The Life of the Party

Chapter II – Getting Kidnapped Or On A Date?

So. That white-haired man, Prussia. Did you know that his hair is actually white, not really light blonde? Oh yeah, that's sort of because of his albinism, isn't it? He had really red eyes too! They're red like rubies. Shiny too! Did I say that earlier, really? Well, then listen to it again.

So he took my hand to stand up, I think that happened a few minutes ago. Heh, really funny it was too. What's so funny about that?

Well… I think that the Tectonic Knights may be pretty forgetful. He forgot that he is still holding my hand. Heh, I wonder why. What a silly person. His hands are pretty soft though. His skin in general is just soft. Well, I hadn't really had many chances to touch his skin. I got to pull his hands away, that was once. But they were covered in half-dried blood, so I'm not sure if that counts. I did get to touch his cheeks. I could feel his jawline though, it was at my fingertips. He has one strong jaw. Right now I was touching his hand, the not-bloody one. So that's only three times. Plus it's only his hands and face…

W-W-What!? Where d-did you get the I-idea that I would ever w-what to touch him there!? I wanted to touch like his arm or s-something to see if it's soft! God, you're all perverts I-if you were thinking t-that!

Plus I just want to because he has soft skin. I would have to ask him about that. Come to think of it, I heard Alfred tell me that Kiku had really soft skin once too. Maybe it was just a thing for pale people. No, just kidding. That is a hasty generalization. I was taught not to make those.

Long story short, this guy's skin was softer than a baby's butt.

Okay, where was I?

Oh yes, we were walking now. Probably back to that idiotic party of hell. That was only a block away from that alley that I found him in, wasn't it? Wait. I don't recognize this place at all now… And where exactly is the meeting building anymore? Surely it was close by about now… Even if I couldn't hear the blasting music anymore. Which would mean that we were maybe getting further away… I think we are, the road doesn't even look like a big highway anymore, and it looks narrower and would fit maybe two cars at the most… And where are all the big shiny buildings anymore, either?!

Okay, I think it was a bad idea to let Prussia lead. I think that maybe he is lost, or drunk. Or both. He isn't leading me even close to the general area of the building. It looks like we're going out of the city actually. I think maybe he just couldn't hear the music from so far away like I could, maybe? Or that he just couldn't lead us there? I have read somewhere once that albinism can effect eyes and how well a human could interoperate distance. Even if he wasn't human, really.

I think it's just better to ask him at this point. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see, Birdie~" He asked with a look of mischievousness to his eyes as he looked back at me. That wasn't necessarily creepy… But it did raise a lot of questions and suspicion. It's good to know he didn't have eye problems and he wasn't drunk and that he wasn't lost.

But did that mean that he was taking me somewhere? Of course it did! Oh my god, I hope it isn't to some place where he will like, push me in front of a train or something. Or if he took me to a bar and then bought me a drink and put something in it and then I would wake up in Russia! Or the worst- if he took me to some dark alley or shady hotel and then got together with a gang of dark and dirty perverts and s-sold me! I wanted to keep my innocence, thank you very much!

I realized at this point that all of those seemed really unrealistic. First of all, there isn't a train within miles of this town, most likely. I know that my American brother hates those things and if he had a choice he would have all of the travel in the world reduced to cargo planes and boats. Second, I don't think that he has a supply of drugs to spike my drink with just in his pocket with him. Plus as an extra note I don't think that he has any connection to Russia currently. Or not any good ones, anyway. And finally, there is no way that he just has a crowd of gang rapists waiting around him. I just think that that is a no by itself and doesn't even need an explanation.

Well, he might not need a crowd, it could just be himself that wants to some shady alley and-OH MY GOD-! W-What am I thinking?! Now I-I'm turning into a p-pervert! Look what y-you all did to me, p-perverts!

I am not liking this suspense! I want to know! Now! "Tell me."

"I said you'll see."

"Tell already!"

"Heh, you're really impatient."

"W-Well maybe I am! Just tell me already!"

