As the guests filed into the study behind Axel, Roxas paused inside the door.
"Well, there's no one here," he stated, as the other guests filed in behind him. Axel paused, turning to face him.
"Please help yourself to brandy and be seated." Saying this, he continued to the far side of the room and stood at the desk where he picked up an envelope labelled "TO AXEL. PLEASE OPEN AFTER DINNER." As Axel dealt with the envelope, the guests arranged themselves on the available seating.
"Mind if I smoke?" Tifa asked, offering a cigarette to Xigbar, who held his hand up to decline. Tifa pulled a cigarette from her case and Vexen lit a match, lighting Tifa's cigarette before attending to his pipe. Axel ignored the proceedings, slitting open the letter with a letter opener before perusing the contents. The guests waited anxiously to hear what he would say.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Axel began, "I'm instructed to explain to you what you all have in common with each other. Un-" he caught off, turning to address Zexion - who was seated in the chair right next to the door. "Unless you would care to do the honors, Mr. Zexion?"
"Why me?" he asked coldly. "Do they know who I am?"
"I don't think so," Axel responded. "You never identified yourself for them, I believe."
"It's a hoax." Zexion stated, raising himself out of his chair. "I suggest we all leave." He turned and began to exit the study.
"I'm sorry, sir, you cannot leave this house!" Axel's voice continued to raise throughout the sentence, until he ended with a shout. He moved from behind the desk, chasing Zexion out into the hallway.
"No?" Zexion asked, amused. "Who's going to stop me?" he asked, reaching the front door. Axel stood in the hallway behind him, his hands clasped, as the rest of the guests gathered in the study doorway to watch the proceedings.
"There's no way out!" Axel explained. "All the windows have bars, all the doors are locked.
"This is an outrage!" Zexion argued. "You can't hold us prisoner!" The other guests began shouting, not happy with the revelation that they had no way of leaving the mansion.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please!" Axel shouted above the din. "Please return to the study; everything will be explained." The guests reluctantly returned to their previous seats, but Zexion bypasses the door, continuing further into the hallway. "You too, Mr. Zexion! Other way!" Axel shouted, as the man began to run.
Turning into the last door on the right side of the hallway, Zexion enters a completely dark room. The dim light pouring in from the hall is enough to see plants scattered around the room, and the clear glass shows the pouring rain. The room is a conservatory. Zexion quickly crosses the room and is bending to pick up a pot when Axel slides into the room.
"You can't get out that way." he states easily.
"Why not?" Zexion challenges. "It's only glass. He raises his arm, preparing to throw the flower part when a Doberman jumps against the glass, barking and snarling. Zexion drops the flower pot as Axel straightens his waistcoat, a smug smile on his face.
Back in the study, Larxene serves brandy to the other guests. Vexen grabs a glass off her tray, and she winds her way to Roxas and Xigbar. Xigbar grabs a glass and she moves on. Yuffie declines a glass and Larxene moves quickly past Fuu. At this point, Axel and Zexion return to the study. Tifa grabs her glass of brandy as Axel reaches his place at the desk.
"Ladies and gentlemen, you all have one thing. You're all being blackmailed." Vexen let a puff of smoke escape his pipe as he took in this news. "For some considerable time, all of you have been paying what you can afford and, in some cases, more than you can afford to someone who threatens to expose you. And none of you know who's blackmailing you, do you?" He finished, both hands placed on the desk.
"Oh, please," Yuffie exclaimed, "I've never heard anything so ridiculous. I mean, nobody could blackmail me. My life is an open book - I've never done anything wrong," she stated, taking a drag of her cigarette.
"Anybody else wish to deny it?" Axel asked the silent room. The guests remained silent, surreptitiously eying each other. "Very well," Axel continued. "As everyone here is in the same boat, there's no harm in my revealing some details," he stated as he walked around to the front of the desk. "And my instructions are to do so," he stated, leaning against the furniture. "Thank you, Larxene." He stated, his tone clearly dismissing the maid. Larxene, displeasure clear on her face, exited the room.
"Don't you think you might spare us this humiliation?" Fuu asked tearfully. Axel raised his gaze from the notes he had been re-reading.
