Disclaimer: Downton abbey belongs to ITV, Master piece and PBS
A/N: This story is an AU from S2 onwards with potentially out of character behavior. It is going to be a Downton story with a twist and will introduce very different worlds from the canon one. So I would like to ask you to give me the benefit of a doubt. Hopefully you will enjoy where I am going to take you. A huge thanks to my beta " MAHTRA " whose help has been so amazing while editing this chapter .
Italics represent flashbacks and thoughts.
Constructive reviews are always welcome.
Downton Abbey previous day 8: 30 am
When Anna helped her to put on her wedding gown, Mary felt like a ton of bricks was coming down over her. It was however a strangely numb feeling. She was neither happy nor sad, just unemotional. The Mary everyone expected. The Mary before Matthew entered her life.
Matthew. The name sends a sharp pain to her heart .He had been so kind to her, so gentle; he talked to her like an equal. He had been so different from everybody else she knew. For the first time she had felt like he was not interested in her position or her dowry. It had seemed like he hadn't cared for any of that. Her family and her past were for once not defining her in his eyes.
She knew that even her own family thought her snobbish. Her grandmother's convictions of class and decorum more were simply more prominent in her mind than in anyone else's. And she had enjoyed this life. The Season in London, the hunting and dinner parties, the finishing school in Paris and her trips. She did not have any misgivings about it. She was a Lady and it was her right to behave as such. However, when Matthew came, he made her question everything, the system. What she had believed in since she was a little girl, about her approach to life , everything .
But she had hurt him badly,. Her rejection had injured him gravely, to the point that he had vowed never to speak to her again.
And it had been her fault, her mistakes that had torn them apart, and her reluctance that had resulted in this gorge between them. Certainly his doubts were to blame, too. But it had been her secret, this secret she had refused to share with him and would carry to her grave now that kept them apart in the end. Fitting she thought, as Kemal had died in her bed.
And now she was convinced. He wouldn't be able to bear it. Matthew, the personification of virtue, would never be able to see past it, to see her.
So when Bates' wife threatened to tell Sir Richard, Mary thought it would be better if he learned coming from her. But in the end this reveal cost her her life.
Sir Richard had proposed and after everything she had accepted him
She wasn't going to marrying for love; she would be marrying so that somehow her secret would remain safe.
And when she saw how Matthew and Lavinia got engaged, she jealous of them, not because of Laivinia had Matthew now, but because they shared love for each other, one thing she had always desired.
And then she was ready. Dressed and polished, but nowhere near ready for what was to come. She need a some moments to herself. Some final moments to be Mary Crawley before she had to be someone else.
She really hoped the marriage between Sir Richard and she was going to work out; because deep down she knew he would make her life miserable otherwise.
How she wished Matthew was the one she was going to marry.
Though in the end, this might be a good thing she thought., She was certain Matthew will despise her if he knew and that she could not bear. It would kill her.
She was more convinced than ever. He was not allowed to learn what she had done.
Hiding this secret was taking toll on her; she felt like Atlas, the burden of her secret slowly but surely crushing her. And she felt so very tired of carrying it both mentally and physically.
And there was another secret too.
That she was still unchangingly in love with Matthew.
This secret was harder to hide and harder tokeep., When she heard Matthew was going to marry Lavinia after everything that happened, it tore her apart from the inside. She never believe she could grow so bitter, and become so forlorn at an age like hers, but when she heard of their plans for the future she felt all of it..
After that unfortunate kiss in the hall, and losing her mother to this horrible new kind of influenza, Matthew and Mary had decided to part ways as nothing happened.
But something had happened.
They should not have kissed, they should not have danced, and they had disturbed the whole balance of their relationship.
She should not have imposed upon him.
Maybe it was for the best.
He was happy with Lavinia; she would be fine with Richard.
Well maybe "fine was not the right word but she had a hard time finding an appropriate word for what she thought life with Richard was going to be like.
