Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or Once Upon A Time, they belong to Adam Horowitz and Eddy Kitsis.
Notes: when au week happened, i thought about how cool a greek/cs mashup would be and after screaming with friends about it and the news of scott michael foster aka cappie had joined the ouat cast, voilà. to those familiar with the show, there are some things you'll recognize (as in, a lot of scenes from the pilot and campus and houses names because i didn't feel like changing them) - but then the story goes its own way. enjoy!
She was trying to slip quietly up the stairs towards her room unnoticed - as much as she possibly could, at least: girls in their house noticed even when you wore one button on your shirt undone, she cringed at what they'd say if they saw her wearing her clothes from the previous night - but a loud throat clearing halted her steps. Regina stood by the living room, arms crossed over her chest, and Emma's shoulders slumped in defeat when she saw her. She silently followed the ZBZ president to the couch, where she faceplanted for all purposes. She was so tired - and hungover - she just wanted to sleep for the rest of the semester. (And maybe she felt a little bit sore, too, who was she kidding. Killian could be as rough as a sailor, and she had more than enjoyed the way his fingers had left marks on her hips, the almost brutal pace he had set and his bruising kisses the night before.)
Regina wrinkled her nose, clearly not impressed by her rather unkempt appearance and mussed hair, but Emma didn't have it in her to come up with anything to shoo her judging thoughts away.
With a shake of her head, Regina finally stated, "Well, I most certainly wasn't expecting that."
Huh. Not what she really had expected either. "What do you mean?"
"Killian Jones? Seriously? Again?"
How the hell had she already found out? It had been been around thirty minutes tops since she had left the KT house!
Instead of whining about that, Emma felt anger surge through her, and she raised herself from the couch, glaring at her friend. "You don't get to judge me. You told me to do whatever I needed to get even with Neal. Guess what? I did. So there."
Regina huffed, tossing a lock of hair over her shoulder, and Emma wanted to shake at the blassé manner in which her friend was suddenly talking to her. "Emma, I was aiming more towards a nobody you ran into in a bar or something, not your ex whom you appear to not be really over with the blue eyes and stupid smirk."
Emma gritted her teeth. There was no way she was going to defend herself after she had just done what Regina had suggested. She hadn't specified whom she had to go take to bed, and, as much as it had ended in a rather cold place, she didn't regret her decision. She was so not ready to talk about her whatever it was with Killian. Not now, not ever, if she had any way in it.
"Whatever. It's done." Taking a peek at her watch, she remembered the issue of how the fuck had she already known about her and the KT president. "How did you find out, anyway?"
"Philip texted me." Aurora strode in, smirking in her direction and waving her phone in the air like a white flag. Her girlfriend followed behind, trying valiantly to hide a smile as she inspected Emma's wrinkled clothes. Mulan just arched an eyebrow and mouthed a 'nice' in her direction, and Emma couldn't help but scowl.
"This Gossip Girl crap needs to stop."
"Welcome to the 21st century, Emma Swan," Aurora joked, and Emma rolled her eyes.
She knew what they were doing, of course. She hadn't really let her friends comfort or take care of her since she'd found out about Neal and Tamara, but knowing them, she could guess they'd decided to try to keep her entertained and show their support no matter what.
Even if it meant joking about her sleeping with her Kappa Tau ex, or so it seemed.
Aurora plopped down next to her, unlocking her phone screen, and Emma was already bracing herself for whatever it was that her friend was so eager to show her.
Nothing good, that was for sure.
Before she could protest about her hangover being punishment enough for her impulsive decision the night before, Aurora had already pressed play on a video file, and she saw herself exiting the KT house under a thunderstorm of applause and hollering from the entire house. She tried to hide her face behind one of the dozens of cat-shaped cushions that decorated the couch, and ignored Mulan's sniggering behind them, but then she heard Killian's name being called, and she saw him on the screen, coming down the stairs and joining his brothers as they chanted his name excitedly. She peeked from behind the cushion, surprised to see him waving away the Kappa Taus' incessant catcalls, and telling them to shove it when they asked for him to share the whens and whys and wheres and hows of his night. Killian slapped one of his brother's back after a rather crude question was asked, and murmured something about 'a gentleman never kisses and tells', and then sat beside August, stealing his cup and taking a gulp of whatever it was. (She could be fooled into believing it was coffee, but knowing them, she'd bet it was prepared the Irish way.)
She also didn't miss the way Killian looked at the door she had previously left through.
Emma shook her head - both to try to wish her hangover away and to make the unwanted thoughts concerning Killian Jones fly from her mind. "I need a shower," she announced to no one in particular.
Regina just sighed at her right, taking Emma's arm in her hand and sniffing her skin from a safe distance. She scrunched up her nose, and Emma had to suppress a giggle at the dismay her friend was displaying.
