Sorry I haven't updated in forever. Here's the latest chapter!
-colorsOFtheINFINITEsky
I want...to feel real.
I know YOU want it too….
I want to line the pieces up. Let's go together!
Sora rolled over on his back to stare up at the ceiling. It was about 4:50 in the morning.
" (he sighs) I wonder what Kairi's doing right now?"
Then it struck him like a ton of bricks.
"Well duhhh, she's probably asleep. But I wonder if...she's dreaming about me?"
He blushed at the very thought of it. Kairi...the girl whom he'd known most of his life, his best friend (well besides Riku), his lover, his comfort, strength...
Kairi...
She was wonderful. Everything he'd been through, everything he'd ever said or done, was always for that perticular girl. Truthfully, Sora knew he would do anything for her, but he also he knew he would never hurt her. EVER. He didn't want that simple, sweet perfection about her to be damaged or broken in any way. That was why he was in love with her.
But Sora decided he hated that perfection sometimes. He felt...like he could never fully get through to her. Like when he did something stupid, she wouldn't be mad at him, she would laugh and smile. Yeah, she called him a lazy bum a lot, but Kairi didn't say it in the way like she was angry. The problem was this: Sora WANTED her to get mad at him. That made it seem like she wasn't trying to hide from him because...well he was fully exposed to her. She could read him like an open book.
Sora moved onto his side to stare out the window above his bed.
"Yeah...Kairi knows everything."
The evening sky twinkled with delight as the denizens below it dreamed soundly...all except for one. And the world we live in could care less about this non-being.
Roxas sat in the chair Sora's desk, listening to him think about Kairi. It was funny to hear how mushy Sora got over her sometimes, but every once in a while...it was depressing.
For he never slept, never dreamt. It was not because he couldn't, but because being a creature so close to the darkness, his dreams were always nightmares.
Sora was beginning to get sleepy and moved about until he was comfortable and then passed out quickly. Roxas continued to sit and watch. What else could he do? Sleeping was a bad idea and he didn't need it anyway, so he sat.
He wondered sometimes if Namine did the same.
Oh, how he missed her. But were those Sora's feelings talking? Afterall, Nobodies can't feel anything.
" (he sighs) Namine...When will I see you again?"
Kairi sat up in bed in a cold sweat.
"What...was that about?"
She wiped sweat from her forehead and panted. Her whole body was shaking and her sheets were soaked with perspiration. As the 15-year-old regained her senses, she began to put into retrospection about what happened.
Her dreams now...they began happy, but ended with dispare. She couldn't figure out why.
It was like this: She would be sitting on the beach on The Island, letting the waves hit her feet, the sunshine soaking into her skin. There was this great sensation of pure joy that would wash over her and the intensity was so surreal. But then, she would feel a raindrop on her cheek.
Kairi would open her eyes and it would be pouring down rain. She wasn't on the soft, warm sands of The Island anymore, but instead sitting on a bench on a dark street. The most distressing part of it was there was always this figure standing under the only lit street lamp across from her with it's back turned. The figure never moved, but stood still and watch the total abyss laid out before it.
She remebered standing up off of the wet bench and always asking it the same question. It was like she had to redundantly ask it.
"When? When will I see you again? Please tell me Rox-"
And then she woke up.
"This is weird...Who is that guy?"
She rubbed her chin thoughtfully and decided to worry about it tomorrow. Maybe some of Selphie's "famous advice" would help, but she certainly was doubtful of that.
Namine watched as Kairi fell back into a deep sleep. The maroon looked so peachful lying there that Namine chose not to invade her dreams again. Still, the pale girl hoped that her Somebody would understand the dream and spend more time with Sora.
"On the other hand...maybe," she thought, "it's hopeless."
NEXT MORNING:
Sora couldn't help it: Riku was still always going to be a jerk in some way to him no matter what.
"What!? And why pray tell didn't you tell me first?"
Riku threw Sora that devious smile from across the table. The brunette drew back and blushed. He also had a nasty habit of putting Sora in awkward positions.
The two friends were sitting in a favorite teen hangout on 45th Street: Destiny Cafe. It was a lazy day, the kind most teenagers spend in bed or out with their friends. Today it was just he and Riku and Sora was glad he hadn't called Kairi to come along.
"I...um...well, ya see..."
Sora began to sweat.
"Ah, come on Sora, spill it! It want ALL the juicy details!"
He cleared his throat; this was a lot harder than he expected. He was really glad now that he hadn't invited Kairi. Having her around would have made this even more difficult.
"I...was...um...on the beach yesterday...with Kari...and-"
"I KNEW IT!"
