It all started with a minor burn when Hiccup was twelve - one of the worst years of his life. It was in that year that Hiccup had first tried one of his dragon killing inventions. In short, it didn't end well. While Hiccup never seemed to be able to impress his father or anyone in the village, after that incident, every time he was looked at it was with a 'disappointed scowl'.
This - just as it would to anyone - hurt Hiccup beyond comprehension. He spent every day with a large weight on his chest. He walks aimlessly through the woods knowing that no one cared whether he would return or not. But that burn changed it all.
It was one of those small injuries where if you looked away the pain would vanish almost immediately, but if you keep staring the agony would increase ten-folds. Hiccup had been working on a dagger for himself, he felt that with the new habit of venturing into the woods it would be nice to have some defence. Just as he was hammering at it, the dagger slipped on the anvil pulling Hiccup's arm along with it. He pulled up in time to avoid any serious injury but his right wrist had nicked the edge of the hot anvil earning Hiccup a nice little burn.
Looking back, Hiccup would never be able to tell why he continued to look at it. Just being able to stare at the burn and be able to control the amount of pain, it gave Hiccup an odd sensation of relief. He could control nothing in his life, except for this pain. This sudden realisation seemed to make that heavy weight on Hiccup's chest vanish. He could control this! It made him joyed beyond compare. It would only be years later that Hiccup realised how stupid he had been for thinking those thoughts.
Later that week, the heavyweight returned - and it hit Hiccup hard. He went back to having no motivation, no reason to be happy, and the fact that no one noticed the change in attitude made it worse. So, Hiccup went back to what had made the weight go away in the first place - pain. It was late that night that Hiccup pulled out his newly forged dagger, and without hesitation, he dug the blade into his skin. It was strange, he didn't even feel pain, well not until he had cut a fashionably large cut into his right wrist. Hiccup smiled as he saw the blood oozing out the wound. The weight was gone.
This soon became a habit, and a bad one at that. For the first day or so he could easily walk around the village with short sleeves knowing no one would notice him, but soon Hiccup grew rather self-conscience. He knew what he was doing wasn't right, only crazy people cut themselves, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't shake the habit. Soon he started to think what would happen if people did suddenly notice. Would they tie him to the mast of a ship, label him as possessed, and be shipped to the edge of the world? Or would he simply be killed there and then?
Hiccup didn't like either option. So, he did the best he could to cover it up by changing his tunic to short sleeves to long ones. And this, is why Hiccup wears long sleeves.
As time went on the weight returned more frequently, and soon Hiccup was cutting himself every day. He would run deep into the forest and mark himself with long lines. He let the blood run, relishing in the feeling of the thick liquid run over his skin. As wrong and strange as it was, Hiccup couldn't stop. It was the only way the weight ever went away.
When the boy turned fourteen, he once again attempted to use one of his dragon killing devices. And just like the two years prior, it didn't end well. He earnt a scolding from his father, and the other village youths as well. The nickname Hiccup the Useless started to circulate, people like the Twins and Snotlout would regularly beat him.
"This is what you get for being so useless."
"Hiccup! Will you stop acting so useless!"
"Come on Useless, we've got some plans for you."
Useless. Useless. Useless. Hiccup was useless. He ran into the forest determined to make sure he never forgot who he was, to never forgot that he was nothing but useless. And so, Hiccup cut the word into his arm. It would now be there forever. Everytime he bathed, every time he changed, every time he rolled up his sleeve, and even when he finally proved that he meant something.
~O~
A blue ladder zoomed across the equally blue sky, the rider on the dragon back scanning the vast ocean for any sign of her missing friend.
It had now been three hours since Hiccup had disappeared. Three hours since she had seen that word on his arm. Astrid swore that she was going to wring whoever had been so cruel to do that to him. Who would write 'USELESS' on someone's arm anyway, let alone write it with a scar? It was cruel, inhumane. It was partly Astrid's fault that he hated that word anyway, so she could only imagine how hard it must be to have it engraved into him.
What angered her slightly less though, is that Hiccup didn't tell her. They were betrothed for Thor's sake! How could he keep something as serious as that hidden, especially from her? Once again, Hiccup's selfless behaviour got him into more trouble than what he started with, Astrid was seriously contemplating whether he had a 'trouble magnet' attached to his soul.
A squawk from Stormfly alerted the blonde that the dragon had found something.
"What is it, girl?" Astrid asked looking at the ocean.
Astrid sighed in relief when she saw a group of sea stacks, and sitting on one of them the shape of a Night Fury. The woman urged Stormfly down towards the sea stacks hoping that this wasn't one of those rare cases where Hiccup and Toothless were separated. Astrid's desperate hoping paid off, for when she touched down on the seastack she found a worried Toothless almost hugging a sleeping Hiccup with his wings.
Astrid released a breath she didn't know she had been holding. "Thank Thor..."
Dismounting Stormfly, Astrid gingerly approached the sleeping boy and protective Night Fury. She sat down next to them
"What happened Hiccup?" She asked even though she knew he wouldn't respond. "You can't just run off like that."
~O~
Hiccup awoke to the light of a setting sun.
He lay still for a moment, enjoying the warm embrace of Toothless' wing. Hiccup tried to think back to what brought him to this sea stack - his mind still fogged with sleep. Slowly he pushed himself up, Toothless raising his wing as he did so.
