It had been three months now.

Three months since Dick had saved Jason. Three months since he'd nursed him, bandaged him, brought warmth back to his cold body with damnably warm hands.

Without those hands now Jason felt cold and empty. He'd spent the last three months off of vigilante work, unable to focus when his mind kept straying to what had happened, what had almost happened. He felt dirty, but that was nothing new. Helpless. That was a feeling he wasn't used to. Every guy he fought flashed him back to those watery eyes, full of sick desire for him. He kept messing up, and it nearly killed him a couple times before he just stopped, hiding himself in his flat and only going out to drink himself into a stupor.

He'd taken to fucking girls from the bar, just to feel in control again, just to try to cleanse away the feeling of that knife, those hands and tongue. It never worked. He always left when he was finished, not caring the slightest bit about whatever slut had just been moaning under him. It didn't matter. He felt no better, his work was being interfered with, his mind itself was betraying him.

He didn't know what to do.

He wanted to see Nightwing…

No, he didn't want to see Dick. He absolutely did not. Dick couldn't fix him; he wasn't a damn miracle worker, despite what it might have felt like that day.

Despite the warmth that had touched him for just a few briefs moments, despite the feeling almost like he belonged, like he could have stayed. No, it was just the illusion of a mind that was still in shock and recovering from drugs and trauma. After all, he was dead, he didn't belong anywhere anymore.

But for a second, he'd almost felt home again.

It hurt so much to know it wasn't real.

/

"You just let him go?"

That voice was deceptively calm, but Dick knew how to hear the anger simmering under the indifferent tone. He knew that Batman was pissed. But he wasn't in the mood to play the chastised underling today.

"Yeah, I did. I wasn't going to force him to stay against his will. I made the offer for him to stay, he didn't accept it." He said, uncovered eyes glaring at Batman's masked ones. "Some people shouldn't be forced, especially when they're likely traumatized."

"All the more reason for you to have at least followed him. No one's heard any activity from him in three months…" Ah, so there was the worry, the father figure under the bat cowl.

Dick sighed. "You… you don't understand, okay? You're always in control, you don't know what it's like to suddenly feel… helpless. It takes a serious toll. He needs to deal with it. If he needs someone then I'll be there, but I'm not going to force it. That will only make it worse. He needs someone to understand, not someone to command him."

Bruce scowled a little, looking at Dick with suspicion behind those white lenses. "You know what it's like to feel helpless, do you?"

Dick didn't waver, even under the scrutiny of the bat glare. "I do. I probably understand what he's feeling better than anyone right now…"

He didn't go into details, he wouldn't. He'd made his peace with what happened and he wasn't going back into that dark place.

Batman didn't push him for an explanation. Maybe he was learning.

"If you won't let me do anything about it, at least look for him." He said, sighing deeply. "If I know Jason, and I did once, he won't ask for help. You have to go to him."

"… Alright. I'll find him, okay?"

Bruce nodded, a dismissal, and for once Dick didn't mind being dismissed. He put his mask back on, heading out into the night, the darkness which enveloped him like the arms of an old friend.

It wasn't a patrol night tonight, Batman and Robin had the streets covered tonight.

Tonight was about him finding Jason.

/

The bar was loud and dirty, trash metal playing in ear rattling loud volumes while the mostly male patrons sat around the bar and drank with surly looks on their faces. Jason fit in there just fine, scowling into the bottom of his glass and wishing the alcohol would take his troubled thoughts away. No one paid attention to him here, no women approached him, no one tried to strike up conversations. That was why he was there tonight. He just wanted to be left alone.

There was a murmur through the bar patrons as someone walked in the door, a whisper of disapproval that pervaded the place. This was a place for brooding and melancholy, but the young man who'd just walked through the door wasn't taking part in either.

Dick Grayson was a sunbeam in the dark establishment, wearing a bright red t-shirt and worn blue jeans, a casual smile on his face like the world was his personal joke. Jason stiffened when he saw him, knowing that it was no coincidence that he was here. The leanly muscled man sauntered over to Jason's side, sitting himself on the stool beside him and ordering a drink. The bartender frowned at Dick's smiling face but took his money and made the drink, setting it in front of him.