Riku shouted standing up out of his chair. A few people in the cafe turned around to glare at them. Sora's cheeks got even hotter than before.
"Riku!" Sora wispered through clenched teeth,"Dammit, sit down! Do you want to get us thrown out again?"
The silver-haired boy of sixteen folded his arms triumphantly.
"I knew from day one that you had the hots for her! It was sooo obvious after you used to make googly eyes at her all day."
Riku sat down and laughed.
"Did not!"
Sora lowered his head and turned a thousand shades of red. Riku leaned back in his chair.
"Yeah, maybe so...but you did really care about her right? I mean that was all you used to talk about: Kairi, Kairi, Kairi!"
He laughed again. Sora put his head back up to look Riku straight in the eye. Riku stopped laughing long enough to hear what he had to say.
"I did really care about her...I mean I still do, but-"
Sora cut himself off. Riku took the oppertunety to intervene to ask:
"Have you told her yet?"
"...Huh?"
Riku rolled his eyes.
" (he sighs) That you ride pink ponies in Candyland."
"What!?"
"That you love her, dumbass!"
Sora held his breath. Oh boy, he couldn't remember if he actually had told her yet. Come to think of it, he wondered if she had told him either.
"Well?'
Riku looked like he was becoming impatient, so Sora put it bluntly:
"I started to tell her, but I kinda got all nervous and she cut me off."
"And?"
"Well, all she said was that she felt the same way...so..."
"So neither of you said it, huh? Hmph..."
Sora twidled his fingers. He and Kairi had been enjoying a nice day together without the prying eyes of Riku or the annoying ranting of Selphie. They just seemed to fall right into a moment (though Sora did think about telling her before that) and just happened to kind of reviel how they felt.
"No..."
Riku shook his head; he didn't seem the least bit surprised.
"Sora," he began acting serious,"man, what is wrong with you?"
The brunnette had a confused look on his face.
"Why in the hell wouldn't you tell her you loved her?"
Sora thought about this for a moment, but his brain hurt from all the thinking he had to do to figure it out. So his response came out something like this:
"It happened really fast and I wasn't thinking about it."
Riku cocked his head to one side. He honestly couldn't remember a time when Sora actually thought about what he was doing.
"Anyway...not telling her could be bad."
"Why?"
Sora leaned forward on the table and squinted as if he couldn't see. That was partially true because he couldn't see what Riku was getting at. Furthermore, Sora almost knew what Riku was going to say was going to bother him because... it would be the truth.
"Because not telling her straight up how you feel about her, shithead, is going to eventually make her draw away from you."
"Why?"
Riku rubbed his temples.
"Man, you don't know anything do you? Kairi will pull away from you becuase not hearing you say you "love" her is going to make her unsure of your relationship. And she'll either lose interest and date someone else," he began to point out the reasons on his fingers," or she'll act awkward around you and then just break up with you all together. And what worse is she'll probably PMS on your ass until you do break up." Riku put his finger in Sora's face to emphasize the last few sentences.
Sora sat back in his chair with a look of pure shock. How did Riku know all this?
"But," Sora began feeling nervous, "I know Kairi; she...wouldn't do that."
Riku folded his arms again.
"Sora, Kairi has had the hots for you since she moved to Destiny Islands. She'll probably hold it in at first, but women are all the same. They gotta know or you gotta go. Believe me, I know Kairi too."
Sora lowered his head.
"She'll be lost if she doesn't know, and then-"
Riku didn't say anymore after that. In fact, both boys were quiet for the rest of the morning. The weight of things has a tendency to emit silence out of fear sometimes.
"No, Kairi, not that one! Try the blue one!"
Kairi held the silk mini-skirt up to the mirror and grimiced.
"But, Selphie, are you sure about this? I mean this isn't something I would-"
"Hush," the short, copper-haired girl commanded by outting her hand in the air in a stopping motion, "Just...have a little faith in, okay?"
Kairi sigh and walked over to the dressing room to try on the skirt. Though, she could hardly see why anyone would consider a litttle piece of fabric that shows your butt and panty line clothing. Unfortunatly, Kairi was helpless to the might of Selphie's expert shopping skills and (judging by the clothes she chose) her amazing skill to look so gimpy and turn heads for the all the right reasons anyway.
She came out of the dressing room with a sour expression on her face. As she speculated, the skirt was so short that it rode up her hind-quarters and gave a perfect outline of her underwear.
"You look amazing; we should so get that one and this..."
She held up a danty, polka-dotted g-string making Kairi draw back with disgust.
"Selphie, I'm trying to look good for him, not give him a lap dance at the strip club! Could you be serious!?"
