Welcome to the Manor
By. Kiyohara
Disclaimer: I just own the Idea…but not the Naruto and Naruto's Idea nor the characters except my OC.
Warning: swearing, maybe some future YAOI warning needed here. OOC, OC, AI (Author's Imagination), AU (Another Universe). A lot of dead chara alive here, thanks to my obsession in Jashinnist and Jashin-sama! Mwahahahahahaha~!!
Rate: T, rating may change
Genre: Humor (I'm TRYING to make a humor one here, if it's not that funny, well….sorry! sobs)/ Adventure/ Romance/ and a little bit Angst Moment.
Pairing(s): Nagato-Konan, Sasori-Deidara, Tsunade-Jiraiya-Orochimaru friendship or something, if you want some romantic relationship between them, just tell me. Thnks~!
Future Pairing(s): a lot. Just please vote for Gaara and Sasuke, it can be with guys or girls.
'thought'
Words…
"whispers"
Previously!
The owner of the voice chuckled. "You guys are funny; anyway, I can take you to the Shinrikage's quarter. Hm? What do you think?"
"…Fine, but Who the fuck are you?" asked he white-silvery haired man.
"Oh! Hidan-kun!! It's been…3 weeks from our first meeting, ne?" asked the man. Hidan only raised his eyebrow while wondering who the hell is he. "I'm Fuuinkage of sixth division, specialize on Tactical and Fuuin-jutsu. But you may call me…Obito…Uchiha Obito."
'THE FUCK?!"
Now!
Chaps 1: Welcome to my sanctuary…
Shinrikage hummed another weird tune for the thirteen times today, and that's annoyed the hell out of his underlings. Shinrikage was waiting for his guests, he intended to pick them up, but the leader of the village assign him another worthless mission again today, so he asked the off-duty AKUMA that he knew, Fuuinkage, Obito Uchiha. He's aware of it's a risk, but there's no AKUMA members except the Uchiha in this manor at the moment, they gone for a day vacation, so he got no choice!
'Now, where the hell is Godaime?! Nari told me that 'daddy's gone already!' damn…and I need to report my mission! That stupid good for nothing Shikage! If I ever got him on my hand, I'm sure I'll torture him as long as he alive!' thought Shinrikage, still whistled another weird tune.
If anybody saw his face, they definitely would ran away as far as they can, why? Because pissed Shinrikage, equal doomsday stage three. But thanks to his mask, no one could see his face, however they still could feel his dark-murderer killing intent and his unbelievable high chakra pressure. It's overwhelming and dark.
Shinrikage sat on his comfy black chair while sighed heavily, thinking about his past and present. He blinked when he heard someone knocked at his door. "come on in!" said the head of third division.
"Hey, A-chan! It's me, Obito-kun and your guests~!"
Shinrikage throw his senbon at the said man, "DON'T YOU DARE CALLED ME THAT! YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING UCHIHA!!!"
"Aw…that's low, A-chan, That's low, I'm not that bad!" whined Obito.
"You're that bad and you know it, even Rin know it! Heck! Even Yondaime-sama know it!"
"Hey, it's not good to say that, if He heard it, He'll kick your arse, you know?"
"He's dense," deadpanned Shinrikage.
Obito rolled his eyes. "He is. Now, why the hell you're still using your stupid mask? Aren't you off-duty today?"
Shinrikage shrugged, "Tell Godaime-sama about it. He's such a prick, he told me to finish a mission, then when I need to report it to him, he's missing. Damn kages…"
"Oh hush, A-chan, He'll show up, you know…maybe Seiryuukage-hime know, you can ask him, you know?" Obito raised his eyebrow while chuckling merrily.
Shinrikage watched his subordinate intently, "Wonders why I didn't think about it sooner…sigh."
"Hehehehe, You're funny, A-chan, anyway, you do not want to say hello to your friend?"
"Huh?"
"Guests?"
When Shinrikage caught a glimpse of Hidan's hair, he squeeled, loudly. "Oh, Hidan!!!"
