Rain pounded on the roof of the Institute with what seemed like resounding, thunderous crashes in the dead silence of Alec's room. Most mundanes would probably be listening to loud, sad music right now and wallowing in self pity. He had already gone through that phase, though his music was a bit astereotypical, given that it was Bach instead of Katy Perry. The kind of music Magnus listened to.

Magnus probably hadn't even gone through any of that. He might have cried over the time he had lost with Alec, when he could have been pursuing far more…willing, able lovers. Someone who was willing to give their heart away after a few softly spoken words, not weeks of reluctance and shy refusal. It was his own fault Magnus had broken up with him; he knew that with every fiber of his body. There was nothing he could do about it anymore- Magnus had made it very clear that there was no chance of forgiveness, no appeals or reprieves.

Absently, the boy noted that two uneven tracks of tears had started running down his face without any conscious thought on his part. It was normal enough. Alec would just have to stop moping around eventually, despite the fact that Izzy wasn't afraid of saying how he ought to go to Magnus and demand to be taken back. Where would that get him, even if Magnus had said yes? He could see now. They had been doomed from the start. No matter how much Alec had loved his sparkly warlock, it had never been reciprocated. Magnus just need someone to keep him company on a cold night.

Months of firsthand experience, shared kisses and gentle whispers of assurance fought against his negative thoughts, but he ignored them. He had given in to those feelings at first, and look where it had gotten him- curled up in fetal position on his bed, sobbing silently, night after night.

Yes, Magnus had taken his heart and smashed it into a thousand little pieces, but he would just have to pick them up again. People got over breakups all the time. He finally understood the word 'heartbreak', though. It felt like a thousand little shards of glass were piercing his lungs, shattering outward from his heart. Several days later, every time he was within a few miles of Magnus's house, he felt it get hard to breathe. Even the name, the tabooed subject at the institute, sent a pang through Alec's significantly slighter frame.

Why wouldn't he stop thinking about it though? It was illogical. No matter what, he couldn't get images, little clips from a video of his relationship, out of his thoughts. It was like watching Romeo and Juliet (One of Magnus's favorite plays. He would always tell the story about how he saw it performed in the globe theatre and met Shakespeare. Apparently, the guy had started snickering when the actors messed up their lines.) when you knew how sad the ending would be, and because of it, you're unable to appreciate the romance. All you can think of is the impending deaths, the tragedy.

Go ahead and angst about it, Lightwood. Magnus's voice sneered in his thoughts, jolting him out of his silent reverie. Maybe another half hour of music wouldn't hurt. Drown out everything else he was thinking about. Reminiscing, really. Things he would rather avoid if he had a choice in the matter. That's what it had come down to- choices. And he had made the wrong one. Even considering what he had, ending his warlock's immortality and future happiness for himself? How selfish could he be? Everyone thought of Jace as selfish; Jace, the brave, confident, sarcastic selfless Shadowhunter that was willing to lay down his life for any good cause. No, it was all him. The scared, easily embarrassed, naïve, stupid Alexander Lightwood, who had served his heart up on a silver platter.

Alec uncurled himself from the ball he had formed, as if that would somehow stop the pounding headache and nausea he had come to associate with thoughts of Magnus. Walking over to the one electronic he valued, and that he had insisted that Alec buy, he cranked the volume on his computer way up. It was on his 'liked' youtube playlist, which consisted of both his normal classical music and stuff Magnus had probably liked while he was asleep and still logged in. Damn that warlock.

I'm at a payphone

Trying to call home,

All of my change I spent on you.

Where have the times gone?

Baby it's all gone;

Where are the plans we made for two?

Sighing, Alec closed his eyes and threw himself back at the plain black comforter laid messily over his bed. He'd never heard this song before, but found it oddly fitting. And how did that guy hit those notes? Letting his mind drift, he didn't realize the doorbell was ringing until it had already rung three times. At first, figuring it was just part of the weird sound effects of the time, he ignored it and tried to return to his day dreaming.

Finally, he groaned and sat up on his bed, hoping to hear the footsteps in his hallway that would indicate someone else getting the door. Listening intently, Alec sighed. Jace was doing who knows what with Clary, (and Alec honestly didn't want to know) and Izzy was dead to the world after a serious party the night before, that Alec suspected had involved a good amount of hard liquor.

He couldn't imagine what he looked like right then, what with his hair a mess of splayed black grease, the deep bags that had developed under his blue eyes that contrasted wildly with everything he was. Magnus had loved those eyes. Now Alec found himself hating how pale it they made his skin look, how inky his hair was in contrast to them. Like he wasn't insecure enough to start with. He had erased one problem and replaced it with yet another. There would always be some imperfection with everyone, him especially. Maybe with the exception of Magnus Bane, high warlock of Brooklyn

Alec hurried over to the bathroom and set the faucet over his hair, hoping that it wouldn't be repulsed by the coat of grease that had amounted over it. He could excuse his dilapidated appearance for just getting out of the shower. It was a trick that he had often used before, when he couldn't be bothered to get ready for whatever stupid dance Jace was dragging him to. Oh, goody. He was taking after Jace, the perfect role model of responsibility. Even the sarcasm.

Or was that himself? He didn't know any more. A good bit of who he was had been induced by Magnus's influence. The silent confidence and reassurance, all him. Even his newfound inkling sense of humor that had barely started to bloom before Magnus had cut him off.

Shaking his head and sending stray droplets flying as he made his way down the hall, he smoothed his hair to the best of his ability. The Clave already didn't like him because of his sexual orientation, he probably shouldn't add to that by looking like a vagrant. Too late, he thought as he opened the door. One does not keep the Clave waiting.

Or Magnus Bane.

He almost slammed the door shut in Magnus's face. He almost hid behind the door and cowered, hoping that Magnus would leave. He almost broke down in tears and begged for him to take him back. He almost did a lot of things. What he did do however, was stand there and taken in the sodden Warlock, dressed all in black. How uncharacteristic, he remarked mentally.

Keeping his expression masked and neutral, he raised his eyebrows. Of all the times he had imagined their reunion, it was never like this. He would smile and take Magnus's hand, hug him and say how very sorry he was. But in the coldest, most distant voice he had ever used, Alec just smiled politely and said:

"What brings you to the institute, Warlock Bane?"