A/N: Wow! I wasn't expecting such a good response. Thank you everyone who took the time to leave a review, especially SuperiorDimwit, FlowerFoxWings, and Swift-Star9 who left lots of feedback and let me ramble on at them until I sorted out my thoughts on if and how I should continue.

I hope you all like this chapter too. I was having some difficulty logistically with it at first (which FlowerFoxWings helped me work through) and then emotionally for reasons I'm not about to announce to strangers on the internet. I think I need to write some fluff to cheer myself up though, so if the next chapter is 90% fluff, that is why.

Anyway, obviously, I decided to continue this story. I went back and edited the summary, as seen above and in chapter one. Plot will start next chapter (unless I get caught up in fluff).

The exorcist cram school was taking advantage of winter break from regular academy classes with extra sessions aimed to prepare students for the accelerated timing of the exorcist exams. Given what had happened the night before, the only reason Rin was in attendance was the slim chance that Yukio would show up to teach the demon pharmacology class in the afternoon. He sat impatiently through the rest of the classes, not hearing a word despite sitting in his usual place in the front row.

During the first break between sessions Shiemi tried to say something to him in a concerned tone, but he couldn't concentrate enough to comprehend the words. She didn't try again, and neither did his other friends. Rin's irritated squirming and blank stare probably kept them at bay. It reached a peak after lunch, which he had skipped in favor of continuing his staring contest with the blackboard.

The whole time, all he could think was how he had failed. For all his talk about family, he had utterly failed as a brother.

It's not like this was the first secret. Yukio had been an exorcist and known the truth about Rin's demon heart for years, and Rin had never noticed. But that only begged the question: when did this start? When did this barrier between them begin to grow? How had Rin failed to notice how bad it had become?

He could still see them: the wounds littering Yukio's body. But even more important than that was Yukio's face when it was clear he couldn't cover things up with another fake smile. His face had been screwed up in anger, but his eyes were full of fright. Rin hadn't seen eyes like those since the two of them had been little.

Yukio would wake up from nightmares or terrifying daydreams and claim there were shadows with evil eyes and sharp claws and screeching voices. And Rin would look, but he didn't see. So he didn't believe. And maybe that was when it started. Yukio would get angry at him again and again until he stopped coming to Rin. Eventually it spread to other situations, and it became clear that Yukio didn't need or want Rin's help. Yukio set goals for himself, and if Rin was a hindrance to those goals, Yukio would push him away.

And Rin had let him do it. Rin drifted away from his brother, from the old man, and from the whole parish. He should have fought harder to stay close. Years later, he was still making the same mistake. He should have fought to see what Yukio was hiding under that smile.

He had failed Yukio as a brother.

Finally, it was time for Yukio's class. When the door opened, Rin jumped to his feet. But in the same moment he saw red hair, and his heart plummeted. He hopped over his desk anyway and went straight for Shura.

"Where is he? Is he okay? What happened?"

"Rin."

"Did he tell you what's going on? Was he hurt badly? Can I see him?"

"Rin!"

"Does he want to see me? Is he well enough to see me? Can I—"

"Rin!" Shura's hands shot out to either side of his face and squeezed his cheeks together, forcing Rin into a fish face and effectively shutting him up. "Chill. He's fine. Ya can see him after class." Rin's heart soared before he registered what Shura had just said.

"Afwer cwass?" his lower lip jutted out even more in disappointment.

"After," she said sternly, releasing him. Then she pulled a pouty face that didn't match her tone. "I'm not gonna sit through a lecture about how I let ya skip class."

Rin's shoulders sagged in relief. If Yukio was well enough to scold Shura, he really was okay. Unfortunately, that meant Rin would have to wait another hour and a half.

It was the longest hour and a half of his life.

-oOo-

"Rin, if ya don't stop shakin' yer leg, I'll chop it off," Shura called from her kitchen. For some reason, after class she had led Rin to her apartment.

Rin stilled his leg, but his fingers began tapping the table in front of him instead. "Well, where is he? Why are we here? Isn't Yukio in a hospital or something?"

