Title: Drink Up, Me Hearties

Fandom: Life on Mars AU

Rating: T for thematic elements and Gene Hunt

Disclaimer: I am in no way smart enough to own Life on Mars. The show belongs to the wonderful, talented people who made it, of which I am not one. Everything outside the show however, like this bizarre AU idea, is mine.

A/N: If anyone would like to review giving me pirate-y title or plot ideas for the rest of the series, feel free. I have a general idea about what I want to do with each episode, but if anyone can come up with something totally awesome, or just give me your thoughts on how you think this universe would work, I welcome it.

Previously: The man pressed even closer still, and said, "Gene Hunt, captain of this good ship and crew."

"A pirate ship," Sam said, sneering.

"Your ship now," Gene said, "Welcome to the Mars."

CHAPTER TWO: THE GIRL WITH THE MOUSY HAIR

"Hold on," Sam said, following Gene out of the cabin, "I'm not staying here. I have my own ship I'm captain of. I was in the middle of a fight."

"With Kramer," Gene said, "We saw."

Something clicked in Sam's mind, and he said in realization, "You were the other ship. The one that came in behind us."

They passed through the rest of the crew, who were silent now and parted like the Red Sea when Sam and Gene came near, as if they were royalty. Gene cast a glare at all assembled, and they quickly scurried to their duties.

Gene said, "We were after Kramer as well. For a diff'rent reason, obviously. We saw your skinny arse fall off your ship, and when they turned tail and didn't go after you-"

"They what?" Sam interjected, the anger that had been slowly subsiding now rising quickly back, "How dare they abandon a superior officer in a time of crisis. That's completely against protocol!"

Ray, standing nearby, gave another derisive snort, but looked away when Gene glanced over at him.

Gene turned back to Sam and said, "They clearly didn't like you enough to want to try an' save you. Can't imagine why." This time it was he who gave the derisive snort, as he took a puff of his cigar.

Sam's anger had a brief war with his professional curiosity, before he asked, "You said you were after Kramer. Why?"

Gene tried to look innocent and failed miserably, as he said, "Doesn't matter, we lost 'im after we picked you up. Besides, I doubt a decent officer of the Navy would want to know such sordid details about pirate dealings."

"On the contrary," Sam rebutted, "My position as a servant to the crown requires that I know as much as I can about-"

By this time they had made a full circle around the deck, and Gene grabbed his arm and pushed him into the captain's cabin, cutting off Sam's rant.

"Annie!" Gene called, "Got a patient for you, love! He's just your type- needy and confused."

A few seconds later, a cute girl with brown hair tied back and blue eyes trotted in, her eyes engaging in a cursory examination of Sam's health.

"…Hello," Sam said. He wasn't very comfortable with women either. He wasn't really comfortable with anyone.

Annie, probably sensing his discomfort, said, "Hello," and smiled one of the sweetest smiles Sam had ever seen. She walked over to him, examining the bump on his head from the rigging."You look all right, nothing's broken," she said, "You feel like you're going to heave up?"

"I feel a bit nauseous, yeah," Sam said, rubbing the back of his neck. His head was aching even more as the reality of his situation hit him. He was trapped on a pirate ship, the antithesis of everything he stood for, with an overly-violent captain, and an overly-rambunctious crew.

He looked up at Annie, who was looking back down at him with an expression of concern. From the position he was in, the primal part in the back of his mind could agree that yes, she did have very nice tits.

He shoved those thoughts back into the back of his mind as usual, and said, "What a girl like you doing on a pirate ship? You look like you belong-"

"What?" Annie interrupted, her sweet smile now tinged with an edge of bitterness, "On a plantation? On a rich man's arm? Not for someone born and raised in a bar. Not much hope for advancement, there. This seemed the better option."

"Those are some big words for a barmaid," Sam said, giving a gentle smile.

Annie smiled back, the bitterness leaving her face as she replied with a touch of pride, "I taught myself to read when I was a kid. Sailors were always coming in, and they'd give me books."

"That's amazing," Sam said, and he meant it, too.

They smiled at each other, and for a moment Sam forgot where he was.

The moment was completely broken when Gene barged in and said, "Right, if you two girls are done making googly eyes at each other, I'm going to show Tyler where he'll be staying with us."

"I can do that," Annie said, heading for the door.

Gene grabbed her arm and pulled her back, saying, "No need, love, though I know you want to get up close and personal with your new friend 'ere. I'll do it, you just make sure that this lot," he gestured with his head outside the door, "are all ready to dock when we get to port, got it?"

"Yes, guv," Annie said, nodding. As Sam followed Gene, he looked back at Annie to see her give a 'well, what can you do?' shrug.

Sam spent the trip across the deck in stony silence, ignoring the stares he was still getting from the crew. Chris gave him a little wave when they passed by, and Ray gave a dirty look, but they both quickly turned back to swabbing the deck when Gene glared at them.

As soon as they got to the relative privacy of belowdecks, Sam said, "I'm not staying here, you know."

Gene seemed unimpressed. "Is that right."

"I'm serious," Sam said, half-hoping that Gene would hit him again, so he could hit back and relieve the coil of pressure wound in his chest. "When we hit port, wherever it is, I'm leaving. I'm gone. And you can't stop me."

"Like I'd want to," Gene snorted and turned to face Sam, leaning ever-so-slightly into his personal space. Sam didn't back down. "Listen, Tyler, I dunno how they do things on whatever poncy boat you come from-"

"Hyde," Sam said, "The HMS Hyde."