"I'm sorry," he stated, before standing and moving toward the fireplace. "Professor Vexen," he stated, standing before the older gentlemen. "You were once a professor of psychiatry, specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur."
"Yes," Vexen agreed, removing his pipe from his mouth. "But now I work for the United Nations."
"I see," Axel stated drily, "so your work has not changed. But you don't practice medicine at the U.N. In fact," he addressed the room, "his license to practice has been lifted. Correct?"
"Why?" Tifa asked, clearly interested. "What did he do?"
"You know what doctor's aren't allowed to do with their lady patients?"
"Yeeaah?" she egged Axel on.
"Well, he did." Tifa let out a short laugh.
"Oh, how disgusting," Yuffie stated from her seat on the couch.
"Are you making moral judgments, Mrs. Yuffie?" Axel asked, crossing the room to where she sat. "How then do you justify taking bribes," he asked, sitting on the seat next to her, "in return for delivering your husband's, Senator Yuffie's, vote to certain lobbyists."
"My husband is a paid consultant!" Yuffie shouted. "There's nothing wrong with that!"
"Not if it's publicly declared, perhaps." Axel stated. "But if the payment is delivered by slipping used greenbacks under the door of the men's room, how would you describe that transaction?" he challenged, as Tifa moved behind the back of the couch.
"I'd say it stinks," Tifa responded, leaning over the couch to look at Yuffie.
"Well, how would you know? When were you in that men's room?" Yuffie bit out.
"So it's true?" Vexen asked.
"No! It's a vicious lie!" Yuffie shouted, standing before falling back into her seat.
"I'm sure we're all glad to hear that," Axel stated drily. "But you've been paying blackmail for over a year now to keep that story out of the papers." Yuffie stood, quickly moving away from the butler and to the corner of the room.
"Well, I'm willing to believe you," Fuu stated to Yuffie as Yuffie passed her chair. "I, too, am being blackmailed for something I didn't do."
"Me too," agreed Roxas.
"And me," stated Xigbar.
"Not me," Tifa responded with a grin.
"You're not being blackmailed?" Axel asked, confusion written on his face.
"Oooh, I'm being blackmailed, alright." She stated. "But I did what I'm being blackmailed for." Vexen stared at her before removing his pipe from his mouth.
"What did you do?" he asked.
"Well, to be perfectly frank," she responded as she pulled herself up to sit on the surface of the desk, "I run a specialized hotel and telephone service which provide gentlemen with the company of a young lady...for a short while."
"Oh, yeah?" Vexen asked, placing his brandy glass on the mantle of the fireplace. "What's the phone number?" he asked, pulling a pen and paper from his pocket.
"So, how did you know Colonel Xigbar works in Washington?" Roxas asked. "Is he one of your clients?"
"Certainly not!" Xigbar stated, rising from his seat next to Roxas. Placing his glass on the table, he quickly crossed to where Tifa sat on the desk.
"I was asking Ms. Tifa!" Roxas stated.
"Well you tell him it's not true!" Xigbar shouted at Tifa.
"It's not true," she responded dutifully.
"Is that true?" Xigbar asked her.
"No, it's not true," she responded, a small smile on her lips.
"Ha-hah, so it is true!" Roxas shouted triumphantly, standing from his seat.
"A double negative!" Axel stated, standing and walking to where the guests were congregating around the desk.
"A double negative? You mean you have -" he lowered his voice to a whisper, "- photographs?" Tifa nodded and mouthed 'yes' at him.
"That sounds like a confession to me," Axel stated, turning to address Xigbar. "In fact, the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away."
"Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?" Xigbar demanded.
"You don't need any help from me, sir," Axel responded.
"That's right!" Xigbar stated emphatically.
"But, seriously," Vexen interrupted. "I don't see what's so terrible about Colonel Xigbar visiting a house of ill fame." He placed his hand on Tifa's knee. "Most soldiers do, don't they?" Tifa let out a disgusted chuckle, grabbing Vexen's hand off of her knee.
"Oh, please," she stated, and Vexen moved away.