She folded her arms and glared up at the maroon-haired girl.
"Oh, well EXCUSE me for trying to make you look sexy for your new, idiot boyfriend. "Less is more" when it comes to teenage boys' hormones, so I tried to hook you up with a little something that will trun even dimwitted Sora's head. Come on, Kairi, give me a little more credit than that."
" (she sighs again) Don't get me wrong, Selph, I do appreciate that you came with me today and all, but...I don't want to wear something that says "rape me in the butt" all over it. I want to wear something glamorous and still be myself."
Selphie put the g-string back on the underwear rack and walked over to the shirt department. She came back moments later with a tube-top like shirt made of a silky fabric that strung over on one side. The pattern on it was ribbons of different shades of blues and it reminded Kairi of the ocean. Or better yet the ocean at the moment she and Sora finally revieled how they felt.
"With that khaki capri you pick out earlier, this would look great!"
Kairi smiled and jumped off of the ramp leading up to the dressing room. She ran up and wrapped her best friend in a hug.
"Thank you for understanding."
"When do I not understand ?" Selphie noticed that Kairi was still wearing the skirt. "Hey, half-naked, how about putting some clothes on?"
Kairi let go of her and headed up to the dressing room with a laugh to put her clothes on while Selphie paid for the shirt. And together, the two girls walked out of the store.
They decided to take a break from shopping and buy some ice-cream. Selphie rumaged through her purse for change while Kairi ordered.
"That'll be $3.50 for lot," the man at the parlor explained. Selphie handed him the money as he asked, "Is that all, ladies?"
Kairi was about to answer when something came over her.
"Um, could you change my order?"
"Sure, what would you like?"
Kairi thought about this for a minute and replied, "Instead of strawberry, can I get...sea-salt?"
The man cocked his head, but went ahead and changed the order. He handed Kairi the ice-cream and change, while telling them to "have a nice day". They walked away and sat by the fountain in the center of the mall to enjoy their treats.
Selphie hit Kairi in the arm as they sat down.
"What?"
"What do you mean 'what'? You, that's what! Why are you aciting so wierd?"
Kairi looked down at the ice-cream she had just perchased.
"I...don't know. All of a sudden, I just really wanted some sea-salt ice-cream."
She had to admit that craving se-salt flavored ice-cream was not like her at all. Sadly, she herself could not understand why she bought it instead of her favorite strawberry ice-cream.
"Selphie, can I ask you something?"
The girl with copper hair took another lick of her chocolate ice-cream and replied, "Sure, what's up?"
Kairi bite into the cold bar, swallow the chunk of icey salt, and continued with, "I had this weird dream last night..."
"What about?"
"Well, it's been happening over and over again each night and it always plays out the same way."
Selphie licked the chocolate bar again.
"You didn't answer my question."
Kairi took a deep breath and explained the situation:
"It starts out nice with me sitting on a beach enjoying the sun."
"Oooo, is Sora there?'
Selphie gave Kairi a devilish smile; Kairi playfully hit Selphie in the arm.
"NO, just me!"
They both laughed. Selphie leaned in closer to Kairi making her a little uncomfortable.
"Well, go on!"
"Um...well, like I said there's sunshine all around. I can feel the rush of the waves and the rough sand underneath me; I feel extremely happy...and then...," Kairi stared up at the ceiling and closed her eyes,"I feel a raindrop on my cheek."
"A raindrop?"
Selphie sat intently listening.
"I'm then in this other place; it's pouring down rain.. There's a boy there...he's standing under a street lamp."
"Are you in the city?"
"Yeah."
"Do you know who the boy is?"
"Well, I kind of do, but...,"Kairi opened her eyes and looked at her friend, "I hear this voice, not my own,but it's asking the boy a question."
"What did it ask?"
"Not it; the voice in the dream sounds like a girl, a very sad girl. She asked the boy to please tell her when she was going to see someone again. I almost heard the name, but then I wake up."
Selphie lean back, "Wow, that is kinda weird."
"It's been bothering me."
"Why?"
Kairi wrapped her now melted ice-cream in a napkin and threw it away in a nearby trash can. She sat down nest to Selphie again and breathed heavy.
"Because the boy in my dream isn't Sora."
"So?"
"So!? I'm dreaming of a boy who's NOT my boyfriend. Weren't you listening?"
Selphie threw her hands up in self-defence.
"Okay, calm down! I get it!"
Kairi hung her head shamefully.
"I'm...sorry. I just..."
"I know. No biggy, just try to relax, okay?"
"...okay."
Selphie placed a reasurring hand on her friend's shoulder.
"Maybe...the dream isn't such a bad thing?"
Kairi looked up, confused.
