I don't know who grabbed my stuff from the bench, I don't remember much from the past few days. I remember going home and finding two letters from Rose in the mail. One containing a letter explaining why and one holding 6 two-way train tickets home and a reservation letter to two rooms at a hotel in town. I don't remember the trip, I don't remember Xander holding me as I sat silently though the funeral, and I still don't remember it ever hurting as much in my life then it did now.

As soon as we had gotten home my parents picked me up and took me home. I stayed in my room for days. They came to see me but my parent said that I wouldn't come out.

I did see them about a week later. My parents asked them to come and talk to me because I wasn't talking to them. I didn't talk to them but they seemed to know that I hadn't been sleeping well, that I hadn't eaten much and they saw that I was staring at a picture across the room. It was of her and as much as I wanted to look away I couldn't. She was haunting me, not letting me go, but it didn't make since because she had chosen to leave.

A few days my parents both my parent had to go to work again but they didn't want me alone so they got my friends to come over. First Madison, then Chip, next Vida, next Nick, then Xander. He stayed the longest and he was the one that witnessed my finally breaking down.

We were sitting in my room and I of course was staring at her picture across the room. I stood abruptly and walked over to the picture. I looked at it for a few seconds before I grabbed it and threw it at the wall above my bed and screamed.

"I hate you! Why did you leave me all alone?"

Xander barely had time to move out of the flying pictures way. He then dove over to me as I fell down on my knees. "Cassandra!"

I don't know how long I cried but I woke up to arms holding me. I was sleeping in the leaving room. That confused me for about half a minute before I remembered that I had broken glass and ceramic all over my bed. She had made me that picture frame and I destroyed it yesterday after noon.

I looked up and saw the wall clock and read that it was two in the morning. I got out of the arms imprisoning me and saw that they belonged to Xander.

He stayed. My parents let him stay. Why would he want to stay? I thought as I leaned down and kissed his forehead and whispered, "thank you" before going to the bathroom to shower and cry.

After I was done I walked out in a towel and saw that Xander was sitting up staring at me.

"Sorry," I said, "I didn't want to wake you up. You looked so comfy I didn't want to disturb you."

He acted like I didn't say anything as he asked his question.

"Did you sleep well?" What was that behind his eyes, that emotion was hard to read from him.

"Fine, Xander, what is wrong?

"I'm having trouble looking just at your face, go put on some clothes."

I had forgotten that I was just wearing a towel.

"Xander," I said as my voice cracked, "I don't think that I can go in there. Not after what happened."

He walked over to me and pulled me into a hug.

Then he gently brought me into my room and I saw that he had cleaned the bed. He placed me down and turned to walk away but I grabbed his hand and said, "Xander, please stay?"

"Not until you put on clothes, Cassandra. I don't want to do anything with you… tonight," he added after a look fell over my face. "Look, Cassandra, I would love to have sex with you, I have wanted to for months after we started dating but I wont, not when you are having mental break downs because I don't want to hurt you physically or mentally more then you already are."

"Xander, I want you though. Please don't leave the room."

"No you don't not tonight. Please change, I'll stay in the room but I am going to be turned around."

"Fine," I said as he turned and I dropped my towel and grabbed a black tank top, underwear and a pair of black yoga pants. "Changed."

He turned around slowly to make sure that I wasn't lying and that I had clothes on.

"Get in the bed," Xander said as he turned around all the way and walked to my bed and climbed in under the covers and pulled me into his chest and covered us before he drifted of to sleep and then slowly after him I drifted of to sleep suddenly wishing that he wasn't there with his arms around me.