Chapter 2- Childhood Memories

Rating: PG-13

Author: grnidshrk

Though neither knew it, both Ryan and Eric were anxious about the meal they were about to share together. Not just because of the upsetting secrets which Speed had purposefully spilled, but because their relationship was now in a fog. Ryan didn't know where the truth placed him with Eric, and Eric wondered what Ryan had really gone through in life-what other secretes he kept from the rest of them. Time seemed to move both too fast and too slow for the two befuddled CSI's, both dragging their feet yet wanting to have the day done with as soon as possible. They ignored each other with a strong amount of determination, causing Calleigh to wonder if they had fought, and Alexx, Horatio, and Speed to look on bemusedly. Natalia and Valera just cast confused glances their way.

Finally, after Theodore Daniels admitted to the murder of Miranda Jacobs, and Eric arrested a set of twins by the names of Tony and Timothy Anderson for murdering a couple that had stumbled into their chop shop, all three men were free for the night. Speed grinned at the two grown men in front of him subconsciously fidgeting as they stood next to each other, waiting for him to arrive.

"Alright boys!" He exclaimed, causing both to jump and glare daggers at him. "We're going to be eating at the Cajun Spice. Zurie said she would save us a table near the back so we can have some privacy."

Eric looked at Speed curiously; he had never heard of the place before.

"It's a Cajun bar and grill, one of Ryan and Adina's Favorites." Eric's face became even more clouded with confusion-he had met Adina, Speed's long-time girlfriend, but he didn't know how exactly she knew Ryan.

Seeing confusion on his coworker's face, Ryan asked," What's wrong Eric? It looks like something is bugging you more than this was earlier."

Eric stared at Ryan and then Speed for a moment before answering. "I've met Adina before, she's Speed's girlfriend. What I don't understand is how you know her. I know you guys are friends, but neither of you talk of each other so that leads me to believe that you aren't that close, so what's going on?"

Ryan sighed. The three of them were now in Speed's car heading towards the bar. Half of him was resigned to the fact that he would have to answer Eric's question now, and the other half wished that Eric had waited until they all had alcohol in their systems so that it would be easier to lower his defenses. He sighed once more before diving head first into the dynamics of his family.

"Okay, well, Adina's my younger sister. I have two other older siblings as well," he started, cutting Eric off before he could stop him, and before he lost any more of his nerve. "Damian is the oldest with Angelica close behind him. We all met at Mama Ro's house; she fostered the four of us at the same time. We all became a family and in the end adopted each other. So legally we ARE family, even if not by blood."

Eric contemplated Ryan, part of the puzzle clicking together. Adina snickering behind him as he complained about his difficult coworker, her telling him to be softer on the guy; he wasn't as he seemed. She, while guarding their connection, had tried to make him understand, or at least take an unbiased look at her older brother. The thought made him wince.

"Doesn't Adina think I'm a jerk?"

Ryan's eyebrows knitted together. "Why would she think that?"

"Because, er, I've . . . complained rather loudly to her and Speed about how much of a stuck up rich brat I thought you were."

Speed laughed at that and Ryan had a sardonic grin on his face. "I think that's my fault, Eric, if I didn't act that way and gave you information about my family and home life you wouldn't have thought that. If anything, she probably thinks I'm the idiot for keeping such secrets from those I've come to care about as family, too."

Speed snorted. "She's not the only one, Ry."

Ryan glared at Speed and reached over to smack him in the head. "Shut it 'Timmy,'" he emphasized, causing Eric to snicker. Not many people called Tim by his first name, let alone a variation of it.

As they pulled into the parking lot, Eric watched Ryan out of the corner of his eye. He was beginning to piece together more of the puzzle seeing his co-worker outside the workplace. He was more relaxed-still slightly on guard, but you could see the tension was no longer in his shoulders. His face wasn't set in the perpetual frown Eric had likened to Ryan's face; it was as if something had lifted the mask off of his co-worker and everything could now be seen. Walking into the Grill, they were greeted by an African American female with her long hair partially tied up, the rest hanging down her back to end at her waist. Zurie had that enticing Cajun accent, but she had the look of a sibling about her that caused all three men to cower under her gaze. Eric watched as Ryan was scolded by her for not eating properly and Speed was told to take better care of himself AND his weapons. Both followed the bossy woman with their heads bowed, Eric snickering behind them.