"Nah, the food there is awful. Oooh! Except for those puddin' cups. Those things are the best." Shura plucked two glasses down from a shelf. "An' now I want puddin'. I guess I could get some while ya guys talk…"

"So then he's here?!" Rin jumped to his feet, ready to search Shura's apartment top to bottom. Questions began spilling out of him without pausing for breath. "Is he okay?! Did he tell you what's been going on?! Where has he been going at night?! Is that where he got his wounds?!"

"Rin, ya need to calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Rin said harsher than he meant to as anger sprang up to cover his anxiety. "I let you take him last night because he won't talk to me, and I thought that only someone else could get him to talk about whatever has been bugging him since… since… since I don't even know when. Kyōto, I think." Rin's brow creased for a moment, but then he remembered his rage. "That's not the point! You were supposed to talk to him, but now you're just dodging my questions! I need to make sure he's okay, so no, I'm not going to calm down until I see him!"

He whipped around, heading for the nearest door and threw it open to find a bathroom. He headed for the next door, but before he could grab the doorknob he found himself in a tight headlock. He pulled uselessly against Shura's grip. "Let me go!"

"Rin, will ya listen ta me for a second?" Shura sighed when he continued to fight and began dragging him away from the door. "I got him ta talk, okay?" Rin paused his struggle, waiting for her to continue. "An' I managed ta convince him ta talk ta ya too, but first, ya need ta calm down. I went through a lot ta get him ta open up, and if ya go in there an' start shoutin' at him, he's just gonna clam up. I already throttled him this mornin', so yer going ta have ta listen ta him, calmly, first. Then ya can interrogate him, shout at him, throttle him too if ya want. Okay?"

Rin sagged under Shura's arm. "Yeah… I hear you." Shura let go of him, but Rin continued to stare at the ground. "So he's… in there?"

"Yeah. I patched him up last night an' then we talked this mornin'. He's gonna be fine. The worst of it is a minor infection an' some bruised ribs. Well, that an' the broken wrist, but ya already knew 'bout that." Shura rattled off as if making an official report. She began filling the glasses she had retrieved earlier with water. "I figure a few days ta get rid of the fever, an' if he gives himself the proper rest, his ribs will be fine in roughly a month." She handed him a tray with the water and packets of medicine. "So don't worry, Rin. He's okay. He needs his medicine though, so take this to him.

"Oh, an' don't be surprised if he looks worse than yesterday. It's one of those things where you run yerself ragged, but ya don't realize it until ya sit down, an' then suddenly everythin' hurts. Like ya feel worse the day after the marathon than the day of."

Rin stared blankly at her. He'd never felt something like that. His natural strength tended to make marathons a breeze.

"An' ya have no idea what I'm talking 'bout. Wow. I almost understand how frustratin' it must be ta have ya ta compare ta." She scratched her nose. "Okay, ferget that. All I'm tryin' ta say is that he's worse than before, an' no, ya did not miss something so obvious because it wasn't so obvious until now. Got it?"

He nodded stiffly. She raised an eyebrow when he didn't move. Rin swallowed hard. "He… wants to see me, right?"

"Rin, yer an idiot," she groaned and marched over to her bedroom door. "Yer both idiots! Just go talk with him." She opened the door wide for him to fit through with the tray and then pat him on the shoulder. "I'm gonna go get puddin'. See ya." She waved over her shoulder, grabbed a jacket that was way too light for the snowy weather, and was out the door before Rin could respond.

He turned back to the bedroom. The blinds were drawn, but enough afternoon light filtered in to give Rin a good view of the room. Yukio was resting on a futon on one side of the small room. Even from the doorway, Rin could see how flushed Yukio's usually pale face was. His breath was noticeably shallow; the thick comforter moved up slightly with each soft gasp of air.

Rin thought Yukio was asleep until he saw Yukio blink up at him and then quickly look away to the wall. Rin was by his side in an instant. He quickly sat down, setting the tray aside, and opened his mouth, ready to say something. But he didn't know what. There were so many questions buzzing in his head, Rin didn't know where to start.

"Sorry."

