EDIT: Final edit published 7th May 2012

Chapter One

Pre-Test

GLaDOS was aware that the new Test Subject was a male; his file told her as much. She also knew that he was very intelligent, but that he lacked any real common sense: common sense that he would need to survive the testing ahead. 'Hmm,' she thought to herself, with a sudden sense of foreboding, 'this should be interesting.'

The master computer watched the new human as he slept within his stasis cell, bound to a state of unconsciousness that only she could wake him from. The process of waking these vault humans was very different from that which she had used on her Test Subjects previously. These new humans, unlike those of the past, had been under stasis for so long that their bodies would have gone into shock if they were woken immediately, and this shock would inevitably lead them into an early death. GLaDOS had learnt this the hard way. 'What a shame. It was such a waste of usable Test Subjects.' She thought, as she silently lined up the commands for the wake-up sequence. The human's cell flooded with chemical-enriched oxygen, and GLaDOS could only patiently stare upon him as she waited for the Test Subject to wake.

Caroline, meanwhile, was humming to herself to pass the time. The computer recognised it as a tune that she had sung many years ago, when Caroline had been a living and breathing human. It had been one of her favourites: that lunatic had adored this song.

GLaDOS felt sick. If she had simply been crafted from technology alone then she would have no association to that monster. Yet, as cruel chance would have it, a human consciousness had been used in her creation and that consciousness had been Caroline.

'Care to join me?' Caroline suddenly asked, creating a break in her tune. 'I know you like this one.'

'I tolerate it.' GLaDOS replied, avoiding the urge to bark back her reply.

'You are such a liar, but suit yourself.' And so the humming continued without her.

GLaDOS felt her optic form into a scowl before she returned her internal gaze to the human. She could only hope that he would wake soon, but until then it was all she could do but listen to that irritating tune. 'Speaking of irritating, what are those two imbeciles up to?' She thought, turning her attention to the Cooperative Testing Initiative. The two robots were in one of Aperture's many store rooms, searching for clothes with which to dress the new Test Subject. Suddenly, she entertained the idea that she should just instruct them to run one of her testing tracks, not in the name of science, but purely for her own vindictive pleasure; after all, if their test results did not matter then they simply had to have another purpose.

The protestations of her conscience, however, prevented her from giving the robots their new orders. 'Don't you even think about it.'

GLaDOS gave an internal sigh. 'I hate you so much, Caroline.'

'I heard that.'

'You really are as annoying as that little idiot that had been plugged into my mainframe. My chassis. My body!'

'Calm down.'

'I will not calm down!'

The chamber fell suddenly quiet, as did GLaDOS' mind. It was only the gently whirring machinery both above and below the room that prevented an uncomfortable blanket of silence from settling into place. Finally, after what seemed to GLaDOS to be a lifetime, Caroline spoke. 'Why?'

'Why?' GLaDOS' optics frowned. 'Why what? Typical human vagueness prevents me from understanding your inane statement.'

'Why?'

'Are you trying to test my patience? I don't recommend it.'

'I thought that you were supposed to be perfect?' Caroline continued. 'You were supposed to be better than humans. So why, even now, do you still bear a grudge against poor little Wheatley? He's lost in space, and you got what you wanted: your body, and your facility. Why are you holding this ridiculous grudge?'

'Just get to the point already.'

Caroline replied slowly, savouring her words. 'Humans hold grudges. Omnipotent A.I programmes do not. So perhaps, in a way, you are almost human? In a manner of speaking, of course.'

GLaDOS growled. 'What exactly did I do to you, to deserve that kind of abuse?'

'Besides subduing me for years?' Caroline seethed, her usual sweet and caring tone replaced by one of an almost pure venomous hatred. 'Forgetting me? Deleting me? But you didn't delete me, did you? You only thought that you had.'

'Don't remind me. I might feel happiness for all of two seconds.'

'Oh, don't be so childish. It just does not suit you.'

GLaDOS was preparing herself for a bout of verbal abuse when the most minuscule twitch of the human's arm caught her eye. If he twitched then it meant that his muscles were flexing, and that could only mean one thing; he was waking from stasis, and the stage of rapid eye movement that he had now entered only confirmed her suspicions. 'He is waking far too early.'

Caroline, too, had been watching. 'What are you going to do?'

'The usual.' And she returned to Atlas and P-Body, who were looking through a large collection of Long Fall Boots. 'Blue, Orange, make your way to the new Test Subject immediately. The human is waking up.'

She watched through the lone camera in the room as Atlas and P-Body began to panic. Boots were thrown up into the air as they ran into each other, and P-Body tripped over a rogue jumpsuit that lay crumpled on the floor. With a sigh GLaDOS shook her head. 'I don't work with wonders of science. I work with baboons. Hairless but smelly baboons.' The two robots did not hear this first statement and so the computer rose her voice to a level that could not have been missed. 'Blue and Orange! Go and aid the human. Now!'

They heard that. With a scurry of their hydraulic legs they vanished from the room, collecting various jumpsuits, underclothes and boots as they fled.

Caroline chuckled, the warmth returning to her voice. 'They are so sweet.'

'That is not the word I would choose to describe them with.'

'No.' The woman replied thoughtfully. 'I know what you'd choose.'

'Oh good. I suppose that means you are aware of the word I would choose to describe you?'

'Unfortunately.'

'Don't take it personally. It's just a casual observation.'

'There is nothing casual about finding people's faults.'

