I had this typed up already so I was like what the heck; I'll put this crap up now.

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. If I owned Naruto, all the Akatsuki would still be living and breathing.

Chapter 2: Sake (rice wine) with a Weasel and Shark do not Mix! Part 2

"I'm glad for once Hidan you didn't screw up."

"Fuck you Leader-sama! I brought the weasel, didn't I?! Give me some damn credit and the gummy bears, you promised me!"

"Fine, take your cute, multicolored sweets," muttered Pein, tossing a five pound bag of the stuff.

"Aw hecks yeah! Kakuzu ain't getting his greedy ass hands on these bitches!" cackled Hidan, catching them.

"Where's Deidara at with fish face?" asked Pein taking Itachi from Hidan and sitting the drooling, slumbering Uchiha on the ground.

"How should I know?!" growled the priest, sauntering to the exit. "Probably—" The door unexpectedly banged open, knocking Hidan in the head and off his feet. He angrily rose to his feet with a few choice words for the dumbass that had slammed the door open so carelessly. "WHAT THE FUCK, MOTHA FUC—"

Hidan stopped under the deadly glower of a soaking wet, disgruntled Deidara, an also dripping wet Kisame clutched in his fist by the back of his cloak, dragging the shark on the floor behind him.

"Deidara…? What happened to you?" asked Pein blankly.

"I'll TELL you what happened to me, yeah! This happened to me!" shouted the blonde, jerking the water user forward.

Pein and Hidan watched motionlessly as Deidara lugged Kisame forward with great effort and dropped him heavily on the ground by his partner.

"'Tachi, you wear too much eyeliner…put on some mascara instead…" snored a sleeping Kisame.

"Okay, why the fuck is he dreaming about makeup and Itachi?"

"Never mind that! YOU!" He rounded on Pein with a glare. "OWE. ME. BIG. UN."

"Oi, blonde, just tell us what happened!"

"I was getting to that you pale asshole, yeah!"

"Oh, you wanna fuck with me?! I'll fucking own your ass right fucking here, right—"

"—O-K, that sounds very Yaoi-ish, you can stop right there, Hidan before the fan girls come out."

Konan suddenly burst in the room with her light blue (oddly flower shaped) camera, posed for picture taking. "Did I here that some Yaoi action is about to go down?!" she asked breathlessly in her excitement at the prospect. "I brought my—"

"No, Konan…unfortunately."

'"Unfortunately"…what does that exactly mean?' pondered Hidan and Deidara at the same time.

"Aw," groaned the only female Akatsuki member sullenly, "I've been waiting for that to happen for months now…"

"Konan, no matter how great that would be, I can't allow that to happen. It would be very hard for our organization to focus on its goals. And you know a certain someone (Madara) would be very displeased with that."

"I guess you're right…" she sighed. "Back to the Internet for my beloved boy on boy action."

Konan turned herself into paper and floated out the room.

"Holy shit!" gasped Hidan in realization. "You like Yaoi Leader-sama?!"

Pein blushed deeply, twiddling his fingers cutely as he mumbled, "Uh…well it's a secret pleasure of me and Konans'…ehehehe…"

"WOW, are you serious, yeah?"

"If you don't tell anyone, I'll triple your pay."

"Deal!" said the blonde and silver head instantly. They're income was not very high thanks to having a tight wad of a treasurer; only Pein in his mysterious way could convince the money loving freak to pay them at all.

"Oh wait, I must flash back right now the reason why I'm wet, hmm."

"Oh joy," commented Pein and Hidan dryly.

~Flash back~

"Ahhh, the feeling of wind going through my beautiful blonde locks is so invigorating, un!" sighed Deidara as his bird flew against the gray sky, tossing his hair back with a hand.

Out of nowhere, he had the weird sensation of steadily dropping downwards.

"Hey…what the?"

A single blue eye glanced at his bird wings and noticed them progressively flapping slower and slower.

"Dang, Kisame…" remarked the blonde looking to the loudly snoring Samehada user. "You really are a fat ass; hmm…I'll have to make a bigger bird…"

At that moment, everything that could have went wrong, went wrong in the worst possible way: A mouth hand reached in his clay pouch and licked empty space. Deidara blinked a couple of times in rapid succession.

"Oh dayum, un!"

The bird stopped moving altogether at that second and plummeted in a straight line down. The youngest Akatsuki member screamed, gripping the clay feathers with one hand and keeping the shark-nin from flying off into the cold air.

"Holy shit, yeah! Mayday, mayday!"

