I love the Castle fandom.

Her palms are a little sweaty as she holds the doorknob tightly in her hand at her hip. She doesn't want him to see everyone inside yet, wants the full effect.

"You look…" he trails off, shaking his head. Speechless. She bites the inside of her cheek, suppressing a laugh. She never thought she'd see the day.

"Come on," she says, nodding her head towards the inside of the apartment. She steps aside and swings the door open all the way this time.

"Surprise!" Castle jumps a foot in the air as the gang yells in unison. Kate grins, gauging his reaction. She isn't disappointed.

"You guys really shouldn't have." He smiles sincerely, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"And keep listenin' to you complain about your party? No thanks, bro." Esposito gripes, eyes smirking nonetheless.

"It was all Beckett's idea," Ryan adds, throwing a knowing glance between the detective and her shadow.

Castle's eyes find hers. His look leaves her breathless. She watches his hand twitch at his side. He opens his mouth to say something and move a little closer to her, but she can't. Not now. It isn't time.

She runs a hand through her hair anxiously and pastes a smile on her face. "Beer, anyone?" She makes a show of fiddling through the refrigerator, hand grasping the neck of a bottle. When she pulls it out, Castle is in the middle of an animated conversation with Esposito and Ryan.

"What the hell was that?" Kate jumps slightly and turns to meet Lanie's disapproving stare.

"What do you mean?" She twists the cap off her drink and takes a sip.

"You're playing me for a fool if you think I didn't notice that little moment between you and Castle just now." Lanie folds her arms across her chest.

"There wasn't a…moment." Lie.

"There was until you got all uncomfortable and spent five minutes rooting around in your refrigerator."

Kate sighs. "Give me a break."

Lanie shakes her head. "When are you gonna give him a break, Kate? It's been long enough, don't you think?" she asks quietly. Kate's eyes left hers and trailed over to watch him.

"I just…" She hesitates. "What if I mess it up? Jump in before I'm ready?" She stares at the beer in her hand, hair framing her face, blocking her from Lanie's view.

"You two have been dancing around each other for four years. I don't think it's possible for you to jump into anything." Lanie says wryly. Kate's laugh is caught in her throat. She swallows roughly.

"This is it, Lanie. This…" she trails off, shakes her head. She looks over at Lanie, forcing back tears. "It's everything," she whispers hoarsely.

She looks over at him again. He laughs at something Ryan says and meets her gaze, smile slowly falling off his face. He looks concerned, pained even. He wants to comfort her, soothe her wounds. She can see it in his eyes. She shakes her head slowly. She's fine. Later. His shoulders sag slightly in disappointment, betraying the new smile he's plastered on his face.

She realizes with a start that Lanie's witnessed the entire silent exchange.

"If you keep pushing him away, that—" she gestures with a tip of her head towards Castle, "is going to happen more often. Mark my words, girl. You're too busy worrying about the future. You can't even see how much he's hurting now."

A tiny shiver trickles down Kate's spine. Was Lanie right?

She inhales sharply. She can't deal with this now. Not now, in front of everyone. She needs to talk to Castle, needs to get him alone. Lay it all out on the table. She glances at the clock. Only 10:30. She looks at Lanie again, who's staring at Esposito with a look that Kate can't quite place.

"You should take your own advice, you know." Kate says quietly, walking off to join the boys.

She's strangely quiet when she comes over to join them. She laughs a little, at all the right spots, but something's missing. Her mind is elsewhere. He can see it in the light in her eyes, in the lines around her mouth. Something's wrong.

He won't bring it up now—not after the brush-off (was it a brush-off?) he'd received when she'd been deep in conversation with Lanie. He notices that she sneaks glances when she thinks he isn't looking. At one point, she cocks her head, as if trying to decipher him. She's making him nervous.

"..and then he toppled right outta his chair, man. Remember, Beckett?"

"Hmm?" Kate hums, eyes snapping to Esposito's. She didn't hear a word he said and he knows it. Esposito's eyes flick to Castle's, eyebrows raised. Castle shrugs.

"Sorry, Espo. Guess I'm just a little out of it tonight," She forces a small smile, apologetic.

"We should probably head out anyway," Ryan offers. Castle sees the worry in his eyes, can tell that he isn't buying it.

"Guys, I'm fine. Stay. It's barely even eleven." She waves Ryan's offer away with her hand. Castle frowns. Surely….he checks his phone. It's nearly midnight.

"It's late. Jenny has to get up early and she'll probably be up waiting for me…" Ryan trails off, throwing Esposito a look.

Esposito clears his throat. "Right, yeah. Gates'll have my head if I'm late again, so I should get my ass to bed." The inflection in his voice reads almost like a question. He doesn't understand what's going on. Castle chuckles behind his hand.

Kate nods absentmindedly. She doesn't even try to argue. She wants them out, Castle realizes, immediately sober. Lanie left shortly after Kate joined them, muttering something about a rush on an autopsy. But as she was leaving, Castle watched her cast a longing look towards Esposito and close the door on a sigh.

"I suppose I should go, too," he says reluctantly.

"No!" He startles a little at her insistence.

"I mean…" she trails off, collects herself. "Just a few more minutes?"

Ryan leads Esposito out the door, promising to see them in the morning. Kate watches the door close behind them and sighs as if she'd been holding her breath the whole night.

She turns to him slowly, eyes focused and clear now.

"Let's talk, Castle."

A little short, I know. Sorry. One chapter after this.

I know everyone leads busy lives, but this is on a decent amount of alerts/favorites. As a reader who doesn't always click on stories with low review counts, I can only conclude that others have this mindset as well, and might not read my story because of the low review count. Whatever you may think about it, love or hate, I'd appreciate it. I promise not to ask again.

Olivia