Rin blinked. He hadn't expected Yukio to break the silence. "Sorry?" he echoed. "What are you talking about? I'm the one who should be sorry! I didn't notice! I didn't see how bad things had gotten! I knew you didn't want to talk to me about it, but I should've done more. I should've cornered you and called you out or called Shura and had her talk to you sooner or something. I should've—"

"Stop. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who kept avoiding you. I'm the one who kept lying."

"I don't care about any of that! I just want to know what's going on. Are you okay?" It didn't escape Rin's notice how each word Yukio spoke caused him strain.

Yukio's eyes moved from the wall to the ceiling. He swallowed, and Rin's caught the ghost of a bruise on his neck. "I'm…"

"You better not say 'I'm fine.'"

"…I'll be okay."

Rin leaned back. The stress of the day was finally starting to melt away. "Can you tell me what's going on? Have you been going on extra missions or something?"

"No… It was…" Yukio's jaw clenched. If Rin wasn't sitting so close, he wouldn't have seen it. Worry was renewed in the pit of Rin's stomach. When Yukio finally continued, his voice was small. "This was all me."

"Huh?" Rin cocked his head to one side. "What does that mean?"

Yukio looked at him for a second before turning back to the wall. Rin saw it though. The fear.

Worry grew into full blown anxiety. "Yukio, please. Tell me. I'll understand. Or even if I don't, I'll try my hardest."

Yukio continued to study the wall. His shallow breathing accelerated slightly, and Rin could sense the battle raging in his mind.

Rin's thoughts drifted back to his own internal struggle he had been wrestling with all day. "You always told the truth." Yukio looked at him again, his brow creased in confusion. "When we were little," Rin clarified. "You would tell me about the demons and I didn't believe you, but you were telling the truth. That whole time you were telling the truth."

"Nii-san…" Yukio looked at him for one long moment and then finally seemed to make up his mind. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. A flicker of pain flashed across his face before he spoke. "I've been putting myself in dangerous situations on purpose. Situations where I fear for my life."

Rin repeated the admission in his head, making sure he hadn't misheard. "Fear for your…? You mean you were putting yourself in situations where you could've… died?"

Yukio opened his mouth to respond before closing it and settling for a single nod.

"You were trying to… kill yourself?" Rin felt like he had been sucker punched in the stomach.

"No! I… I wasn't. I was…" Yukio hesitated a second too long, and Rin's temper flared over his horror and confusion.

"Why would you want to do that?! Are things really that bad?! Have I really been so blind?! Were you in that much pain?!" He couldn't take it in. It didn't make sense. It couldn't make sense.

All those nights Yukio stayed out late flashed through Rin's mind. The dorm room had felt so empty, even with Kuro for company. And now Rin realized how close he had come to living the rest of his life with that emptiness. "What… what would I do if I lost you? Did that ever cross your mind?! Did you even think of me?!"

"I thought of you every single time!" Yukio snapped back, and he suddenly sat up to look Rin straight in the eye. He gasped harshly for breath and clutched at his chest. His face was flushed in red splotches over pale, sweaty skin, but his eyes were clear from the glaze of fever. "Every time. I tried not to think of you. But I always did. Every time right before the blue, I would see your face."

"Then why did you keep doing it?!" Rin's fists were so tight that his nails dug gouges into his palms. "Two months! You were doing this for two months!" (1)

"I had to know! I had to understand it!" Yukio hissed. His arms were shaking with the effort to keep him upright.

"Understand what?" Rin asked in a quieter voice. His temper was starting to wane as he watched Yukio struggle. "What was so important you would risk your life? Tell me."

Yukio collapsed back on the futon, staring adamantly at the ceiling with his mouth locked in a tight scowl.

"Tell me, Yukio. I'm supposed to protect you! You're my little brother!"

"I'm not your responsibility."

"And I'm not yours!" Rin looked at Yukio's posture grow more rigid, and he finally realized his mistake. Yukio was clamming up just like Shura said he would. He forced himself to take a deep breath tried to find his calm. "Stop trying to protect me from whatever this is. I can take it. I just… want to help." He released his fists and looked at the red grooves left in his palms. "Please? Let me help."

