Bliss
Summary: Sakura is the silent new girl caught in a world of reality and bliss. Syaoran is the soccer player intent on regaining his bliss through her. A short story.
Who?
I found myself stopping in front of the gates and finally decided to look up from my black skater shoes to the large looming stone building. Its large red doors smiled callously at me, luring me to my fate, luring me to my new prison. I snorted at the ironic situation I found myself in. Escape the one prison only to switch to the next.
Yeah, that's the story of my life.
A girl trapped in this sickening bliss surrounding her, smothering her, constricting her every move. A bliss only she recognises while those around her go about their daily sad activities, their meaningless lives like this bliss means nothing, like it doesn't matter.
Why, she did not understand. She simply knew. She knew that she had seen more than most of them will ever see in their lifetimes. She knew she experienced more than they have ever experienced and she knew that she will never be able to forget that. To forget her past.
Who is this girl?
I looked up at the windows and found some dumb boy staring down at me. He had an arrogant grin on his face and his amber eyes held the same arrogance. He lives in the bliss, I can see it from here. Idiot.
The lady at the office continued to tell me everything I needed to know and more. Her cheerful chattering was driving me up the wall, so I grabbed what she gave me and fled. I fled down the empty hallway until I came to my assigned homeroom. Well here goes. This is the part where everyone does the staring and whispering part and by tomorrow there will be some rumour about me floating around.
I knocked and entered the classroom. My first prediction was right. They stared and stared and stared. Haven't these morons ever seen a human before? "Ah, you must be Sakura Kinomoto." I nodded and the teacher smiled a light pink lipstick smile at me. "Welcome Miss Kinomoto. I hope you feel at home with us and that you enjoy the rest of the year."
Yeah right. Looking at these preps I doubt it. Heavens knows I can't wait till I get out of school and go to varsity. At least there people don't stare at you like you're the world's rarest diamond or ugliest fish by the looks on some faces.
"Miss Kinomoto, you may take your seat." I nodded at the teacher and made my way to the back of the class where the only seat was left open. Like I care. The farthest away from these preps the better. And this wasn't far enough.
I looked at the boys staring at me, eyeing me to be exact. Yeah, I know what goes on in their little filthy minds. They are all weighing me up, calculating how fast they can get me into bed with them. Just because I look the part does not mean I act it.
No I do not look like a skanky hoe, nor am I wearing any revealing clothes. It's the same damn standard uniform all the girls are wearing and I really don't see the difference in me wearing it. Okay, maybe I can. I do not have the standard school shoes, but I am not going to buy new ones only to wear them for a couple of months and then to discard them as soon as I leave school.
The bell rang and everyone left without glancing at me. "Miss Kinomoto, may I have a word with you?"
"Yes ma'am." She looked surprised at me.
"Try not to take any notice of the rest of the kids, they believe themselves to be superior above all. You will be able to find your classes, correct?"
"Yes ma'am, the lady gave me a map."
"I'm glad. If you have any problems please come and see me and we'll see what we can do about it." She smiled at me and I nodded at her before leaving.
That was just weird. Normally the teachers glare at me and send me packing with one hell of an attitude. I suppose change is good, we'll just have to see about the rest of them. Unfortunately my peers did not feel the same way as Miss Yenuato and it was more than apparent in their lovely stares, glares and the whispers following me.
So I did what I always do in these kinds of situations, I ignored them. I don't look at them, I don't talk to them, I totally forget to acknowledge their existence in any way. I dug my hands into my imaginary pockets and walked on to my next classroom, not even bothering to apologise to the boy I bumped into.
They live in the bliss, I choose not to.
Crying
I suppose this place isn't a total loss. The teachers actually look like they know what they are talking about and the school grounds and equipment was all in tip top condition. No graffiti, no broken or skew chairs and tables and a computer lab for those who need it. Maybe the physical isn't that bad. Unfortunately I still cannot say the same about my blissful peers.
Laying back with my back against the large tree in the school yard I glanced from my manga to look at the people around me. They were all in their little groups having their little discussions about the little events in their little lives. On the field some boys were kicking a soccer ball around and shouting at each other while a group of girls sighed and swooned at the side lines.