For one thing there was the fear. She was horribly afraid of him. He knew her secrets, he had a bad temper, he was utterly jealous of Matthew, and he had made it clear already that if necessary he intended to use the power he had over her.
And yet she was getting married to this man.
She hated that she was doing this. Hiding from Matthew like this.
She had always believed herself to be a brave woman. Marrying Richard, and under these circumstances, had shown her what a coward she was. And she detested him for that.
She knew if she backed out, he would use
Her secrets to bring shame to her and her family., And she could not let that happen. The last moths had brought enough misery to Downton; she didn't intend to add to it.
And her sisters, maybe she wasn't overly fond of Edith, but she wanted them both to make respectable matches, something that would be utterly impossible if the news of a Turkish diplomat dying in the bed of an Earl's oldest daughter became public knowledge. No, she would go through with their agreement. And Matthew was going become the next heir without having past of his cousin soil his reputation. For a short self-pitying moment she considered herself to be a sacrificial lamb, slaughtered for the benefit of those around her. But it had never been her constitution to wallow long like this and so she returned to her less noble reasons.
Didn't want to be disowned, didn't want her name to be dragged in mud.
She needed to remember: By agreeing to marry him, she was first and foremost saving herself
A fresh wave of tears came upon her and she allowed them to be flow, while she promised herself this would be last time she cried for her fate, her future and her home.
As if it was coming from far, far away, she heard a soft knock. Anna had to have come back. Was it time for her to get into the carriage already?
But instead of Anna ready to assist her with her train, it was her future husband who stood there in the door.
She had to give it to him; his tailor had done a marvelous job with his morning coat. But Mary didn't feel any flutter in her stomach. As she looked at him, she wished his eyes were a little bit more blue, his hair a bit thicker and blonder and his jaw a bit more angular.
"Richard what are you doing here? Why are you not at the church? "She asked her jaw dropping at sight of him.
Richard's behavior this morning confused her. He didn't answer her but instead made his way into her room.
.
"I hate to point out but we have wedding to go to "she jested, her calm and jovial demeanor only a front.
Richard didn't say anything Instead he only stood and observed her as she retreated into the far corner of her room. And the longer this strange behavior lasted the more unsettling it became.
Mary cleared her throat.
There was barely anyone left in the house. Her father was most likely already outside, waiting for her to meet him in the carriage. Anna and the few servants left in the house were downstairs in the kitchen.
"Richard, what's going on? We are supposed to get married in..." she looked at the carriage clock on her dressing table "twenty-five minutes. You need to get to church now and wait for me at the altar." She quietly said, wishing he would just go away.
"How much do you love him?" he asked suddenly.
"What?" she asked confused. The question had come completely unexpected.
Richard gritted his teeth and moved closely towards her.
"I asked how much you loved Matthew Crawley?" his breath reaches her ears as a hiss. His body was too close for her comfort. Mere inches between them.
And while she had contemplated her love for Matthew only moments ago, she wasn't prepared to explain her feelings to Sir Richard just now. Mary didn't know how to answer that, she didn't want to answer that. She needed time to find an answer that would placate him.,
Their close proximity made her privy to the real reason for Richard's fixation. She could still the Scotch on his breath. By the stench of it, it had to have been more than his usual share. She wondered whether he was having doubts about their wedding as well.
"I don't know what you are talking about! "She tried to dissuade him and made a move to get out of his reach. When his hand closed around her arm she was surprised. She hadn't expected him to be still this quick. .
Mary had enough of this. She didn't care for the smile he gave her just now and she wanted to be done with this whole wedding business.
But when she attempted to move sideways again, he blocked her again..
"Honestly Richard! You need to compose yourself. We need to get to church. I will ring and have them His behavior was starting to get ridiculous. Didn't she tell him already all he needed to know?
"You loved him very much; you still do "His voice was soft and for a moment she felt sorry for him. But her annoyance wan out. Of all the times to question her loyalty, did he really have to forget what he held over her on their wedding day?