"You so do. Kappa Taus germs. Ew."
Hours later, she was shaken awake by Mary Margaret and Ruby to tell her that there was someone at the door waiting to see her. She had dozed off during their 'pick me up' movie marathon - which she had insisted she didn't need at all, but of course her protests had been ignored nevertheless - after a rather long shower. She wouldn't admit to anybody on Earth and not even to any ghosts roaming it how she had scrubbed herself to the bone but not for the reasons her friends would think.
Maybe it wasn't the thought of Kappa Tau germs that made her scrub her skin raw, but her need to erase the ghost feeling of his touch on her.
She quickly put on the first hoodie she saw in her closet over her pajamas and followed her friends down the stairs, crossing out in her mind the possibilities of who it could be. Definitely not Killian - she knew him well enough and after that chilly farewell in his room she wasn't expecting any visits from him anytime soon.
She had texted Henry earlier that day assuring him that she was fine - or as fine as she could be, at least, so she didn't really think he'd bother her at east until the next day. (The kid was too sweet for his own good, and she was pretty sure he'd show up anyway to check up on her if she dared to not answer any of his messages.)
So that only left one possibility.
Neal.
She fought the amusement off her face when she took in the scene before her - all of her friends had gathered themselves at the door, arms crossed over their chests and staring ahead at him, accusation clear on their faces. It was most definitely working as a threatening tactic: Neal could barely keep himself still, shuffling awkwardly on his feet and quickly averting his eyes as soon as they settled on one of the glares directed at him.
Emma walked past Aurora, Mary Margaret and Ruby - and even Tink and Ariel, who had somehow heard of what had happened and had joined the hostile front her sisters had set up, - and joined Mulan at the door. She gave the girl a reassuring nod, and with a final fast glance in Neal's direction, Mulan backed off, closing the door behind her and leaving them alone (or at least with as much as privacy as they could get in the ZBZ front garden).
He was a mess, she noticed with interest. She guessed she should be surprised that he had actually had the balls to show up at her house and confront her instead of settling for a phone call, a text, an e-mail or even stopping talking to her altogether. She knew better than anybody all about how he tended to avoid confrontation at all costs, - and how he had picked it up from his father. She had experienced firsthand how he managed to pass the blame to somebody else seamlessly whenever trouble arose.
But he was there. This one time, at least, he was there, and it tugged at something inside of her.
She didn't know how close she could stand to him, so she opted to stay just a step away from the door - just in case she needed to flee - a good few paces between them. Seeing as it seemed like neither of them felt like breaking the silence, she cleared her throat, urging him to speak. He tried to muster a smile - tricky, at the situation they were in, - and he waved lamely at her. "Hi."
She only nodded, half frozen on the spot. "Hey."
He stepped carefully in her direction - and she was sure he couldn't have missed her cowering to the door. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did it."
There were so many things Emma wanted to say to him at that moment - you were horny, you were drunk, you're just done with me like everybody else, - but she bit on her tongue, almost drawing blood. She looked up to find his eyes fixed on her, pleading and pitiful.
"Can you forgive me?"
She wished the shakiness in her voice to go away, but to no avail. "I don't really know."
He closed the distance between them, carefully wrapping his hand over hers, and for once his touch didn't reassure her at all - it just made her feel cold, and alien, and unwanted. She fought a goose bump at the unknown feeling, and prayed for it to flee soon if she was to try to make it work with him again.
He tipped her chin with his free hand, and she met his gaze evenly. "I swear, Emma, I will never let you down again. I just need a chance to prove to you how much you mean to me."
Something flared to life in her core, and she couldn't help but lash out at him. "You wouldn't have to show me hadn't you slept with one of my future pledges."
She winced as she said it, still hurting over it all. Not only had he slept with another girl: he had tried to hide it from her, he had also blackmailed her brother with promises of letting him join their fraternity as long as he didn't say a word to her about his encounter with Tamara. Emma suspected he'd have bought everybody's silence - he certainly had the money - just so she'd be kept in the dark, and the possibility of her being the only one not knowing made her feel sick.
He closed his eyes shut, grimacing as if he was in actual pain. Good. "I'm so, so, so sorry. I feel like a total douche."
The 'you should' almost slipped past her lips but she bit her tongue - again, she was getting exponentially worried about it at that point, - and instead focused her gaze on her slippers. (White and resembling swan's feathers, a gift from Neal the previous Christmas, actually.) (And again, looking at them didn't fill her with warmth, it just made her want to pick up every gift and picture and shirt of his she owned and throw it in the trash.)
She saw from the corner of her eye the tip of his stupidly shiny shoes almost touching hers, and her chin was lifted up once more. He stared down at her earnestly. "I want to make it up to you. Will you let me?"
