Ok...can't believe I'm still writing this...oh everything's so twisted and wrong...anyways I think I'm getting a better grasp of Mello's POV...So enjoy and REVIEW?

I'M NOT OK

The next week went like hell for me, I could barely look at Near without thinking about what I've done. But I guess I should be glad Near hadn't told anyone. Near was more cold and quiet than before, avoiding me, but of course Near was doing a better job at making it go without notice.

"Hey, Mello, you okay?" Matt said, fingers twitching at the DS.

"Huh? Yeah-" No of course, not, I raped somebody! NO I RAPED NEAR!! Matt, I wanted to tell him so badly, I needed help, seriously.

"You sure?" Matt actually paused his game, "Cause you know if you got a problem, you can tell me right?" Matt you really are my best friend, you know me so well.

"Nah-" I was unconvincing.

"It's just you've been really phased out and-" I felt like I couldn't breath, when he looked straight in my eyes, "You haven't said anything about Near for awhile."

"W-WHAT!" OH SHIT, Matt's got me!

"I dunno…It's just a little strange…but I guess I should be happy" Matt took out a cigarette.

"H-Why's that?" I tried to calm myself.

"It means you're finally getting over that obsession" Matt smirked. OH Thank God!

"GO TO HELL!" I shouted at the gamer, then grinning, trying to joke. Matt, I'm so sorry for lying to your face, but I can't tell you, I can't tell anyone.

I woke up at night again, panting, my heart beating so fast, it hurt. I've been having the same dreams over and over, about Near of course. About that night, what we did together, I know it was wrong, but I just can't get it out of my head, and somehow I didn't want to, because I've never felt this way about anyone. And I just can't believe I do with Near!

I got up, started walking down the hallways, and my feet stopped at the library, the door wasn't lock for some reason, so I just went in.

"H-Hello?" I heard as I was walking in the library.

"Near?" Of all the, why the hell!! I felt really awkward, but I knew I needed to talk to Near about what had happened and apologize if possible. But then the kid starts crying! I didn't know what to do, so I just did the first thing that snapped into mind, I hugged Near. OH SHIT!! I felt those perfect curves, and that sweet, sweet scent, that could only be Near.

Just a taste, just one little taste….CRAP!! I just can't control myself! DAMN ALL THE HORMONES!!! Near please stop me! But that emotionless twit, just let me do whatever I want, I took off all our clothes quickly, just not thinking, or maybe I just didn't want to.

"P-please-d-don-Ahhah" Near cried but it was a little too late to stop myself. After that, Near was so quiet, why didn't this kid stop me!! I heard only sobs, that was enough to at least, to try to not hurt the kid that much. So I did it slowly, trying to be as smooth as I could, slowly pushing my way through that tight space. I felt those frail fingers on my chest, so cold, then all those words started blurting out.

"I love you, Near" I did, so much I can't help myself anymore. It's worst than the first time when I was drunk, now I can't think straight at all. "I just want to be with you." Near, are you hearing what I'm saying?

I finally pulled us apart. I didn't want to but I needed to fix Near's position a little. Near, I promise you, just do as I say and it won't hurt that much. We did it a few more times, I didn't rush it, trying to find Near's sweet spot. It was better each time, and I could feel that Near had orgasms, so that must be good right?

I didn't want the night to end but the sun was rising so I had to stop. I dressed myself and Near since the kid was worn out, then helped Near back to the dorms.

The next week would be what I describe as the best days of my life. I wonder if Near even notices what's he/she's done to me. But Near never objects to me, ever. I didn't really know what Near felt towards me, so I needed a little test.

"Hey Near" I whispered to the white figure in the library, "Could you come to my room later?"

Nod.

Yes!

I heard the knock on the door, could it be? "Come in" I said, feeling impatient for some reason. I couldn't understand the look on Near's face, but then the kid closed the door! I was still trying to be cautious, Near was trembling a little, I think, but that face was so still. I took a step forward, and Near moved one step back. I felt my heart drop. I didn't understand, so I just kept walking, until Near's back was against the door, I trailed a hand down to the door knob and locked it. Moving away those long bangs, those beautiful black eyes looking at me, so innocent. I placed a kiss on Near's forehead. Near, what is going through that head of yours?

This is so confusing, I kissed those lips again, and immediately they parted, letting my tongue pass through. Near, you're so confusing.

