"Last time I saw him was about 4 months ago, said he had some unfinished business to attend to. None of us knew exactly what he was talking about, we all thought it was the power getting to his head again. He didn't specify a destination at all. I'm sorry sweetie." Lydia was standing before her fully clothed now.
"thanks, I appreciate the help." Claire smiled. It was a fake one, like she's been so used to giving people recently.
Claire's head was spinning. She wondered if he was being sincere this time, or even what "business" he would have to tend to.
Before Claire had realized Lydia had even left the room there was a cup of coffee, sugar and milk sitting in front of her with a spoon.
"Where are you staying tonight?" Lydia asked. She sat next to Claire on the chair, watching her.
"I really hadn't thought about staying anywhere, I figured I would have just stayed up the entire time of this adventure. I really thought I could do it in three days." Claire scoffed as she lifted her coffee to take a drink.
"You can stay here with me tonight, there's no sense in making you drive all the way home at this hour. You know it's late if even the strip club is closed. Can I get you anything to eat then, something without caffeine to drink?" Lydia was obviously not taking no for an answer.
"Uh, no thank you. Were you planning on going to sleep anytime soon? I just, I guess, I need someone to talk to, someone sane, if only to start to make sense of it all." She couldn't hold it back any longer. Her eyes were already threatening to water and over-fill at any second.
"Whatever you need. You look like you've been through hell and back these past couple months. I can't believe you haven't even had someone to talk too." Lydia sat back on the couch, trying to shrug off any feelings of fatigue so she could better listen to her.
"When Sylar came to my college, he kissed me, and I mean, I've been kissed before, and it's not like I obsess over every guy that kisses or wants to kiss me, but when our lips met, I felt something. I Know it sounds like bull shit but it all just clicked, if only for a second. Then I'm trying to connect that with him saying that I was what he wanted the most, and the fact that I had to lie to my only dad, which by the way, my real dad was killed by Sylar, just to get here. Now that I felt I found at least something to preoccupy myself for more than a day, it dead ends almost as soon as it starts. I also find it hard to believe that Sylar can be anything but a heartless murderer. Absolute power absolutely corrupted him to a point where I don't think it's possible to turn back from. Also, the fact that I feel so strongly that he is a deranged killer, makes me hate him. I hate him and I felt a spark when we kissed. What kind of fucking sense does that make? Am I just as crazy? What is wrong with me?" Claire managed to squeak the last sentence out before bursting into a few sobs.
After a few seconds, when Claire had calmed herself down a little, Lydia spoke, "well, you've already embraced some other cliché sayings, so the best way I can explain it is, the heart wants what the heart wants. You can't blame yourself for feeling this way. You can't condemn yourself, and group yourself in the same category as him just because you liked it when he kissed you. You've got to stop beating yourself up. Quit pursuing this prissy girl front you like to put on. No one's ever bought it. You're weird, you're loving, you're cute, smart, funny, and tough as nails, and the sooner you start accepting that, not knowing that, but really soak that all in, then you can start to understand why you would want him."
"I guess I always thought that to be successful, to blend in, I had to ALWAYS be something I'm not. I liked cheer leading, the athleticism, screaming at the top of my lungs and it's perfectly acceptable. I didn't like the rest of it. I hated that I had to pretend that I was better than everyone else, even after I found out about my ability. I just wanted to fit in, and belong." Claire was intermittently taking sips from the warm mug in her hands.
"Well, that's what everyone wants. The thing is, you figure out when you get older that it's not about changing who you are to belong to a group, its about wanting to be comfortable to be yourself around others. If people can't accept you for who you are, that's their problem, not yours, as long as you are okay with that part of you that they hate. Are you okay with the part of you that likes Sylar, or do you think you hate him because you think that's what everyone else wants you to do?" Lydia stood up to walk towards her room.
"Nighter night" Lydia said over her shoulder.
There was already a pillow and a blanket on the couch. Claire set up her temporary bed and lay staring at the ceiling.
Claire contemplated Lydia's words. She never really thought of her hatred for him to be nothing but a justified gut reaction to what he has done to her and her family. Then again, she always thought her gut reaction to him kissing her should have been revulsion, and it wasn't. She was perplexed, deep in thought about how many of her decisions, reactions and judgments were hindered because she was afraid of what other people would think of her. Slowly though, she began to drift into a soft slumber.
"So, you're looking for me huh? I never thought I'd see the day the beautiful Claire Bennet would ever consider willingly giving me the time of day, let alone DREAM about me. I guess it was a matter of time though, you're such a sucker for the good guy." Sylar smiled. They were in the living room of her old house, and he had opened her skull to look at her brain.