As she looked at him pleading with her, she saw the boy who had been one of the first people she had ever talked to when she first arrived on campus, young and alone and terrified. One of her first friends, when the two of them along with Killian became inseparable, - 'the three musketeers', as Killian had dubbed them. (He also had insisted once on them all getting code names but Emma had drawn the line there). The hazel eyes that had followed her around, making sure she was never alone when she was still dating Killian; the eyes that witnessed how she quietly felt like her boyfriend slipped away from her, distracted by his new shining life in college full of friends, beer-pong and never ending parties. The silences they had shared together once they realized that there were feelings for each other that had been harboring beneath the surface.
Killian's betrayed face when he had realized.
The mourning of a mutual friend when the three musketeers were no more.
Their first kiss. Their first night together. Their first anniversary. So many firsts, and she had no idea if a lot of them would become the lasts.
She thought about how she had sometimes wished she was given a second chance, once their foster parents tossed her away. How she had wanted someone to tell her what she had done wrong so she could change, and be better for them. She thought of what Regina had said, about how her life with Neal would be everything she had ever dreamed of. (And what her friend hadn't said, too - how her being with him was an advantage for her if she was to become next president, even if that was the last thing on Emma's mind at the moment.)
Emma chose.
As she let herself be hugged by Neal, and with that accepting his apology and the chance to let them try again - just as Mary Margaret and Regina had hoped for, - she saw over Neal's shoulder a group of people on the sidewalk. As a veteran of campus, it wasn't too difficult to recognize them as Kappa Taus, mainly because of their guffaws, their flair for dramatics as they walked and the fact that one of them was already passed out drunk while the rest of his friends carried him to their house.
Her gaze landed on Killian just as he stopped short on his steps when he noticed her with Neal, Jefferson almost slipping from his grasp as he did. (Of course it was Jefferson who had drank himself to sleep, the guy couldn't say no to a round of shots even if he tried.) She froze in Neal's arms, but didn't dare to move. Seconds later, Killian shook himself, carefully maneuvering his friend so he'd stay standing, and with a nod in Emma's direction, they made their way towards the Kappa Tau house.
And once again, as she saw him leave, she felt as if Neal's embrace didn't warm her like it used to - not anymore. And she wondered if she had made the right choice.
She had almost lost count of the times she had looked at her phone that morning, waiting for an email from her professor. And maybe a text from Henry. Or a call from... whomever wanted to know from her.
To be fairly honest, she was just trying to distract herself in order not to think. But of course she didn't like being honest with her friends - or at least when it implied showing weaknesses.
"So. You're really back together."
She let out a groan. Couldn't she escape him for a week? Or anybody else's judgey statements disguised as 'concern'? To say she was getting annoyed at it all was the understatement of the century, that was for sure. She had avoided Ruby that morning for their usual breakfast before class - Emma's was "Women through History", whereas Ruby had "Communication 301", - so she could stay away from another assault of inquisitive glances and the same questions she had been hearing since she gave Neal another chance. 'Are you sure this is a good idea?' 'You know, even if you don't follow what Regina told you, it's okay if you admit you're not okay,' 'Are you 100% you are okay with this?'
She appreciated their concern, but at the same time she just wished they'd stop and drop it already. She understood that they were worried that she'd made a mistake of catastrophic dimensions (once a cheater, always a cheater, right?), but this was her mess and she'd take care of it. She was so used to fixing her crap since she was practically in nappies, it was unsettling to realize she actually had people willing to help and who genuinely cared for whatever happened to her.
Henry had made his feelings on the matter pretty clear - as in, he couldn't believe she'd been so stupid as to get Neal back. After the whole trying to buy his silence thing, there was no love lost between her boyfriend and her brother, she feared, which only added another obstacle to her already precarious relationship with Neal.
It also didn't help that, instead of joining the Omega Chis, - whose bid to join the fraternity had been less than cordially retracted once Neal found out Henry told Emma about his rendez-vous with the senator's daughter, - Henry had joined the Kappa Tau house. She dreaded to think that her previous relationship with Killian or the obvious animosity between Omega Chi and Kappa Tau had had anything to do with Killian offering her brother a place in their ranks, but apparently during rush week, Henry had made quite an impression on the KTs at their secret party by fixing their AC in matter of minutes (which had been broken for years) and by beating an active at beer pong on his very first game.
She hadn't exactly shared her history with Killian with her brother, though if her ex boyfriend had told him already - or any of their brothers, - Henry hadn't commented on it.
And now, after not talking to Killian Jones since she had left him in his room that fateful morning, he sat at the empty chair that Ruby usually occupied, fixing her with an inquisitive brow. She just couldn't win, could she?
"Please don't."
"Don't what?"
"Judge me."