I narrowed my eyes when I recognised the one as the boy who stared at me from the window. His earthy hair danced up and down in a mass of mess as he ran after the ball and his amber eyes were focused on the white round object. Jerk.
I turned back to the black words and images printed on the white pages. A small grin played on my lips as I read the little speech bubbles accompanying the images of a ten year old girl dashing like a mad man after cards with images on.
Yeah, this is a little childish, but I absolutely adored this manga. Some of the characters reminded me of the people in my life like my father and brother and his boyfriend and then the main character which is the complete opposite of me. I guess that's why I am so fond of the little fictional character sharing my name; she is the complete opposite of me.
Innocent, sweet, unaware and someone is standing in my light.
I blinked against the light and the figure before me finally came in focus. A girl with rusty hair and black eyes glared down at me and the three lackeys behind her did the same. "I saw how you looked at Syaoran. He's mine bitch, so you stay away from him."
"Excuse me, but who?" Who the hell was Syaoran?
"The one playing soccer you stared at. Don't play stupid with me."
"Firstly, I never play stupid. Secondly I couldn't care less to who he belongs, so if you want him take him, thirdly, can't you tell a glare from a stare?" I closed my book and put it in my bag before getting to my feet. "Now get lost prep, before I pollute that sickening sweet air that surrounds you."
She backed away from me and I grinned at her action. Yeah, keep going, keep going… There is no way I want you hanging around me. It will ruin my image. The prep turned on her heals, flicked a lock of hair over her shoulder and left with her three lackeys following her to the soccer field.
That was a waist of perfectly good reading time. I glanced at my watch and sighed, might as well head to class the bell is going to ring in a couple of seconds in anyway.
---
It was the last period of the day and I could see the sky darkening with an approaching storm out side. The air already started to smell like rain and loud thunder broke the sweet choir sounds of the birds every now and again. I vaguely listened to the teacher ramble forth about the insides of a frog and how we are going to dissect one.
I glanced down at the picture of the frog and its intestines in my book. It was a nice colour picture with the green frog skin, black eyes, white belly and the red and brown intestines. A really good colour picture for a text book actually.
The deep voice of the teacher faded into silence and I found myself drifting in a black nothingness. The darkness and silence filled my soul. I shivered slightly as I looked around. Red caught my eye and I glanced down at the pool close to my feet.
Slowly my eyes moved over the dark red pool of liquid and I felt my breath being caught in my throat when I saw the source of the red liquid. Warm tears burned my skin and I stumbled back.
Someone touched my shoulder and I snapped back to reality. I frowned at the droplets of water soaking into my page with the frog picture and looked up to meet arrogant amber staring slightly worried at me. I felt the warm tears run down my face and pushed them away with my back hand.
"Miss Kinomoto, are you alright?" I looked up at the teacher and found him and the rest of the class staring at me. I swallowed hard. Unable to speak I simply grabbed my text book and bag and ran out of the class. The teacher called my name and I chose to ignore it. I didn't want anyone to see me crying.
I never want anyone to see me crying.
---
The cold of the metal bar felt pleasant against my back as I sat under the pavilion staring at the rain drops beating down on the earth. Thunder roared in the air and lightning lit up the sky in a brilliant display of white and blue light every now and again. In the distance I heard the school bell ring signalling the end of my first school day.
Toya isn't going to be happy when he finds out. But I don't think Mr Tetra will tell. He seems like the kind of teacher who would rather sit down with the student and discuss the problem and try to find a solution instead of calling parents or guardians and causing more trouble than necessary.
Two dusty black Bronx shoes came to a stand still and a male body sat down next to me. A white shirt hung loosely on toned muscles and grey pants sat not to snugly on toned legs. His top button was loose and his tie hung low down on his chest from his neck. He blew smoke into the cooling air and took another pull before offering the cigarette to me. "No thank you."
"Are you okay?" His voice was deep and pleasant, cool and care free. He blew more smoke into the air and I watched it disappear amongst the rain. His arrogant amber glanced my way as he leaned back with his back against the metal bar and his shoulder touching mine.
"Do you really care or are you trying to score?"