"Why's that?"
"Well," she began, "maybe it's a sign that...you...and Sora...are supposed to see each other more often. Or maybe it means that you...um...don't, you know, feel so sure about your relationship...?"
"..."
"Kairi?"
Sora walked slower than usual home today; he just didn't feel the need to rush. His morning had been anything but glamorous for sure. Riku's advice on Kairi was tearing him up inside.
"...not telling her straight up how you feel about her, shithead, is going to eventually make her draw away from you."
"No...that can't happen."
"Kairi will pull away from you becuase not hearing you say you "love" her is going to make her unsure of your relationship."
"No, she wouldn't just leave me."
"And she'll either lose interest and date someone else..."
"No..."
"...or she'll act awkward around you and then just break up with you all together."
Sora held his head like he had a headache. In a sense, the constant mental struggle made his head trob.
"No, no, no!"
"She'll be lost if she doesn't know, and then-"
"NOOOO!" he shouted, luckily no one was present on the street but him.
He felt tears come and then slide down his cheeks. They burned something awful.
"... (sniffle)Kairi...she...," he wiped his face and kept walking, "she wouldn't do that to me."
Kairi began to cry. In a state of panic, Selphie grabbed her friend and try to calm her down. For God's sake, they were in a shopping mall full of people.
"Kairi, Kairi! Calm down; I didn't mean it like that."
She cried harder and now people stopped to stare, but kept walking when they got the evil eye from Selphie.
"Kairi, please..."
"...but how...why (sniffle)...would..."
"Kairi, I know now that you love him; I'm sorry. I just thought that...you..."
"Selph...he...never even told me (sniffle)...he loved me..."
Selphie gave out a small gasp.
"Wha-What?"
"Selphie...I..don't know if I...love-"
"Shhhh...it's okay."
Selphie let go of the maroon and smiled; Kairi's expression stayed bleek and depressed.
"Oh, Kairi...Sora loves you. Don't worry!"
Her smile was fake but Kairi forced it out anyway. She had to, for the Selphie's sake. Sephie wrapped her arms around her best friend.
"Feel better?"
"Yea-Yeah..."
"Good! Now let's go look for my outfit!"
Selphie jumped up off of the bench with a kind of twinkle in her eyes. Kairi admired how fast Sephie wouldn't let a sad moment ruin her mood, so this time, Kairi's smile was genuine. She jumped to her feet too.
"Yeah...Let's go!"
They picked up their things and happily marched over to the nearest store. All the tears were left at the fountain, but it still bothered Kairi a little. Fortunatly, it wasn't enough to take away from a day at the mall with Selphie.
The wind blew cold rain past his bare shoulders and the intense sensation surged through his entire body like many frozen nittles. It was pitchblack outside that night, but it usually was pretty dark there. Roxas didn't mind the darkness. In fact, he almost liked it.
Darkness was sometimes better than the light in the way that whenever you wanted to hide, you could go there. That was fine because, Roxas wanted to hide from the light. The light sometimes could be cruel and unforgiving, but darkness excepted you as you were.
Then again...darkness was just as cruel as the light if not worse. It was selfish too. Unlike the light, it was also dangerous and could not be trusted. Roxas didn't blame it for being so picky about who it let in. The light was safe, comforting and it alway did the right thing. Well, mostly whatever it deemed as "the right thing".
Did it not banish the likes of him from its comforting shores as did the darkness? So which one was better?
Neither. Roxas decided a long time ago that neither the light nor the darkness was better than the other. They were both the same.
Still, you had to choose one or the other, right?
That was the only way that one could be in balance.
It was like an unwritten divine law that every being had to either be a denizen of the light or a creation of the darkness.
Roxas wanted to real, to feel emotion whether it were good or evil. He just wanted to know that the things he felt were desires of his own self and not the feelings of his Somebody self. He wanted...to touch Namine and feel emotion for her that wasn't ment for her original self. Somewhere deep inside of himself, he knew she wanted the same thing.
He came to this conclusion:
The next time he met Namine, he was going to inform her of his intentions. Somehow, someway, he and her were going to feel what they wanted...even if it had to be inforced.
"Screw divine law or whatever," he thought to himself, knowing the nothingness was listening, "I want to feel and I won't let those self-rightious bastards of the light and darkness stand in the way!"
The rain stopped, leaving Roxas's bare back and upper half soaking wet. This did not concern him, nothing much ever did unless it were unwanted feelings for that female Somebody.
Namine didn't deserve that kind of punishment. She was too kind, too perfect.
Roxas fully intended to make things right, to give her what she deserved to have.
The nothingness around him gave out a silent applause.