"I think its marvelous how always come up with these ideas. As I told you he and I are finished. He chose someone else . You remember? We have been through this before! "She was beginning to lose her patience .
And suddenly he had a hold on her hands, twisting them and forcing Mary back against the wall.
A quiet whimper escaped her throat against her will.
"You are hurting me!"
Richard led a low laugh, she could feel his arms vibrate as he laughed She could feel the panic rise in her chest.
"Really? But look here, my love, I am the one who is actually HURT. "
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" she finally lost it and tried harder to get her fingers from that grip.
"Oh you didn't think I would find out? that I would not find out how you kissed Matthew Crawley right after his fiancée fell sick? How you danced in the hall while you both were promised to someone else? And , how you two reminisced and were about to execute these foolish fantasies and hurt everyone around you, had Miss Swire not interrupted you? Could have been if his fiancée hadn't interrupted yout? You were so willing Mary, so very willing, to be with him, why can't you be willing with me?" his soft voice was betrayed by his menacing words and actions.
Mary was glad she had chosen a long sleeved wedding dress. The hands on her arms were pressing hard against her flesh.
"How do you know about this? Did Lavonia tell you?" she asked.
"Lavinia had nothing to do with this, I watched you two myself. "he told her.
"Is this new habit of yours? Are you spying on me now?" she turned to shake him off but he pushed her further against the door.
"Well, I thought it prudent to keep up with my future wife, especially so when a former lover is involved.
"He is not my lover, we are finished! How many times do I have to tell you this? You are so insecure"-
As soon as she had said it, she knew it was the wrong thing to say. Richard hurled her body against the door, her head slamming against its floral décor.
The wet sensation she felt on her temple told Mary that she had to be bleeding,
"What on earth are you doing? I am your bride. This is our wedding day: We should be at church by now, everyone is waiting for us!" Richard angry who was now punishing her head was in too many places at once. She was furious with Richard for attacking her like this, possibly ruining her wedding dress and definitely her wedding day. And then there was the fear to lose face in front of everyone who was someone in England. But she also felt like Richard was right, that she deserved to be punished. She could understand how he felt. She knew how she had felt when confronted with Lavonia. It was confusing at a time when she needed to see clearly.
"Well, I suppose you are right my love. We will just have finished this once and for all on our wedding night, don't we?"
Until that very day, she had never thought Richard to be a violent man, vicious of course, but not like this. What was he going to do? Violate her? Kill her? Why had she ever accepted him?
To the hell with the secrets.
"Richard, please let me go and I promise that I will be good and loyal wife to you., whatever you ask shall be done. You don't have to be like this. " she pleaded. His laugh just then did nothing to reassure her.
"Mary you would never be loyal to me., You would be His and his only, no matter how much I want to make you mine. " His voice shook with anger.
"Really Richard, I am surprised how highly you think of me , but please let's get to the wedding and we talk about this later. " Once again she tried to loosen his grip on her, but he was unyielding, his fingers as strong as before. She had never seen him affected by the alcohol like this.
"This wit doesn't become you. You are not that clever , Lady Mary. I guess everybody always told you what an accomplished Lady you were, but are not. They were just lying to get to your inheritance., As it is, you my dear are a very plain and a stupid girl on top of that .And the only thing you are good at is destroying other's people's lives!"
Mary turned around, his face was very red, and he were wearing the expression of a very hungry wolf.
"What on earth you mean?" she asked.
"What if I was to kill Matthew Crawley tonight, would that make you mine?" Something in his eyes frightened her. It told her, he might actually have it done.
"WHAT?" She couldn't help but yell.
Hot white anger rose up; he was going to hurt Matthew, not hurt but kill him.
"You can't do that!" She wanted to yell, to shout, but she knew it would only agitate him further, so she kept her voice as level as she could..
Richard wore a calm expression.
"What if I tear him from limb to limb by couple of vicious dogs, would that make you mine?"