He grinned at me. "Direct and straight to the point." Yeah, well no shit Sherlock. "A pretty girl like you shouldn't cry babe." He brushed some hair from my face and hooked it behind my ear. He blew the smoke in the air and I could feel his eyes watching me as I watched the smoke disappear. "What's your full name Kinomoto?"
"Sakura." I don't know why I'm talking to the prep. Maybe because I'm sad and depressed and don't want to bother Toya with more than he already has.
"Pretty."
"Should you be smoking when you play soccer?"
"Ideally, no. But this isn't an ideal world and nothing works out the way you plan it. But you should know that, I can see in your eyes you know that." Our eyes met and he grinned at me. "Come on babe, I'll take you home."
Running and rain
I pulled on my Pumas and fastened them as I watched the green track calling me to it as the sun stroked the soft grass. I haven't trained in a week due to my moving and the rain and found myself becoming restless and eager to run again. I stood up and did a couple of stretches and started jogging around the track.
Slowly and easy I jogged around the track twice to warm myself up and then I picked up speed. I always kept my eyes in front of me, never looking back for anything. Steady and controlled pace, just like my dad taught me.
My mind drifted to the past week. After the first day there were rumours about me in school, or rather speculations about why I cried and made a dash out of class. Mr Tetra never called me in and he never phoned Toya. He simply kept me behind one class, handed me the work I have missed and told me to come to him if there is anything I needed.
All the teachers have been rather nice to me, if I can put it that way. I guess they follow the news everyday. Or maybe the headmaster told them. I don't know and I don't really care. All I know is that they have made life a lot easier for me and wasn't about to complain about that.
That guy, what's his name, Syaoran Li, never spoke to me again. He dropped me off at my house after school that day and left with a 'see you around babe'. When I do see him in class or in the hallways he gives me that cocky grin. I don't mind if he doesn't talk to me, I prefer that he doesn't talk to me. I like to keep to myself.
Wolf whistles filled the air and I looked to my side to see the soccer team staring at me. Li had his normal grin plastered all over his face and an intrigued eyebrow raised at me. Slowing my pace I neared my bag and found my bottle of water. The coach threatened the team to the field and I leaned on the fence.
My heart beat fast, my body temperature was high and my hair stuck to my neck. I must have run some distance and at quite a pace. I always loose track of time and space when I run. It's just me and my thoughts. Just me and my body. Nothing else and no one else. Dad always said that he saw me lost to another world when I ran, but he loved it.
"Do you always get lost in your own world when you run, babe?" I groaned inwardly at the voice. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? I really didn't want anything to do with him, and yet he insists on seeking me out. When I didn't answer him but rather turned to drinking more water he neared me.
He got close, way to close for my comfort. He placed his hands opposite my arms resting on the fence and leaned his body onto mine. I could feel my heart rate accelerate once more as he whispered in my ear. "I'll repeat my question babe. Do you always get lost in your own world when you run?"
"Yeah." I didn't like the sound of my voice. It was far too nervous and came out in a short breath. I could feel him grin at my reply and he leaned slightly more onto me.
"Sexy." With that one word he left me sinking to the ground with my back against the fence as he ran up to the soccer field. He took one last glace of me with that stupid grin playing on his face.
---
I growled at the dark sky and the clouds crying their eyes out over me. I was soaked to the bone and my hair stuck to my face and neck, irritating me even more. Why it had to rain is beyond me. The day my stupid brother can't pick me up it bloody well rains. I shivered slightly and walked on. It won't help to complain.
A car came speeding past me and splashed dirty water all over me. "WHATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING ASSHOLE!" I glanced down at myself. Shit, this is just perfect. Now I am soaked and dirty. I adjusted my shoulder bag and thanked the heavens that it was to some degree waterproof, otherwise my books would have been near to none existent with ink every where.
A familiar car stopped next to me and the window rolled down to reveal Li. He grinned at me and I could feel his eyes roaming over my wet body. Pervert. "What do you want Li?"
"To offer you a lift, it looks like you could use it." I groaned and walked on. I was really not in the mood for this guy's attitude. "Come on babe, you're going to get sick if you walk all the way home in the rain."