He raised his hands in mock innocence. "I merely asked a question."
She gritted her teeth in frustration. Of course Killian Jones would put her on the spot. Though it wasn't like he didn't know already about her and Neal, - it had been quite the gossip through the entire campus for the past weeks, - but he'd just make her say it no matter what. With what purpose - apart from making her life more difficult than it already was, - she'd love to know.
"Yes, we are back together. Though I guess we could say he's on probation."
He 'oh'ed loudly, lounging in his chair - Ruby's chair - and smiled cockily at her. "No sex, huh?" Rubbing his hands together, he commented as if he didn't have a care in the world, "Well, Swan, if you do need to get some release..."
She groaned, hiding her face behind her hands. "Please don't, again."
Fuck him. Of course he'd know what she meant by that and how she'd react once she took back Neal. (And of course Neal was in the dog house. The thought of having his hands of her after knowing that he'd been with someone else made her skin crawl uncomfortably.) She just wished she knew how to move on, as Regina had insisted she did. Her stunt with Killian had helped in the sense that she had been able to assure Neal with utter satisfaction and smugness dripping from every word that 'they were even', once they tried to have a serious talk about their re-taken relationship. She had taken a sick pleasure in witnessing the flash of understanding in his eyes, but it had been short-lived, though. The fact that she had slept with Killian just to get back at him had also brought a lot of conflicted feelings concerning her ex boyfriend, and by no means had managed to aide her in her quest to search a way to go back to how they used to be. Just Neal and Emma. Them. She just didn't know how to act around him anymore - not like her girlfriend, anyway. Not how she used to be. When she was with him, it felt like they were total strangers, constantly walking on eggshells. That was not who they were.
He set his coffee cup on the table, meticulously parallel with the rest of her stuff sitting on it. (He had always been stupidly neat, which she still found absolutely hilarious considering how the rest of the KT house was a total mess). She met his eyes over the rim of her own cup, waiting for what he was clearly there to tell her.
"Why are you back with him, though? I'd have never pegged you to go back to someone who had done something like that to you."
She licked her lips, tasting the drip of cocoa that clung to them. "It's complicated."
"It's not."
Of course, for Killian Jones it wouldn't be complicated at all. Nothing was with him. Never had been.
Sadly, it had always been complicated for Emma Swan. He should know better - he had had to fight with her about this since day one.
"I love him," she finally shared, not averting her gaze from his cerulean one.
He just stared at her silently for a minute, gathering his thoughts. "That didn't stop you from breaking up with me, and I never did what he has."
She chuckled darkly, anger coursing through her veins and hitting her hard and fast. "No, you just made it abundantly clear that you were more in love with your fraternity than with me." She inhaled sharply, and lowered her voice to barely a whisper, injecting as much pain as she had felt back at the time when she had realized Killian and she were not working back then. "You hurt me."
His lips thinned, his face contorting into a grimace, and even if she kind of enjoyed seeing him squirming after being called out on his wrongdoings, it also made her wince. Recalling that time wasn't fun for any of them, that was for sure. There was a flash of pain passing his features, and after a pregnant pause, he said, "Not consciously."
That was it. She was not about to fight with him about this anymore. What were they even talking anymore? Hadn't he come there to bug her about her and Neal being back together? Why were they discussing her and Killian instead?
"Why do you always go back to you and me?"
He paused, as if he hadn't even realized he, as always, had turned the conversation around to them. "That wasn't my intention. I apologize. I just don't understand why you're torturing yourself over this." He flashed her a concerned look, and Emma felt for the thousandth time annoyed and touched by him. "You don't look happy."
Why do you even care about my happiness, she wanted to tell him. Instead, she threw her head back and let out a silent scream. "My boyfriend cheated on me with a girl who I have to practically harass so she joins our sorority. Of course I'm not happy."
"Then why in hell are you trying to hold it together?," he inquired, agitated and getting his chair closer to hers. She banged her fist on the table, their phones and drinks clattering with a sudden jerk.
"Because it's what I'm supposed to do! What it's supposed to be!"
"Since when did you stick to the rules?"
She tried to reign in her anger and frustration. This was what he did best - ruffle her feathers, find out what were her weak spots and tickle them until she exploded and somehow screamed what she really felt and thought. But then, she just looked sadly at him. "I am not you, Killian. I have goals, and a future that I actually want to achieve, and hopes and dreams."
If she had hurt him - which she guessed she had, but he masked it like a pro, - he didn't let it show. "And those are filled with Neal Gold?"
"They were!"
"But not anymore?"
She banged the table for a second time, and this time her cocoa spilled from the lid of its cup and her phone fell to the ground. She payed them no mind. "You're putting words in my mouth!"
He shook his head, pointing a finger accusingly at her. "I'm not, I'm trying to make you see how wrong this is for you."