I felt the little frame shook a little, "It's alright my little bunny." I tried to sooth. Oh, so many things I wanted to call you, My sweet, My love, My heart, My angel, My Near.

Ok, I admit that the thing that I did next was pretty sick and wrong but I just wanted to see if Near would consent. When I saw, that little white thing walking out, "You're just the cutest thing, aren't cha?" it blurted out. But Near, you are, cute, pretty, beautiful, perfect. I needed to show Near just what I meant, turning him/her to face the mirror.

I saw those pale cheeks brushed with the sweetest shade of pink. Was Near shy? I don't know, but Near started twirling a lock of hair, so I whispered reassuring in the kid's ear. Oh God, I stared at those slender legs, which despite Near's height seemed long, that thin waist tied up by a corset, and perfectly shaped breast. The maid dress and bunny ears plus tail was a good choice, but even without them, Near would turn me on, easy. I leaned down, wanting a kiss, and Near closed those eyes. Did you want me to kiss you?

I don't know, I just took off my clothes, leaving just the boxers on, sitting back on the couch, waiting for something to happen. I signaled Near to come over, expecting the kid to run straight for the door, but why? Near started walking towards me. I took a cold hand, kissing the back, waiting for some sort of reaction. But nothing.

So finally, I assume Near must be cool with the whole situation. I made those legs straddle my lap, a new position for us, I haven't really done it like this before. I was a little worried. Then I felt water on my face, Near was crying. Was she (yes I can finally stop with the he/she) scared too?

"It's okay, we've done it before right and nothing's ever went wrong" I tried to calm the kid down, and myself.

"P-Ple-s-I-d-don-want to" Near what are you saying? I don't understand, if you didn't want to, why didn't you just leave?

"You'll thank me for this someday" I was sure that Near wanted this, she just doesn't know it yet, because, well, we all know how Near is with emotions, she always lie. I took of my last piece of clothing, I placed my lips on the groove of Near's neck, taking a deep breath, I was still scared, but I wanted this, and Near I know you do to. I just slid myself inside Near again, and there was no sound, no protest, no whimpers, nothing.

After that, I really wasn't considering Near's emotions anymore, since the kid seemed to display none, I started doing the first things that came to mind again, lifting that light body was easy, then I pressed down again. OH GOD! OH GOD!! I love you so much Near. It felt like we were inseparable. Near was climaxing, I knew it.

"See, I knew you want this"

"N-No-I-DON'T" Near why won't you ever admit what you feel? It was seriously putting me off. I hated what I did next.

If Near wanted to keep saying no, then fine, I'll let her. I pushed that thin frame on the couch, just slamming myself in and out, I was angry, and that was something I couldn't control. I heard panting, and moaning, but no protest. Why wasn't Near saying no now?

"Beg me, BEG ME TO STOP!!" I wanted to see if Near was still objecting to this.

"P-Please STOP!!" that innocent voice broke. I should have stopped.

Mello, you sadistic monster!!

I couldn't stop, I wanted Near to hurt, I pressed down hard on her chest. "Ngh!" A helpless groan but not the thing I wanted to hear. "BEG ME AGAIN!" I slapped a cheek, SHIT!

WHAT THE HELL!! PLEASE STOP!! I was inwardly shouting the same thing as Near, but this body of mine, just couldn't get enough of Near. I needed more each time, even when night was over, why can't I stop?

"Well, go ahead, my little bunny." Why did I say that?

"M-mm-Mello-P-ple-as-Ahh!" I pushed a little, so that Near can't finish.

"M-Mel-Mm-lo-Nnnghh!!" Was I really enjoying this?

Then, Near started crying painfully, that sweet voice sounded so broken. OH CRAP!! I just snapped out of whatever sadistic trance I was in, and swiftly, hopefully painlessly pull us apart. Near quickly, moved away from me, curling up at the edge of the couch, and the way those eyes looked at me!

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, I hoped Near heard it, I wanted to say more, but I'd just realize how worn out I was, I just fell flat, sleeping in bed. Leaving Near…well I'm not sure how the kid was, but I hoped it wasn't too bad.

how to read this story, author's advice..read a chapter from Please Don't and it's corresponding chapter in Right and Wrong....alright...On with the REVIEWS!!