Typical Disclaimers Apply
A/N: So...I never thought I'd feel obligated to finish this. I still don't, but I really want to work on it and so how it goes. Hell, I never thought I'd finish my Esme Slain/Malfoy/Weasley/Black/Snape story (call her what you want…) and I managed to do that.
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About a dozen teenagers stared as Voldemort pounded out some morose song on an ancient, out-of-tune piano. The strange minor key wrapped itself around the group as they stared in a mix of awe, fear, and confusion. Snape strutted into the room as the piano's cry echoed about.
"What the hell is he doing?" he muttered to Lucius, sitting down on the floor around the atrocious instrument.
"I've no idea. He's been doing it for like forty-five minutes."
"Gods, it sounds like the piano's being murdered by Jack the Ripper."
"You mean being raped and disemboweled?" Narcissa purred as she wrapped her arms around Lucius and cuddled up to his back.
"That was more than unnecessary, Black," Snape growled. Voldemort struck a final, sour note, stood up, and bowed deeply. Most of the room applauded uncertainly, praising multiple deities for his finale. Bellatrix stood up and clapped her hands together as though her life depended on it. Voldemort frowned in her direction.
"That was more than unnecessary, Bellatrix." He turned to Lucius, "Malfoy! Control your future sister-in-law!" Spastically, he leapt to his feet, grabbed Bella, and pulled her back onto the ground. She looked as though she wanted to eat him.
"I call this meeting of Voldemort's Death Eaters to order!" he cried. "This is how we shall begin every meeting! I've been told that my music could resurrect the dead," he said rather proudly. A few of the Death Eaters nodded numbly, each trying to think of the quickest way to kill themselves and make it look like an accident. Voldemort turned to the spot where Lucius and Narcissa were cuddling. "Did I even hire you?"
"Me?" Lucius jumped up again. "Well, My Lord, I believed that you did, but if it your desire for me to leave, I'll definitely leave. But trust me, Your Darkness, outside these walls; I will still do your great and wonderful bidding! Even away from your stare, I will be your loyal servant!" Snape massaged his temples.
"I was talking about the girl," Voldemort smirked.
"Oh."
"Well? Did I hire you?"
"Of course! I mean, who wouldn't hire me? I'm cute, blonde, and adorable!" Narcissa giggled.
"Right, well, whatever. I'd rather not deal with the paperwork. Now, does anyone have any questions about what you'll be doing?"
"Do we get paid?" a boy inquired.
"No."
"But this is a full-time job! How are we supposed to afford homes or food?" Voldemort thought on this for a moment.
"One more question and I'll feed you to one of my large and dangerous pets." The boy shut up quite quickly after that. "As I was saying…As a boy growing up in an orphanage, it was always my dream to become a concert pianist. Day in and day out, I would practice for hours. Unfortunately, when I was seven, they sold the piano so they could buy us new shoes. So, I began torturing children as a way to pursue my creative desires. Day in and day out, I would practice for hours. And when I was eight I…" Several Death Eaters groaned inwardly. Several of them groaned outwardly, but Voldemort kept talking. And talking. And talking. Snape began to doze silently. Narcissa whipped out an emery board and began doing her nails. Bellatrix sat, back straight, rapt with attention. "…and with years of practice and my wonderful teacher, Ms. Halloway, I became the wonderful musician that I am today," he finished after about twenty minutes. Bella stood and applauded, stirring Snape, who also began to applaud, though rather confusedly. The rest of the room followed suit. "Yes, thank you. I have had a rather fascinating life, haven't I? One day I will be recognized for it. And all of you shall help me achieve that recognition!"
"By killing people?" Bellatrix inquired hopefully.
"By making my music known to the wizarding world! With your help, I can finally squash those damnable one-hit wonders The Beatles!" Bellatrix sat down, pouting slightly.
"But The Beatles broke up over ten years ago!" Narcissa said suddenly, causing all of the heads in the room to swivel towards her. "I mean, it's 1978! If you want to take someone down, take down Aretha Franklin!"
"Aretha is a goddess," Voldemort spat. "Never use her name in vain again."
"Sorry," she mumbled. He turned away from her, shaking his head.
"So, if someone's already taken down the band, I shall have to take down the swine that brought them to the wizarding world!" He looked at the crowd expectantly. They stared back blankly. "Muggle-borns! I'm going to kill all the muggle-borns!"
"Wow, killing a large and powerful part of our society. That'll end well," Snape muttered.
"Well I think it's a wonderful idea," Bella gushed. "The Beatles are destroying the wizarding world, and they need to be stopped!"
"They stopped ten years ago," Narcissa muttered.
"Shut up, Cissy. We need to save our world from their songs of love and hope by killing all who brought them here!"
"I think your logic and that statement just killed part of me," said Snape. Voldemort turned to face their chattering group.
"We'll need to gain information from the man who knows the most about muggles: Albus Dumbledore! I'll be needing several highly-skilled, extremely intelligent informants to sneak into Hogwarts and listen in on one of his meetings." He gestured to Bella, Narcissa, Lucius, and Snape. "You, you, you, and you; go and sneak into the school sometime tomorrow evening. School's about to begin again, and he'll be wanting to make sure all of his teachers are prepared."
"How should we do it?" Lucius asked.
"I don't know; hide under a chair or something. I'm an evil overlord, not a spy!"
"Oh, yes, this is going to go fabulously," Snape grumbled to himself.
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A/N: Sorry for the delayed update!