"But he holds a sensitive security post in the pentagon." Axel explained. "And, Colonel, you drive a very expensive car for someone who lives on a Colonel's pay," he accused.
"I don't, I came into money during the war when I lost my mommy and daddy." Xigbar stated, moving to sit back down and leaving Axel with a confused look on his face.
"Mrs. Fuu," Axel stated, whirling around to face the woman he had addressed. "You've been paying our friend the blackmailer ever since your husband died under, shall we say, 'mysterious' circumstances." Tifa let out a laugh.
"Why is that funny?" Fuu asked.
"I see, that's why he was lying on his back. In his coffin." Tifa explained.
"I didn't kill him." Fuu stated.
"Then why are you paying the blackmailer?" Xigbar asked.
"I don't want a scandal, do I?" Fuu asked. "We had had a very humiliating confrontation," she explained. "He was deranged, he was," here she raised her hand to her head, "lunatic. He didn't seem to actually like me very much. He had threatened to kill me in public."
"Why would he want to kill you in public?" Tifa asked.
"I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her." Axel explained. Tifa blinked.
"Oh," she stated. "And was that his final word on the matter?"
"Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?" Fuu all but growled.
"And yet he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. Fuu, not you." Axel accused.
"What did he do for a living?" Tifa asked, taking a drag of her cigarette.
"He was a scientists. Nuclear physics." Fuu responded.
"What was he like?" Tifa pressed. Fuu looked away, gathering her answer.
"He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died. But he was found dead at home - his head had been cut off and, uh, so had his - " she motioned to her lap, "- you know." Roxas, Xigbar and Vexen all crossed their legs at the same time, signifying that, yes, they did indeed know. "I had been out all evening, at the movies." Fuu continued.
"Do you miss him?" Tifa asked.
"Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life."
"But he was your second husband." Axel stated. "Your first husband also disappeared."
"But that was his job." Fuu explained. "He was an illusionist."
"But he never re-appeared." Axel argued. Fuu let out a short laugh.
"He wasn't a very good illusionist." Roxas cleared his throat before standing. The other guests turned their attention to him.
"I have something to say. I'm not going to wait for Axel here to unmask me. I work for the State Department and...I'm a homosexual." Here he paused. Axel's eyes widened as he shuffled his paper, but no one issued forth a comment. "I feel no personal shame or guilt about this. But I must keep it a secret or I will lose my job on security grounds." He paused again, but no one said anything. "Thank you," he stated awkwardly before sitting. He glanced at Vexen, who was sitting next to him, and the man quickly vacated his seat.
"Well," Vexen stated, moving to stand before Zexion. "That just leaves Mr. Zexion." The man mentioned had been examining his fingernails with a bored expression on his face.
"What's your little secret?" Tifa asked, picking the glass ashtray off the table and tapping her cigarette in it.
"His secret? Oh, haven't you guessed?" Axel asked. "He's the one who's blackmailing you all." A smug smile crossed the man's face, and Xigbar leapt from the couch.
"You bastard!" he shouted. "Put 'em up. Put 'em up, pal." Zexion stood from his chair and approached the irate Colonel. Instead of swinging, he stamped on Xigbar's foot before poking him in both his eyes. As Xigbar fell to the ground, Zexion fell on top of him, punching him in the face.
"Gentlemen," Roxas called, grabbing Zexion's right arm and helping Vexen drag him away.
"If you can't fight fairly, don't fight at all," Xigbar complained as Yuffie helped him off the floor.
"Nobody calls me a bastard!" Zexion shouted at Xigbar. Anything that might have been said further was cut off as Fuu sedately approached the captive man and kneed him in the groin.
"Was that necessary, Mrs. Fuu?" Roxas asked, annoyed as the other guests cheered.
"Wait! Wait!" Axel called, trying to reign in the rowdiness. "The police are coming!" The guests left the injured Zexion on the floor as the crowded around the butler, all of them clamoring and shouting that they couldn't deal with the police. "Listen!" Axel shouted, quieting them down. "Blackmail depends on secrecy. You've all admitted how he's been able to blackmail you; all you have to do is tell the police, he'll be convicted, and your troubles will be over."