"We're almost there, do you think you could go two minutes at the most without ripping my head off with those soft hands of yours?"

S-Soft? He thinks my hands are soft too…? "F-Fine… But we better be there in at least two minutes!"

"Haha~ I'll do my best. But I don't want to so you can count."

I didn't know that my hands were soft too… What a nice thing to know… "Mm-hmm."

So then I walked along for the next two minutes. I tried to count the seconds but I lost count at "40" and started saying "36" over and over again. It took me until I had said it 7 times to realize I was saying "36" again and again, too. Wow, I must be really out of it today…

"We're here, did you get to two minutes yet?"

I looked up and found out that I was looking at a bar. I had guessed it, right on the nail too. Clearly he did have a packet of drugs in his tuxedo somewhere, or even maybe inside his body. There were smugglers who did that, stitched or surgically put packets of drugs in their bodies. God. I wonder where he put it. Maybe it was just under his stomach, I think that was a popular spot. Or maybe next to his liver. Or maybe he really didn't want to be found out and it was knotted in with his intestines… Oh my god I'm going to throw up I'm holding hands with a drug smuggler.

"Hey, Birdie? You okay?" He asked and poked my cheek. He just poked my cheek. What? I thought he was supposed to be all seductive or smooth right now if he was going to buy me a drink and drug it and then do god knows what to me. Why am I not running right now?

"I-I'm fine…" Maybe I thought that I could stay here for a while and rat him out about it. Then I would be a hero. But not the self-proclaimed hero like Alfred who does literally nothing. I would be a hero because of a drug bust. I can see it on the American newspapers now:

"New York Times: Hero Matthew Williams saved millions of people by busting a drug smuggler!"

Yeah that's it.

"Then what're you waiting for, I'm thirsty!"

Ugh. What a gross human being. Wait, he wasn't' human. What a gross nation. Better? "S-Sure. I'll have a drink with you…"

"Of course you are, c'mon!"

So then he quite literally dragged me into the gross bar. No, the bar itself wasn't very gross. It was actually pretty nice for a place as low as a bar. It was gross that he was with me though. His and his soft hands. Those stupid red eyes and his hair that was so perfectly shiny in this lighting of my lord it looked edible.

He took me over to one of those bar seats. There were only about two people in the whole bar, other than us. There was the bartender, and then some lonely guy hunched over at his table, who was probably sulking at his loneliness.

I'll just say that when I came to Alfred's party I didn't expect to come to some bar with a guy I don't even know if I could even call "Acquaintance" yet. I sat down and then I saw him do the same next to me.

I also saw him smile over at me. I don't know if that was to be reassuring or if that was to seduce me or what if was for. But it was pretty cute, I'll say that. Other than the fact that he looked like he had pretty sharp teeth. If I was England I would jump around and say that he was clearly a "Vampire" and pull out some garlic to shove down his throat. But that's not how you pull a drug bust. Plus I'm not England. I can tell myself from my idiotic brother, thank you very much-!

"What'd you like to drink?"

"Uh, no thanks I'm not really thirsty…"

"C'mon, I'll be paying for it!" Persistent fella, wasn't he?

"No. I am fine, thank you."

"Okay. Suit yourself!" What? How was he supposed to spike it if I didn't get a drink?! Okay now I have to be really careful.

He then proceeded to yell way more loudly than he needed to, considering that the entire building was so quiet I was afraid I had to keep my thoughts down because I didn't want Prussia to hear them, for the bartender. Said girl was over in front of us at a leisurely pace. "What do you need~?" She said in a tone that sounded like even the apocalypse could happen and she wouldn't even see it. To say she sounded blank was an understatement. She sounded like a newborn baby, discovering her surroundings. How were such people even on the planet?

He ordered "The usual". Did that mean that he came here often? Did that mean that he had other victims?!

I waited a second before trying to come up with a conversation topic. I could hear that girl humming over there while she got the beer. Oh my god make her stop. I looked over at his two hands sprawled over the table in front of him. Noticing one still had dried blood stuck to it. No time to ask like the present, right?