She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. If this was about accusations, he would not be left behind, that was for sure. "You just want me to break up with him so you can get me back."
She knew she had gone too far as soon as she said it, but at the same time she didn't care. There was truth hidden in her statement, and they both knew it - always had known it. Of course Killian would love for her to leave Neal high and dry, and not only as some sort sick of revenge after what happened in freshman year. But Emma was sure that, in the grand scheme of things, if she and Neal broke up, it'd be the fact that there was a glimmer of a possibility for him and Emma to date again what would matter the most to him, and not the chance that he'd be able to rub it on Neal's face.
Killian had been dumbstruck after her accusation, gaping at her - which didn't happen often, mind you. He then stared at the ground, and with a graceful swing of his arm, he picked up her phone - she had forgotten about that, huh, - and placed it back on the table in front of her. "Listen here, Swan. If we were to ever be together again, it'd be because you got me back, not the other way around. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been with many a girl since you were done with me, yet none of them come close at what you meant to me." His voice dropped, - as did her heart at his next words. "What you still mean to me."
She closed her eyes, the frantic beating of her heart ringing in her ears. "Killian, please don't do this."
He knew better than trying to reach out and touch her - he knew her, and it annoyed her so much, - and chose to wait until she met his eyes to continue. "I'm not trying to pour my heart out here to mess with your head. Look, it's just - when we were together, I like to think that we were a team, or if someone held some power, it was definitely you over me. You like being in control, and God knows you deserve to have it." He sighed. "It physically hurts me to see you right now, while everything around your relationship with Neal is falling apart."
She opened her mouth, ready to fight with him, - as always, - but found herself unable to.
The fucking bastard was right.
She recalled moments of their relationship, - their 'dalliance', as he stupidly insisted on calling it just to annoy her, - and she realized how what he had said rang true. Back during their freshman year, she'd been scared shitless of starting anything remotely close to a relationship - and especially not one with a fratboy, of all people. So she'd tried to push him away by claiming that that first kiss they had shared the night they met had been just that: a one time thing. He'd pursued her after that, but not until admitting that he was as unprepared for it all as she believed she was had she accepted to go on a date with him. He had insisted on being willing to try as long as it was with her and they could go as slow as she wished, and she hadn't been able to deny him after that. She had been the one to set their first date. He had never pushed her when it came to sex, even if she had known he couldn't wait to get to that part, as any other college boy would - but their first time together had only happened once she realized - and told him, - that she wanted him and was ready to be with him, no matter what. He even left it to her how much PDA they were willing to showcase around, because somehow he knew she was not used to showing any kind of display like linking arms and kissing in public.
(The first time she laced their fingers together she asked herself how could she have missed this feeling all that time, how she could go on her tiptoes and kiss his jaw, his cheek, his nose and brush the locks of hair that plastered to his sweaty forehead here and now.)
She was left speechless, staring ahead of her, as he just murmured a 'just think about it, Swan' before picking up his things and with an awkward wave, left. And that was how he left her: still sitting in her chair, with stains of her cocoa on the table and a complete mess of memories and decisions to make swimming in her mind.
Tamara Cassidy was stupidly pretty, Emma had to give her that. She also had flawless taste when it came to fashion, if her Prada bag and occasional Jimmy Choos were anything to judge her by. She had a penchant for wearing colorful scarves and silk pashminas that contrasted with her coffee-colored skin, and she had worn her hair down, silky and shiny in dark waves, everyday since she had arrived at CRU.
She smiled like she knew something you didn't, and Emma hated admitting that at times she kind of intimidated her. (Especially after learning she had slept with her boyfriend, who was she kidding.)
She also appeared to be weirdly attracted to every guy Emma had been with, or so it seemed by the looks she kept throwing at Killian Jones when he walked down campus goofing around with his brothers.
She tried not to let the thought of the possibility of Tamara making a move on Killian drive her crazy. She didn't need this right then.
Emma sighed despondently, and with a last look at herself - braid carefully plaited over her right shoulder, swan necklace perched on her neck, red shirt matching her purse, - she made her way over to the girl who had caused so much trouble in her life in one single evening.
Not only had Regina made it clear that they needed Tamara in the house: she also had insisted on Emma being the one to convince her to join the sorority just so they'd 'clear the air', whatever that meant. The ZBZ president had claimed that the both of them needed to avoid uncomfortable situations and catfights if they were to live together in the house. Emma had assured her that it'd be awkward and all kinds of violent no matter what, but of course her pleas had been in vain. So there she was.
Emma observed the other girl as she left her building - because of course the senator's daughter wouldn't stay as the rest of them, plebeians, at the dorms, - and with an inner prayer to not clock her in the head as soon as she stood before her, she approached her with purpose in her stride. Tamara raised her face from her phone, arching an perfectly penciled eyebrow at her.