"It's not so easy," Zexion stated, using one of the study chairs to help himself stand. "You'll never tell the police," he stated to the other guests.
"Then I shall," Axel stated. "I have evidence in my position, and this conversation is being tape-recorded."
"Point of order, tape-recordings are not admissible evidence!" Roxas stated. The other guests began clamoring again, but Axel shouted above them all.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the police will be here in about," he paused to check his watch, "forty-five minutes. Tell them the truth, and Mr. Zexion will be behind bars." Zexion smirked smugly, pushing his way through the crowd of other guests. "Where are you going this time?" Axel demanded as the other man passed.
"I think I can help them make up their minds," he stated. "Can I just get my little bag from the hall?" he asked, already exiting the room. He quickly re-entered the study and placed his briefcase on the table. "Who can guess what's in here, eh?" he asked, opening the lid.
"The evidence against us, no doubt." Fuu answered angrily as the guests moved in an arc around the briefcase. Zexion merely chuckled as he began passing out boxes wrapped as presents.
"We didn't know we were meeting you tonight," Tifa stated, taking one of the boxes. "Did you know you were meeting us?" she demanded. Zexion nodded, continuing to pass out boxes.
"Oh, yes," he answered.
"What were you told precisely?" Fuu asked, holding her box.
"Merely that you were all meeting to discuss our little...financial arrangements. And if I did not appear, Axel would be informing the police about it all. Naturally, I could hardly resist putting in an appearance. Excuse me," he stated, moving past Vexen to the table holding the drinks. As he saw the other guests standing their dumbly with their boxes, he stated, "Open them."
"Why not?" Tifa asked, moving to resume her spot of sitting on the desk. The other guests dispersed across the room as well. "I enjoy getting presents from strange men." She slipped the ribbon over the present and pulled off the lid. "A candlestick?" she asked, confused. "What's this for?" Seeing what Tifa had gotten, Fuu began unwrapping her present, revealing a rope already tied into a noose. Roxas pulled out a lead pipe, Xigbar a wrench, and Vexen a loaded pistol. As Yuffie pulled out a small knife, Zexion began explaining.
"In your hands, you each have a lethal weapon. "If you denounce me to the police," he explained, standing behind the couch and addressing Xigbar and Vexen, "you will also be exposed and humiliated. I'll see to that in court," he stated, moving around the couch and crossing the room to where Tifa sat on the desk. "But, if one of you kills Axel now, no one but the seven of us will ever know." He stepped away from the desk, and headed to where Roxas sat in the chair. "He has the key to the front door. Hmph," and he moved to where Fuu sat on the second couch. "Which he said would only be opened over his dead body." He chuckled, moving to stand in front of the butler. "I suggest we take him up on that offer." He crossed to the doorway, shutting the door before turning around and addressing the group. "The only way to avoid finding yourselves on the front pages is for one of you to kill Axel," he reached out for the light switch. "Now," he stated, flicking off the lights.
As the darkness encompassed the room, a myriad of noises took place. Two thumping noises took place, as if someone had been hit twice with a blunt object and a groan emitted from a person unknown. The pistol went off, and the noise of a vase shattering filled the space. Someone screamed, and Yuffie switched the lights back on, knife still in her hand. Her eyes were immediately riveted to the ground, and the knife fell from her hand in shock. Axel's eyes widened as he noted that the body on the ground was not his own.
"It's not Axel!" Xigbar stated as the guests begin to gather around the body.
"Is he alive?" Fuu asked as Vexen knelt beside the body.
"It's Mr. Zexion," Roxas stated.
"Stand back!" Vexen shouted, and the other guests jumped back. "Give him air! Let me see," he muttered to himself, grabbing Zexion's right wrist and checking the pulse point. After waiting a few moments, he moved forward, checking the pulse point on the neck. "He's dead." Noises of disbelief spread throughout the room.
"Who had the gun?" Fuu asked.
"I did," Vexen stated, standing and moving away from the body.
"Then you shot him!" Yuffie accused, voice shaking.
"I didn't!" Vexen denied.
"Well, you had the gun! If you didn't shoot him, who did?" she demanded. Vexen returned to the body, flipping Zexion from his stomach to his back.