Mary stood still, she didn't know how much of it was true, or it was happening just then or if he was really planning to kill Matthew, but she knew one thing:
She needed to keep Matthew safe.
And suddenly the anger burst out of her. Giving her powers she never thought she possessed. And without having been taught how to fight anyone but Edith she knew what to do. She let her leg swing up and got him somewhere near his stomach, propelling him backwards and away from.
She started running, quickly opened the door and fled the room.
Richard was only yards behind her. As she fled through the house, she yelled for help, but it seems all the servants had either gone or were downstairs.
She rushed towards to the hallways, calling out. For anyone. Hoping someone would come and rescue her.
Where was everyone?
She quickly found the Priest's Hole in a pilaster she had loved as a child used to hide there.
She could hear footsteps just outside. Her she was hiding in the dark and crying, praying for someone to save her, when today was supposed to be her wedding day; she was supposed to marry the man she was hiding from.
It was terribly tight. No room to move and hardly any air to breath. Still, other people had spend days in these hiding places and survived, so she could stay in here for only a little while longer.
And then she had to blink. Her eyes blinded by the sudden light. And there he was, standing in front of her, cornering her even worse than before. He looked terrifying. His smart morning coat rumpled; His eyes bloodshot and mad. And even worse, he held a shotgun in his hand. Whatever he intended to do, she was not going to go without a fight. So she filled her lungs with the new air he had led in and
, She screamed.
Sir Richard wasn't having any of that though, he slapped her so hard she fell on the ground.
"Mary, Mary, Mary! Didn't anyone teach you that you should please your husband? And I must say your screaming does not please me. So you better stop it, before I do something we both might regret."
She quieted down, her sobs becoming hysterical.
"Now where were we?" he smiled and held the barrel against her neck. His hands were caressing her arms, her shoulders, the sides of her body, brushing over her hips and touching her as only a wife was supposed to be touched and never when she was staring down a shotgun.
"You won't kill him "she said more convincingly than she felt.
"You are right I won't, I might kill you instead "he said softly.
Had Richard thought this threat would subdue his fiancé, he was mistaken
Mary fought back, her nails clawing his cheeks. Seemingly very little bothered by her resistance Richard slapped her and continued with his exploration of her body.
Mary was furious. She would not go there again. Kemal Pamuk was one man too many as far as she was concerned.
This time she would fight back .
The hair comb which Anna fixed in her had a very sharp set of teeth, horribly difficult for Anna to get in without slicing her scalp open, solid platinum, it was her mother's last gift.
But now this gift had to be be used for another purpose.
"I. Won't. Let. You. Touch. Matthew." she panted out .
As Richard made his way closer to her , she sank her hair comb into his neck , deep into his veins.
Richard tried to fight, but at last Mary was so ANGRY, a wild animal woke inside from her and continuing to sink the metal teeth into his flesh, over and over, again and again...
Hot blood flowed like a fountain, marking her face red, her arms, her dress, but she couldn't stop. She carried on until Richard Carlisle was thoroughly dead.
For a moment it was quiet, she heard nothing, just the smell of blood in her nose.
Then she looked at her hands and hair comb.
She dropped her hair comb, and cried.
She had killed someone , she committed a murder.
All to save a man who was never going to love her..
She had to flee.
Back in her room she wiped her face the best she could and took her purse and coat before she rushed to the door. Not caring where the carriage had gone and only stopping briefly to look back at what once had been her home as she hurried away.
She would never return to it, and she didn't know anywhere else to go. She doubted she would be welcomed at Aunt Rosemont's and her friends in London.
Manchester.
The thought struck her.; she had to get to him, to warn him somehow and to make sure he was safe.
She ran down the station. The train to York was leaving n a few minutes. And before long she would be in Manchester..
As she finally came to a rest in her compartment, she reflected on what she had done. By now they had to have discovered his body. A murderess made worse by her flight.,
And Matthew? He would hate her for it.