"I'll take my chances, besides I don't want to ruin your nice car." Please note the obvious tone of sarcasm in my voice. I couldn't care less what happens to his over priced car, all I wanted was a warm bath and a nice cup of tea.
A strong hand grabbed my arm and twisted me around. I looked up at the now wet boy; his amber was unreadable as he watched me. A small grin played on his lips and he pushed some hair out of may face and behind my ear. His fingers fell down to my earrings and I could feel him tracing the outlines of the small blue diamond stud and silver hoop in my ear.
Water rolled down from his wet bangs clinging to his forehead down his handsome face. His dark brows intensified that unusual look in his dark eyes examining me. His grin grew into a small smile as his thumb brushed dirt from my cheek.
"What are you thinking?" His voice sounded distant as I continued to look into his eyes and he stared back at me.
"Some tea would be nice."
Cut the crap babe.
"Check it out aunty Sakula!" Big brown eyes followed a plastic toy in a small hand as it zoomed through the air. Aladdin and his magic carpet came to an abrupt halt right under my nose and I looked at the four year old.
"Hey, who taught you to talk like that?"
"You did."
Oh perfect. A four year old is picking up all my bad habits. Toya is going to kill me and Yukito as well. "Okay, but I don't want you to talk like that. Your dads are going to kill me if they hear you talking like that."
"Papa Toya and Papa Yukito won't kill you."
"Papa Yukito maybe not, but your Papa Toya will definitely. Come on open up." She opened her mouth and I brought the burger closer so she could take a bite. It's the best way to feed her. Let her play her heart out and along the way you just casually put a bite or two in between the game.
I laughed at Naoko as she and Mr Al as she liked to call him zoomed around in her chair. Toya had some function and Yukito is his escort, so I'm stuck baby sitting my little niece. Not that I mind. Naoko isn't really my brother's kid. Her mother was a dear friend of my brother and when she died Toya adopted Naoko. He said he wouldn't see her go to some home where she will be unhappy.
My dad loved her as his own grandchild and we all became very fond of her, loving her as our own. Yukito also calls her his own and I don't think she could have it any better. Two dads to look after her, one over protective and strong in discipline and the other gentle and caring like a mother. You can guess which one is my loving brother.
"Aunty Sakula! Please pass the soda." I smiled and handed her, her soda and she took a long sip.
"Open up." She took a bite of her burger and continued to play with her free gift. Free my butt, you pay for everything in life. Oh well, as long as she enjoys it and I don't have to cook.
"Hey babe." I groaned at the voice. "Never thought you were into baby sitting." Grinning Li sat himself down next to me with his shoulder bumping against mine. He plopped one of my chips into his mouth.
"Hey, get your own." Jerk, coming around and ruining my evening with my niece and eating my chips.
"No one may eat aunty Sakula's chips." Oh no.
"Is that so, and why not?"
"Be… be…be…"
"Because." I helped softly and she smiled at me.
"Because it's holy food and no one may touch it." She nodded proudly as she repeated my every word. Heaven help me tonight.
"Oh really, and is there anything else your aunty Sakura likes?"
"Yeah loads!"
"Naoko." I was scolding her for her use of language. It won't help trying to shut her up, she didn't quite understand that I didn't want anyone to know what I like and what I don't.
"She likes blue and scary storms and lots of food and iced tea and loud music and scary movies, but she watches The Little Mermaid with me and she reads to me almost every night and she reads a lot and she runs a lot and she writes a lot..."
"And you talk a lot. Open your mouth." She took a huge bite and the last of her burger disappeared into her mouth. "Don't choke and don't get sick." She shook her head at me and I found Li leaning slightly closer to me with that stupid grin on his face.
---
I carried Naoko on my back with Mr Al safely tucked into my jean pocket. Li was walking next to me with his hands dug into his pockets and his black shirt slightly being tugged at by the wind. I felt a slight vibration in my pocket and my cell phone started to ring. Balancing the girl on my back I pulled the phone out and flipped it open.
"What Toya?"
"Why aren't you answering the house phone?"
"Because we're not at home."
"What? Where are you?"
"On our way home. We went for a burger and then we did the whole night park thing like dad did with us."
"Sakura! You can't just go about at night on your own!"