"Nobody! Look, there's no gunshot wound! Somebody tried to grab the gun from me in the dark and the gun went off!" He explained. "Look! The bullet broke that vase on the mantel!" He stood and rushed forward and so did Tifa and Xigbar. As the three of them ran into each other, a cacophony of "Sorry" and "Excuse me" broke forth as each tried to let the others go first. Finally, Vexen took the lead and Xigbar and Tifa followed behind him.
"You're absolutely right! See there's a bullet hole here in the wall! See that?" Xigbar stated, as Vexen leaned against the wall to catch his breath. Roxas grabbed Xigbar's shoulder, propelling himself to the front.
"How did he die?" he demanded.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Vexen shouted. "I am NOT a forensic expert," he informed them, moving back to Zexion's body.
"Well, one of us must have killed him!" Fuu shouted.
"Well, I didn't do it!" Roxas stated, tossing the lead pipe onto the table.
"Oh, I need a drink!" Yuffie shouted, moving to the table by the door. She grabbed Zexion's abandoned glass of cognac, taking a deep sip.
"Maybe he was poisoned!" Vexen shouted. Yuffie looked with horror at the glass in her hand before dropping it and screaming in terror. Roxas shoved Vexen out of the way, grabbing Yuffie around the waist and leading her to the couch. Though he tried to assure her, Yuffie continued screaming. Unable to stop her, Roxas pulled his right hand back and smacked her across the face. Yuffie instantly quieted, and Roxas noticed the look the others were giving him.
"I...I had to stop her screaming." Xigbar rushed forward, grabbing Roxas' arm.
"But was the brandy poisoned?" he demanded.
I...don't know," Roxas stated, looking stunned. The others surged forward to where the glass had fallen on the rug. Xigbar grabbed it from the floor, handing it to Tifa, who held it up so everyone could see that there was no liquid left.
"Looks like we'll never know," she stated.
"Unless..." Roxas stammered nervously, staring at Yuffie who was still sitting in a stunned silence on the couch. "Unless she dies, too." As soon as he finished the statement, Tifa, Fuu, Xigbar and Vexen rushed to the couch, leaning over the back and surrounding Yuffie. They stared intently, waiting to see whether or not she would die in front of them. Before anything could happen, Larxene's scream pierced the air. Everyone stood straight up, gasping in shock. In one movement they rushed for the door, sliding into the hallway before heading for the billiard room.
"It's locked!" Tifa announced, struggling to open the door as Larxene continued her screaming. Xigbar banged his wrench against the door.
"Open up!" he shouted.
"It must be the murderer!" Vexen stated.
"Why would he scream?" Roxas asked.
"He must have a victim in there. Oh my god, Larxene!" Fuu stated, turning back to the door.
"OH MY GOD!" Roxas shouted. Before they could do anything else, the door swung open and they all stumbled into the room.
"You're alive!" Axel stated.
"No thanks to you!" Larxene accused.
"What do you mean?" Axel asked, confused.
"You locked me up with a murderer, you idiot!" she panted.
"So the murderer is in this room," Fuu half-asked, half-stated.
"Mai oui!"
"But where?" Roxas asked.
"Where? Here!" Larxene stated. Roxas moved toward the door, swinging it shut to see if there was anyone hiding behind it. "We are all looking at him! Or her!" Larxene continued. The guests looked around uncomfortably at each other. "It is what Mrs. Fuu said in the study - one of you is the killer!"
"How did you know we said that?!" Vexen asked.
"I was listening," she stated, nodding with her head toward the tape-recorder.
"But why were you screaming in here...all by yourself?" Fuu asked, moving further into the room.
"Because I am frightened. Me too, I also drink the cognac. Mon diou. I can't stay in here by myself." As Larxene began whimpering, Tifa and Xigbar walked over to her.
"Come back to the study with us," Tifa ordered, taking Larxene by the hand.
"With the murderer?"
"There is safety in numbers, my dear." Xigbar stated. He had been shaking the wrench in his right hand before noticing that the action was less than welcoming. As Tifa led the whimpering maid away, the other guests filed out of the room as well. Axel remained behind, switching off the tape-recorder and grabbing the reels.