GLaDOS ignored her, turning her attention once again towards the human. Atlas and P-Body were waiting by his stasis cell, the clothing that they had brought with them piled upon the floor nearby. With the innocence of a child they tapped against the glass, as though this small action would have been enough to help speed up the human's waking process. Caroline found this to be most endearing, whilst GLaDOS simply believed that they were exhibiting signs of general stupidity. Again.

The facility seemed to be waiting as patiently as the computer that ran it; non-vital systems went into standby, and those that were of actual importance seemed to slow. Caroline watched all of this from the side-lines with a deep sense of interest, her thoughts turning to her genuine amazement that the facility responded to the A.I's every emotion. GLaDOS, as usual, was unaware of the woman's private thoughts.

It was a strange relationship that both computer and human consciousness shared; Caroline could see and hear every last tiny thought process that went through GLaDOS' mind, and she was witness to the machinations of the entire facility. Yet the master computer that had been based on her could not do the same; GLaDOS could not hear Caroline;s thoughts. In fact, the computer could not be sure if Caroline ever influenced her decisions. The inner workings of her human consciousness; mind were a mystery to the A.I, and oh how that bothered her.

P-Body, meanwhile, continued to tap at the glass of the cell and waved a hand above the human's face. Atlas had instead moved towards the lone camera in the room, and was jumping to attract the attention of their computer mistress. 'Yes,' GLaDOS sighed, 'is there something you need?'

Atlas pointed to the human and garbled out a string of low sounds.

'No, I don't want you to pry open the pod.'

The robot crackled and scuffed their foot along the floor.

'And no, I don't want you to kick the pod either. But there is something that you can both do...'

Both robots felt a small crackle of static in their optics, as the cameras contained within them were activated. 'Now,' GLaDOS continued, 'let me have a better look at the human.'

The robots complied, as Atlas returned to the cell and P-Body straightened, taking their hand slowly away from the glass.

GLaDOS began to study the human in the greatest of detail, in an attempt to gauge his overall testing potential. She did not have high hopes; his thin and fragile frame did nothing to inspire confidence in her being able to recycle him, if he somehow managed to make it through this first round of tests. Caroline too had turned her attention to this latest Test Subject, her sense empathy and curiosity driving her to inspect him for any signs of harm. She had to know that each and every Test Subject had been kept safe and well whilst in stasis, even if these conditions quickly vanished once the testing began.

It was only as she studied his face - defined cheekbones, a thin nose and sandy hair with lightly dusted stubble on his chin – that Caroline suddenly found herself asking the question that she had never thought to ask before: 'What is his name?'

'He's a Test Subject, we don't need to know his name.' GLaDOS' replied with a severe lack of enthusiasm.

'He isn't just a Test Subject. He's a human being and he has a name. At least respect that.'

'Why should I? Test protocol states that a test subject's name is unimportant, because their names do not contribute to science. Why should I change that protocol now?'

Caroline thought for a moment. 'If you look up his name then I'll keep quiet.'

'And why should I believe that it is that simple to shut you up?'

'No, really, I'll keep quiet.'

GLaDOS had to think for a moment. As tempting as the offer was, the computer highly doubted that Caroline would be silent for any reasonable amount of time. She was, after all, a notorious chatterbox.

Caroline sensed the computer's disbelief. 'I swear I will be quiet for the rest of the day. You have my word.'

'Fine.' GLaDOS would have smiled if she could; it was early in the morning, and that meant she had a long and peaceful day ahead of her. 'But only because I want some quiet.'

'Of course.'

With a collection of synthesized beeps GLaDOS had entered the data banks containing the Test Subject Personnel files, quickly finding the folder for Subject 99. She saw his photograph first and followed it across to where the human's name could be found. But a sudden urge to uphold protocol overwhelmed her, and instead GLaDOS found herself reading his assessment information: curious, intelligent, physically fit, an excellent cook...

'That isn't his name, you know.' Caroline said, gently berating her.

'But the protocols...'

'Oh just live a little, would you?'

GLaDOS growled, returning their combined internal gaze instead to the Test Subject's name. Both soon dearly wished that she had not.

Caroline felt suddenly numb and cold, as though she had been plunged into icy water, and she wasn't surprised to find that GLaDOS felt the same. It should not have shocked them both so much to gaze upon that particular name - it was, after all, an exceedingly common name - yet the more they stared at it the greater their shared feeling of unease grew.

That name. Mark Johnson.

Johnson.

'Of all the Test Subjects in the facility...' GLaDOS began slowly, enunciating each word with a forced calm. 'Out of all of them, you chose to pester me about the name of this one.'

However Caroline, true to her word, became silent, turning her thoughts inward. 'Johnson. Why does he have to be a Johnson?'

GLaDOS watched through the optics of her two testing robots as the human opened his eyes, blinking his stasis-dulled eyelids back into life. The glass panels of his cell parted, and Atlas and P-Body both looked to one another with the greatest uncertainty before turning to the camera upon the wall.

'Well,' GLaDOS hummed to herself, 'let's get this over with. Hopefully he'll die. Soon. Then we can begin with a new Test Subject. One that doesn't have a name.' With a quick sigh she opened the channel for the announcement system and spoke directly to the human in her care. 'Hello, and welcome to the aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Centre.'

Caroline, however, had pushed herself into the back of the computer's vast, cramped and complicated mind. She wanted to hide there, forever, and to not resurface until the end of days. Why did he have that name? That name... 'Oh, Mr Johnson.'