"Why were you holding that rose like you were, anyway? You really hurt yourself."

He seemed to choke on his words, even before drinking anything from the ginormous mug of really strong beer put in front of him…

"Well, I was just angry. That's all."

"Why were you so angry?" So he was going to beat around the bush, is that how it's going to be now~?

"I was angry because the person …" I could make out those few words but then he began mumbling too quiet for me to hear anymore.

"Speak up, I can't hear you at all." Like I was to talk. I was still learning how to use my voice louder as it is. But I knew that he could be loud if he wanted and I guessed that he was just trying to be the shy guy here for a minute or two.

He sighed shakily and took a long sip –That wasn't a sip it was half the mug! - of his beer. Then I got him to talk to me again, he looked me right in the eyes too, I guess that was a bonus.

"I said that I was angry because the person the rose was for was dancing with someone else." He looked at me like it was my fault. That was a little unnecessary, wasn't it? But I guess it was okay. The albino was just angry and sad at being rejected. Poor guy.

Maybe I could be a little nicer and try not to tell myself he was connected to gang rapists and drug smugglers now, because he was just sad and lonely. Probably as lonely as that guy over there, who now had his head down on the table. Either he was passed out from drinking or crying. I could hear faint sobs. Yeah, he was just crying.

"I am very sorry to hear that."

"Yeah."

He just drank the rest of his drink after that. I didn't know if it was because he just didn't want to talk to me or he didn't want to continue on this topic. I couldn't really blame him though. I wouldn't want to talk about how the girl of my dreams ran off with someone else the night I wanted to show her my love either. Haha, too bad it was hard to sympathize when I've never had a love before.

So then he finished his drink and then got another one and then finished that and then got another one… I had a little moment of realization that if I didn't do anything that I would be dragging a drunk and passed out Gilbert all the way back to the meeting to find Ludwig and give him back. Plus if that doesn't sound bad enough another con could be that I had no clue how to get back to the building from here. Lost while carrying a drunk guy. Sound fun to me, doesn't it to you?

I watched as he gulped down the last of the seventh drink. The girl behind the counter just stood with a Barbie smile painted on her face knowingly. I stopped him before he yelled for another one. I was actually amazed he wasn't either dead or unconscious yet.

"Gil, I think that maybe we shou-"

"Did you just call me Gil?"

"…Yes?"

"That is so freakin' cute!"

"O-Oh." I could feel that my cheeks got red right about now.

"You remind me of a little chick, Birdie~ did you know that~?" Okay now I was a little scared… Where was this going? He was clearly very drunk.

"Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Birdieeeeeeee~?" Anything that sounds that cheerful cannot be good. Especially from this drunk guy. "W-What do you want, Gilbert?"

"Aww... I thought that Gil was pretty cute… But okay!"

"What?"

"You should let me have that dance that you promised me earlier…" His voice was getting so slurred I couldn't barely even hear him correctly anymore.

"I-I never p-promised you anythiny!"

"But Birdieeeeeee!~"

"If I recall correctly you just names reasons why it would affect me if I left you in that alleyway, then I proved all of them wrong."

"…"

"I didn't promise a-anything like a d-dance…" I was going to use that expression "Did I stutter?" But that would be really stupid about now.

"Please~~~~~~~?"

Oh my god. This is where I made my mistake. I looked into that little drunken face he had. He had the cutest and the best puppy-dog look I have ever seen. That little sneak. He knew I liked cute things.

"Fine!" I shouted out almost as loud as he had when begging for more beers. I was actually pretty proud of myself. I don't think I have ever yelled that loud! Somebody give me a Klondike Bar!

So then I took his hand. I would hope that my first real dance wouldn't be in a semi-nice bar with a drunk albino who couldn't even stand properly and being watched by a smelly, lonely old man and Barbie herself. But if you're too picky you'll never make friends, right? This was still so much nicer than watching the people eat Alfred's party. This was my own party, I guess. I was even dressed right, too! And, uh, I think he was too. Just needed to put back on his jacket and button his shirt… Have I really been holding hands and walking around with a man who has had an exposed chest this whole time?!

