6
Lexa grabbed Clarkes arm firmly but not in an aggressive manner. She turned Clarke slowly around to stare Into her eyes again. Another battle of wills but this time Clarke did not want to fight, she conceded and looked away wiping at a tear that found it's way down her cheek. She put her hands on her hips and felt the gun. Her heart catching for a moment. She pulled the gun out staring at it. The sight and weight feeling foreign for the first time since she had gotten it. She looked up at Lexa. She looked as expressionless as ever but Clarke could see the alarm in her eyes. "Make your choice Clarke" she thought to herself. She felt the gun, cold metal against her warm skin. "Make your choice Clarke" she thought again. Lexas gentle fingers found their way onto Clarkes and she slowly, cautiously took the gun away and set it on the table.
Lexa was still holding Clarkes hand, interlocking her fingers slowly as she took a step closer. Clarke could feel the soft warm breath on her lips. Smelled the familiar scent of the Commander, a scent she had come to take refuge in. Closer still Lexa inched, looking warily but gently. She brought her free hand up to Clarkes cheek, caressing with her thumb. Sensing no resistance as Clarke closed her eyes she went in for a kiss. Soft and tentative at first but quickly gaining speed and heat. Clarke kissed Lexa back just as fiercely just as hungrily until they needed to break apart for air. Gasping and feeling the heat rising between them Clarke pushed Lexa roughly. Lexa lost her footing but regained balance quickly. Clarke pushed at LeXas chest harder this time, angrier. "How could you?!" She screamed. Tears now steaming down her cheeks.
Lexa understood that Clarke needed to get this out so she stood silently. Once more Clarke pushed and this time Lexa grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her into a tight embrace. Clarke broke down with deep choking sobs coming from within her chest until she was too tired to do anything but limply lean into Lexa. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. Lexas fingers brushed through Clarkes hair in a soft rhythm until Clarke felt her eyes flutter. She had not realized just how exhausted she had become. Lexa slowly led her to the bed of soft furs. Once Clarke was down she covered her with another warm thick fur blanket. Clarkes breathing became steady as she fell asleep. Lexa sat in her throne and watched her sleep. Lexa felt a stirring in her chest, a dangerous feeling of hope that just maybe She would have a future with Clarke.
7
Clarke was still sleeping a few hours later when Lexa decided she should or could close her eyes. She hadn't had a decent sleep since before the missile to TonDc. She wanted to continue her watch over Clarke but her body wasn't as resilient as her mind. Before she closed her eyes she looked at the gun on the table wondering what would have happened if she had not taken it out of Clarkes hands. That thought was soon replaced with the realization that she had Clarke here, safe with her. When her people had picked up and started their journey to Polis at her command it was only after sending her scouts to ensure Clarke and her friends were alive and safe. She was grateful to the quick and wise decision she made to leave a few horses at camp Jaha in the middle of the night. She closed her eyes daring not even to smile.
When Lexa awoke the sun was shining brightly on her face. Annoyed she looked around and remembered Clarke was here, but she wasn't in the tent. At once she got up and instinctively looked at the table. The gun was still there. Lexa stepped out of her tent and asked her guards where Clarke had gone but before either man could answer she saw her. Clarke was gently pulling the horse Lexa had left her down the steep hill. She watched as Clarke softly coaxed it down the steep hill with the promise of an apple she held in her hand. Lexa felt that familiar ache, that painful want. Almost like a sadness. "I'm not ready to be with anyone. Not yet". Those were the words Clarke had told her. Before she had made the decision that was inevitable. Head over heart. "Can I?" Lexa wondered. "Can I make her understand the huge sacrifice I made in choosing my people?".
Clarke saw Lexa watching her, those green eyes burning with an intensity that she had never seen in another human being. She looked away quickly as she guided the steed to the stables across from the command tent. Her mind replayed the events of the night before and her chest burned while her cheeks felt flushed. She still had not told Lexa she forgave her many days ago because she understood why she made the choice she did. She would make her wait until Clarke was able to admit it out loud to herself. After she had secured the horse she turned and saw that the Commander was gone. Probably back in the the tent. Clarke wasn't ready to be alone with her yet because she still had to find the words she wanted to say to her. She decided to settle by a nearby fire. A few Grounders stared at her but none said a word save for a grunt or nod.
8
Lexa busied herself throughout the day giving Clarke the space she needed. She glanced at her occasionally from afar just to make sure she was ok. She went over plans with Indra and other clan leaders on the rebuilding of TonDc once they returned from their trip to polis. She sent scouts ahead to oversee for the final leg of their trip which they would take in a few days time. At this thought she smiled. She would get to show Clarke Polis after all. She sent hunters to gather meats nuts and fruits for a feast to be held that night. The Commander was in great spirits and wanted it to be known. She would give Clarke a distraction she seemed to desperately need. Lexa wondered how exactly the Mountain men were defeated and she burned internally wanting to ask Clarke but she would let Clarke come to her. She would give her the time she needed.
Clarke couldn't sit still, whenever she did all of her thoughts and emotions would come rushing back at her all at once. The hate she thought she had held for Lexa until she realized that if it hadn't been for Lexa and the hard lessons she taught her Clarke wouldn't have been able to take down Mount Weather. She wanted to hate her for Finn but deep down she knew he had sealed his own fate. She wanted to hate her for abandoning her when she had needed her the most but she couldn't because When Clarke made the same decision to sacrifice the people in Mount Weather even those who had helped her she understood. Maybe this moment now is when she really needed Lexa the most. In truth she felt most comfortable here amongst the Grounders than she ever had at camp Jaha.