Hidan grinned nervously, "H-hey, Shinrikage-san!"
Every eye now stared at the Jashinist intently, confused with the 3rd division leader behavior. No one, I mean NO ONE sqeeled for the infamous Jashinist of Naruto Shippuden series! Who would did that? Well, maybe except Hidan's lovers….
"Uhm…A-chan?" ask Obito.
"Oh my Jashin! Oh my dear Jashin! You come!!" Shinrikage hugged the poor Jashinist bachelor tightly. "I thought you wouldn't come! Heck, I thought you don't want to see me again after last time!"
Hidan blushed, hard.
Now, they wondered, what could be happen between those two?
"A…ah…Shinrikage-san, who told you that I don't want to see you again?" asked Hidan.
"Genbukage told me that!" he's pouted, but thankfully, his mask hid it well.
"Eh? Genbukage-dono told you that?"
"Hai!"
"Well, I'm here, so…that's prove him wrong, ne?" said Hidan WITHOUT saying dirty words. Well, that's new….
Shinrikage nodded eagerly. Now they're wondering that one of the most feared S-Class ninja nodded while smiling brightly at his subordinate.
'That's…too weird,' they thought together.
Konan coughed. "Mind to tell us what happen here?"
"Oh, Sorry, Konan-san, this is Shinrikage, uhm, I don't know his true name yet, but…he's my…uhm…best friend!"
"Hai! I'm Shinrikage of fourth division of AKUMA! Nice to meet you all, people!"
Okay, now the Akatsuki's members stared at Shinrikage in fear. Why? Because there's no chance that the feared AKUMA have such as cheery personality as him nor Obito back there. They were ruthless killer, show no mercy, kill without second thought, finished their job without doubt nor question, they were the perfect emotionless killer that ever live in this earth! (heh, talk about themselves…). Well, they did have emotion, but they never imagine that the emotions that reside on them were cheery, easy-going, goofy, and warm emotion! (told ya! Speaking bout themselves!)
"Uhm, he-hello to you too, Shinrikage-dono…" answered them together.
"Oi, A-chan, I got to go, Seiryuu is bitching on me again on the earphone. I'll ask her where the hell is our Shikage whereabouts, okay?" said Obito.
"Yeah, yeah, just make sure that you come back, I have a feeling that…these Uchihas really, really want to know how in Jashin's name you're save from those wicked boulders!"
"Wicked my ass, it was hurt, and thanks to Jashin-sama that I can breath and taste the immortality and be here to annoy the hell out of all of you!! Mwahahahahaha!!!" with that, he shuushin-ed leaving twirl of black-rose petal.
'What the fuck? How, in the kami's good and grace name, there's an Uchiha as Jashin follower?!' thought Madara and Itachi together, 'wait till Sasuke/Ototou hear about this, bets he'll fainted like a sissy girl.'
Somewhere near Suna-Konoha border, that certain Uchiha sneezed.
Hidan sweat dropped.
"Oboy, he's sure a Jashin-mania, huh Hidan-san?" ask Shinrikage.
"Yep, more than me…." Hidan scowled, disliked the fact that there's someone way more Jashinic than him.
'Holly shit! I don't think I wanted to hear that from Hidan!' screamed everyone on their own mind, 'And I don't think I wanted to see whatever that Obito usually do for the 'Sacrificing ceremony' and 'Pray ceremony'!!' after some gory metal images, they turned into shade of green, tried to not to throw up on the spot.
How could they not? Let me ask you people, can you imagine the more sadistic way to do 'Jashinist Pray Ceremony' than Hidan's? if you can…then…yeah, I guess that's what Obito usually do. However, after they recall their conversation back there, they weren't so surprise. Now they wonder, why the hell they were surprised back there anyway?!
-Flashback –
"You're kidding me," said Madara and Itachi together.
"Nope! I'm the one and only Uchiha Obito, the first class Jashinist! Mwahahahhaa~!" he laughed evilly.
"But…how the hell you survive that…that-"
"Injuries? Oh please! I've been a Jashinist since I'm 6, you know? Thanks to Izuna-jiisan thou, without him, I wont follow and worship this wicked religion."
