Waking Up
Waking Up
'beep'
'beep'
'beep'
What is that noise? I tried to move my arms. Only my fingers twitched. Why can't I move? I tried to opening my eyes. They fluttered and all I could see was a bright light. Am I dead? I wonder to my self.
'beep'
'beep'
'beep'
No death isn't this uncomfortable. I tried opening my eyes once again but I had greater success this time. All I could see was white. As my eyes came into focus I realized I was staring at a ceiling. I looked to the source of the beeping, a heart monitor that was next to an IV. Where am I? I wondered to my self. I looked around the room. I was on a cot in the middle of the room. There was a couch against the wall with Charlie, my father, sleeping on it. And in the recliner in the corner Phil was sleeping as well. Renee was kneeling beside my cot, resting her head on cot asleep, her cheeks stained with tears.
"Mom?" I whispered as my throat croaked in protest.
She stirred, "Bella? Oh my God Bella, you're OK. Honey I was so scared." Wait why was mom scared? Why am I in the hospital?
"Mom, what happened?" I asked unable to come up with a conclusion as to why I am in the hospital.
Fresh tears started running down my mother's face. "Oh Bella, it was horrible. You got into a car accident with Jasmine and Kaitlyn…"
I gasped as I remembered everything, scenes flashing through my mind. My birthday, blood, school, blood, the concert, blood, the truck, blood, the crash, the blood. All of the blood. Too much blood. They couldn't have possibly survived, but they had to, for me. I knew what the answer would be, I had seen it myself, but they just couldn't be. I had to ask.
"Mom, Jasmine? Kaitlyn?" I had tears in my eyes and my voice broke already knowing the answer, wishing it weren't true.
My mom's tears increased. She shook her head and mouthed 'no' unable to speak. We started sobbing together holding each other tightly. No matter how much my ribs protested in pain, I needed my mother now. Usually it was the other way around, me taking care of my eccentric, child-like mother. Not that I mind. I love her. If we weren't distracted by our grief right now, the moment would have been weird. But I guess that's changed. Come to think of it lots of things have changed. Kaitlyn and Jasmine were like my sisters, the siblings I never had. Renee thought of them as her own. We spend every weekend together. But that's one of the things that have changed because they are gone. And they are gone because of me. It was my stupid birthday. Maybe if I were normal and wanted a house party or something they would be here right now. We would be doing something together. Arguing about some moot point, no doubt.
But I'm not normal and Jasmine and Kaitie aren't here. Why am I still here? It's not fair. Why didn't I die? Why am I still here? Jasmine and Kaitie were my life. Pretty much everything I did involved them in one way or another. What do I do now? By now the pain was setting in. Not from my injuries, but from the grief. I have a feeling that this pain is going to be much more real, and it's going to last a lot longer.
2 months later
November 16
It has been two months since the accident. Charlie left back to Forks four days after I woke up. And Phil had to leave to Ohio not much longer after Charlie, leaving me alone with Renee in Phoenix. Renee did a lot less these days. She was home when I got home from school. There when I inevitably woke again. She tried to look happy, for me. She thought I needed it but I knew better. She was miserable. Because she couldn't help me and because she was away from Phil.
Going back to school was torture. Phoenix is a huge city but our accident was big too. It was on the evening news someway or another for at least a week after it happened. At school the stares and whispers were horrible. Everyone took pity on me, even the teachers. But I'm not the one to be pitied. Kaitlyn and Jasmine both left behind families. Amazing families who insisted that that they don't blame me, and they don't they blame me because they are too busy feeling sorry for me.
Everything I do I am reminded of them one way or another. School, Soccer, I can't even watch TV or listen to music anymore. All of my injuries have healed well the physical ones anyway. I still hurt inside. Like someone just me punched repeatedly in the stomach. Or they put a never cooling white-hot blade through me and as soon as the pain starts to numb they twist it, bringing a whole new wave of pain wracking threw my body. I haven't gotten a good nights sleep in since the accident. I dream the same thing every night. I see blood, lots of it. I see Kaitlyn mangled in the back seat and then I see Jasmine bleeding and I see her cold dead eyes. Then I wake up screaming and sobbing. My mom used to run in every night to see what happened and to try to comfort me. But nothing helped. I have dark circles around my glassy eyes and bags that seem to be permanent. I've gotten thinner due to loss of appetite. It's not that I refuse to eat, I'm just not hungry. The funeral was horrible for me. They closed up the caskets; their bodies were too damaged for them to shown. But I still knew what happened to them. What they look like. No matter how hard I try to forget I can't because they still show up in the nightmare of mine every night.
Currently I am walking through the airport with Renee. I have come to the decision that I am moving to Forks with Charlie. I decided that if I stay here and I have to get anymore pity-stares I am going to go insane. I am sure to be reminded of them in Forks; however it can't possibly be as bad as Phoenix. Renee is miserable because of me no matter how hard she tries to hide it. She misses Phil and it kills her that she is not able to help me through my depression. I hate Forks. It is rainy and cold and the town is way too small for my liking. But one of us might as well be somewhat happy and I think it's pretty obvious that it's not going to be me.
"Bella, you know I don't mind staying with you here. I know how much you hate Forks."
"Mom I'm not leaving because of you. I told you I'm trying to start over. There is no way I'll be able to move on if I stay here with all of these reminders. Besides mom if there is anything I have learned from this is that life is too short and I want to spend some quality time with Charlie." Well that wasn't a total lie. I admit I am moving so my mom can be happy but I also know it's true I won't be able to stay in Phoenix if I ever want to get on with my life. There is also the fact I won't be able to forget either way, but I'm going to leave that little detail out.
"OK honey if you're sure, but don't hesitate if you ever want to come back."
"Sure Mom"
"Do you have your cell phone and everything?"
"Yes Mom, I do. I will call you when I get in."
"Alright, Tell Charlie I say hi."
"Will do Mom. I love you." My eyes were starting to water, knowing I was going to miss Renee.
Tears were rolling down Renee's face. "Love you too Bella. Now go to your plane before you get left."
I smiled, hugged her, and then walked though security.
I do not own twilight or any of its characters, Stephanie Meyer does. I am assuming that I am doing an OK job on the story because of the alerts and reviews i have gotten so far. Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed. Please continue to R&R this is my first fanfic any advice about my writing is welcome. I will try to update often as I can.
mina