Chapter 1: Meeting the Bat and the Cat

Wade watched as the woman splayed herself across the top of the Batsignal, obviously waiting for someone. A shadow appeared from out of nowhere, encasing her and a low, gravelly voice spoke. Both surprised Deadpool making practically jump out of his skin but the woman didn't seem fazed in the least.

"Catwoman! Why are you here?"

"Hey Stud. No hi, how are you? Nice to see you?"

"Answer the question."

"I was bored."

"The Batsignal is not a toy for your amusement."

"Sure it is, just like you are." Wade could see the amusement in her eyes when suddenly out of the shadows a man, who Wade could only guess was Batman, appeared.

"Catwoman!" He growled as he stepped towards her. She uncoiled her whip and lashed it out at him, the tip snapping against the bat symbol on his chest. Wade couldn't take anymore, he had to speak up.

"Those must be some kinky bedroom games!" He said, coming out into the open. Both sets of eyes were trained on him, Catwoman ready to use her whip again if needed and Batman already had a Batarang in his hand.

"Well are you gonna stare at me all night or do I at least get to see the foreplay?" They turned to look at each other and then back at him.

"I don't even get any foreplay, what makes you think you'll get to see anything." Catwoman finally spoke.

"Wait a minute! Are you telling me you aren't doing each other?"

"Sadly no. Tall, dark and Broody over there never takes me up on my offers, and I've made plenty."

"What the hell is wrong with this guy? Doesn't he see her in the skin tight purple leather and the whip?" Wade asked, looking (at least to Batman and Catwoman) like he was talking to thin air.

"You know, if you're tired of him, I'm available." He said turning towards Catwoman with a smile that was almost impossible to see under the mask. "Some people say I look just like Ryan Reynolds."

Catwoman smiled a "let's not upset the crazy man with lots of weapons at his disposal" smile and smoothly lowered herself down from the Batsignal to stand at Batman's side.

"I prefer them brooding." She replied.

"Oh well. Hey Bats, you don't mind if I call you Bats, do you? Good. Why do you name everything after yourself? Batsignal, Batmobile, Batthis, Batthat. Isn't that a little egotistically?" Batman, who had been silent this whole time as he tried to figure out this man standing in front of him, finally spoke.

"It's not ego, it's a statement. I want the scum to know who I am and what I can do. I am-"

"A downer. Dude, you would totally kill a party. Don't you ever smile or have a good time?"

"Crime doesn't rest and neither can I."

"But crime probably has a good time. You could use some lightening up? Am I right Catty?"

"I've been saying that for years." Batman shot Catwoman a death glare that, like usual, didn't seem to faze her. She simply smiled flirtatiously in return. As Batman was about to speak, a small snicker could be heard coming up the fire escape that Wade had just used. A green clad Riddler popped up and was faced with a batarang armed Batman, a whip wielding Catwoman, and a gun toting Deadpool.

"Nigma." Batman growled. Riddler looked between three people on the roof and laughed nervously.

"Am I interrupting?" He asked.

"Yes." Catwoman replied, her eyes back on Batman. In her opinion, both the other men were interrupting.

"Want me to kill him?" Wade asked hopefully. Before he could even point the gun at Riddler, a batarang sailed through the air and knocked the gun from his hand. A second later, Wade was tackled to the ground by Batman. Riddler decided that his clue could wait one night and quickly began his climb down the ladder. Batman had Wade pinned down, going for the batcuffs.

"What's the problem? I was only getting rid of the lechrauchan."

"I don't allow people to kill!"

"You know, I don't think we can be friends if you won't let me kill. I like the whole intensity thing, really I do but some blood spilled would go a long way for your image."

"Who are you?" Batman finally asked, haulling the red clad Wade onto his feet.

"Deadpool, but you can call me Wade, Wade Wilson. And you, sweetheart can call me anything you want." Wade addressed Batman and then Catwoman.

"Meow!" She replied with a wink. Batman gave her a sharp look before turning back towards Deadpool.

"Why are you here?"

"I don't know, ask her!" He said, trying to gesture towards, well nothing as far as Batman and Catwoman could see.

"Ask who? There's nothing there."

"Her! The writer, writing the story!"

"Wade, they can't see or hear me."

"Oh... you could have told me that sooner. Nice way to make me appear crazy!"

"You are crazy."

"But they didn't know that."

"They've meet you, they know. Wade, just get back to the story!"

"Fine, fine but I still haven't forgotten about our little chat for later." With that said, Deadpool turned back towards the Bat and the Cat.

"I don't know why I'm here, I don't even remember how I got here. All I know is that she is hot," He said gesturing towards Catwoman. "And I would like some taquitos if it not too much trouble for a certain writer to write in that I get my damn taquitos!" Batman and Catwoman were both silent as they tried to figure out this man.

"There's this little stand around the corner-" Catwoman finally spoke before Batman cut her off.

"Enough! Where do you live?"

"At the moment, in Mexico with Cable, which is why I would like some taquitos!"

"That stand is just-"

"Cable? Can you call him?"

"I could but I kind of like it here. Does that little pansy Spider-man come around here at all? That guys kind of annoys me."

"Spider-man?" Batman and Catwoman questioned at the same time.

"Yeah, Spider-man. Red and blue tights with spider web designs on it. He can stick to walls and other spider like things."

"He doesn't produce spider webs out of his ass, does he?" Catwoman asked with a grimace.

"I don't think so... " Wade replied deep in thought, trying to picture Spider-man doing that. Catwoman shook her head and decided that was her cue to leave. She leaned up, kissing Batman hard before he could stop her.

"Well Dark Knight, good luck figuring this one out." Catwoman said as she made her way to the edge of the roof, uncoiled her whip and leapt off. "See ya around Stud!" She yelled as she disappeared from their sight.

"You've seriously never peeled the leather off her and-"

"No!" Batman said, still looking the direction Catwoman had gone.

"But you want to, right?" Wade asked with a useless wink since Batman wasn't looking at him and even if he was, he couldn't have seen the wink through the mask. When Batman turned back around, he was glaring which Wade felt wasn't something unusual for him.

"There is someone we should go see, he might be able to figure out how you got here." Batman growled in aggitation. He didn't like magic but there was something wrong with this guy and he was certain magic of some kind was to blame. He punched a button on his belt, calling the batmobile to the building. He looked at Deadpool who was still cuffed and removed the handcuffs. He really didn't want to carry this guy down the building.

"Meet me behind the building." Batman said, shooting a grapple line and taking off. Deadpool watched in amazment as Batman navigated around the builds until he was out of sight.

"Oh yeah, they are totally doing it!" He said as he walked towards the ladder. He contemplated climbing down and decided he didn't want to. With a manical laugh, he simply jumped off the roof. He landed with a sickeningly hard thud, most of the bones in his body breaking. As he waited for Batman, he popped everything back in place and let himself heal.

"What doesn't kill me, only makes me cooler!"

He waited for a few more minutes until the coolest, sleakest black car he had ever seen pulled up in front of him. The top came up and inside was Batman.

"Get in." Deadpool jumped in with the enthusiam of a child and immediately starting pushing buttons.

"Don't touch those!" Batman growled, slamming his fist into Wade's face.

"Is this the batmobile?" He asked as he looked around the small space.

"Yes."

"No wonder you named it after yourself, this is awesome!" Batman grunted and drove off at break neck speed.