Gene completely ignored him and barreled on, "-but 'round here, when we see a man in distress we save him, especially if it means he don't fall into the hands of Kramer."

"What, exactly, is your issue with Kramer?" Sam demanded.

Gene stepped back, turning to walk away, and Sam let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding. Gene said, "It's none of your business, Tyler. And you're none of mine. I'll be glad to see the back of you."

Sam sighed, and leaned his back up against the filthy wall, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. "I don't belong here," he muttered to himself, "I want to go home."

"Don't be such a pansy," Gene said disdainfully, "There's no finer ship in the ocean than this one. The Mars will get a man wherever he needs to be, safe as a child on his mother's ample breasts."

"That's lovely," Sam said sarcastically. "You know," he added, "On the Hyde I was the captain."

Gene scrutinized him, in his dirty grey shirt, brown pants and plain boots. "If you're a captain," he said, "then where's your fancy dress? All frock coat, powdered wig and such."

"I took them off," Sam explained, "We were chasing after Kramer, and every man was needed to work the ship. That includes the captain."

Gene looked at him with a sort of appreciation, which Sam ignored. He didn't need affirmation from a pirate. Gene said, "I thought official captains didn't dirty their hands with muscle work."

"Most of them don't," Sam said, "I do." He held out his hands, which were calloused with years of hard work.

Gene stared at Sam for a long moment, in which Sam pulled his hands back to himself and wondered what had possessed him to do that in the first place.

Finally Gene said, with an air of decision, "What do you know about Edward Kramer?"

Sam thought for a second, thrown by the conversation's sudden change of direction, "Not much, just that he's a pirate and his first mate's Colin Raimes."

Gene leaned back on his feet and crossed his arms. "Well, us in the underworld know a thing or two more about Kramer."

"And that is?"

"He's a sick bastard, who's nuttier than squirrel droppings." Gene emphasized his point by turning and walking in a different direction than when he started, and Sam scurried to catch up.

Sam asked as they walked, "And your proof for that is?"

"That's what we're going down to see," Gene said, "Since I know you won't just take my word for it."

"Well," Sam said, "Taking the word of a pirate is not really accepted protocols on the Hyde."

This made Gene laugh, just a little bit, as they reached the entrance to the hold. "Here's your proof," Gene said, and walked inside, Sam following.

Sam stood in the entrance and stared blankly at the object inside the hold. It was a plain wooden coffin, loosely secured on its sides. Gene circled around it almost reverently and knelt beside it, making to open it.

Sam moved inside, and knelt beside Gene. "What the hell is this?" he asked, more as a rhetorical question than anything.

Gene answered anyway. "Your proof, like I said."

He opened the coffin, which contained a body covered by a sheet. Gene lifted the sheet to reveal the dead body of a young woman. "Meet Susie Tripper," he said.

She was young, only about seventeen or eighteen. She was pretty, humble sort of way, with freckles on her cheeks and light brown hair. She had been preserved as well as possible, and she looked as if she were only sleeping, were it not for the garish strangulation marks around her neck.

Sam let out a slow, solemn breath and said, "What does she have to do with Kramer?"

Gene gently laid the sheet back over Susie Tripper's face, closed the coffin and said, "She was the daughter of a merchant in Graham's Landing. She has two parents and three sisters. She worked at a bar in Port Royal, where Kramer was a regular customer. Until he dragged into a back alley and strangled her."

"Why?" Sam asked.

"No reason," Gene said, his jaw clenching and his eyes flashing, "No reason at all. He just wanted to kill her, and so he did. And Colin Raimes helped him the entire way."

They both stood up at the same time, and Sam stared at Gene's fierce, protective expression. He had only known the man a few hours, and already he had to reexamine his views about him.

Gene continued, "Chris was the one who found her. I know her dad, we stop off in Graham's Landing most times we need to make port. I figured I should bring her back to her family, and get the twisted buggers who did this to her off the seas."

Sam let out a weary laugh and turned away, running his hands through his close-cropped hair. "God save me from noble pirates," he murmured, then said louder, "You know there are official people whose jobs are to hunt down pirates." He resisted the urge to add 'like you' to the end of the sentence, knowing that was a barrel of fish he wasn't ready to delve into yet.

Gene eyed him with an oddly serious look, and replied, "Those 'official people' of yours don't even know where to look. Pirates have nooks and crannies all around the Caribbean that you lot don't know anything about, along with a highly sophisticated information-sharing system."

"Bar gossip, you mean," Sam clarified. Gene shrugged, not denying it. Sam said, "So where exactly are these nooks and crannies?"

Gene laughed and clapped an arm around Sam's shoulders. Sam eyed his hand warily as Gene said, "That's something you gotta earn, Sammy-boy. Which you may never, if you leave at the port."

"If?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Your opinion might change when you see Susie's family," Gene said, and nodded at the coffin before walking out.

"I doubt it," Sam said under his breath, before he followed Gene out the door.

A/N 2: I've written three chapters so far, and I've realized that most of it is Sam and Gene talking. I should probably branch out a little more. There are other characters too, right?

Next time: "Some people," Sam said, not sure why he was saying it, "Just want to watch the world burn."/ "What about being a person?" Annie snapped back, "Where does that fit into your equation?"/ "Dora Keene. Wonderful. Thanks, Nelson," Gene said, standing up and dropping some coins on the counter, "Coming, Tyler?"/ The sailor eyed him again, then laughed into his drink and said, "Mate, you look more like someone who is a pirate than someone who chases a pirate."