Here we go.
She plastered a kind - and so fake it actually hurt - smile on her face. "Hey, Tamara."
Recognition passed through the other girl's features, and she pointed at her with a twin smile. "Oh. Emma, right? From the ZBZ house?"
"Yeah, that's me."
To Emma's surprise, Tamara looked almost... pleased to see her. Though to be fairly honest, by knowing she was from Zeta Beta Zeta, it probably meant that every sorority on campus had already sent someone to ask her to join their respective houses. Tamara touched her arm briefly in greeting, and Emma fought the urge to slap her hand away or bite it off. "Hi! What are you doing here?"
Emma shrugged. "They pretty much sent me to coax you to join our sorority by accepting our bid instead of any of the rest the other houses must have offered you."
Tamara's smile widened, impressed. "Upfront. I like that. Not a lot of that in political circles, I assure you."
"I'm not really into circling around," Emma commented, shrugging once more. She proceeded to tell her what Regina had proposed as for her to accept their offer - the possibility of having her own room in the house, and any other thing that Tamara asked for. After a brief back and forth, Tamara agreed to become a ZBZ pledge with a content smirk, shaking Emma's hand, and she sighed in relief. She had done it. She had convinced her as Regina had asked her to.
...And now it was time for them to settle their 'differences'.
"Actually, I also wanted to talk to you about something else."
Tamara - her new sister for all purposes - frowned, confused. "Something else apart from becoming a sister?"
Oh, if only you knew. Fighting the urge to play with the end of her braid - a nervous habit that she had had since she learned how to successfully braid it, actually - she forced a not-exactly-too-stern smile. "Yeah. I heard about your night with Neal Gold."
Tamara's eyes widened, and she gripped Emma's arm once again, and squealed. "Oh my God. It was amazing."
Someone shoot her please. "Please stop talking." She cut her off with an hysterical laugh, unlacing Tamara's fingers from her wrist. "See, Neal is my boyfriend."
Her lips parted in surprise, and Emma couldn't blame her. She wasn't sure what she had expected the other girl to do once she broke the news to her - maybe blush or apologize, or anything - but instead, she just got an "Oh. Awkward," of all things.
Huh.
Emma sighed lamely, not sure if she wanted to look at the girl in front of her. She sounded like she pitied her of all things, and if she had hated something since she was a kid, it was pity. "Yeah. So if you do join the sorority, I hope that, as a sister, I can advise you to consider learning if the guy you're gonna sleep with is taken or not."
The former pity or whatever that had been clouding Tamara's features disappeared, and crossing her arms over her chest, she rose a challenging eyebrow in response. "Or as a sister, I hope I can advise you to be more aware of what your boyfriend does apart from unaware pledges who shouldn't have to ask wether they are taken or not." Emma was so taken aback that she almost didn't notice her change of tone - almost understanding of all things, - once she went on with her tirade. "I understand this must be violent for you, but it is not my fault. I didn't know he had a girlfriend. He pretty much threw himself at me."
Emma threw a hand between them, as if she could actually put a shield that would protect her from the words thrown at her. "I don't need to hear that, believe me."
Tamara sighed, looking at her as she tapped the screen of her phone with her fingers. "Well, you should if that'll help you realize that maybe the problem was in your relationship with him, instead of pining the blame on me."
Emma swayed on her feet, feeling as if she had been slapped - and wasn't that what had just happened? She'd just gotten bitch-slapped by Tamara Cassidy, and the truth in what she had said had stung so bad she could feel herself tearing up. Freaking hell.
She was right.
It was not Tamara's fault - she had just been enjoying a night out her first week in campus, and an older fratboy had flirted with her, she was single and attractive and new - who said it was wrong of her to have a little fun? It was Neal who had been in a relationship and who hadn't shared that tidbit of information with her. (Not that Emma knew if Tamara would have gone with it anyway, but it wouldn't do anything good to her to go over the 'what if's). It was Neal who had cheated on her, and even if it had been with Tamara of all people, she wasn't the one to blame.
She also didn't want to go into the whole self-blame issue - since she was a child, Emma had spent days wondering what she'd done wrong that made people eventually leave her. She and Neal may have looked the part of the perfect match and were considered practically royalty on campus - mostly due to Neal's name, that was, - and maybe she had enjoyed that a little too much, having something good and safe and keeping it that way for once.
Maybe she should have realized everything wasn't as perfect as she had thought.
Maybe she should have known that nothing - and nobody - lasted forever to her.
Emma Swan and Neal Gold broke up days later, weeks before their year and a half anniversary. It wasn't pretty; Neal accused her of 'getting even', she accused him for jumping to bed with the first pretty girl that showed interest in him. He accused her of still having feelings for Killian, she accused him of being paranoid.
