Chapter 2

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Nicky still sits close to me on my bed. Very close. So close that I need to come to a stand.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out or anything." She has an apologetic tone to her voice when she speaks. "I'm not exactly the best at hiding my feelings."

"No worries," I say, still with mixed emotions. "I just need some time right now. It's that fucking Piper. Betrayal hits hard. It's the worst of the deadly sins."

"Actually, betrayal isn't even one of the deadly sins. Trust me. I'm an expert in the sinning department. For better or for worse." Nicky raises her eyebrows and sighs. "Which ones are you guilty of?"

"What – the deadly sins?" I ask.

"Yeah."

"Hmmmm...," I try to remember the different sins. Envy. Right.

"I'm definitely guilty of envy." I say. "I'm envious of the women in the normal prison. When I was little, and pictured my life, I never thought I'd be envious of women in a less brutal prison environment. But really, I'm envious of everyone on the outside of prison altogether. I just want to be free."

"Makes sense," says Nicky. "In here, we just have to make our own freedom. Like freedom of the mind. That's where the revolution is. In the head. Ever read Man's Search for Meaning?"

I shake my head. "No, I haven't." I sit back down, but instead on her bed, opposite her, relaxing into conversation again.

"It's a book by a guy in a concentration camp. Frankl, I think that was his name. Anyway, it's all about how you can find meaning in suffering. The difference is - we deserve to be here. The prisoners in Auschwitz didn't. But you know what? We can still use this Frankl's guy's ideas."

I contemplate Nicky's words. How the hell am I supposed to find meaning in prison? I think of all the things I could be doing on the outside. I don't belong here. Anger is flowing through my blood.

"Wrath," I say. "I am guilty of wrath. I'm so fucking mad at life. And at myself."

"Nice one," says Nicky. It feels strange yet good to receive a compliment about thinking up a good sin.

"What about you? What sins are you guilty of?"

Nicky looks to the cement ceiling and lets out a laugh that echoes in our cell.

"Well, let's see. I'm an addict, so greed, gluttony and sloth are all up there. In that order. But it's strange. At some point you lose control. I take the blame for the shit I've done, I do. But my brain thirsted for heroine. I would have done anything for a hit. I had too much pride to try and get help. Hey, there goes another sin. Pride."

"I guess if there's one good thing that comes out of prison," I say, "it takes away your pride."

"There's one other good thing about prison," says Nicky. "And that's the friends and lovers you make here. Actually, that's where the final sin comes in."

I know she's referring to lust. She doesn't have to say it because her eyes say it all. Those damn fuck-me-eyes again. I get sucked into her gaze and feel my eyes are magnetically locked to hers. I can't look away. If we were not locked in a cell together, I would break the glare by saying I had to go get a drink or floss or wash my hair. But I can't make any of those excuses. With all of these thoughts running through my brain, I realize I am fiddling with my hands then sit on them when she notices.

What am I doing? I'm supposed to be tough. Piper fucked me over and I'm letting it weaken me. No. It will make me stronger. I stand up and go back to sit on the same bed as Nicky again. She gives me a sexy glance.

"Listen, sinner extraordinaire," I say. "I'm glad you're my cellmate." I brush her wild hair away from her face and then pull on it just a bit. "Maybe we can even make a few sins of our own here."

I bring by lips close to hers but don't touch them. I just hover there. My senses are heightened. I know we could kiss, it would be easy. It would feel amazing. But sometimes things are better when they don't happen. I've always enjoyed the moment just before the kiss even more than the kiss itself. I decide to end the moment.

"Now get out of my bed, Nichols. We'll have plenty of time to … get to know each other."

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