"I'm not on my own! I have someone with me."
"Yeah who?"
I glanced at Li. "A friend."
"I want to meet your friend."
"Like hell! You scare away anyone who comes in a ten kilometre radius of me. Listen Toya, by the time you and Yukito get home Naoko will be safely tugged into her bed dreaming about Aladdin and I'll be in my room wondering how loud you are going to yell this time. So if you don't mind, good bye." I closed my phone and stuck it into my pocket.
My balance shifted and I struggled to get the sleeping girl straight again. The weight suddenly lifted and I turned to find Li with Naoko sleeping in his arms. She cuddled slightly closer to him. "You don't have…"
"She's light."
"Thanks."
"You can make up for it." I glanced at him. "Since I was used in your little fight with this Toya guy, you owe me." Oh great. Why did I have to get annoyed and raise my voice? I groaned and opened the door to our house.
I flicked the lights on and shook Naoko. "Wake up honey, we're home." She blinked against the light at me. "Come on squirt, brush your teeth and into your PJ's then bed. I'll be up in a couple of minutes to tug you in." She slipped from Li's arms and still blinking made her way up the stairs.
"She's cute."
"Yeah. Listen thanks. I ah… I appreciate what you did for us tonight."
"Cut the crap babe." I took in a sharp breath when his lips brushed against mine. Grinning he pulled away and made his way down the steps to the gate. "See you around babe."
Family
I glanced down at the ground still hugging the small pillow close to my body. I could see Toya's large feet pace up and down in front of me before finally coming to a complete stop. Yukito and Naoko had gone to the shops together leaving me at the complete mercy of my older brother who was furious to say the least. "What were you thinking?" He finally bellowed out load.
It was about yesterday's little fun in the park. I don't know why he was so mad about it or why I felt so bad about it. All I wanted was to have fun with my niece. "I was just trying to have some fun with her, like dad did with us."
"Oh Sakura." He sank down to his knees and lifted my face to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry honey, I really am. I just won't know what to do if I lost you too. I'm not mad, really I'm not. I'm just scarred I might loose you too." He took me in his arms and I buried my face in his chest, like we used to do when we were little and I was scared.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you squirt." He spoke softly in my ear while stroking my hair and I clung to him. He was all I had left and I didn't want to loose him either. My big brother has always been there for me when I needed him and I really tried to do the same for him, but some how I always felt that I failed miserably in my part.
He gently pushed me away and held me by my shoulders with that warm smile playing on his lips. "Yuki and I agreed to take you girls out tonight. We can go any place you want, our treat. What do you say monster?"
"I want to go to that ice cream parlour close to the park, I haven't been there yet. Maybe we can go after dinner." He smiled at me and stood up. "And I'm not a monster." He yelped as I kicked him on the shin.
Stupid brother.
---
I felt happy and content with my life, something that I didn't feel in quite some time. I was caught in the bliss for the day and I didn't care. It felt absolutely wonderful not to worry about any homework for a day, not to worry about other people for a day. It was wonderful to spend the entire day with my brother, Yukito and Naoko.
We were a family, a strange family, but family none the less. It's like that little blue alien said in that movie I watched with Naoko earlier the day. We are family, we might be broken, but we are still family. At least we didn't have any aliens in our family, but looking at my brother I might just change my mind.
We were all singing along to the radio to some stupid cute pop song Naoko loved as Toya drove us to the ice cream parlour. I prefer hard loud rock music played at high volume. Hard beating drums and base guitar, loud voices screaming or rapping and sometimes softly singing the lyrics and relevant lyrics which made sense, unlike the cute pop songs Naoko listens to.
She cheered as we parked in front of the parlour and jumped out of the car with me running after her to keep her from trouble. "Naoko! Naoko you little beast! I'm going to kill you when I get my hands on you."
She giggled madly at my empty threat and ran around the corner and I followed, straight into a hard male body. I expected to feel my bottom connect with the ground, but it didn't. "Thanks, I didn't mean to…" The girl giggled madly next to me. "Naoko you little monster. Don't go running off like that!" I scolded her and she giggled even more.
I became aware of the strong hands still on my shoulders and looked up only to meet familiar amber eyes. I groaned. "Nice running into you to babe."