She called her jerk. He called her stuck-up. She called him coward. He called her cold bitch.
He confessed he had slept with Tamara because he was afraid of his relationship with Emma going too serious. She screamed at him for throwing it all away instead of talking to her and trying to work it out.
She confessed she had gone to Killian after she found out about him and Tamara and how Regina had convinced her to try to work things out even if she hadn't been sure she could. He screamed at her for trying to use his name and wealth for her benefit.
She cried. He cried. They hugged. They clang to each other on dear life.
He asked if they would still be friends even after it all. She didn't promise him anything, and definitely still not right away.
She left the Omega Chi house feeling hollow and like a part of her was missing, but strangely enough, that only made her feel lighter.
Free.
She had just left her last class of the day when she bumped into someone outside of the building. A pair of strong arms went out to steady her, and she shivered unconsciously. She would have known his touch anywhere, and that fact scared her shitless.
Killian's lips curled into a small smile. "Hey"
She smiled back at him, suddenly feeling embarrassed of all things. "Hi."
"How are you?" he asked, and she actually thought about how to respond.
She hadn't been okay after her break up, - she had been all but okay. She had mourned her relationship. She had missed Neal - still missed being with him, actually. But she had had her friends with her, and they had kept her fairly entertained and free of any drama concerning boys and relationships.
And she hated to admit that, as much as she missed being with Neal, she was happy of being single again. Or at least, not with him. Tamara had been right: something had shifted between them, and if Neal had called it them 'getting too serious' or whatever, Emma didn't care as long as she admitted that it wasn't going well. Who knew, sometimes people fell out of love and just stayed together because they were comfortable.
And Emma had craved easy, comfortable and happy. Thus, she may have pretended as if she didn't see that something was not okay.
She wasn't about to share such a dissertation on her feelings with Killian Jones of all people, though, so instead she settled for a simple "Good. All good."
"You look good," he said, and to her amusement, he flustered, stammering all over the place as he corrected himself. "I mean, it is pretty much impossible for you not to look good, but I meant that, you know, you look better."
She bit on her lip trying to hide a smile, because a flustered Killian Jones was definitely not something one witnessed everyday. "Thank you."
They stayed silent for a while, inspecting the other and avoiding each other gazes' as soon as they caught the other taking a peek. Finally, Killian cleared his throat, scratching the back of his ear nervously. "Ah - I heard about you and Neal."
She sighed, gripping the strap of her backpack with all her might. It had been a couple of weeks already, but it still hurt to think about it. She was definitely doing better - she only cried about it once every while, holler! - yet she would be lying if she said she was alright. Or ready to commit to anything with any specimen of the male species - or female, as Aurora and Mulan had told her with a grin, and she had just slapped them in the arm jokingly but hadn't denied it. "Who hasn't, huh."
Killian smiled knowingly, waving his hand as if to encompass the campus around them and the people in it. "Gossip Girl. Scary, right?"
Emma grinned. "I know!"
She was surprised by how fast he made her laugh, even when they had just been talking about something that had had her horribly depressed for the time being. Well, she wasn't that surprised, actually - it was one of the things that had first attracted her to him when they met. He had made her laugh and feel comfortable in a place where she had felt like a fish out of water just with his stupid jokes and attempts to coax a smile from her.
Before she could say something else, someone showed up at her side, offering a styrofoam cup.
"Emma? Your cocoa."
Killian rose an eyebrow at the unexpected addition to their petit comité, but Emma just took the drink, offering a smile at the dark-skinned girl. "Thank you, pledge."
Tamara smiled back, staring subtly at Killian, who still studied their interaction with a frown. "I'll see you back at the house?"
Emma nodded, and waved at her with her cup. "Definitely. See ya."
He stared open-mouthed as Tamara left with a final wave and smile, her own coffee in her hands and Loubotins clicking behind her. He turned to Emma, still gaping at her. "Hold on a second - did a senator's daughter just bring you coffee?"
Emma faked a gasp, showing him her drink. "How dare you - it's cocoa."
He made a face at her. "I'm serious. Isn't she the one that...," he motioned with his hand, and she found it almost cute that he didn't want to put it into words just to not hurt her feelings. (Like they hadn't been wounded already.)
"...Neal slept with? Yeah, she's the one," she offered, and with a final look at Tamara's retreating back, she leaned against the pillar closer to her. He made a noise under his breath.
"You were being nice to her."
She shrugged. "She's my little sis."
It was turning truly entertaining to witness Killian Jones gape at her as if she had somehow sprouted wings or something, she had to admit. His eyes widened in surprise, and he laughed. "No way. Is this some kind of ploy of yours to to gain points in the long run for ZBZ presidency?"