Claire didn't know whether she was just dreaming that this was Sylar, or if he was really strong enough now to read her thoughts from anywhere in the world. She wasn't scared though, maybe it was because she had been through this all before, or maybe because Sylar's tone was laced with compassion instead of malice.
Sylar placed her scalp back the way it was and watched as she healed herself.
"That never ceases to amaze me." He whispered as he traced an area of her temple that just sewn itself back together.
"Why are you in my head again?" Claire asked, wasting no time and sitting up on the coffee table. Her words were calculated and harsh.
"I'm afraid I can't tell you why, but I can tell you that I've been in your head since the second we kissed. Don't worry though, I won't tell all your secrets to everyone, hell I won't even tell you what they are."
Claire locked eyes with him. She was pulled in, her heart was racing. She was full of rage, confusion, and something else. She couldn't quite pin point it but her head was fogging up again. Her eyes fluttered slightly as she took a deep breath.
"Then, why do you want me? Why hasn't anything resolved? I feel like the one time I took the initiative to do something in the world, everyone shut me down and abandoned me. There's so many questions that were left unanswered."
"Claire-bear, don't you get it? C'mon I thought you were supposed to be smart. You need to realize that you are more connected to people than what you think. Just because you can't die, doesn't mean you aren't human, and it doesn't mean that you have to be a goody goody to compensate for being a freak. Everyone's got their thing, their abilities in one way or another, and even the most perverted of these abilities are shown off with out shame in the world. In order for me to answer your questions, you've got to answer a few yourself, and sleeping in dreaming about me isn't exactly going to get that done now is it?" Sylar kissed her cheek swiftly and softly and before Claire could respond...
She awoke. Her eyelids flashed open quickly and roamed around the room. Slowly she started to remember where she was noting how beautiful the place was in the daytime.
"I trust you slept well judging by that huge grin on your face." Lydia was sitting on a chair next to the foot end of the couch. She was only taking a short break from checking her e-mail on her laptop.
"I hate him for what he was, and like him for what he could be." Claire spoke before she could even catch that Lydia was still listening.
"That's a good place to start. So, What are you planning on doing from here?" Lydia closed her laptop and sat back.
"Well, It's a long drive back, so I figure I have plenty of free time to think about things. That, and I guess if Sylar really wants me, he can come find me. That's the way it's always been and I'm not so sure if I want to be the hunter instead of the hunted, makes me feel dirty." Claire smiled.
"Eh, you'd be surprised how many men like a dirty girl that loves to hunt." Lydia shrugged and smiled back.
"Somehow, I don't think that's his bag. Maybe it's the fact that he's stalked me for the past few years of my life, but I really believe that he loves to be the dirty hunter." Claire laughed.
"Then maybe that's what you dig about him? I mean, okay, I had ...relations... with the man, and I have to admit, there's something intoxicating about him."
"Gross. You really think I'm in to the creepy side of him?"
"It's the bad boy image, every girl has one in her life. Think about it, have you ever dated someone that you knew was edgy and a bad idea to bring home to meet your daddy?" Lydia stood to walk to the kitchen.
"I never really dated to be honest. Too busy trying to save the world, over and over and over again." Claire flipped the blanket off of her and sat up to pull her hair back into a ponytail.
"We can talk about all this over breakfast. Pancakes sound okay?" Lydia called after opening the fridge.
"Pancakes sound amazing. I was thinking about stopping to see Gretchen on my way home, seeing as how this trip turned out to be shorter than what I had anticipated. I would have to leave soon though if I wanted to make it home by my curfew." Claire was digging into the bag she brought for her toiletries and clothes for the day.
"I completely understand. I know that we never really knew each other that well, but I'm glad you stopped in, and if you ever need anything I'll give you my number. Plus, always feel free to lie to your dad and come see me." Lydia was mixing the batter together as Claire made her way to the bathroom.
After breakfast, Claire hugged Lydia and headed out towards Gretchen, maybe she could offer some better insight into what's going on.
Claire soon became lost in her thoughts. She knew that she had valid reason to hate Sylar, but she didn't know whether she had a good enough reason to like Gabriel as much as she did. She couldn't figure out whether it was the whole bad boy image that attracted her to him. Well, it wasn't just attraction. Claire thought back to her dream. Everything seemed so real. She swore she could feel his actual lips on her cheek and his eyes pierce her soul. She finally pin pointed that feeling that made her light headed and confused. It was lust, she lusted after him.
Claire pulled into a gas station and called Gretchen to let her know she was on her way. She was surprised, but excited nonetheless. Claire filled the tank and hit the pavement again, hard. She was determined to figure out what was going on.