"Is there no indication of how he died?" Roxas asked as they trailed back into the study.
"NO!" Vexen shouted as Axel entered the room.
"This is terrible! This is absolutely terrible! It's not what I had intended!" As if overcome by how absolutely terrible the situation was, Axel fell into the wooden chair by the door. "Oh my god!"
"Not what you intended?" Fuu asked.
"So you're not the butler?" Tifa demanded. Axel looked up from his grief into the crowd of faces clustered inside the door.
"I'm not the butler. But I am a butler," he answered. "In fact, I was his butler," he motioned to the prostrate body on the floor.
"So, if he told you to invite us all to his house, why did he arrive late?" Vexen asked.
"I invited you," Axel admitted. "In fact, I wrote the letters. It was all my idea."
"Wait a minute, I-I-I-I-I-I don't understand." Fuu stated, casually stepping over Zexion's body until she stood in front of Axel. "Why did you invite us here to meet your late employer? Where you assisting him to blackmail us?"
"Certainly NOT!" Axel stated, standing in outrage.
"I think you had better explain!" she stated, glaring up at him. He paused, staring her down before sighing. Turning, he headed toward the desk.
"Please sit down, everyone," he requested. As he walked to the desk, the guests found themselves a seat - all except Roxas, who was continually cut off wherever he tried to sit. Finally, he merely shifted Larxene's serving tray and leaned against the drink table in the corner of the room. "When I said I was Mr. Zexion's butler this was both true and misleading," Axel began, leaning against the front of the desk. "I was once his butler, but it was not his untimely death this evening that brought my employment with him to an end."
"When did it come to an end?" Xigbar inquired.
"When my wife decided to...end her life." Axel answered. "She, too, was being blackmailed by this odious man who now lies dead before us. He hated my wife for the same reason he hated all of you. He believed that you were all thoroughly un-American." As Axel finished this statement, the table Roxas had been leaning against gave way beneath his weight, and he fell to the floor. He quickly scrambled to his feet, dusting his suit off as he went.
"Sorry," he apologized. Axel continued as if he hadn't been disturbed.
"For some reason, he felt that it was inappropriate for a Senator to have a corrupt wife, for a doctor to...take advantage of his patients, for a wife to emasculate her husband, and, and...so forth."
"But this is ridiculous!" Roxas interrupted. "If he was such a patriotic American, why didn't he just report us to the authorities?"
"He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that?" Several of the guests nodded their agreement to this statement. Vexen pulled his pipe out of his mouth and addressed the young butler.
"And what was your role in all this?"
"I was a victim, too. At least my wife was. She had friends who were...Socialists." Disgusted mutterings erupted around the room, and Axel fought back tears. "Well," he continued, voice wavering. "We all make mistakes." Fuu stood from her seat, unshed tears glistening in her eyes and she moved to Axel's side, handing him her handkerchief. He accepted her offer, dabbing the tears of his face. "But Mr. Zexion threatened to give her name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless she named them. She refused, and so he blackmailed her. We had no money, and the price of his silence was that we worked for him for nothing. We were slaves! Well, to make a long story short -"
"Too late," interrupted Xigbar. Fuu shot him a nasty look.
"- the suicide of my wife preyed on my mind," Axel continued, either having not heard or completely disregarding Xigbar's interruption, "and created a sense of injustice in me. I resolved to put Mr. Zexion behind bars. It seemed to me the best way to do it, and to free all of you from the same burden of blackmail, was to get everyone face to face, confront Mr. Zexion with his crimes, and then...turn him over to the police."
"So, everything is explained," Vexen stated, leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs. Tifa blew out the smoke from her cigarette.
"Nothing is explained. We still don't know who killed him."
"Well, the point is, we've got to find out in the next thirty-nine minutes before the police arrive." Axel stated. Yuffie flew out of her seat at this announcement.
"My GOD, we can't have them come here now!" she argued.
"But..." Roxas asked, pacing the room, "how can we possibly find out which of you did it?"
"What do you mean, 'Which of you did it'?" asked Vexen.
"Well, I didn't do it!" Roxas stated matter-of-factly.
