AN: A bonus BellaPOV that was originally sent out as a review reply ;) Enjoy.

Disclaimer: No, still not mine. All recognisable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

5pm Saturday

Despite the umbrella, my face was covered in raindrops the moment I stepped outside. I thought of walking through the rain without the unhelpful shield, wondering if it would prevent anyone from seeing the tears running down my cheeks. However, there was only one person I wouldn't want to notice them and he couldn't see me anyway, so I kept the umbrella up. It provided me with a barrier between his window and me. I could feel him looking at me, like I always could, but I willed myself not to look back.

Did he think I'd just take his words and do a happy dance? Or that I'd swoon over the romance of it all?

After reading his journal, I was torn between wanting to turn back time and wanting to punch him. Of course, he wasn't the only one who was at fault, but it was so easy to be angry at him first. Angry for keeping all his feelings from me, for acting as if he didn't care all that much throughout the time we knew each other. It could've saved me so much pain, so much effort that I've put into handling our... situation.

Oh yeah, the arrangement we had.

Of course, we worked together well on so many levels, great as friends, fantastic in the physical department. There was never any issue with either of those, at least not since we did explore the physical part of our relationship... or whatever it was we were in.

Rosalie was the one who'd introduced us, without any sneaky match-making intentions, I was sure, because she simply wasn't the person who would do something like that. And despite my initial dislike of Edward, as he didn't seem to want to even try to know me, I grew rather attached to him. We clicked so much that I would laugh and accuse him of being a copycat, since so many of our likes and dislikes turned out to be the same.

Then, of course, despite promising myself I wouldn't so that nothing could ruin our friendship, I stupidly fell for him. Not just a little crush, I was full-on, head-over-heels in love with him. Everyone knew, except Edward and that was the first time Rosalie said anything to me about Edward's and my friendship. Her words? He didn't do relationships.

So I spent months steeling myself against any feelings for him, suppressed all jealousy I felt when he came to group outings with other girls, stood with him by Rose and Emmett's side when they got married without as much as blinking.

Their engagement was when the benefits part started, with a joke about how the Maid of Honor and the Best man usually hooked up at weddings so we should practice. I'd lie of I said it took me a long time to agree to it, when in reality it took me all of a minute. At the time, I figured it was a one-time thing, but then the weekend after, I ended up sleeping at his place after we were out, and apparently, seeing me in his shirt was a bit too much strain on his self-control. It may or may not have been a deliberate test on my part.

We sneaked off whenever we got the chance, because apparently we were both insatiable when it came to sex. Well, for me it was sex with Edward, not in general. I did briefly wonder why he hadn't hooked up with any of his other usual conquests, but at that point, I had my head so deeply in the sand, I wouldn't see anything if I'd tried.

Last night... when he said he loved me, I laughed it off as drunken ramblings. It still shook me, but I didn't allow myself to go there again, because he couldn't... he wouldn't. Until I found his journal and realized that he did. He loved me all this time I've wasted on trying to stop loving him, trying to take whatever he offered and never looking for more.

As I turned the corner, the tears were freely running down my face, but I didn't care anymore who saw me. What was I doing? I really thought my feelings for him were gone, convinced myself that he was the one complicating things. He offered me the one thing I've wanted since I fell in love with him and I ran.

When the thought registered with my brain, I turned on the spot, pulled the umbrella down and ran through the rain backtracking my steps. This wasn't over.