"What are you doing here, Grayson?" Jason muttered, throwing back the rest of his drink and glaring over at his older brother.

Dick smiled a bit, an edge behind his eyes. "I'm here to check in on you. Something wrong with that?" he asked. There was a challenge in his voice that was distinctly pushing his buttons and Jason growled.

"I'm fine."

"Liar."

Jason turned his head to glare at Dick more directly, their gazes meeting in a clash of blue that Jason was the first to look away from. "Did Bruce send you here?" he asked, a snarl in his tone.

"Yes. But I would have come anyway." The edge was gone, replaced by something else. Jason looked at Dick and saw a weariness in his eyes, a tightness around the corners of his mouth that he'd missed before.

"Dick… I'm fine, alright? You shouldn't be here."

Dick looked at him, sipping his drink quietly and keeping his silence for a few moments. "I need to be here." He said finally, forcing a confused look from Jason.

"What do you want?"

There was more silence while Jason waited for the answer, staring at Dick for several long minutes. Dick sighed and knocked back the rest of his drink. "I don't want to talk about this here, Jay. The music is giving me a headache, can we go somewhere else?"

Jason opened his mouth to say no, to tell Dick that if he didn't like the place he could leave, but the words didn't leave his lips. Dick's face spoke of pain, spoke of emptiness and … helplessness. Everything Jason felt, reflected on the older man's face with heart wrenching clarity.

"Fine…" He sighed, paying his tab and pulling away from the bar, leading Dick out, lighting a cigarette when they were outside, using it as an excuse to not look at the other man. He walked them both in silence to his flat, wrestling with the lock for a couple minutes before they were finally inside. Dick looked around as they stepped in, taking in the sparse furniture and blank walls. It was relatively clean, for a guy's space, but it seemed more like that was due to a lack of stuff, rather than effort on Jason's part. Spartan seemed like an understatement.

"Alright, Dick, talk." He said, looking away from the other man, scowling darkly. He couldn't believe he was going along with this. He didn't want to be around the Bat's golden boy. It made him angry, to think that Bruce had sent him here, that he was just playing the concerned brother to put him at ease.

"Jay…" Dick's voice pleaded for him to look at him and the younger man forced his gaze to turn. What he saw made his breath hitch.

Dick was standing there, just Dick, without any of Nightwing's cockiness or Batman's poise. It was just Dick, looking at him with open, hurting eyes and holding his arms out helplessly at his sides. He looked so damn vulnerable that Jason almost stepped towards him, almost.

"I know." He said, dark blue eyes sad and deep. "I know what you've been through. I know what you're feeling."

Jason gritted his teeth, turning his head away, unable to handle Dick's open expression. "Yeah? How the hell do you know what I've been through, huh?"

Dick stiffened, pain sparking in his eyes and he closed them. "I know, alright? I know what it's like to make a mistake, to be stripped of power and unable to say no… to just lay there and take it because you really have no choice. Totally helpless…"

Jason's eyes widened and he looked back at Dick, his mouth going dry with the realization. "But… someone stopped it… right?"

Dick opened his eyes, shaking his head slowly. "No. Not for me, Jay."

Jason felt stricken, shocked. There was no way that something like that could happen to Dick, no way.

Dick was the golden boy. Dick was the loved one. Dick was the one that Batman would protect no matter what. Nothing bad was supposed to happen to him, if bad things could happen to Dick then it completely shattered everything Jason had assumed about how their messed up family worked. If Dick could get hurt like that then maybe Bruce really was only human, could make mistakes and really did just want to protect all of them…

He shook his head, no, he couldn't start thinking that now, couldn't change anything now, he was too far gone. There was no going home, no turning back.

But looking at Dick… was it really?

"You…" Jason was at a loss. What could he say to that?

Dick smiled sadly at him. "It's alright, Jay. I came to terms with it. There's a peace to be made with it." He said, sighing and stepping closer. "I know it's not easy, dealing with what you're feeling right now. But it gets better, and you don't have to do it alone like I did."