"Izuna was a Jashinist?!" aske Madara. "And where the hell he is now?!"
Obito nodded eagerly, "Sure he was, but he sacrifice himself for someone thought. So, He died some years ago."
"What? He died?"
"Well, yeah, to save someone, he had to do that."
"…"
"Sorry, Madara-jiisan. But it's worth it!" He grinned gleefully. "Anyway, hello there Itachi-kun and friends!"
Itachi nodded dumbly. Deidara and Sasori blinked, Kisame grinned madly while shook Obito's hand in friendly manner. Kakuzu and Zetsu waved their hand childishly, while Konan and Nagato nodded coolly at him. And Hidan? He tried to figure things out.
"Waaaiiit a minute, you told me that you're Fuuinkage, that's mean…you were the one who usually harassed by Tenkage-sama, huh?"
"Don't remind me about that day," said Obito while sighed heavily. "Anyway, let's go to Shinrikage."
"Oi, Obito-san," called Zetsu.
"Yeah, dark and white Zetsu?"
"Who's this Shinrikage?"
"Well, I cant tell you, since I don't know if he trust you enough to give his name to you or not, that's just the way we are. We only gives our true name to those who we trust with our…uhm immortal life?"
Everyone sweat dropped after heard about that.
"Anyway, for the record, please DO NOT ENTERS the 13th door on the fourth floor, or the owner have me to castrated and then skin you alive, then chops your body, and then blends your eyes, and then sacrifice your soul and blood to the Jashin-sama! and even thou I REALLY want to do that, I don't want it to be one of you. Got it?" asked him , smiling like an Idiot he was.
All of them nodded in fear.
-End Flashback-
Shinrikage only nodded eagerly while patting Hidan, "Easy there, Hidan-san, we know how you feel. He beats not only you and me, but also Genbukage and Youmakage."
"Yeah, I guess…"
"O, wait…Godaime's contacting me with Obito's microphone….uhuh, yeah… Godaime-sama, fuck if I know, what?! I'm off-duty here you bastard of shi-! FINE! But I'll skin you alive after I got permission from your wife! You hear me, Godaime-baka?!" said Shinrikage, totally angry about whatever the Godaime asking. "Fuck you, I don't give a damn if you're a Godaime of this goddamned village, I still love my oh-so-immortal life, you know….are you nuts?! HE'LL KILL ME AND SEND ME TO HELL!! …FINE! You have to take the responsibility! …….add more senbons and 15 types of rare herbs and we have a deal, oh plus 6 million Ryou…great, fine, DEAL!" Shinrikage sighed heavily, too tired to deal with his baka-kage.
"Something happen?" asked Hidan.
"Nah, I got a mission to pick up someone…unfortunately, this person way out of our league…dang, I thought I can't show you around? I'll asks those triplets to help you around, kay? Just don't get out from my quarters. They'll help you. Oh and please do not go to the thirteenth door on fourth floor, there are a lot of deadly traps there, only the owner who can de-active it."
"Ookay, Shinrikage-san, Fuuinkage told about it already, by the way, before you go…mind to tell me what is your true name? Fuuinkage told his, what about you?" asked Hidan shyly.
"Aww…Hidan-san! Of course I'll tell you! I'm Momochi Haku, adopted Son of Momochi Zabuza, the Genbukage and Welcome to my Sanctuary~!!" said Shinrikage before disappeared, leaving ice shards everywhere.
"WHAT THE FUCK?! (again).
TBC
An:
K: can you guess? Who the hell is Tenkage? :P
Ha: hey, K, when I can go out with Hidan-kun?
K: later haku, later. Back to readers yeah, I made this one into HidanHaku, or HiHa or HiKu (I know! Weird way to shorted the pairing, lol, I know you thought that I'll write 'I know! Weird pairing!' nah, it's not weir…in my eyes)
Hi: Nice pairing you pick there, K.
K: thnks Hidan, thanks.
Tell me about this one too, please R&R.