How long was I asleep? Hiccup thought to rub his eyes.
He looked to the west, the sun half over the horizon. In about twenty minutes or so the sky would turn black. Hiccup assumed he should probably head back to the Edge.
The Edge.
The memories, as well as the panic Hiccup, had experienced flew back at him. They knew! The other riders knew! Hiccup's breaths became rapid and shallow. He was panicking. They knew about that horrible thing he had done.
What am I going to do? The second I return they'll tie me to the mast of a boat and ship me to the edge of the world. They think I'm crazy! They must think I'm possessed!
Hiccup briefly noticed Toothless nudging him but was too preoccupied with his thoughts to pay him any heed.
What does Astrid think? She probably hates me now. It hasn't even been five years since I proved myself and already I've screwed up. What am I going to do? I can't go back to being useless. I don't want to go ba-
Hiccup's thoughts stopped abruptly as he felt pressure on his left shoulder, but it wasn't from Toothless. It was a human hand. Hiccup's breath hitched and he didn't dare turn. He tried to guess who it was. Fishlegs? No, the hand was too small. It couldn't be the Twins or Snotlout, and Astrid... she didn't show affection like that. So that meant that it wasn't one of the riders.
They've sent someone after me.
"Hiccup?" The voice spoke softly, yet hinted at an immense worry.
"A-Astrid..." Hiccup swallowed. What was she going to do to him?
"We've been looking for you for hours. What- what happened?"
Hiccup couldn't answer. It was Astrid, he couldn't tell her. She would hate him, be disgusted by him. In all honesty, he was disgusted by himself. Why had he been so stupid to hurt himself in the first place?
"Hiccup..." Astrid's voice came again. "I'm worried... You need to tell me who put that- that word... on your arm."
She doesn't know it was me.
This caused Hiccup's eyes to lighten slightly. He could now lie his way out of this, no one would ever have to know. Hiccup opened his mouth to say the Dragon Hunters but he stopped himself. What would lieing accomplish? Would it fix the situation? Or just delay the outcome? He knew that if he told Astrid it was Viggo's men who gave him that horrible scar she would set out on a one-way revenge trip. And the final destination would likely be her death. He couldn't have that happen.
Hiccup looked at the ground hearing Toothless whining in the background. He felt so bad for the dragon. He had just run up to him on the hottest day the dragon has ever experienced, saddled him and made him fly for two hours straight. What he had done wasn't right. Even if Hiccup had been in a state of panic he never should have brought Toothless into it.
"I promise you I'll kill whoever did this to you." Astrid's voice was firm and menacing.
Hiccup cringed at the sentence. "P-please don't..."
Astrid poked her head up in surprise after hearing the two words. "W-why not?"
"Because..." Hiccup began to shake. He was going to tell her, he had to.
The words came out at hardly a whisper.
"It was me."
Everything around Hiccup stopped. He instantaneously regretted not lying. Why did he always feel obliged to tell the truth about Astrid? Now he was going to end up dead because of it.
Just as Hiccup readied himself for a possible blow with Astrid's axe, he felt two strong arms wrap around him. He froze, confused. What was she doing? This wasn't how it was supposed to go. She was supposed to freak out and see him as possessed. But Astrid was hugging him...
He just sat there. Terrified by Astrid's reaction. Was this a trick? Hiccup shook his head.
It can't be a trick. She's Astrid, why would do that to me? Why would she do any of the things I thought about?
"Why... didn't you say anything?"
Hiccup could only look out to the horizon. Didn't she think he was possessed? She certainly wasn't acting like it. From birth, Vikings had been told that if you see someone that's been possessed you either ship them to the edge of the world or kill them on the spot. Hiccup honestly thought Astrid would fo the latter. Yet, she didn't seem focused on either option.
Before Hiccup could think about them, the words came out. "You don't think I'm possessed? Or crazy?"
"No." Astrid paused for a moment before continuing. "Besides what would a spirit use you for anyways?"
"They need toothpicks, don't they?" Hiccup was certain that made Astrid smile, although he struggled to laugh at the humour in it.
A brief pause fell over the two. Why had Hiccup ever thought Astrid would kill him, or ship him to the edge of the world, or, well, do anything that wasn't Astrid? Panic? His overactive brain? Both?
Astrid spoke again as her arms fell from their hold around Hiccup. "This isn't something that... well... you still... you still do. Is it?"
"No." Said Hiccup, finally was able to look at Astrid. "Not as long as I've got Toothless."
Hiccup was once again met by Astrid's embrace. He couldn't help but smile. His didn't hate him, they loved him, and forever would he remember that.
~O~
So...
Sorry, this took so long to publish I was busy with work and trying to pretend to not be sick (it's really hard). I personally feel this second part wasn't as strong as the first one and, as a reader, if you feel the same tell me, please. Then I'll know to come back later and add another ending that's better.
Thanks so much to all the people who commented/reviewed the story (especially those pointing out my spelling and grammar errors), I really appreciate it!
As for my next work. I am going to be publishing another story soon about Hiccup taking an arrow for Tuffnut. So stay tuned for that!
Hope you enjoyed my first fanfic!