Chapter Two. Tu-woah. .
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Wails and Whales
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Sasuke sat on the nearest couch and resisted the urge to slam his feet on the coffee table. He may be pissed but he's not a barbarian. He settled for rubbing his forehead with one hand the way his father did.
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"I don't have blueberry tea at the moment. But I have strawberry. Would that be okay?"
Sasuke's blood ran cold. His forehead left his hand as he looked up incredulously at the wailing cow. "Do I look like I fucking drink strawberry?"
"What's wrong with strawberry?" Her voice went from nervous to indignant.
"It's—" He shuddered at the stupidity of what he was about to say next but he'd thought long and hard about it and there's simply no less stupid way to say it. "It's girly."
"Strawberry is girly?"
"Hn."His forehead met his hand again.
"How did strawberry become girly?" She insisted.
"There's a fucking cartoon with a girl and a strawberry."
"So because of Strawberry Shortcake you don't want strawberry tea?"
"Hn."
"And blueberry is what, manly?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"It's got blue on its fucking name. Of course it's manly."
He heard a shrill laugh after that. Kami, this woman is a witch. He stood up and headed for the door. He's sleep-deprived. He's angry. He's leaving. His pride will not let him endure another second of mortification. His hand was on the knob when the wailing cow stopped him.
"Hey, where are you going?" Then her hand was on top of his, stopping him from turning the knob. "Don't go."
He glared at her with all his might. There's no way he's going to stay here. He turned the knob and pulled.
"Seriously please, don't go?" She begged. She desperately needs a distraction. She doesn't want to be alone with her thoughts.
"Shut up and—"
"I have nutella cookies!"
Damn it. "FINE. Just stop crying."
The girl closed the door behind them and watched her neighbor return to his previous seat. "So I take it you like nutella?"
"Who fucking doesn't?" He grabbed a throw pillow and wrapped it in a loose hug.
"So rude," the girl remarked as she marched her way to the kitchen. "Anyway, we haven't exactly gotten off at a good start so let me introduce myself." Her voice, along with the sound of opening and closing cabinets, carried from the kitchen to the living room. "I'm Haruno Sakura. I'm—"
"Focus on getting the food."
"Here's your food, your highness." She appeared in front of him with a plateful of heaven. "Hn." That was quick.
She sat opposite him and decided to continue with her introduction. "As I said—"
"What are you doing?"
"Excuse me?"
"Didn't your mother teach you anything?"
"What—"
"Where's the milk?"
"Milk?"
"Cookies are always served with milk." His deadpan eyes were doing more talking than his mouth. Seriously. Everybody knows that.
Sakura felt torn between shame and exasperation. Shame because he's right, she shouldn't have forgotten about the milk. And exasperation because "WHAT ARE YOU? A CHILD?"
"I AM AN ADULT WHO CAN SOLVE MY OWN PROBLEMS WITHOUT WAKING THE WHOLE BUILDING. UNLIKE YOU!"
"Unlike me?! You think I can't solve my own problems?"
"All you do is wail."
"Did you just call me a WHALE?"
"No. I said—"
And then there she was again. Crying and crying and crying. Sasuke nearly cried himself.
"Please stop crying."
"HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU—"
"I said STOP CRYING."
"You called me a whale."
"I did not."
"It's the politically correct way of saying a person is fat. I'm not fat."
"Politically correct?" Sasuke would've spluttered on his milk if he actually had milk.
"What? You have anything against whales too?"
"No."
The girl calmed down after that. "Okay. So what do you think about whales?"
"They're...majestic creatures." He finished awkwardly.
She sniffled and looked at him with round eyes. "So by the transitive property of reasoning, you think whales are majestic creatures and you called me a whale so you think I'm a majestic creature too?"
"For the third time, I did not call you—" her eyes rounded and watered "Fine. Now Ms. Whale, where is the milk?"
Sasuke's heart leapt to his throat when he felt her hands close in on his cheeks in a traumatizing pinch. "Awwww," she cooed, "I was wrong. You're such a sweet person and for that I shall give you the milk you deserve." And with that she trotted to her kitchen to get the most awaited milk.
Sasuke's face was red but he refused to acknowledge that it was caused by anything other than the warm temperature inside the unit. He grabbed another cookie and contemplated whether it deserved to be crushed and left uneaten. But before he could decide, Sakura came back with a glass of glorious white liquid. "There ya go."
"You"
"What?"
"Not 'ya'. 'You'."
"What?"
Sasuke gave up and dunked the cookie into the glass (he would not dare to admit that feeling of satisfaction that came over him when the diameter of the cookie eased perfectly into the glass). When he was sure that the cookie was adequately drenched with milk, he deemed it worthy to be finally inside his mouth.
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It was not there for a long time before he spit it back out again. "What the fuck?!"
"Your language is inappreciably foul."
"Your milk is foul. What is this?"
"It's soya milk." She said proudly.
"I'm sorry," he gritted, "did you say soya milk?"
"Yes." She beamed.
Sasuke stood abruptly. There was a fraction of a second's hesitation before he bent down and grabbed the plate of cookies. "It's time for me to sleep. I'm leaving."
"What now? Because of my preference in milk?"
"Yes. Because of your preference in milk."
Sakura rolled her eyes. "I'll have you know that soya milk is a good source of estrogen. It helps in making my breasts grow."
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A few seconds passed until:
"Pics or didn't happen."
Her mouth dropped in an 'O' when she realized what he just said. And he just stands there like it's perfectly normal to ask for boob pictures? Sakura's mind heaved in mortification.
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The walls shook as the door slammed shut behind one Uchiha Sasuke who soon found himself alone at the lobby. Alone with a plateful of nutella cookies and the memory of a flustered girl.
He shrugged and carried his reward to his unit.
I regret nothing.
TBC
Author's note: a la Sasuke-I regret nothing. Except lacking motivation for so long.
I'm so bored at work today that I decided trying to get my old life back (fanfiction) is less evil than trying to accomplish my boring tasks.
And before you ask for a refund on the five minutes of your life that you wasted on reading this chapter, lemme say:
I hope the succeeding chapters will not be as much of a waste of time as this one. I admit that this does chapter does not contribute anything to the development of the story. It's simply here because I have nothing else to do. And I wanted to write a chapter that does not require me to think too much. So what kind of output can you expect?
Again, I need a beta-reader. But I will not trouble anyone until I'm sure that I'm finally committed to writing again.
Thank you for reading. :)