. Mentally, he was still lost in the foggy horror his brain had created, and all he knew was that even though the pressing, gripping, pulling hands, the feeling of blood between his fingers and on his face, the prickling, piercing sensations he was too terrified of to try and identify were all gone, he still couldn't see. His sudden blindness had prevailed even in his dreams, which was exactly what had made them so terrifying.
Now awake, terrified and confused, he stared blindly into his own world of darkness, gasping, eyes darting. He was not yet fully conscious enough to remember that there was a reason he was engulfed in darkness, and so he panicked.
Perhaps most terrifying of all for Iruka, was the sudden touch of yet another hand, hot and huge, right over his face.
"Iruka!" Kakashi could easily guess what was terrifying Iruka so badly, given his body language and his current physical state. He slapped his hand over Iruka's unseeing eyes, covering them fully. "It's okay! You're safe! Wake up!" Kakashi knew perfectly well about waking up, terrorized and disoriented. Iruka shuddered under his hands, calming down.
"Why--" Iruka began through ragged breaths. "--Are you covering my eyes..!"
"I'll tell you when you're awake enough to remember for yourself." Kakashi said firmly. "Relax. You're safe, that's all that matters right now." Iruka still squirmed against his palm, and Kakashi planted his free hand over the middle of his back. "Breathe, Iruka." He said in a low voice, pushing on Iruka's back and forcing him to arch back slightly, making it harder for him to hyperventilate or hold his breath. Iruka took a few deep breaths, going quiet. After a short silence, one shaking hand came up near his face. Slender brown fingers wrapped themselves weakly around Kakashi's considerably paler wrist.
"It's alright, Kakashi-san… I remember…" Iruka said quietly. Kakashi seemed to be reluctant to take his hand away, but eventually his hand slipped from both Iruka's face and grip, his presence fading back a short distance into Iruka's peripherals.
"Nightmare?" Kakashi asked quietly. Iruka nodded.
"It was awful…I'm sorry if I disturbed you…" Iruka said. "God…this is embarrassing…" He added, referring to his disorientation upon waking from his bad dream.
"Don't be embarrassed, Iruka-Sensei." Kakashi said firmly. "None of this can be helped. It's just one of many adjustments you're being forced to make all at once. Don't worry about any of it, alright?"
Iruka remained silent, and Kakashi patted his shoulder lightly.
"Can you get up? I made you dinner…" Kakashi said. "You're probably sick of meals in bed…" Iruka nodded, and with some effort managed to untangle himself from his scattered sheets and stand. He was far stronger after a few hours rest, and still working off of the adrenaline of his nightmare and he was confident in moving. However, as he finally rose to his full height, he froze, swaying.
"I never thought it would be hard just to stand…without any orientation…" He murmured, hands subconsciously going out both for balance, and in search of some sort of anchor. Again, Kakashi's hand sought Iruka's shoulder.
"I'm right here. Don't worry, I won't let you crash into anything…" Iruka, albeit grudgingly, found Kakashi's arm, and tried not to cling as he was guided out of his room, down the hall and into his humble little kitchen. He paused, stopping Kakashi with him.
"Wow…it smells amazing…You couldn't have possibly cooked this…?" Kakashi chuckled.
"Yep. I'm smarter than I look, you know." Kakashi said, voice almost gentle. "That and with your eyesight gone, you're probably more sensitive to smells. It'll probably smell great but taste awful, knowing my luck…" Kakashi laughed softly. "Come on."
Kakashi steered Iruka through the kitchen into the even smaller dining area, sitting him down carefully at the table.
"Sit tight for a minute…" Kakashi instructed. Iruka listened intently as he moved back through the kitchen, moving dishes, clanking pots, opening the fridge a few times, and the rattle of the rarely-used western-style silverware. "You're not going to like this, Iruka, but--" Kakashi began, making Iruka instinctively frown. "I'm not going to let you try and eat by yourself tonight. Just let me get some real food in you tonight, and you can try eating on your own whenever you feel up to it afterwards, but this first day is so crucial… I didn't expect you to be this shaky, if you were being sent home, and I'm a little worried…" Kakashi explained, sounding both slightly motherly and embarrassed at the same time.
"Kakashi--" Iruka began, a little irritated.
"Please. I'm not doing this to make you feel weak or stupid or anything else, I'm doing this because it's my job to look after you, and because honestly, I'm a little worried for you, alright?" Kakashi said, tone more serious than Iruka had ever heard it. He was also right by Iruka's side now. The smell of warm, rich food was also very strong and close, and Iruka felt his stomach growl. A little taken aback by Kakashi's confessed concern, he relaxed, consenting.
"Alright… Just don't-" Iruka cut off. …Don't what?
"I won't do anything corny, I promise." Kakashi said, voice still that same low, serious tone. Iruka frowned.