"Why are you everywhere I go?" He grinned at me.
"I don't know, you tell me."
"Sakura!" I jumped at the voice and shrugged his hands off my shoulders and grabbed Naoko's hand. I pulled the girl to the door away from Li and closer to my brother, who has thank the heavens not seen the incident. "Come on squirt, I'm not going to wait forever for you two."
"Coming Toya." Toya and Yuki smiled at us and entered the parlour with Naoko who has broken free of my grip and ran after her dads, leaving me for the second time today at the mercy of a man.
"He's Toya?" Li nodded to my brother picking Naoko up onto the chair next to him and explaining what is on the menu to her.
"Yeah." I felt slightly uncomfortable. "My brother and his boyfriend Yukito and my niece you know."
"You're family?"
"Yeah, bit weird."
"Still loving." He smiled at me and left. I watched him climb into a black car with a tall proud woman in her late forties smiling out at me. She waved slightly at me before the car drove of with Li smiling at me next to her.
Bliss
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he isn't the one living in bliss, maybe I'm the one. I smiled as he waved at me when he came running past. Girl's had a free period in gym, but the guys seemed to have gotten twice as much exercise to make up for our laziness. Behind me I can hear girls gossip about me, the girl who never talks and sometimes packs up and walk out if she had enough of a class.
They always gossip about me, I'm not like them. I can't stand the sight of blood and faint at the smell, so Mr Tedra excused me from frog dissection. I can't concentrate for long periods of time and although it is improving, my grades are still far worse than they ever used to be. Yet the teachers never scold me like they scold the others.
I can't talk to people about normal things, so I choose not to talk at all and people hate silence. But he talks to me, the popular boy talks to me and somehow I manage to talk to him sometimes. All these things make me different, differently treated, than all the other kids. And I only noticed it now.
I'm the one living in bliss. I am the one disregarding reality, because I want to escape. I want to escape what I saw. I want to escape from that smell, that pain, that brutal heart ache and I escape through bliss.
A shadow loomed over me and when I looked up I found him smirking down at me. "Babe, if you're free tonight I'd like to take you out to diner." I live in bliss.
"Yeah, sure." His smirk turned into a full smile before he ran off shouting 'she said yes' to his friends. School pass quickly and I soon found myself dressed in a top and shoes I thought I'd never use again. Yukito kissed me goodbye and drove off leaving me at the restaurant Li told me to meet him. And I felt happy again. Excited about something I have no idea of how it will end.
"You dressed up."
"Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?" He grinned at me and pulled out my chair for me. He acted the prefect gentleman, like guys usually do on dates. He told me stories about his soccer team and family and I would listen as always. He would let me get in my two cents worth if I wanted to say something and soon I found the candle to be burned low and the manager urging us out to our homes.
The drive in the car was silent, but comfortable. "You didn't smoke tonight." He laughed at my soft comment as he pulled up next to my house.
"I thought you didn't like it if I smoke." He was teasing me. I rolled my eyes and undid my buckle. When I looked up at him he was facing me, smiling. His fingers reached up and touched my face gently as he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. I leaned in, closing my eyes. Knowing that he wanted to, that I wanted to – so badly.
His lips were soft and his touch tender when he urged my face up to his. I was lost in a sea of butterflies and glowing heat rising to my cheeks. I was lost to the boy kissing me. "I'm sorry about your father." His voice was a whisper against my lips. "He didn't deserve to leave you that way." Just say it – my father was murdered. I can say it. My father was murdered and I found him. His kiss was soft again, caring.
"I'll understand if you say no, but please consider being my girlfriend." I looked up to him and he smiled. "You bring my bliss back." And I laughed and nodded. For how can I refuse him when he too brings bliss into my life?
Three months ago I asked who this girl is you see before you. I can answer it now. This girl is me. But she has changed, she lives in bliss when she's with him and she wouldn't want it any other way.
AN: This is another old story I dug up. I can't remember why I started to write it, but I quite like it for some odd reason. It was originally a series of very short chapters, but I decided to make it into a sectioned short story. Somehow it just seems more complete now.
Thank you for reading!
Tella