"Attention everyone! Are you interested in being a top model? Do you look at the girls on America's Next Top Model and think, 'I can do way better than those girls', if so; then sign up today for Cartman's Next Top Model, the best modelling show out there." Cartman exclaimed on his megaphone that he carries around everywhere.
"Excuse me but those modelling shows are totally demeaning to women, not everyone is 5'9 and a size two!" Wendy huffed.
"But you're 5'9 and a size two." Bebe said.
"That doesn't matter, what matters is that not everyone is and shows like that promote eating disorders." Wendy said with her arms crossed.
"Go away you stupid hippie, I wasn't going to let you audition anyway." Cartman said rolling his eyes. He knew that if he didn't get rid of Wendy soon he'd lose all of his contestants.
"Are there any requirements to audition?" Bebe asked batting her false eyelashes.
"Yes, no Jews and no Gingers." Cartman said.
"Great!" Bebe exclaimed signing her name on the sheet that Cartman had laid out on a table. Cartman then had an idea form in his head when he saw Craig walking by.
"Hey Craig!" He called.
"What?" Craig asked.
"Have you ever thought about modelling?"
"No." Craig replied before walking away.
"Wait!" Cartman called running after him.
"What do you want?"
"Just be on my show okay? Girls want to see tall hunky guys and I don't want to ask Stan because he's a stupid hippie."
"You think I'm hunky?" Craig asked with a rare snicker.
"Ew sick gross!" Cartman said making a gagging motion with his finger down his throat. In truth, he thought Stan was pretty hunky, and Craig looked similar to Stan, but he'd never say that out loud.
"Hey guys what's up?" Token asked.
"Tokennn, you'd be perfect on my show." Cartman exclaimed.
"No." Token said before he and Craig walked off together.
"Dammit!" Cartman muttered kicking a rock, he hated that the only people that signed up so far were Butters and Bebe. Butters would have to ask his parents of course, but he said that if he told them that the run way training would help him lose weight they probably wouldn't send him to fat camp again. Cartman didn't understand why they even bothered sending him to fat camp, last time Butters went to fat camp he came back seventy pounds heavier.
"How's this week's big scheme going?" Stan asked. At the sound of his voice, Cartman's stomach began to feel jumpy and his knees began to feel like jelly.
"What's it to you, it's not like you can audition you stupid hippie." Cartman snapped.
"I wasn't going to audition anyway, Wendy would kill me."
"Why not show that stupid bitch she's not the boss of you?"
"But you just said I couldn't audition." Stan said with confusion.
"I changed my mind, if it pisses Wendy off I'm all for it." Cartman said trying to keep a smile from spreading across his face, he was about to kill two birds with one stone; Wendy would be totally pissed off and he would get to see Stan in several cute outfits.
"No thanks, I'd rather give my grandfather a foot massage." Stan said, before he could walk off though, Cartman grabbed his arm to stop him.
"I guess I'll let Kyle audition if you audition." He said with a sigh.
"Like Kyle would audition, he feels the same way Wendy does."
"Maybe Kyle and Wendy should date since they have soo much in common, maybe they already are. In fact, I think I saw them kissing behind the school yesterday." Cartman said stroking his beard.
"Yea right." Stan said rolling his eyes.
"No man, it's totally true, I saw them too." Hector, the new foreign exchange student from Mexico, said.
"I'll be back, I have to go have a word with my so called best friend, oh and Cartman, go ahead and sign me up for your stupid show." Stan said through gritted teeth.
"Excellent." Cartman said with a sinister smile, he knew that paying the new kid to back him up on everything was a good idea.
"Can you sign me up too?" Hector asked.
"Whatever." Cartman said rolling his eyes, he didn't think that a Mexican would ever make it as a model, but he couldn't afford to piss Hector off right now.
"Oh my gosh! There's a fight going on between Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski!" Cartman heard a girl yell out, he ran around the corner of the school and sure enough Stan and Kyle were on the ground, rolling around, and punching each other.
"I didn't kiss Wendy!" Kyle screamed.
"Yea right! Cartman and that new kid both saw you!" Stan screamed back delivering a punch into Kyle's stomach.
"You believe Cartman?" Kyle demanding throwing a punch into Stan's side.
"I said the new kid told me too! Our friendship is so over you pathetic midget freak!" Stan yelled before punching Kyle a few more times and stomping off.
Cartman chuckled on his breath when he saw Kyle lying on the ground, bleeding like a pathetic rag, however, his amusement soon turned to horror when he saw Stan walk up to Wendy.
"What's this with you making out with Kyle?" Stan asked her.
"I didn't make out with Kyle, who told you that?" Wendy asked with confusion.
"Cartman and the new kid." Stan replied through gritted teeth.
"So you believe what Cartman tells you now?"
"I said Cartman AND the new kid."
"Well they're both lying, Kyle's dating someone else."
"Who? Is it Bebe?" Stan asked; he was surprised that his best friend got a girlfriend without telling him.
"No actually, it's not a girl, I'm not sure if I should say anything else." Wendy said looking around nervously.
"Please tell me." Stan said; he felt a bit miffed that Kyle hadn't told him that he liked guys but he didn't say anything.
"Okay, Bebe told me that Kenny told her that Kyle is dating his dad." Wendy said.
"What the fuck, that's totally disgusting!" Stan exclaimed. Behind the video camera that he was holding around the corner, Cartman also let out a little gag.
"Well, Kyle's eighteen so there's not really much we can do." Wendy said with a shrug.
"Thanks, for telling me, I better go tell Cartman that I'm not going to be in his stupid show." Stan said before kissing Wendy and walking off towards Cartman's sign up station.
"Dammit!" Cartman muttered under his breath, now he'd have to find another way to get Stan to be on his show. He knew that his show was going to better than the original even if it killed him.