Can't Wait (Chapter 2)
7 am, four days remaining before the Astraeus launch. Zane lay in bed, struggling to find the energy to get up. It had been two nights since his talk with Jo at Café Diem. When he'd slept at all, it hadn't been restful. He didn't remember his dreams in the morning, but knew they hadn't been good ones. Even so, knowing that he'd regret going back to sleep didn't make getting up any easier.
When he'd imagined the final hours of preparation for Titan, he'd expected to feel pressured by the work and excited at getting closer to his dream. Instead, he felt tired and nearly overwhelmed at the thought of all the mission-related tasks awaiting him at GD. Idly, Zane wondered what would happen if he didn't show up. Would they send someone after him or just cross him off the crew list?
Certainly Parrish would be thrilled. If up to him, Zane's name on the flight roster would be nothing but a memory, replaced by Parrish's as first alternate. He wondered if the others might see that as an improvement to the team, since he'd overheard a few of them whispering speculation about what—or who—the former felon had done to ensure his selection for the mission.
It was that thought that aggravated Zane enough to break through his indifference and drive him to his feet. He might have lost interest in Titan, but he wasn't going to let anyone think he didn't deserve to go.
Eureka Eureka Eureka Eureka
Allison's lips tightened into a line as she looked over the charts prepared for her by the acting chief medical officer for GD's infirmary. Two Astraeus candidates had come down sick, and a third was showing signs of the illness. She suspected a Giardia infection—to celebrate their selection for the mission, all three had gone on a hike, where they'd had taken water from a shallow stream. When pressed, they admitted to using an experimental ultrasonic filter whose track record was spotty at best. The impact on their gastrointestinal systems wasn't pretty, but it also wasn't particularly contagious.
On the upside, that meant that the infection wouldn't spread to anyone who hadn't shared in the bacteria-laden drink. On the downside, replacing them meant that there were no more alternates available for the mission. If one more person became sick or otherwise unable to fly, the launch might have to be scrubbed.
Sighing, she reached for her cell phone. "Jo?" she said when the call connected. "We need to talk."
A half hour later, Jo was fidgeting slightly in front of Allison's desk. "Why did you need to see me?" she asked.
"It's Zane," said Allison. "Oh…we aren't…" Jo stopped, not sure what she'd meant to say.
Allison held up her hand. "I don't need to know what's going on with you two. But I may need your help with him." Jo stiffened, although she'd been trying for nonchalance. "We've lost three of the Astraeus crew members to illness. It's isolated to them, but they can't fly and we don't have any more alternates available."
"Is Zane sick?" Jo hadn't seen him except in passing at GD since they parted in Café Diem. The one time they'd come close enough to speak, Zane had merely nodded politely to her and moved on. He'd been with Fargo, who looked back to Jo in surprise. She'd just walked away.
"No. So far as I can tell from the daily examinations we give the Astraeus crew, he's healthy. Physically, anyway…" Allison looked uncomfortable. It went against her training to share information about the health of someone under her care, especially when she was only speculating about his condition. But she couldn't afford to pull Zane from the mission if it could be avoided, and she suspected that only Jo could help.
"Look, Jo, your relationship with Zane is none of my business. You know I wouldn't pry if there was any alternative. But if things continue as they are, I may have to disqualify him for Titan. Which would leave us without enough crew members for a launch if no replacement can be prepared in time to step in. So I have to ask…do you know of anything that might be affecting his performance this week?"
Jo shifted her eyes away from Allison's. "Affecting him, how?"
"He's been distracted, increasingly so. At first he was just dropping things and not responding to commands during drills. Not that unusual, especially with the pressure he's been under to pick up the slack for the sick crew members. But it got worse yesterday—Grace described him as being almost robotic. And he not only missed an alarm during a test, but also caused what could have been a very serious failure in another. When she called him on it, Grace says Zane just nodded and walked away." Jo bit her lip while Allison continued.