There was no help for it, I guessed. I lead him to the middle of the room. Pretty big room, even better was that there were no people to get in our way. So it seemed alright. I guessed that we needed music, so I took my phone out of my tuxedo pocket. I flipped through my many multi-language songs. None of them seemed actually… Romantic or anything. I took a chance and put it on shuffle. I don't know what language the song on was but it had a really, really intense guitar solo at the beginning. I guess I should change that it isn't romantic at all…

Before I had a chance I felt that Prussia beside me grabbed my hand and pulled me back. I dropped my phone in the process but I think Barbie picked it up and put it on the counter. Thank you Barbie. I don't even know what Prussia was trying to do now but it looked like he was like a new born trying to stand for the first time. If my phone wasn't out of arm's reach I would so video tape this. Not like I would have anyone to share to with, though.

I watched for a minute before I felt a little pity for the drunk man. I stepped closer to him and put my hands on his shoulders to balance him and keep him from half falling over like some type of pale metronome.

T-That was when he seemed to think I was doing something else. Either he was drunk or he was really drunk. I think it was really drunk. So the guy must have been trying to grab my waist, which was the dancing position, right? Well, he didn't grab my waist at all, he skipped right on past it. H-He went straight for… m-my butt. W-What a p-p-pervert…

I b-backed away from that as soon as I felt that was t-touching me there. Sorry, but you'll have to know me for more than an hour to touch this butt! N-Not saying t-that that's all you have to do though, you would have to treat me right, you would have to remember my name, have to love me for who I am, have to respect me, have to call me cute and pat my head like a good little boyfriend, have to take me on dates and tell me that I look so pretty tonight… I'm not skipping all of that, Buddy!

So after I backed away he fell right over like he needed me to stand, or to live. Little sneak I'm never letting you touch me again, either that be on the face or the arm or holding hands or anything. You lost your touchy-feely privileges!

So I just stood above him and smiled as he totally got what he deserved. I bet the floor was covered in splinters. I hope it was. I hope he got one under his nail, I think there is a type of torture based off that. I wish you pain, Tectonic Knights!

So then he grabbed my leg and tried to climb up it to stand again or he wanted to try to touch my backside again. Either way I wasn't going to let him do any of them. You can stay on the floor.

So I stepped away again and saw as he just sort of gave up and laid there. He looked like a deflated balloon. It was really funny.

"Birdie~?"

Nope. I'm not listening, I'm still mad at you.

"Biiirrrdddiiieee~?"

No, I said no, Jesus! Stop being so stubborn!

"Biiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrddddddddddiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~~?"

I SAID STOP! Wait, I forgot he can't hear my mental talking. This explains my constant failure at conversation…

"Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrddddddddddddddddddddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~?"

"OH MY GOD WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

"Carry me~?"

WHAT THE HECK?! THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED?! "NO!"

"Why noooooooot~?"

"Because you groped me, you pervert! Plus you're heavy, I couldn't life you even if I did want to!"

"Meanie…"

"Tough luck, Pal." God he was really drunk.

So after that I think that he finally let me win. Hah! I knew I would win! A point for Canada, thank you very much! If I can beat a drunken nation I can beat anyone!

Wait, maybe I should help him up now. His face is down and I don't want him to get splinters in his eyes or up his nose. I may wish some pain on him now and again but I would never wish something like that on him. That would just make me a horrible person all together!

So I grabbed under his arms and tried to lift him up off the ground. He was heavy, like usual. But it wasn't as hard as lifting his entire body up by on arm, that was way tougher. I completely pulled his face up from the floor in a matter of minutes. Whoo, somebody give this Canadian another Klondike bar!

I held him up long enough to look into his face, to check for any splinters, of course. Any visible ones maybe. I looked closer and couldn't see his ruby eyes at all. They were shut and his pale eyelids were closed over them. He also had a little drip of drool coming from his mouth.

Crap, he passed out.