Zurie looked at him just before he sat down next to the other two, her eyes piercing. "And you, you are one of the ones that are makin' it so hard for my youngest one to make himself a home at that job a' his. You betta' star' actin like an actu' coworker 'n friend or so help me, my ancestors will feel my ire n' help with my revenge!"

Eric's eyes widened, and he bowed his head. She didn't even know him and she had cowed him just as well as Alexx! As all three men promised to abide by her reprimands, so she looked at them all and stated she would get them their dinners. Eric just stared after her, wondering how she knew what they wanted to eat exactly.

Speed was the one to speak up, clearing the confusion. "You don't order here when you're family. I still swear the woman really does have voodoo powers, 'cause she always knows what to get people to eat. So I figure since she left without askin' you she knows what's best for you."

Eric looked from Ryan to Speed. Ryan was nodding his head sagely, and Speed had the same amused face as earlier on. He decided to just relax. Neither of them looked worried or even stressed, in fact Ryan seemed to almost relax more here than he did outside. Trusting the two men with him and the scary Cajun woman, he sat back in his seat.

After a few beers, dinner was brought out. They dug in, Eric finding that the dish Zurie had mad him had hit the spot. Their immediate hunger abated, half of the large meals gone, Ryan cleared his throat.

"So . . . Is there anything you really want to know or ask about?" He figured he was relaxed enough and in a familiar enough setting to divulge anything Eric was curious about. Eric chewed thoughtfully on the cod that was the his main course for a moment before answering.

"Not really, you explained quite a bit earlier, but I have to know . . . Why are you so protective of yourself and your family?"

Ryan sighed and stared into his beer. The foam swirled around the glass as he tipped it to and fro. "When I was younger, before I met what I now consider my family, life was hard. Being in the system sucks, Eric, especially if you are more a brain than a thug. Having OCD, being mute, and absorbing anything academic brought me to the attention of the more physically inclined orphans and kids whose parents had to relinquish them for some reason or another. I was a prime target; so you learn, the less they know about you, the less you can get hurt. This went for going to new schools and prospective adopters that came around; the less you let them know, the less disappointment you face when they don't come back for you. Eventually, I began to talk again, but only when I absolutely had to. It was shortly after that, I was sent to Mama Ro's. She usually took in the ones that had the most trouble in foster care or just in the system in general. There I met Damien and Angelica; Adina didn't come to live there until about a year later.

"Even so, it took us all a while to become close. None of us were particularly willing to get close to anyone. But, Mama Ro, she. . . Well, she just has a habit of making people feel welcome and at home in her presence. We became a family, we learned about her history and how she and Ron met. . ."

Eric stopped him there. "I thought that he was your real Uncle?" he asked, slightly confused.

Ryan shook his head. "Nope, Ron was taken from Ireland just like Mama Ro had been taken from Zimbabwe. They were in a child slavery ring that was broken up; they've been together, like brother and sister, ever since."

Eric just stared at Ryan. He had an odd family, that was for sure, but looking at him it also explained a lot of the things Eric knew about him. Their melting pot of a family was unconventional, but it seemed to have given Ryan the stability he needed to grown up as a decent human being that some didn't get when they were orphaned or abandoned. But this brought up what was sure to be a painful and hard question to answer.

"Ryan. . . What happened to your real family?" Eric knew the answer wasn't going to be good when Speed tensed and Ryan stared into his drink before gulping it all down and calling Zurie over for a full bottle of the best tequila she had. When the bottle and three shot glasses were placed in front of them Ryan sighed. "I'm not telling this story unless I'm able to drown myself in tequila, Eric, and if that upsets you, ya ain't hearin' it."