Clarkes thoughts were interrupted by thunderous cheers as the Grounders returned. Triumphant in their hunt, carrying two massive boars. Clarke smiled knowingly. There would be a feast tonight, celebrations. There's nothing like food and drink to bring people into good spirits. She approached the Grounders and offered to help prepare the meal. They nodded approvingly and at once showed her how to begin cutting and cleaning into the boar. She immersed herself in the task and noticed her hands covered in blood. It seems this is the way her hands always look nowadays. She shakes her head to lose the thought and continues cutting. It was a long task but she enjoyed being able to use her hands and not have to talk. She liked knowing that a simple nod or questioning look is all she needed to give the Grounders and they would understand what she was trying to convey.
9
The sun was almost gone for the day, large tables were laden with various meats, breads, fruits and drinks. Large bonfires raging in a few locations. Steady beating drums sung into the night. Lexa could hear her people, laughing and talking loudly. She felt her heart swell with pride at the thought of knowing she was the one who provided this. "For my people" she thought. After having completed all of her obligations for the day she she took to a nearby lake to bathe. She dressed in her usual armor carefully positioning her red sash. Lexa debated wether she wanted to appear fierce in her war paint or approachable. She opted for approachable tonight, just a little extra effort to subtly show Clarke her guard was down. Only for her. She inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly as she walked down to the lavish banquet that awaited her. Her warriors who would not sit until their Commander was firmly seated.
When Clarke saw Lexa approach she couldn't help but give her a smile. She always found Lexa attractive when she looked fierce and powerful in her war paint but when she was free of it she looked soft and gentle. The Lexa that so rarely showed herself is what made Clarke fall for her. She stood by the chair next to the Commanders and waited for her to come beside her. Lexa gave Clarke a nod and a tiny upwards curve on the side of her mouth. Lexa regarded all those around her "sit and enjoy this feast you so greatly deserve my warriors, my people. You have fought and worked hard and it is my honor as your Commander to provide this for you". A loud cheer erupted and the Grounders started Chanting "Heda, Heda, Heda". Lexa put her hand up in silence "feast" she said as she sat down. At once everyone sat and started taking plates and filling them up with all of the delicious food before them.
Lexa watched them as she sat down. This made her heart feel good. A gentle touch on her shoulder made her turn looking quizzically at the woman beside her. Clarke handed Lexa a cup with moonshine and held up her own in a toast. They smiled silently and drank, the drink was harsh as it burned it's way down warming their insides. Lexa stared intently into Clarkes eyes waiting and hoping she would say something, anything. "I can't believe I found you" Clarke said softly. "I mean I set out with the intention of finding you but I admit there was a part of me that felt like I wouldn't see you again". Lexa nodded in understanding. She thought the same thing. "You kept yourself busy today" Lexa said feeling the need to change the conversation to something lighter. "So did you" replied Clarke. " I know why you did and I appreciate you giving me time and space, thank you Lexa". Lexa felt a fluttering in her heart at the sound of her name. She took another deep drink of her moonshine and gave Clarke a small smile. "Let's eat, we can talk more later in private". Clarke nodded and gave Lexas hand a warm squeeze.
10
After much food and drink was consumed by both Lexa and Clarke they excused themselves back to the Command tent. Lexa slumped into her throne feeling heady from the moonshine. Clarke watched her with a quiet amused look and then a thought passed in her mind that darkened her features. Something Lexa did not miss. "Clarke" she began cautiously. Lexa wanted to talk about what happened at the mountain. About the decision she had to make, about what it meant that she would not only lose the alliance but more importantly Clarke herself. She wanted to know what happened afterwards. How Clarke had survived and the mountain had fallen. She had so many questions and no delicate way to address them. Lexa was not one to shy from harsh conversations but she wanted to have this talk as delicately as possible. Clarke looked Lexa in the eyes. "Lexa I know why you made the choice of sacrificing my people. At first I wanted to hate you for what you did but I knew that you did it for your people".
Lexa began to reply when Clarke put her hand up "please let me finish. I thought you harsh for the lessons you taught me but I know that you are the opposite of cold and uncaring. In the mountain my hand was forced to make painful sacrifices and it was then that I truly understood what it was you had to do. Everything it had cost you as the Commander and as Lexa. In my pain I thought I hated you but in reality my anger came from the truth of the facts. The truth that I still loved you. In spite of it all and because of it all. The memories of everything I've done to keep me and my people alive haunts me every moment I breathe. Something I know you face every day. But unlike you I could not stay at camp Jaha and see the faces I rescued entwined with the atrocities I've committed. I needed to be where I could be understood. Where I was known to be a murderer but loved just as much still. I needed you".
Clarke felt a weight lift from her body. She was lighter, freer. She could breathe. Clarke looked at Lexa waiting for her to reply. She could see Lexa thinking as she looked at her curiously. "Love is weakness Clarke" Lexa said with a small twitch on the corner of her mouth. "Mockery is not a product of a strong mind" Clarke shot back with a smile. Lexa got up slowly eyes intently staring into Clarkes. She took Clarkes hand and led her to where the bed was. "Come, sit with me. Tell me how you took the mountain". She stared at Clarke with pride in her eyes. The two leaders sat together and talked until the sun was coming up.