Seto in Chaos Land
Series: The Chaos Land Chronicles Part One
Author: Chaos Valkyrie
First Conceptualized: November 2003
Posted Chapter 02, v.1: January 28, 2004
Posted Chapter 02, v.2: March 17, 2006
Updated: March 31, 2006

Chaos Val: We're back!

Seto: Why me?

Chaos Val: Because you're mean in the series, for the most part, and so the other characters consider this Just Desserts.

Just Desserts: (enters making loud nasty smacking noises)

Chaos Val: Back fiend! (Hammer reappears, does its job, leaves)

Just Desserts: . (follows Exposition's lead)

Seto: Now do we get learn about the Hammer?

Chaos Val: Nope. Not yet… I've got plans for the Hammer! (maniacal laughter)

Seto: Gulp. (runs for it)

Chaos Val: (shakes head) Anyhow, I'm still a woman, surprise surprise, so I don't own Rurouni Kenshin either. However, I do have a Nokia cell phone, just not any shares in the company.

Chapter Two: Fishing

Seto followed the strange Chaos down the hill and into a dimly-lit forest. 'Followed' being an extremely loosely-applied term… more like 'dragged-forcefully-almost-against-his-will'. Whatever. Seto glared rather ineffectively at the back of her head before sighing in defeat.

"So, where are we going?" he asks reluctantly.

"Fishin'," came the succinct reply. Seto was not amused.

"FISHING! What for! I want my little brother!" he exclaims, angrily attempting to stop on the trail they were now following through the trees. Chaos, however, keeps tugging him along as she snorts in amusement.

"Sheesh, open up your mouth a little wider next time you scream. The people in Happy Fun Land didn't quite catch that," she retorts. Seto glowers in response. She looks over at him and grins.

"You do realize you're cute when you glare like that, don't you?" she tells him sweetly. He growls, his eye twitching in annoyance. Her smile widens as she relents and explains the purpose behind their little trip. "Anywho, we're goin' down to the hole to see if anyone knows about your little brother," she explained. "A lot of people gather 'round down there… someone will surely know something about where he is."

The unlikely duo continued to walk through the Chaos Woods. Seto almost went into sugar shock at the syrupy display of happy little fuzzy bunnies and cute bambi-like deer trotting about them, all of which Chaos forcefully ignored. However, she didn't bother hiding her satisfaction as a rabid Little Pink Cat emerged from the underbrush and jumped one of the deer. The other stupid fuzzy animals continued grazing as the Little Pink Cat tore into the once happy deer, spraying blood and guts all over the clearing. Chaos stopped and watched in interest.

"Reminds me of when I got my ears pierced…" she states off-handedly. Seto looks at her and grimaces.

"I do not want to know," he responds with some finality. Chaos nods, distracted as another person entered the clearing.

"That's mean! Stupid cat! We should all be friends…" Téa Gardner blathers whilst trying to shoo the feral cat away. The Little Pink Cat growls, annoyed at the interruption of its meal. Chaos, on the other hand, whips out the almighty Hammer and bashes Téa with it, knocking the perky cheerleader unconscious.

"What is that thing!" Seto asks, completely unconcerned by his Arch-Rival's friend's injury.

"The Sledgehammer of Cynicism," (See Note 1 at bottom) Chaos states, putting it back away… wherever it came from. She turns to the Little Pink Cat and grins. "Go to town, kitten." She waves at Téa's unconscious form for emphasis. The Cat jumps her without further to-do.

"Me-row!" it 'roars', waking Téa in the process. She wakes up and screams as she is horribly mutilated by fuzzy pink Death. Seto watchs with a satisfied smirk.

"I think I may like you after all," he admits reluctantly. Chaos beams at him.

"Really!" she exclaims. Seto winces in reply.

"Um, turn the beam down and I'll consider it." Chaos shrugs and walks up to the set, changing the beam setting manually.

"See, it's not that hard!" she declares.

The pair continue through the woods without further mishap until they reach the fishing hole. Random Anime characters and 'real people' are scattered about the pond.

"Damn it, I'll never get a good catch! Stupid bait!" Josh glares at the cheap promotional 10-minute calling card dangling from his hook. A man nearby shakes his head, having heard this spiel before.

"Dude, I told you, you need to use better bait!" Dave tells him, hooking a three hour calling card to his own line and casting off.

"Umm, what exactly are they doing?" Seto asks.

"Fishing for cells. I would join them, but all I catch are crummy Nokias…" Chaos trails off as Dave reels in a whopper Sony Ericcson T610.

"Hah! Who's the man!" he cheers. Chaos frowns at him.

"You suck. Anyway, you guys seen any random kids laying about?" she asks the two fishermen. They look at each other and shrug.

"How random?" Josh asks. Chaos paused and thought about it.

"Umm, black haired with puppy dog eyes random," she replies. Dave shakes his head.

"Nope."

Chaos sighs, tugging Seto away. They walked along the shore as Chaos looks around for someone else to ask.

