Disclaimer- I do not own anything from the Divergent trilogy, all of it comes from the amazingly creative and intelligent mind of Veronica Roth.
(I did just make up some names, and I will make up names in later chapters because Veronica Roth does not include these names in her series, so I had to improvise.) If you could review that would be awesome, I would like to know where I am at with my writing, if you like my story, that's amazing and I will die of happiness if you tell me, if you hate my story, just tell me what I am doing wrong so I can improve my writing style. Thanks! Every opinion is welcome!
I tugged a brush painfully through my already drying hair. Wincing I studied my reflection. I wasn't ugly, but I wasn't pretty, my face was very plain. The only thing that won me attention was my intelligence. I set my hairbrush down my almost bare dresser. With a moment of hesitation I pulled back a strand of hair with a pin, the usual Erudite hairstyle. I pondered for a moment and decided to leave my books behind for today, besides, it was our last day of school… well, really more like a half day of school, the simulation tests were after lunch, and they took up the rest of the school day.
I wasn't nervous. No. Of course I wasn't nervous. A Matthews doesn't get nervous. I knew I would get Erudite, worrying was illogical. All of the statistics pointed to me getting Erudite. Then why was I worried? I felt the skin on my forehead bunch together as I pondering the one thing that science couldn't explain, the human mind. I ran down the stairs listening to my blue sneakers pound against the wood. "What? No excessive amount of books?" I turned so fast my hair slapped across my face and my neck ached. I saw my father standing behind me. I plastered a smile on my face and said as brightly as possible, "No, father." He smiled, fake, of course. "The bus will be leaving soon Jeanine, you better get going." I understood. He wanted me out of the house. I hadn't eaten yet, but that didn't matter. I wouldn't have wanted to anyway, besides, father always values education more than health, didn't care if I skipped a few meals, just as long as I didn't 'do anything to screw up my brain more' he would say.
The bus rumbled under my feet as it started up and slowly began to build up more speed, and the buildings in the windows blurred until it made me dizzy to look outside. Blinking tears from my eyes I looked away. "Are you crying?" an incredulous voice made me look up. A girl in Erudite blue was clutching a pole next to me, her knuckles turning white from gripping the pole so hard. She had dark straight hair and olive toned skin, her eyes were hard to read, and I had studied body language my whole life. Her shoes were scuffed, worn out and stains all over them. She probably came from a poor family. "Oh, no" I replied. "The sun burned my eyes." "Oh, Okay" The girl responded. "So, what's your name?" I asked, not actually caring. "Tori" she responded flatly. I noticed she didn't care to mention her last name. "You're Jeanine Matthews, right?" I nodded. "My dad doesn't shut up about you; it gets a bit annoying at times." Her body stood rigidly relaxed, she's trying too hard I observed she was obviously upset or uncomfortable. "Thanks." I said returning my gaze to the floor. "That wasn't a complement." She whispered under her breath, just low enough for me to hear.