The accent threw Eric off; he'd never heard the Bostonian talk like he had just come from that state. Speed knew, though, that in times of great emotional stress or when remembering painful things, it sounded as if Ryan had just come off the Boston streets themselves. Eric nodded that it was fine and Ryan began.

"Before I met the rest at Mama Ro's and we changed our names, my surname was Darrow. My father," Ryan downed a shot here, "was a bastard. He fooled around on my mother, beat us, drank, raped her, and then left to do business. I don't know what else he did, but I do know that after he raped and killed her, and tried to kill me, he was sent to a federal penitentiary. Apparently, they were able to pin more than just rape, murder, and attempted murder on him after a little investigation. I never asked; I didn't want to know how much of a monster he was outside our lives, I already knew how much of one he was inside of mine. There is a reason I don't like to touch or be touched, Eric, and that's it. I was five when my ma died and he was sent there; before that, the only caring hand I knew was when ma patched me up. There were no caring people in that place they sent me to, just older kids that were as hard as the streets made them or others far more meek than I. I might not have spoken but I didn't take their shit lying' down-I fought back 'sbest I could, I was done with bein' another's punching bag." By now, Ryan had drunk half the bottle himself, Eric and Speed sharing only about a quarter of it.

Eric had to admit he was shocked, and as he made the mental note to look up all inmates with the last name of Darrow, he felt like an ass after the way he treated Ryan and for assuming that he'd had a rich father. It was like one giant reality check. When dealing with criminals he knew that they were always hiding something, but he had never thought to look at his friends and co-workers as if they were as well. "Everybody Lies." The quote from a show Marisol watched, House M.D., came unbidden from the back of his mind.

The thought made him wince. If they didn't lie, they omitted. Everyone did, even himself; he'd just never thought to apply it to everyone and not just criminals. Watching as Ryan sat and stared at the shot glass, no longer downing the tequila as if it were water, he felt shame. Shame in suddenly being grateful for his family, for treating Ryan horribly, and for not seeing the signs of someone who had been abused in his co-worker, no-friend. Seeing the look that was descending on Eric face, Ryan began to talk again.

"It was nice meeting someone who understood-Mama Ro, she and Ron had gone through some similar shit when being held by those damned traders. She didn't try to pry like the state psychologists did, she would just hold me and say it was okay to cry. I hadn't, not since the day they buried my ma, and the release helped more than talkin' ever coulda' done. And after a few months, I began talking more, and I got to know Damien and Angelica, we got close. Then Adina came, and she was like me, a brain, someone who also soaked up academics. And the four of us, well together we just kinda understood. We were at each other's backs, like guardians if one was hurt, physically or emotionally, the other three would be the support they needed. Mama Ro and Uncle Ron, they were there for us all, too."

Speed smiled. Ryan was getting to the good parts of his life and the dark shadows that had lurked behind his eyes while speaking of his father, the foster care system, and the orphanage were begining recede. He watched as Ryan told stories of his childhood with the other three, of learning how to pick locks, get out of handcuffs, and crack safes from Ron, how to cook and speak Swahili from Rona. And Eric began to lose the look of shame as he laughed at the antics of Ryan and his siblings, no longer feeling the despair he felt of learning about Ryan's childhood. The only other person besides himself at the crime lab that knew of Ryan's history was Alexx-even Horatio only knew about Anastasia. Having more people know would, hopefully, get Ryan to open up to the rest of the world and not just his family.

Zurie watched from the shadows, serving people and keeping her boys supplied with drinks. Ryan needed this, she knew, needed someone who would understand and love him like he should be. The boy only had family, but he needed more, they all did, and slowly they were becoming accustomed to the world outside of their own. So when she was sure all three men had had more than enough for the night, she called a cab and led all three men there, practically pushing them into it.. She gave them Ryan's address and could only hope they managed to get inside his home before being picked up for being drunk in public. They were her boys, her brothers, even Eric now, and hopefully they could take care of each other through their problems.