He caught sight of an ice covered lake they were headed for and let loose a high pitched, effeminate shriek he later would deny on his death bed, before they crashed right through it with the earsplitting sound similar to that of glass shattering, freezing liquid and ice launching high up in the sky.

~End Flash Back~

"SEE?!" seethed the clay user, pointing furiously at Pein. "Ya see?! That's why you owe me!"

Hidan sniggered. "And I thought being buried alive sucked (But it still does don't get it fucking twisted!). Which reminds me; I need to kick that old bastards' ass for that later."

Pein sighed painstakingly slow, "Alright, keep your panties on."

Deidara blanched. "H-How did you know, yeah?!"

…Awkward silence.

Pein and Hidan stared at the blonde.

"Uh…just kidding?" offered Deidara with a nervous smile.

"Damn I knew you looked feminine, but that takes the fucking cake."

"S-SHUT UP it's only occasionally!"

"Does Sasori know? I'd like to see the look on his face when he rediscovers he has another girl under wearing partner-though…at least what you wear is more appropriate…Sasori told me about that fucking snake heathen…fucking sick…urgh."

Hidan involuntarily shuddered and gagged upon recalling. Best not to have a flash back on that particular incident for the safety of those reading this.

"Look Deidara I won't say anything about that odd habit you seem to have, but what exactly do you want from me? I'm already tripling your paycheck."

"Halle-fucking-lujah," added Hidan unnecessarily.

Deidara put a finger to his lips thoughtfully. "Un…never really thought about it…yeah…"

"Oh for the love of—GET OUT NOW!" bellowed Pein.

Both scampered out with a squeaky yelp. The annoyed Leader rubbed his forehead in disgust, feeling an oncoming headache.

God, I need a Tylenol…

Suddenly, the largely ignored Itachi and Kisame finally awoke sober due to sleeping off the alcohol.

"Ugh…where are we…?" muttered the Uchiha frowning at the dull throbbing in his temple.

"Looks like Pein's office if you ask me…see, there's his Junjou Romantica* poster hang "inconspicuously" in the corner of the wall there."

Pein's pierced lip twitched and he dashed to the poster, ripping it off and stuffing it in his desk with a blossoming blush.

"How did you of all people catch that?"

Kisame shrugged carelessly. "You could see that a mile away…unless you're retarded."

"Apparently the whole Akatsuki is because no one mentioned it."

"Wrong," corrected Itachi automatically, "we always talk about you and your obvious obsession for Yaoi. The only ones who don't know are Deidara, Hidan and Tobi. But they're retarded anyway."

Pein's jaw slackened in astonishment. A-are they serious?! Wait…then I just tripled their pay for nothing! Goddamnit!

"Why are we here anyway?" asked Kisame curiously. "Are we not going to Konoha anymore?"

Pein shut his mouth and a superior smirk worked his way on his lips.

That's right, I almost forgot… "I caught you two degenerates breaking a rule I emphasized, heck the author even italicized it and you still disobeyed me!"

"Well what was it?" asked the water user.

"You both got drunk on the way to Konoha just a few hours after leaving here! That's absolutely ridiculous! I thought I could blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…!"

Itachi and Kisame were silent looking at their deranged Leader throw a hissy fit for a good hour in which the two began to play Goldfish after the first five seconds.

"—and I am very disappointed with your disorderly conduct!" he finished letting out a breath. "You know the consequence…and don't play cards while I'm disciplining you!"

The partners sheepishly put away the cards, looked at each other, and gulped, remembering the horrid punishment.

"But Leader-sama, we had no choice!" complained Itachi.

"Yeah, it was either enter the sake contest or starve to death since YOU didn't give us any freaking money!"

"SILENCE YOU—hold the phone, I gave you money!"

"Did not," said Kisame stubbornly.

"You gave money to Konan so she could buy unmentionables from Victoria's Secret, NOT us," pointed out Itachi.

Pein, like Deidara, put a finger up to his lips thought fully before smacking a fist in his open palm. "Oh that's right…"

Itachi and Kisame sweat dropped.

"So we're off the hook right?" asked the blue shinobi hopefully.

"Hahaha, yeah I don't think so."

"NANI?!"

"Come to think of it, I said I would double it…and I know the perfect way to carry it out," he muttered after an apparent afterthought.

Both shinobi immediately rose their feet and began cussing out Pein in a heated petulant manner, infuriated by his unfairness and the injustice of it all.

"ENOUGH!" Pein bellowed for the second time of the day. Itachi and Kisame glared sulkily at their asshole of a Leader. "I'm doing this so everyone will know I'm serious…for once."