She guessed she deserved that. Instead, she recalled the ceremony at the ZBZ house where she had asked Regina to assign Tamara as her little sister. Emma was nothing if not persistent, and she knew Tamara and she had a long way down to become friends or something close to it, but she was willing to give it a try. She had admired the other girl's upfront demeanor and open honesty when she had faced her, and she reckoned that having Tamara Cassidy on her side would be better than as an open enemy. Surprisingly, the pledge had been pretty understanding after she broke up with Neal, and chose to stay away from her path - even after they had agreed on her not being to blame for what happened. Emma appreciated people who were kind to her and went out of their way to do so, and she intended on paying with the same coin.
It wasn't friendship yet, but it was on its way, or so she wanted to believe.
"A month ago I'd have probably said yes. Even if she's not my favorite person... she's not to blame. And she can be quite cool if she wants to." She waved a hand, trying to appear nonchalant. "And her father has a private jet."
She noticed him staring at her, and even if it wasn't something new - she could feel his eyes on her pretty much whenever they were in the same room, - it was the way he was staring at her. Like she was the freaking sun or something.
"What?" she asked, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. He just shook his head, smiling even wider at her.
"You're bloody brilliant."
She could feel herself blush to the roots of her hair. Even after all this time, the freaking idiot still managed to make her go red, for Christ's sake. "You're not so bad yourself," she said - both because it was true, and because she knew he liked to put himself down too much. He raised his head to stare marveled at her, and quickly quirked an eyebrow, grinning mischievously.
"Careful, Swan, you're looking a bit enamored there."
She ignored him, biting her lip and the 'you wish' she most definitely wanted to shoot back. "I wanted to thank you."
A frown marred his forehead, and she fought the urge to smooth it away with her fingers. "For what?"
She picked at the hem of her shirt, embarrassed to see his expression as she shared her gratitude. "For knocking some sense into me. It clearly wasn't working with Neal if he felt the need to bed another girl. And it wasn't gonna get fixed after this. Not with me, anyway."
She peeked at him under his lashes, and that same amazement that had been before as she looked at her was back. He quickly composed himself, clearing his throat and shaking his head as if to clear it, and Emma considered it safe to stare back at him. "Did someone in particular cross your mind when you finally came to realize all of this?"
Cocking her head to the side, she considered his question for a moment. "Not really. It was mostly Tamara."
He made a satisfied sound under his breath. "Hot."
...and there he was.
She rolled her eyes, punching him in the arm and feeling extraordinarily proud as he winced and rubbed at the spot she had hit him in. "You're an idiot."
Brushing his sleeve of invisible lint, he stood pensively for a moment before he seemed to remember something. "Did you know this idiot is your little brother's big brother?"
"Oh no," she whined.
He grinned widely at her, punching a fist in the air in victory. "Oh yes. Now I can teach him what being a KT is all about. How to win a woman's heart, and chug shots like men do."
"Everything he needs to know in life, I'm sure," she declared sarcastically. Really, her brother was in so much trouble. She was in so much trouble.
He seemed even more chipper now, clapping his hands together in excitement. "Don't worry, I'll give him the talk for you," he told her with a glint in his eye, and she tried to slap his arm again but he jumped out of her reach. "I can teach him how to fight against evil and Neal Gold..."
"Jones..."
He pouted, but at her unwavering glare, he sighed defeatedly. "Fine, just Omega Chis in general." He put an arm over her shoulders, bringing her close to him, and if she sniffed him just to make sure she still remembered the scent of his shampoo and spice that seemed to cling to his clothes, she'd never admit it even under the threat of torture. "Aw, big sis and big bro. We'll make such a good team! We always have worked well together, haven't we?"
(And if she noticed him quietly sniffing her hair, she didn't mention it either).
She smiled softly, because well, it was true. They had had fun together. They had worked together - it had been them together, always together, against the world. And it had worked until it hadn't, but for the time being, it had been perfect. "Yeah, I guess so," she eventually admitted, and looked up at him without realizing that they were standing pretty close together, their faces only inches apart.
She jumped away from with with a start, and he mimicked, rearranging his hair and scratching his neck while she checked her phone was still in the back pocket of her bag as an excuse not to look at him. They finally found themselves with nothing left to do but stare at each other, and with a final nod of acknowledgement, Killian gave her a little bow.
"I'll see you around, Swan."
She smiled, afraid that if she let herself move she'd do something stupid. Like touching his hair, or poking him in the ribs, or taking his hand. Something that she was not ready for and she wasn't really sure she needed right then. "See you, Jones."
With a last grin, he turned around and left, and Emma was left again with the ghost of his presence and his scent, but specially the words unsaid between them.
She sighed to herself. That was who they were at the end of the day: Killian Jones and Emma Swan, eternally in an impasse.