"Who are you and what have you done with Kakashi-san?" He said flatly. Kakashi laughed at this, even as he brushed Iruka's shoulder again, in what was becoming his signal for impending interaction with him.
"Believe it or not, it's just me." He said good humouredly. "Ready? Open up." Iruka obeyed silently, feeling more than a little stupid at the thought of just sitting there in his seat, waiting for Kakashi to feed him, but the gentle press of a food-laden fork came surprisingly fast. Iruka took the food without a fuss, resigned to his fate, but smiled after the first bite.
"Oh thank heaven, no more injected nutrients or steamed cardboard…" He said softly. Kakashi's low chuckle was the only reply he got.
Iruka and Kakashi quickly built up a silent system of coordination as one was fed by the other, and not much except Kakashi's surprisingly good cooking passed between them. The apartment was silent except for the occasional scrape of metal against porcelain, the ticking of a clock in the next room, and the click of the oven as it cooled. Kakashi was almost holding his breath in the silence as he fed Iruka.
It was a disturbing chore for Kakashi. Iruka had always been such a bright, sunny person, and now he was nothing but bitter silence, even in his cooperation. Kakashi understood that they'd started off on bad terms, and that part of this bitterness he sensed in Iruka was his fault. More prominent, though, was resignation. He'd expected to have another war when he'd proposed helping Iruka, but none had come. As the elements went, Iruka was all earth and fire, brilliant and unchanging. Kakashi didn't want to see that flame fade to embers. When Iruka had assumed that Kakashi hated him, he had never been more wrong in his life.
"You cleaned your plate off…Do you want more?" Kakashi asked, passing a glass of juice into Iruka's hands. The academy sensei shook his head in negation.
"No, I'm fine, thanks." Iruka said softly. His head was sort of sagging, eyes averted and down towards his feet under the table, but they were still open. Their haziness didn't bother Kakashi too much, but he knew that Iruka was self conscious.
"Your eyes are open." Kakashi pointed out gently. Iruka gasped and clamped them shut.
"Damn it… I can't… ever tell…" He said, voice tight with frustration.
"I know. Don't beat yourself up over it, alright?"
"But they must be hideous." Iruka said sullenly.
"They're not that bad." Kakashi said honestly. "Just different."
"Really…?" Iruka said, sounding unconvinced. "It still bothers me…I can't even tell when they're open until I consciously make sure they're closed again…"
"Sure… That must be a weird thing to experience." Kakashi agreed.
"You may not be bothered by it, but not everyone's going to take it so well…You…You saw how Naruto--"
"I know… Here," Kakashi said. Iruka listened as he shifted, still sitting in close proximity. "Let's see what we can do with this…" Iruka forced back a gasp at the sensation of warm fabric brushing his cheek, turning to face Kakashi fully. "No, turn your head the other way," Kakashi instructed. Iruka did so, still confused but reasoning that Kakashi must have something in mind. He felt the familiar pressure of metal and fabric against his forehead as Kakashi tied his own hitai-ate up behind Iruka's ears. Left eye clamped shut against the normality of the situation, Kakashi held Iruka still as he tugged the headband down low over Iruka's eyes. Iruka sat back slightly, a little surprised, and quite aware that it wasn't his own forehead protector being tied around his eyes.
"Don't you need this, Kakashi-san?"
"Naah. I can get another one in a little bit. Jus' gotta keep one eye closed instead of covered, is all." Iruka thought on that. It sounded so close to his own situation. He'd never considered how Kakashi was practically blind in one eye unless he was in battle. The implanted Sharingan Eye for which he was so famous wasn't natural to Kakashi's bloodline, and therefore didn't recede into his system when not in use. It being active was an incredible chakara consumer, and would likely suck the life out of him if it were left exposed. "No…let's see…" Kakashi muttered thoughtfully to himself, holding Iruka's head lightly as he shifted the headband slightly askew. "Hmm… Just…" One more light torque of the headband, and the metal leaf-stamped plate was sitting more over Iruka's right temple and ear, the softer fabric covering his eyes. It was far more comfortable, Iruka noted. "Now you don't look like you were just the victim of another of Naruto's pranks." Kakashi observed. "How's it feel like that?"
"Um…Fine." Iruka said, reaching up with one hand to explore the situation by brail. The dark cloth band was thin enough in width that his eyebrows and cheekbones lay exposed, but his sightless, foggy eyes were hidden securely. He reached up, brushing the inlaid leaf pattern on the plate. The cloth smelt faintly of Kakashi. "I…don't look like a total idiot this way?"
