I looked like a supermodel. My body had curves that I hadn't had before, my hair looked like I'd just been on a shampoo commercial, my body looked incredible and the clothes fit me well. Panic rose into me as I looked at my face. My eyes were blood red.

Suddenly Jasper was in the room, pulling Alice away from me. Emmett was there, crouched by the doorway. I was shaking, with fear. What had they done to me? My eyes looked so demonic. Their eyes all ranged from gold to black, but mine were ruby red, looking frighteningly horrific. My hands touched my face, watching the person in the mirror do the same thing. Jasper and Emmett were still tensed, worried I was going to attack or something.

Come on Bella calm yourself down. Just a dream remember? I felt much better after repeating that phrase. I was no longer in panic mode, more like slight unease. This dream was beginning to scare me more and more. I sighed and sat down.

"I'm fine, I was just surprised I suppose." I ran my fingers through my hair and waited for them to relax. I sat there, trying to focus on anything else. My eyes strayed over some moving boxes.

"You're moving?" I asked.

"We're moving. When Edward changed you, he broke a treaty. We all need to get as far away from Forks as possible, before we're all destroyed."

"Well good luck with that. Will I be allowed home then?"

"No you can come with us, or risk being killed here, or you could go off on your own I suppose, after a few months." Carlisle said. I shrugged and then tucked my hands in my pockets. I needed something to do, until this nightmare was over.

"So can I help with the moving boxes?" I asked. Alice giggled and Jasper frowned, looking almost confused.

"Could you stop staring?" I asked him, waiting for the telltale blush. "I feel like a science experiment gone wrong. You won't quit looking at me."

"Aren't you.... you should be thirsty." He explained.

I raised a hand to my throat. It hadn't been unbearable until he mentioned it. I tried to focus on everything else and the thirst died away, until it was only a nag in the back of my mind.

"A little. Can I have some water- wait- blood?" I corrected myself, unsure of my dream still. Emmett laughed.

"Ah sure I need to hunt. Jazz, would you care to come with? Teach our new sister the ropes?"

"Where the hell does that phrase come from?" I wondered aloud.

"Ships. I believe. Every rope had a location and purpose, a different knot and place to be knotted. I believe that learning the ropes meant learning how to handle the ship." Carlisle smiled.

It made sense. I bowed my head casually in thanks and followed as Jasper and Emmett led me outside.

"Eddie? You coming?" Emmett shouted through a door.

"No." Was the pained reply, barely whispered.

"You won't run into anybody, if you stick to the northern ridge." Alice informed them.

And so my first hunt began. We began running, at first I feared I would fall, but before long we were darting through the trees. I wasn't feeling clumsy, I was feeling free. I could run at speeds I had only imagined, covering a massive distance in a short period of time. Before long Jasper halted my run.

There was an eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't quite place. We crouched and he began pointing out my targets to me, deer, a small herd about fifty feet away from where I stood, crouched behind an old tree. Their smell ignited my throat, painfully making me aware of how thirsty I was.

"Just rely on your instincts. All that separates your satiation is a piece of thin hide." Jasper whispered to me.

I attacked, hearing the neck of the creature break as I brought it close to my mouth. As soon as the blood began soothing my throat I knew what the feeling in my stomach was: reality. My brain was telling me that this couldn't be real. My body was warning me otherwise. I finished draining the deer, unable to stop, before I sank back amongst the trees. What had I done? I felt overwhelming sadness, realisation and pity for the creature I had slaughtered. Suddenly I didn't feel sad, and Jasper was back at my side. I wanted to feel sad, but my body felt oddly calm.

"Bella? You okay?" he asked. "You seemed to be taking all of this well, until now."

"It's real." I tried to explain, whilst reminding myself in the process. "I thought it was just a dream, but it isn't is it?" Horror and sadness flickered through me before being replaced with calmness again.

I simply stared, not seeing, not wanting to see. Charlie thought I was dead. I'd never see him and Renee again. Clearly I was dangerous. Would I attack my own father? If the call of animal blood was so strong that I couldn't stop feeding, how would human blood call to me? I was a monster. My life had been taken from me, turned upside down and now I was nothing but a killing machine. I sat, unable to stop my legs from folding beneath me. For whatever reason I couldn't feel sad, my body still reacted to it. Emmett tried to convince me to come back home again but I didn't want to move.

"Bella, please? Come back to the house with us? We'll talk okay? Just talk." He pleaded. My eyes met his, but my body didn't move. "Do you mind if I carry you then? I don't want you out here all night, and Jasper and I do want to get home, see Rose and Alice." Home. I wanted to go home. Back to Charlie's house. I wanted to curl up under my blankets, in my old room. I wanted to stare at the old rattling window, the tiny closet with the crack down the door, and feel normal. Nothing felt normal anymore. It wasn't fair for me to keep them from their home. I nodded meekly and was swept into his arms. I curled myself into a tight ball and just watched. We got back to the house, taking longer now that I was a burden to the giant teddy bear.

He put me down on a couch and I stared at the floor.

I didn't move for two days.

Emmett and Alice were the most frequent visitors, to the room I was in. Alice spoke about anything and everything that came to mind. I quickly learned about all the special talents in the family. Jasper kept me calm, because he could control emotions, Alice could see the future, Edward could read minds. I hadn't seen him since the accident. He had locked himself in his room, and I hadn't moved much, so neither of us had spoken. I wondered what he found in my head. I wasn't particularly bothered by his power. I wasn't thinking anything bad. I wasn't really thinking at all.

I was trying to sort my head out actually. Reset my brain. I had the opportunity to start a whole new life, but I didn't want to let go of the old one. We would be moving soon, would I stay with the Cullens? I saw no real choice. They would help keep me safe. On my own I wouldn't know what to do. I had no money, no identity anymore. I could see them becoming my family. They were so strange, so different, yet so close – I could see myself fitting in. Except with Edward. He would always see me as a mistake, a reminder of his weakness.

My brain had decided not to blame him. It wasn't his fault, really. I didn't blame him, I wasn't sure who to blame. The one time I moved, it was to get rid of the small discomfort that was the tampon. It had been in my body for days and wasn't collecting blood or doing anything, just sitting there. No menstrual cycle anymore. Positive = no cramps, no mood swings, no pimples. Negative = no children. Since when had I wanted children anyway? I wasn't sleeping either. But none of them were, so I assumed that this was the norm for a vampire.

Then, suddenly, Edward flew out of his room and out of the door. I didn't even look up. I heard a car engine start and Jasper ran outside also. Esme was sad. It was probably my fault. Alice told me about how Edward felt guilty still, how he was leaving for Alaska. What an obscene place to go. Alaska. Now Alice was sad too. Her husband had left. She sat with me and I sat with her. She didn't even talk much anymore, just told me when she had to go to school.