They sat in silence for a minute before Yukio sighed and winced a little at the release of breath. He looked up at Rin with a derisive smile. "Shura-san is right. We're both idiots."

"You heard that, huh?" Rin scratched the back of his ear.

Yukio snorted and immediately grimaced in pain. "You were right outside the door, shouting. It was hard not to hear."

Rin grinned sheepishly. Then he looked Yukio in the eye with a calm, steady stare. "Yukio, what is it? What's going on?"

Yukio studied him for a long moment. The tension was gone from his face, leaving a strange mix of sadness, acceptance, and shame. Rin knew his answer before he said it. "I'm only saying it once."

Rin nodded eagerly. He tended to zone out when people gave monologues, but this time he sat in rapt attention, desperate to understand what had been causing his brother so much pain.

-oOo-

He told Rin everything about his eyes. Everything of importance: the first time it occurred, the experiments, and the conclusions. Just as he had when telling Shura, he left out a few things he couldn't bring himself to say aloud. But the one thing he had told Shura and kept from Rin was his encounter with Lucifer. There was no need to worry Rin with the Illuminati's interest in him. Not until he was sure which side Shima was on. Rin would act defensively if he knew, and Yukio didn't want to tip Shima off yet.

"Why?" Rin's one question was the one question Yukio didn't want to answer.

Yukio swallowed hard, letting the ache in his throat and chest keep him from overthinking his answer. "To find the truth."

Rin shook his head. "No, I understand that. I wonder about things too. Maybe not like you, but…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "What I mean is… why didn't you tell me?"

Tōdō's words came floating to the front of Yukio's mind, and he forced himself to take a deep breath. The resulting shock of intense pain successfully cleared his mind of the venomous words, but he still couldn't find the proper answer for Rin.

"Is it because you didn't want my help? Because you knew I would stop you?" Rin's voice was a whisper that drove a knife through Yukio's heart more painful than his bruised ribs. Rin knew more than Yukio gave him credit for.

"I had to know if I could use it to become stronger." Yukio wasn't sure how much Rin understood of what was implied by his admission, but he seemed to understand enough.

"You… You always did hate losing." He smiled as he said it, probably trying to downplay the hurt below the words.

"Yes." The word felt like it was torn from his mouth, like a thread that is tugged until the whole tapestry is unraveled. He was sure Rin knew now. Maybe not the scope of his resentment, but the fact that it existed at all.

His secret was ripped from the deep, dark part of his chest leaving him exhausted. His beating heart lay on the ground between them. Rin could finally see it all. The ugly, bloody mess that Yukio had tried to hide for so long.

Yukio apologized like he had when they had started the conversation. He used the last of his strength to say it again and again. But Rin just threw his arms around him and squeezed like Yukio might disappear if Rin didn't hold him in place.

It made Yukio feel like he was six years old again, like he was that small, useless crybaby again. Because Rin forgave him as he always did. Rin was the stronger twin, the braver twin, the better twin. He always forgave every mistake, every fault. And there were so many faults. Yukio could never understand how Rin did it. How his heart was so big when Yukio's was so small.

And then he felt Rin tremble against him, and he heard the muffled sob. The envy that had risen up in his heart was instantly washed away by Rin's tears and replaced with love. He hugged Rin back and finally let himself cry too.

They sat together like that for a while. Even after the tears dried streaks of tight skin on their faces, they still clung to each other. Yukio's chest ached horribly, but he didn't mind. He couldn't recall the last time he had felt so close to his brother. He had forgotten how it felt. It was familiar, comfortable, and warm. It was like coming home to a fire in the hearth after trudging through the snow for years.

"Hey, idiots!" A box of tissues came flying into the room and hit Rin in the back of the head. "There's puddin' if ya want." Shura quickly closed the door behind her before Yukio could do more than scowl at her, but he saw the satisfied smile on her face.

Despite himself, he smiled too.

(1) Rin is rounding up. It's been closer to a month and a half. Ugh, I really need to draw out a timeline. The timing in AnE has always felt a little hard to grasp to me.