Chapter 2

Character Interview: Link

Interviewer: Link and I are sitting on the set of the Smash Mansion, specifically in the living room after a fight scene. Despite the artistic damage, the couches are comfortable. Link is relaxed, treating me as though he would anyone else. I have to admit, he's kind of cute.

Link: Sir, what did you say?

I: So Link, what was your overall impression of the Humor Trilogy?

L: To be honest, I don't even know where the name Humor Trilogy came from. We got a call about To Be Rated or Not, and after reviewing the script we decided it was a great go. So we ran it. Did all those modern terms I don't know, and that was it. Two months later, the higher ups decided they wanted a trilogy. So we worked on that, and that time we didn't get to approve the script. Because they were doing a trilogy already. I don't even know how it was supposed to have ended.

I: But your impression?

L: The author's a perfect example of genius mixed with insanity. I don't know how he came up with it, and I'm pretty sure half of it was by the stitching of his pants.

I: A pity you wear pants with your tunic now. But you enjoyed filming it?

L: ...Um, sure. We all knew each other, and it was great to see the other console guys. We rarely get to work on things together. Some of the stunts were nuts, and it was hectic, but it wasn't terrible.

I: You were in a relationship with Samus in the story. How did that work?

L: A little awkward at first. Samus is a great colleague, and we knock the stuffing out of each other every Smash battle we get. But I got over eventually. It wasn't like we hadn't acted before. And between you and me, she's a great kisser.

I: Are you in an actual relationship then?

L: Sorry, that falls under Nintendo's jurisdiction. Why? Is there rumoring out there?

I: Just makes me happy to know that.

L: ...Zelda told me something about these situations once. I wish I could remember.

I: Even better for me. But what was your least favorite scene to work on?

L: Out of the many times I was killed for laughs? The number of times I was horrified? Or that scene in Wonderland before production stopped. That was disgusting. I'm told we actually harvested Nintendo fan volunteers for that scene. I have to give them respect for that kind of dedication.

I: Why did production stop?

L: I guess the author just couldn't keep it going. One time after we'd gotten him drunk to get the rest of the story out of him—it never worked, anyway—he described it like a river. You force its path too much and it stops working right. Of course, he was really drunk by that point. Seconds before he had tried to double jump out a window. Non Smashers can't double jump.

I: We should get some drinks sometime.

L: ...I'm seventeen.

I: Was there supposed to be a no in there?

L: Zelda? Zelda where are you?

I: (Waving off security) What was the best moment you had during the Humor Trilogy?

L: Probably the off camera scenes with the rest of the gang. We are work really hard during tournaments, but they are one of the only times we get to see each other. Game development is intense stuff.

I: Are any of the Smashers anything like their script personalities?

L: You should find that out for yourself.

I: I'd like to find out more about you.

L: What's that look in your eye?

I: How were your scenes when you were naked?

L: Goddesses protect me. Goddesses protect me...

I: That reminds me. Your talking. Most official Nintendo games skimp on your voice.

L: Huh? Oh, something normal. Yeah, I'm still taking voice acting for that. In fact, the author originally had me saying almost nothing at all. If you look at the first few chapters for To Be Rated or Not, my speaking lines are as they originally were meant to be: very little.

I: Really? What changed? Did the author feel there were better aspects to a speaking Link? Because you gave some really inspiring speeches—

L: No. The author is just a freaking idiot.