A/N: Just a little something I wrote. Not my best but I wanted to take 2nd person for a spin. Not really my thing...
I'm going to The Netherlands and Germany on Friday for study abroad so I wanted to get something up before then. Yay for real life German school boys!
You lie awake at night, knowing you need to fall asleep since you have school in the morning, but not being able to stop your mind from racing. You know that if only he was lying next to you, things would be different. His head would be on your chest and you would fall asleep as you stroked his hair.
It never used to be like this. You could go to school and gaze at him whenever you pleased and then go home and stop thinking about him. Now, there is never a moment your mind is focused on anything else.
Whenever you are in class, all you can think about is kissing him. Whenever you are out of school you cannot stop kissing him. Whenever you are kissing him you cannot stop yourself from wanting to do so much more than that. So then you do, and he never stops you.
He tells you that he loves you, and you cannot think of what to say back. You are certain that you need him, but that's too hard to say and not even the response he's looking for. You are not sure if to need and to love are the same thing. From what you've experienced, they sound pretty damn close.
There is just something about the little things he does that you can't get enough of. For example, the way he shyly says, "Don't look at me" as he is getting dressed when you know that he doesn't mean it; even if he did, you would watch him anyway. Or, the way he softly sings church hymns when the two of you are studying outside and he assumes you are not listening. Most of all, you love the way he moans "Ohhh, Hanschen…" every single time you enter him.
Those moments mean the world to you, and if only you could bottle them up and experience them whenever he wasn't around, life would be so much better. You feel the withdrawal symptoms after the two of you have only been apart for a few hours. Waking up in the morning all you want to do is to get to school as soon as possible, just for a fix. Even if the most contact the two of you can manage is a wave, or maybe even a pat on the back -- if you're lucky.
Your addiction is a weakness, and you have learned that weakness is the most despicable quality a person can possess. Sometimes you begin to dwell on how much you hate that about yourself… but before too long your thoughts are back to him. Ernst is just a hard habit to break.