"If this is love then love completes me
Cause it feels like I've been missing you
A simple equation,
With no complications to leave you confuse"
I feel strange. I know we are just friends no more than that but recently you catch my attention more than usual. Your eyes, your smile. You made me a cup of hot chocolate this morning, it was usual you had done it before but this time I feel so touched when you give me the we made video yesterday when a fan asked as to stare each other without blinking at first I feel nothing but when we started the game, I saw your blue eyes and I was completely lost. I heard you talking but I didn't get what you said. I was so embarrassed, it was not supposed to be happened.I am confused with myself, is this "love" but is it possible to love my own bestfriend. If this is the true love I can't let you know, I can't see your reaction and our fans' reaction, you and them may hate me. I'll keep this for myself,for now. I am happy enough just to be with you even just friends. I don't know if I will tell this in the future. I'll just enjoy what I have right now.
" ''Cause you are the sunshine that makes my day
And I won't let them take that away"
I hear someone calls my name so soft, so gentle. I open my eyes slowly, I saw a blurry silhouette standing in front of me with sunshine behind. I am focusing my sight then I realize it is my bestfriend, and boyfriend, – Phil Lester. He's already dressed up with his t-shirt and jeans then I remember we suppose to go to a park for meeting fans.I jump from my bed, he laughs at me. He says I should take my time because it's still 7 am and the meet and greet is held at 10 am. So why the hell he wakes me up at 7 am. I am done dressing up. I go to the kitchen I see him preparing breakfast. He makes pancake and "I Love You" is written on the pancake with maple syrup. This makes my day. I wake up and he is the 1st one I see then he makes me this special pancake. Not forgetting that we are going to meet lovely fans. My day is complete. Phil Lester and my fans are the people that are very important to me apart from my family of course; well fans and Phil are already my family. We have each other back and help each other, that's what family for.
"Now I'm lost in the distance
You look at me like a stranger
Cause how it looks right now to me
That nothing can save us"
I open the room that used to be yours, now empty. I am reminiscing the moments when we made videos before all the fights happened.I sit on the corner of your bed. I miss laughing with you. We've shared so much tears and happiness together but now all those things seems don't really matter I act like I don't care but deep inside I still hope we can back together.I saw you this morning on the café that we used to visit after we make a video, you were with a guy I don't know. I know you also saw me because our eyes met for few seconds but you looked away and continued talking with him. That hurts me. This situation hurts me.I feel like I don't have any reason to live. What is the reason to live if a person that I love now have another guy, it's been 2 weeks since the last time we made video together, fans have been asking me the same questions "Where is Phil?", what should I say? I don't want to break our fans heart but at the same time I cannot save this problem for myself. "I am happy if you are happy" that is not working for me, you are happy I believe but here I am sad, hurting, depressed. I am tired. I can't fight this feeling anymore.I know you are happy now with him but I'll be still waiting for you. In the same place where we used to be together. I'll be waiting even if it takes my whole life.