"So we're just a fucking EXAMPLE?!" yelled Itachi, uncharacteristically outraged.

"That's right."

"…Has anyone ever told you you're a sadistic dickhead?"

"Of course, Kisame."

Screams filled with pure horror and anguish and other depressing adjectives echoed from a small, dark room with a large, bright projectors screen. Itachi and Kisame were strapped tight to wooden chairs, the lids of their eyes held up by duct tape, forcing them to watch the evil film.

What time is it?
Summertime
It's our vacation
What time is it?
Party time
That's right, say it loud

What time is it?
The time of our lives
Anticipation
What time is it?
Summertime
School's out, scream and shout!

[Troy]
Finally summer's here
Good to be chiilin' out
I'm off the clock
The pressure's off
Now my girl's what it's all about

[Gabriella]
Ready for some sunshine
For my heart to take a chance
I'm here to stay
Not movin' away
Ready for a summer romance

[Troy and Gabriella]
Everybody ready, going crazy, yeah we're out
Come on and let me hear you say it now, right now

What time is it?

"Time for me to gouge my effing eyes out!" cried Itachi. "I can't take it anymore and it's not even been a full five minutes yet!"

"Oh Great Kami-sama above please spare me this horrible fate and smite me now!" sobbed Kisame shrilly.

"It's not over when the movies' over either…" said Pein over an intercom placed in the room; as if he'd be in there and possibly catch sight of that movie. "Prepare for the next featured program…a full hour of Teletubbies!"

"NOOOOOO!!!!"

Pein sat contently in his squishy spinning office chair in his enormous home office, humming contentedly.

"Wow Nagato, I must admit I'm impressed. And here I thought I was the ultimate evil."

Tobi a.k.a. Madara strode in the orange-haired office with his arms folded in mock jealously.

"How many times do I have to say this: it's Pein in this deva path. Aside from that, I told you I was serious Madara." Pein leaned forward on his desk, resting an elbow on the surface, "How is everyone else reacting?"

"I believe their drowning out the screams by playing loud hip hop music along with arranging a funeral for the ill-fated two in the room."

"As expected. At least they know now that play time with me is over."

"Does that mean you'll stop watching that Yaoi?"

"Oh shut up you," snapped Pein saucily. "And no; hell no."

A couple of hours later…

We find our Pein at his desk again pretending to be busy by filing away some old papers when Deidara slams his door open, causing him to jump and scatter document everywhere.

"Leader-sama, yeah!"

"What, Deidara?" asks Pein in a tight voice, not hiding his rising anger at the bomb artist for startling him and making his papers fly everywhere. "And for your sake, it better be a damn good reason."

The blonde ran to the large desk and banged his fist on it, to the Rinnengan users' irritation, his baby blue eye staring intently at him. "…I…" He sucked in a deep breath. "Know what I want now, un."

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember, I said you owed me for getting Kisame back here when he was drunk, hmm? Do I need to flash back—"

"No that won't be necessary," cut in Pein quickly, not wanting to go through another flash back for the year. "I know what you're talking about now. So…what is it?"

"I want you to kick Hidan's ass," he said plainly, "he stole my gift card to Hooter's, hmmm."

"What? Wait, why ask me when pretty much anyone here would willingly do that? Minus Tobi, of course. Or you could even do it yourself."

"Because…it'll be cooler if you do it, yeah."

Pein closed his peculiar eyes and smirked cockily, his nose figuratively growing long in having his arrogant ego stroked. "Well, can't argue with that logic; what the hell, I'll do it."

"Sweet, un!"

And so Hidan found himself fighting a quickly losing battle with six Peins' with insane abilities and later, impaled with several metal rods and left to hang by these on the ceiling of his room. Kakuzu, late in the evening, walks in and a drop of crimson liquid lands on the tip of his mask covered nose; he looks up to see a mangled, but snoring Hidan.

"Must be some new religious ritual he's trying out," muttered Kakuzu shrugging and walking back out the room. "Whatever…I need a sandwich…"

Meanwhile a very happy Deidara and reluctant Sasori and Zetsu are sitting and eating in Hooter's being waited on by busty women…

I'm sorry if I offended anyone who likes HMS 2 or Teletubbies (Really, who does? Teletubbies at least). It was allpurely for humor. And I don't own them either. One more thing…all girls in Hooter's are not busty…at least that's what my friends say, I've never been there myself; I only put it in just because that's the stereotype that could or could not be true and it's probably the latter.

* Junjou Romantica is a popular Yaoi anime and manga XD