"Oh well, let's ask around…" she trails off, her eyes widening as she catches sight of her next victim… er, person. "Oh baby!" she cries, running over to a certain red-haired rurouni nearby.

"Oro!" Kenshin cries, using his God-like speed to jump up a nearby tree.

"Get down here! I'm not glomping, I'm on a rescue mission!" Chaos pouts. Kenshin looks down warily.

"Are you sure?" he calls. Seto sighs in disgust, putting a restraining arm about Chaos.

"I'll hold her back for you," he calls up the tree. Chaos beams once again.

"I didn't know you cared!" she gushes. Seto's eye twitch returns with a vengeance.

"Its only so I can find my brother, twit," he growls. Chaos rolls her eyes and continues to smile, sighing happily.

"Whatever. I'll just pretend and enjoy it while I can." Kenshin, meanwhile, had dropped back down to terra firma and was eyeing the pair with some misgiving.

"I'll help you, that I will. Just keep her back," the titian-haired man warns.

"What have I ever done to you?" Chaos asks. Kenshin whispers in her ear and she sweatdrops, giggling nervously.

"Oh, yeah, that. Well, anyway, we're trying to find his brother. You seen him? Shorter than Yahiko, much cuter too…" she trails off as a shinai-wielding youth with spiky hair storms up.

"Hey Busu! Take that back," Yahiko protests. Chaos frowns at him.

"No. Go play with your bokken," she dismisses him. Yahiko's eyes merely widen to only-in-anime proportions while Kenshin looks at Chaos in shock.

"Can you say that to a child?" he asks. Yahiko's eyes return to normal as he glares at the rurouni.

"I'm not a child!" he protests. Chaos dismisses him again.

"What he said," she refers to Kenshin. "Scat." Yahiko runs away, vastly annoyed.

"So, you seen him?" Chaos asks Kenshin, returning to more important matters. "Black hair, puppy dog eyes, severe case of Brother-worshiping?" Seto grunts at her description but keeps quiet as Kenshin ponders.

"I haven't seen him, that I haven't," the rurouni replies. Seto rolls his eyes.

"What's with all the 'that's' you keep spouting? You sound like a freak!" he tells the shorter man. Kenshin merely looks confused before displaying his typical rurouni grin.

"Oro?" he replies, swirly-eyed. Chaos snorts.

"Translation: He'll just ignore your hostility and pretend he actually has some real reason for talking like that…" she pauses, her voice dropping to a whisper, "Even though you're right."

"I heard that, that I did," Kenshin tells Chaos, "Perhaps I won't help you after all…" He tries to walk away, but Chaos whips out the Hammer and bops him one.

"Orororo," Kenshin moans from his new place on the ground.

"You may have God-like speed, but you'll never defeat the Almighty Hammer," Chaos jeers at him.

"God-like speed, huh?" Seto asks.

"That's what I hear from the ladies, anyway…" Chaos replies as she puts away the Hammer once again. Seto sweatdrops.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that…"

Somewhere else not in Chaos Land…

Mokuba wakes up, rubbing his temple groggily. "Where am I? Seto?" he asks, looking around blearily. He catches sight of a looming figure lurking in the shadows nearby…

A strangely familiar voice echoes from the darkness. "Mwahahahah! You are now in my clutches… again! Your brother will be mine!"

Mokuba groans, rolling his eyes. "Damn, not you again! And Seto doesn't swing that way, for your information!"

The figure sweatdrops. "…Really? Um… that's not what I want anyway! I just want what he has to offer… oh wait, that didn't come out right… Damn it!"

Exposition comes in with the all mighty Plot Hammer. Duels with Chaos Val, ends up in stalemate.

Seto: Stalemate!

Chaos Val: Do you think I'd really write myself losing? Pshaw. Anyway, the Plot has finally arrived, so I guess Exposition is here to stay.

Exposition: Yay!

Seto: Hey, where's my brother?

Exposition: (looks around furtively) Umm, not here. Oops.

Seto: Oops! That's all you can say is oops! (Grabs Plot Hammer, starts chasing Exposition.)

Chaos Val: I think I'm rubbing off on him. Anywho, any guesses as to who the Villain is? Mokuba gets kidnapped so often it won't be that easy to figure out! Hah! Oh, and before anyone complains, I'm not a Téa hater, I actually like her somewhat, but I just couldn't resist putting her in like that! Besides, the Hammer was going into bashing-withdrawal, I had to sacrifice her to the cause.

Seto: (comes back and throws Plot Hammer to the side) So, you going to explain the Hammer thing here, this Note 1 business?

Chaos Val: Oh, yeah. Note 1: The Hammer was born when talking to the self-same Dave above about dating and men… my direct quote: "I could never date a happy person, 'cause they'd be bouncing around and all happy and crap, and then I'd just have to take the Sledgehammer of Cynicism and crack 'em one with it."

Seto: (smiles) Maybe I will end up liking you!

Chaos Val: Really! (glomps him)

Seto: Grr… Get off me.

Chaos Val: Nope, you're too cute when you glare!

Seto: (vein-pops) Doh!

Chaos Val: See you guys soon!