"Not at all." Kakashi said, then chuckled when Iruka began fidgeting with the headband slightly. "It didn't look too hot with the Konoha leaf centered between your eyebrows, though. Leave it askew. Trust me." Iruka dropped his hand with a grunt. Kakashi chuckled once more, and audibly rose from his seat, the wooden stool he'd been perched on creaking and then scraping against the tiled floor lightly. He took the empty plate from the table, crossing into the kitchen again. Iruka managed to find his unfinished juice easily enough by brail, and sipped at it cautiously. He had to school himself not to do anything too quickly until he got used to his black world. Kakashi's hitai-ate slipped over his nose a little, and he reached back, putting the cup down, to tighten the knot. Kakashi had been so careful to be gentle that he'd tied the headband rather loosely.
Kakashi watched Iruka cinch the knot down on the blue headband from across the room, smiling bemusedly to himself. It was a rather unique position Kakashi had been put in, being able to stand back and watch Iruka without the other man knowing he was being watched. He had been relieved to see Iruka search out the glass on his own, and then further fuss with himself a little. Now he was tucking a piece of hair behind his ear. His hair had been left down out of it's usual pony tail, and hung in a ebony curtain around Iruka's face. Now that the headband was present, Iruka's bangs were being pressed firmly against his cheekbones, making the man suddenly aware of them. He didn't bother trying to find something to tie the hair back with, but he used the positioning of the now tighter hitai-ate to hold it in a more acceptable position. Finally settled with himself, Iruka went back and drained the last of his juice. Finishing the last drop off, Kakashi watched as he shook the glass in his hand slightly, confirming its emptiness, then frowned.
"Want some more?" Kakashi said from across the kitchen. Iruka jumped a little, startled by what was nearly a blatant confession of being watched. Kakashi grinned.
"Um, sure." Iruka said. Kakashi swept across the small room, took the glass and refilled it instantly, handing it back to Iruka, who took a long sip. "Aren't you going to eat yourself?" Iruka asked. Kakashi blinked, realized he'd been waiting for a chance to eat alone, where he could lower his mask without being seen.
You moron. Inner Kakashi commented wryly.
"Ah… Yea. Getting there. I thought I'd get you settled first." Kakashi said awkwardly, bustling about and quickly pulling up a seat near Iruka again. He wasn't sure what part of being physically blindfolded had re-wired Iruka's system, but the other man was sitting more confidently in his seat, head held erect, back straight. He turned to face Kakashi when he set his plate down with a soft clank. Kakashi didn't notice. He had pulled his mask off and was staring between it and Iruka bemusedly. This is an interesting new twist on life. Stuffing the mask in a pocket, he still ate quickly, but reveled in the comfort of being so relaxed.
"When you're done…" Iruka began quietly. "On the top shelf of the right most cabinet over the stove, behind the cereal, is a box of chocolates…" He smiled slightly. "Given that I'd probably kill myself trying to get them at the moment, I'll cut a deal and share them with you if you go and dig them out…?" Kakashi grinned openly, finishing off the last bite of his dinner and clearing his dishes as he went back in search of the aforementioned chocolates. Kakashi wasn't a huge chocolate fanatic, but he wasn't about to turn down the offer, either.
It was just like Iruka, he mused, to keep chocolate hidden somewhere in the house.
"Chocolate addict, are we?" Kakashi asked, flopping the box down in front of Iruka at the table. Richly tanned hands dove for the box, practically tearing it open. At this, Kakashi laughed and let Iruka manage the box on his own. Iruka snorted.
"This coming from the nymphomaniac who walks around all the time with porn novels in his back pocket…" Iruka said, smirking around his first bite of chocolate. "Yea…this fixes a bad day…" He added mostly to himself. Kakashi threw his hands up.
"Hey! I never said it was a bad thing! Crikey…" Iruka just shrugged, and nudged the box in Kakashi's direction just a little.
"Well, addict or not, you'd better get some quick…" He said flatly. Kakashi arched an eyebrow at the brunette across the table from him, staring. Iruka planned to clean the whole box out in one go?
"You can't possibly eat that whole box in one sitting." Kakashi commented.
"Can. Have before. Will do again." Iruka said flatly, pointing a smirk in Kakashi's general direction. Kakashi took out a single piece and popped it in his mouth. While chewing he asked,
"But what if I just take it away right now and hide it from you?"
"I'll find it." Iruka said confidently.
"What if I take it away and eat it all?" Kakashi pressed, amused by Iruka's reactions.
"I'll kill you." Iruka said just as casually. Kakashi laughed.
"You're worse than Sakura!" Iruka smiled again, more serenely this time.
"Probably." Iruka shrugged and plucked up another chocolate. Apparently this was one of those things he'd done so much, he didn't even have to think about where he had to maneuver his hand, to find the next morsel of chocolaty goodness. Kakashi laughed, sitting back and allowing himself a rather lengthy yawn, clamping his eye shut and stretching as he did so. He opened his eyes in time to see Iruka's nose twitch before he too yawned. "No fair.." Iruka protested softly around the yawn. Kakashi smiled, then blinked, realizing belatedly he was watching every one of Iruka's movements in super slow-motion. He made it a point of clamping his left eye shut again.