"Frankly, I wondered if he'd taken anything—his behavior is almost as odd as it was when he was hyperoxygenated from TAP exposure. But his blood test came back normal. He isn't though—he's clearly not sleeping. If I had to speculate, I'd say that he's depressed." Jo flinched. "If he doesn't show signs of improvement soon, I'll have to disqualify him. So if there is anything—anything at all—you can tell me about his condition, or do to help with it…" Allison trailed off at Jo's expression of misery.
"I…I think I may know what the problem is. I don't know if there's anything I can do about it. But, I'll try…" Jo looked back at Allison. "Where is he?"
Eureka Eureka Eureka Eureka
Following Allison's directions, Jo went down to the lab where Zane was supposed to be running life support equipment for Astraeus through a final inspection. When she came in, she saw him across the room, looking at cylinders arranged in precise alignment across a table. Her breath caught as she stared at his face. He looked haggard, with dark circles beneath his eyes standing out in stark contrast to unnaturally pale skin.
Since their argument in Café Diem, Jo had spent her own sleepless hours replaying the scene, wondering how it might have gone better. If she could have explained more of what she was thinking…made him understand that she wanted him to be a part of her life. She just needed to find out what kind of life she wanted to live. It was about her, not him.
But seeing Zane's face was like spinning a snow globe to view the scene from the other side. She'd told him that she couldn't promise to wait for him to return from Titan. To her, it had been a way to avoid setting them both up for disappointment if her life still had no direction by then. To him, she realized now, it must have sounded like she wanted to see if she could do better. The Zane she thought she was dealing with would have taken that as an invitation for him to do the same. The man before her now clearly hadn't.
With a start, Jo recognized what she was seeing. She'd imagined this again and again. After she'd hesitated at Zane's proposal in the other timeline. After he'd risen from his knee, stunned at her silence. It was the pain she'd imagined him feeling then, the pain she knew she'd caused. Except this time, it wasn't her imagination. It was real, written on this Zane's face. "Oh, God," she thought. "How can this keep happening to us?"
As if hearing her thoughts, Zane looked up, startling at the sight of her. He banged against the table, causing several of the cylinders to crash to the floor. The breaking glass sounded like an explosion in the otherwise quiet lab. For a few seconds, no one moved or spoke. Then a man standing to the side of Zane spun around. "Oh, great. Bad enough that we're saddled with this guy—Wen must have really had the hots for him to put some criminal on the mission. Hope she had a good time, because now we're the ones getting screwed."
Jo gasped, then started forward. There was no way she'd reach Zane before he flattened the jackass who'd spoken, but she might be able to save the guy from some broken bones. Zane, however, didn't move. He only looked at the disgruntled scientist long enough to trigger his instinct for self-preservation, causing him to step out of Zane's reach. A low buzz of conversation filled the room as Zane bent to pick up the broken glass.
"Let me help you," Jo said quietly. Zane shook his head but didn't look up. "No, thanks." His voice was distant, but polite. "Please," she said. He glanced up, then turned without speaking, dropping the glass pieces into a nearby trash can. Jo looked around the room. Most people weren't even pretending to be busy—Zane had become their afternoon's entertainment. The ones who liked him looked sympathetic, but a few were clearly anticipating a showdown with Jo. She wasn't going to give them the satisfaction.
Assuming an official tone for their benefit, Jo mentioned the one person who she knew Zane wouldn't refuse to help. "Henry asked me to find you, Zane. He needs your help with the backup FTL drive. It…" Jo searched her memory for a plausible explanation for why Henry might need Zane's assistance. "It isn't maintaining its link with the communication module on Titan." Zane looked at her steadily. Jo was pretty sure he knew she was lying, but he eventually nodded and walked to the door.
Releasing the breath she hadn't known she was holding, Jo followed. She had to make things right for him, for them. If only she had an idea how.
A/N. I wanted to end this on an up note, but they just aren't there yet. ..