Chapter 2

Peter, James, and Sirius stared at me as though I had just grown a second head.

"But what are we supposed to do, then?" Sirius asked.

"There's other things to do," I say, "you just don't want to do them. You saw what I saw yesterday. All I'm asking is that you guys start using your head and leave the guy alone."

Lily, who had been ignoring us for the most part, turned and looked at me. She was within earshot, so she must have been eavesdropping without meaning to.

"Leave Snape alone? C'mon, Remus. You don't mean that," James said. "The guy's a git. He gets what's coming to him."

"Is that what you really think, or are you just jealous of his relationship with Lily?" I ask, crossing my arms. "He could have died last night, James. What would have happened if I didn't find him when I did? You weren't at the hospital wing last night. I don't know why I didn't think it before, but James, we're not cool. What we do isn't cool anymore. It's not fun anymore."

Lily is smiling at me from across the room. I lean forward and look directly at James. "And if you think about it, it might help you score with Lily."

James looks over his shoulder at Lily, who averts her gaze back to her homework. He looks at me.

"You think so?"

Leave it to James to think about himself and what he wants. He's such a child.

Sirius is staring at me. Perhaps angry with me for even suggesting we leave Severus alone.

He probably won't listen to me. But I will not back down from this. After what I saw, I feel like I've had my eyes opened.

Sirius is too preconditioned to holding grudges against the people he doesn't like. Sure, there are people who deserve his hate, but Severus isn't one of them. Not from where I stand.

I don't even know why we went after Severus in the first place, now that I think about it.

I glance at Peter. As far as I know, his reasons for being cruel to Severus are as bad as mine. He only does so because James and Sirius do.

I stand.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asks.

"Library," I say. "I need some time alone."

This satisfies them and they switch topics to quidditch. It will keep Sirius busy at least.

I walk down each aisle, just roaming, glancing from book to book, not really caring. My shoulder, where I was bitten, aches again. I rub it, trying to dull the pain a little. I arrive at a cluster of tables hidden away. Severus is sitting at one table, books open and parchment in front of him. I approach the table.

"Hi, Severus."

Severus looks up at me, glaring. He sighs and returns to his essay. "Go away, Lupin."

I know I should l respect that, but I sit down instead, across from him. "Is that the charms assignment?" He ignores me. Okay. I set my bag onto the table and take out my own text books and parchment. I do have my own homework to do, after all. If he won't talk to me, I might as well make the time productive.

I can feel his eyes on me, burning my skin with their anger.

I look up from time to time and he looks at his assignment again, knowing he's been caught.

"What are you doing, Lupin?"

"Homework," I say.

"I can see that." Severus sets his quill down. "There are other tables. What are you and your friends planning?"

"We're not planning anything. Scout's honor," I hold up three fingers. I saw Lily do this once.

Severus stifles a laugh. "The three finger salute is for girl scouts, Lupin."

I lower my hand, blushing. "Oh."

"Maybe you are a little girl, maybe you're telling the truth that you're not planning to humiliate me again, either way I don't trust you."

"Fair enough," I say. We return to our respective assignments. This time, I'm the one who's stealing glances. It's not something I normally do. If anything, it's not something I'd ever mean to do.

He looks up at me and I avert my gaze, blushing again.

Severus stands and begins to pack his things. I look up.

"You're done?"

"For now," he said. I stood and also packed my things. "What are you—Lupin, are you stalking me?"

"No! Of course not. I'm done too."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Why? Why would you think I was stalking you?"

"Oh I don't know. The last awkward half an hour had a bit to do with that. And that you found me when I was—"

"Trying to kill yourself?"

"What? No, I was just high."

"You were barely breathing."

"So I overdosed a little bit," Severus said, shrugging. "Withdrawal does that to you."

I clench my fists. "You have more of that stuff, don't you?"

"What does it matter?"

"It matters," I shout. Severus slapped his hands over my mouth

"Are you crazy!" He hissed. "We're in the library." He released my face and grabbed me by the collar, pulling me out before the librarian found us.

Once out of the library, he released me. "I'm not addicted," he said. "It's not as bad as the teachers are making it out to be. I just have to be more careful."

"That stuff is going to destroy you. It almost did last night."

"Like I said, I'll be more careful. For instance, I won't be getting a fix in the bathroom again."

I grab his shoulder and pin him against the wall. "Severus, if you do have more of that white powder, whatever it is, I have to inform Slughorn." To make a point, I tap my prefect badge. "I have to. It's for your own good."

Severus narrowed his eyes at me. "You won't. You're weak, Lupin. You can't even keep your friends on a leash. What makes you think you can control me?"

He pushed me aside and walked away. I sighed and turned the other way, heading to the dungeons.

#Severus#

McNair sifted through my things. The others in the room watched, curious and surprised.

He found my stash. Extra candles, a spare spoon, a full two bags of heroin, and several hypodermic needles. I closed my eyes, trying to school my rage. I didn't think Lupin would dare. I shouldn't have underestimated him.

Damn Gryffindors.

McNair handed these things to Professor Slughorn.

"Snape, come with me," he said, carrying the bag in his beefy hand.

I walk behind him out of the dorm and up the steps to the Headmaster's office.

"Sir, is it really necessary to get Professor Dumbledore involved?"

He doesn't answer me. "Chocolate Frogs," he said. The gargoyle stepped aside and we ascended the steps to the office.

Professor Slughorn knocked on the door.

"Come in," Dumbledore's deep voice answered. We entered the room.

The room is filled with glass trinkets. A phoenix rests with his head hidden behind his wing. Professor Dumbledore is looking through his mail. He looks up and the obscene twinkle in his eye vanishes.

So he knows about what I do in my spare time.

"Horace, what seems to be the problem?"

"More of that drug Ariel detoxified Mr. Snape of was found in his dorm room. Albus, I've never had such a problem before. I don't even know where to begin."

"That's all right, Horace. I'll speak with Mr. Snape privately. Please set the drugs over there."

Slughorn leaves. I cross my arms defiantly.

"Please, sit down, Severus." I obey, but I don't uncross my arms.

"Would you like to tell me why you've smuggled heroin into the school, Severus?" I don't answer.

"You're not dealing to other students, are you?" I shake my head.

"Is everything all right at home?" I avert my gaze, refusing to look at Professor Dumbledore. "Here at school?" I refuse to answer, clenching my jaw tight.

Just yell at me already, I think. Give me detention, take points away. Don't treat me like someone who needs pity.

"Severus, your teachers can't help you unless you talk to us. I can't help if you don't talk to me. We're here to help you if you need it."

"You don't care," I snap, breaking my vow of silence. He leans back in his seat. "You don't know what it's like at home. Let alone what it's like here."

"Do you not like it here?"

"I hate it there, I hate it here."

"Why? Most students like coming to school."

I avert my gaze again and try to hold back the tears, staring at the heroin. God, I need a fix. But, of course, the detox wouldn't have left any traces of dependency. I don't feel like having a fix, but I know it could help.

"You wouldn't understand."

"You could help me understand."

"Really?" I scoff sarcastically. "Did your dad drink? Did he hit your mom and you? Because mine does! Then I have to come here! At first, I was glad. I thought would be escaping my dad. But each day is agony! Absolute agony! You know the Marauders?"

"Yes, I do."

"I'm the butt of their jokes! Might as well call me their bitch!" I shout.

I don't know why I'm crying. I don't know why I'm yelling. I don't know why I'm standing.

But I feel better.

"Then last year, I lost my only friend because of them! I didn't know what else to do! I didn't know where to go! I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something to make living bearable."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a coward. I'm weak."

I fall back into the chair, hiding my face from him.