Jason stood, staring at him, eyes open for once, and lost. This changed everything, changed the dynamic, and he didn't know how to catch his footing again. "Dick…"

"Shh." Dick hushed him, stepping into his younger brother's space and wrapping his arms around his shoulders, pulling him in against his strong chest. Jason stiffened, about to pull away forcefully and panic, but Dick's voice stopped him. "Tell you what… You and I, our whole family really, we're messed up. We're pretty well screwed in the relationship department. But how about for tonight none of that matters. The past doesn't matter, tomorrow doesn't matter. Jason and Dick don't matter. Right now, we're just two people. Two people who don't have any obligation to anything, who are just here. We can just be. We don't have to live up to anything. How does that sound?"

If Jason was honest, it sounded amazing. To not have a name, to not have a past, to just exist alongside someone else with no expectations whatsoever, what could he really object to. So he didn't. Jason would have objected, Jason would have pulled away from Dick's embrace and forced him to leave, would have been humiliated and want to get away at any cost. But he didn't want to be Jason, he didn't want Jason's baggage and pain, he didn't want Jason's feelings. He just wanted to be. So he relaxed into Dick's hold, face buried in the older man's shoulder, breath shuddering as his arms went around to cling to Dick's back.

Dick smiled, resting his head on Jason's hair, breathing in the scents of alcohol and cigarette smoke mixed with Jason's shampoo. They stood that way for a long time, the minutes ticking by without care. They were just two people, holding on to each other and riding out a storm of emotions that were too much for either of them to handle alone. Jason felt so young. He felt like the child he had once been, clinging to Bruce's neck as he fell asleep, too tired and too content to care about how open his affections were towards his father figure. But this wasn't Bruce, and it wasn't the same, it was more somehow, then what that feeling had been.

He pulled away just a little, tipping his head up to look at Dick, their eyes catching and holding there. The world could have toppled around them and it wouldn't have mattered. Dick was still. This was for Jason, Jason called the shots. So when Jason leaned up and closed the space between their lips, Dick didn't protest and only responded. A certain tension seemed to break free as their lips moved together, slowly, almost sweetly. There was no roughness that could be expected from the two of them. If Dick and Jason were to kiss it would be rough, it would be desperate and unchaste, but tonight they weren't Dick and Jason, and how they would be didn't matter. All that mattered was the warmth in the younger man's chest that spread and tingled through him, cleansing away the hurt.

When Jason deepened the kiss Dick went with it, a little surprised when the younger didn't immediately move to dominate, just moving his tongue smoothly with Dick's, letting the older man have the reigns. It took a moment for Dick to understand what Jason needed from him, and the realization stung his eyes a little.

Jason had been fucking women without care, taking control, forcing himself into the position of power. He'd thought that would make him feel strong again, but in reality it was just feeding into his feelings of helplessness. He needed to know that he could choose, that he could not have control and still be okay.

He needed to trust.

Jason didn't trust anyone, couldn't trust anyone. But 'Not' Jason… Not Jason could trust Not Dick, could give himself up to the healer's hands that had evoked so much in him before.

Dick held him, his hands moving over Jason's strong back, pulling back from his lips for air. "You sure?" he murmured, knowing that Jason would understand what he was asking. He looked into those lighter blue eyes for confirmation, heart clenching at the need he saw there.

"Yeah… I'm sure." He replied, pulling Dick back in, hands threading into his hair.

"Okay… I can do that for you." Dick murmured softly, letting Jason guide him to the bedroom.

He could be the one that Jason trusted.

/

To be continued! Really, it will, I promise, but it might take awhile XD A couple people suggested I use Dick's experience in Nightwing #93 to help him connect with Jason, and you could take it that way, yes. But to be honest in my own mind I'm referring to a different incident for Dick, because the feeling would be different being forced by a woman then being forced by a man. I might go into details about my own version of Dick's experiences later on. In the meantime enjoy this fluff and expect sex later.