"Well, one of us did." Axel stated, crossing the room. "We all had the opportunity, we all had a motive."
"Great," Tifa stated sarcastically as she stood up. "We'll all go to the chair."
"Maybe it wasn't one of us," Vexen pointed out.
"Well, who else could it have been?" Xigbar asked.
"Who else is in the house?" Vexen countered. Axel and Larxene looked at each other.
"Only the cook." They both stated.
"THE COOK!" Everyone shouted, racing out of the room, down the hall and into the kitchen.
Roxas entered the room first, the others piling in behind him. He advanced cautiously, helped along by Fuu pushing him in front of her. He stepped down into the actual kitchen itself, looking around him. He examined the table, finding the remnants of dinner, but no cook. He worked his way over into the corner where the pantry and freezer were. Taking a look around the kitchen from this corner, he shoved his hands into his pocket and announced, "Well, she's not here." As if these were the magic words, the door to the freezer creaked open. Tifa screamed as the cook's body fell forward. Roxas instinctually caught her. "I DIDN'T DO IT!" he shouted, falling beneath the weight of the older woman. "Somebody help me, please?" he requested. "Somebody help me, PLEASE?" Tifa rushed over, her heels clicking on the tiled floor as Roxas fell beneath the woman's weight. He slid out from underneath her corpse, leaving her face down on the floor where everyone could clearly see the knife sticking out of her back. Fuu knelt next to the body and reached for the knife.
"Don't touch that!" Xigbar stated, knocking her hand away and grabbing the knife himself. "That's evidence."
"Not for use!" Fuu argued. "We have to find out who did this! We can't take fingerprints." Xigbar stood up.
"I think you'd better explain yourself, Axel."
"Me? Why me?" he asked, confused.
"Who would want to kill the cook?" Roxas asked.
"Dinner wasn't that bad," Tifa joked.
"How can you make jokes at a time like this?" Xigbar demanded, whirling on the young woman. Her expression set in stone, Tifa stood from her crouched position.
"It's my defense mechanism," she stated.
"Some defense. If I was the killer, I'd kill you next." Xigbar stated. Fuu and Roxas stood, and together with Tifa they stared at the older man. "I said if," Xigbar chuckled nervously, loosening his suit tie. "If," he reiterated. "Hey, come on. There is only one admitted killer, here and it is certainly not me, it is her," he stated, pointing at Fuu.
"I've admitted nothing," Fuu stated, backing away from the advancing form of Xigbar.
"Well, you paid the blackmail," he stated. "How man husbands have you had?"
"Mine orr other women's?" Fuu asked.
"Yours."
"Five."
"Five?" Xigbar asked.
"Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex. Soft, strong and disposable," she explained.
"You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies!" Xigbar accused.
"Flies are where men are most vulnerable."
"Right!" He stated before realizing what he had agreed with. "Well, if it wasn't you, then who was it?" he asked, trying to save face. "Who had the dagger, anyway? It was you, Mrs. Yuffie, wasn't it?"
"Yes, but I put it down!" she stated.
"Where?" Vexen asked.
"In the study."
"When?" he pressed.
"I don't know!" Yuffie shouted, shaking his head at him. "Before I fainted, after I fainted, I don't know! But any of you could have picked it up," she pointed out.
"Hmm," Axel murmured thoughtfully. "Look, I suggest we take the cook's body...into the study."
"Why?" Xigbar asked.
"I'm the butler. I like to keep the kitchen...tidy."
The pattering of feet sounded down the hallway, accompanied by the occasional groaning noise. The butler and the guests had just reached the doorway of the study when Vexen dropped the right arm of the cook.
"Look!" he shouted, pointing.
"What?" asked Axel and Roxas at the same time.
"The body's gone!" Vexen stated. Xigbar, Roxas and Axel all dropped the body.
"What are you all staring at?" Yuffie asked from behind them.
"Nothing..." Roxas stated.
"Well, who's there?" Yuffie pressed, still not understanding what was going on.
"Nobody." Xigbar stated.
"Nobody. No body, that's what we mean." Axel told them. "Mr. Zexion's body...it's gone."
~Review~