"Eh… Iruka, I'm going to pop back to my apartment for a moment…I gotta cover this thing up…" He said, referring loosely to his eye. Iruka stopped in his admirable progress in devouring his box of chocolates.
"Huh? Oh, your eye?"
"Yea. Not so used to consciously keeping that eye shut…" Kakashi said.
"Wait," Iruka said, using the table for some support as he stood. "I have mine, you can have this one back…" He said, preparing to untie Kakashi's hitai-ate from around his eyes.
"Keep that one." Kakashi said, and vanished with an audible pop. Iruka sat back down, quite aware of Kakashi's departure, and a little baffled about his insistence that he keep Kakashi's headband.
He didn't have to go home for a new one, that's for sure… Iruka mused, then yawned again. Frowning, he pushed his empty glass and the half-finished box of chocolates away from him and carefully rested his head in his folded arms in the space cleared. Heaving a sigh, he let himself relax a little in Kakashi's absence.
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It was only a few minutes later that Kakashi returned, new hitai-ate freshly tilted at a jaunty angle over his left eye, as well as some fresh clothes tucked under one arm, to find Iruka asleep at the kitchen table. Smiling gently, he gave Iruka's shoulder a light shake.
"Wake up, sleepy. You'll hate yourself later if you fall asleep in that position." Iruka jolted awake, instinctively turning to look at Kakashi, and then frowning when he remembered belatedly he was not only blindfolded, but quite literally blind.
"Damnit." He muttered softly shaking his head. "How long were you gone…?" He asked.
"Not long. Now come on, if you're going to sleep, do it in a bed where you won't hurt yourself in the process." Iruka nodded, and lurched to his feet, catching Kakashi by the arm as he did so.
"Alright. Lead the way." Iruka said flatly still, perhaps, partially asleep and a little grumpy at being woke up. Kakashi led the way patiently, as far as Iruka's room, then let his charge find his own way to the bed. Iruka, however, had made a bee-line to the adjacent washroom, and shut Kakashi out before he could follow.
Iruka apparently managed just fine on his own, because Kakashi heard no sounds of distress, except for one irritated grunt and a dull thwack as something was knocked from a shelf to the floor. Whether or not Iruka had attempted, or succeeded, in retrieving the fallen object, Kakashi couldn't tell. The flush of a toilet seemed to be Iruka's cue to emerge from the bathroom. He made his way from the bathroom to the bed almost cleanly, until he tripped lightly over the hospital sheet he'd discarded earlier. Fortunately, though he fell, Iruka landed quite safely with a soft "oof" in bed. Kakashi laughed.
"Congratulations on a safe landing!" He said smartly. Iruka grunted, twisting in bed and groping for the blankets before cocooning himself in tightly.
"Can you move that bloody sheet to a more remote corner so I don't kill myself over it in the morning?" Iruka asked wryly, choosing to ignore Kakashi's attempt at humor. He heard soft footsteps, the rumple of fabric, and then the dull, padded sound of it colliding with something in far corner and crumpling on the floor. Kakashi had simply wadded the sheet up and tossed it across the room. Iruka grunted. "Eh. Good enough." The lump of blankets under which Iruka was bundled gave a lazy jerk, indicating a shrug to Kakashi, and then went still as Iruka promptly fell asleep. Kakashi smiled warmly, moving to seat himself in a chair near Iruka's bed.
"Good night," He whispered into the silence. Iruka, fast asleep, failed to respond.
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AN: It seems like there are actually people who are enjoying this, so I'm updating sooner than I expected I would. :) Lucky you. Please note, however, that this chapter may later on be subjected to change. I've never had a fic where I've constantly been doubling back to earlier chapters as I write, adding stuff, taking it out... I think this chapter is pretty well set, though. Not much has happened yet, after all. The shit has yet to hit the fan, anyway.
A few notes...
1) The visit to Tsunade was more a breif reprieve for Kakashi more than anything. (shrugs)
2) Yes, he said "Crikey." lol.
3) The choclates is the first of several little quirks that I've invented for Iruka to better endear him to Kakashi. You'll get another kind of funky food quirk somewhere in ch. 3 or 4, I think... (laughs) that was so weird.
4) That said, I actually have through chapter 6 written, but the chapters in this fic are about twice as long as I usually write (and getting longer...chapter six was almost ten pages long, typed) so it's been slow going in writing this. I have school, work, and six other fics going at this point, and I really don't want to rush any of it. :) Which, despite the possiblity of leaving my readers waiting, is a good thing. :)
MRE