PART TWO – Reactions

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2007

USS PATRICK HENRY

WATERS OFF THE ATLANTIC COAST

HARM'S POV

After spending three boring days sitting beside Senator Proxmeyer during the Senate hearing, for which I feel that my presence was absolutely ludicrous, and attending a reception and gala, which made me miss Mac all the more, this morning, I finally flew out to the Patrick Henry to begin my quals.

When I arrive, I'm informed that the original schedule had me cooling my heels today with my quals starting tomorrow, but if I was ready to fly today, there was room in the flight schedule for me to start this afternoon. All I had to do to get in the air today was to swing by sick bay to get my final medical clearance from the doc.

I head to my temporary quarters to drop off my gear. My next stop will be sick bay. The sooner I get started, the sooner I can get finished and go home.

Who would have thought that I'd ever feel this way about flying? I just want to get my quals done and go home.

I reach my assigned quarters and drop my bags on the rack, telling myself, 'You're just having a reaction to having your plans at home messed up by having to spend time in Washington before getting to fly. Once you're in the cockpit, you'll feel the rush, and you'll want to be here and in the air for as long as you can be.'

As I walk towards sick bay, I know another reason why I don't feel as elated as in the past about being here - my phone call home last night - more to the point, my conversation with Mac.

Mac has sounded tired every night when I've called, but last night, she couldn't keep from yawning most of the way through our conversation. A bout of insomnia isn't uncommon for her when she has something on her mind that she needs to work through, and since we didn't make a decision on whether or not to take the next step towards adopting the girls before I was called away, I know that she's trying to work through that, and then there was that retired admiral who was giving her grief at work when I left, too.

Even though I barely survived my days in Washington, there were a couple of bright spots. One was being able to get in touch with Keeter to catch up and have a few beers, and another was having dinner with the Roberts' family on Thursday evening.

During the formal dinner reception last night, where I spent most of the evening practicing evasive maneuvers to avoid questions about my personal position on the war in Iraq, I had what I thought was a great idea.

After getting away from the gala, I made my nightly call home, confident that my idea was going to get a positive response - I was wrong.

When I delivered my idea of checking into a nice hotel next weekend for a romantic getaway, I was rewarded with an agitated and firm "No!"

Mac did explain after her abrupt rejection of the idea that she felt that it would be too soon after my return for us to go away without Ty. She had a point, but I was a little taken aback by her sudden angry outburst.

Thinking about it now, I shouldn't have been surprised, given her lack of sleep. It fits into a pattern with her. Her fatigue casues her not to feel quite like herself, and she gets irritable. If she continues to be unable to sleep, the next step is for her to either lose her desire to eat or simply forget to eat, which will lead to her losing a couple of pounds. Thank god I won't be gone long enough for it to go any farther than that.

I reach sick bay and take a deep breath. I'll get my medical clearance and get my six in the air so I can keep my mind on something else until I can leave for home.

RABB HOME

SAN DIEGO, CA

MAC'S POV

I roll over in bed, my body feeling nothing but the cool sheets in the space where he should be, and I open my eyes. This makes the fourth morning in a row that I've awakened alone in our bed.

I've been sleeping, but I guess not deeply enough to wake feeling rested. This morning, I feel even a little...I don't know what the word is…just off.

I get out of bed, telling myself, 'You've got things to do today. Suck it up, Marine.'

As the water runs over my body in the shower, I tell myself, 'This fatigue is a direct reaction to our indecision about the girls. I haven't had a good night's sleep since we decided to meet them. When Harm comes home, we need to make a decision one way or the other so that I can end my restless nights of thinking and dreaming about them, and get some restful sleep.'

As I towel myself dry, I think that my tossing and turning last night might have more to do with the poor way that I handled my husband's thoughtful idea of spiriting me away for a weekend.

It could also have been anxiety about how I'm going to spend this morning.

Peggy called me on Thursday morning and asked me to go shopping with her this morning. She can't wait to start shopping for the baby and, though Dan is happy about the baby, he wants to wait until the pregnancy is farther along before making any purchases. I agreed to go because she's my friend and I really am happy for her, and also because she was kind enough to agree to help out on Monday with the day camp when I'll get to see the girls again. I also know that she's looking for reassurance that everything will be okay with the baby, and, if a couple of hours of shopping with her helps, then I need to do it. She's my friend, and I want to do anything that I can to support her.

I'd called Frank after getting off the phone with Peggy to ask if he'd be able to keep Ty while I went shopping this morning. Frank was thrilled to have the time with Ty.

When I told Ty that he was going to spend the morning with his grandpa, he was excited. I'm sure that Ty would rather be with his dad, but he loves time with his grandpa, too.

I have a thought as I comb through my wet hair. When Harm calls tonight, I'll apologize for being short with him. While we're out shopping, I'll pop into a Fredrick's of Hollywood or a Victoria's Secret to pick up something lacy and sexy that screams 'I want to kiss and make up' when he gets home.

A quick check of my internal clock tells me that I have to get moving. I still have to make breakfast for Ty and Mattie before taking Ty over to spend the morning with Frank.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2007

RABB HOME

LIVING ROOM

AFTER DINNER

I pushed my food around on my plate, but I wasn't the only one without an appetite tonight. In fact, Ty didn't eat much this morning or all day yesterday either. That's why I'd made the blue box of macaroni and cheese that he loves, which Harm doesn't make very often. 'How healthy can powdered cheese be?' is what Harm says about it, but it's something from Miss Nancy's list of things that Ty likes to eat, so I thought that it might get him to eat tonight.

I know that Ty's a little depressed because we missed Harm's call on Saturday while we were out doing a few errands.

Harm had left a message, and Ty listened to it at least five times on Saturday night before he went to bed.

("Hey, I was hoping that you weren't out grocery shopping or something, but I didn't get my wish. I'm calling to tell you not to worry if you don't hear from me for a few days. I'm fine and I'll call again as soon as I can. My flight schedule, along with the time difference, just won't make it easy to catch you awake or at home. I've got to go to a flight ops briefing now. I miss all of you. I'll be home soon. Bye.")

The other thing that I think kept Ty from enjoying the mac and cheese as much as he usually does was meeting the girls today.

At first, Abigail wanted to stay near me instead of interacting with the other childern or participating in the activities, and I was surprised since she'd told us that she really likes art.

Sami was more interested in knowing where the big man was who was with me when we first met the girls at the group home. She seemed very disappointed when I told her that Harm was working and couldn't come today. I think that the heart stealing has been a two-way exchange between Harm and Sami.

With help from Mrs. Morales, we did get Abigail interested in looking around at some of the activities. She and Sami even sat at the drawing station to draw a picture along with Ty.

When the girls had to leave, they wanted me to have their drawings. I have them upstairs next to the bed along with the one that Ty drew so that I can show them all to Harm when he gets home in a few days.

While Trish, Frank and I watched Ty and the girls draw, Harm's parents' commented on how adorable the girls are. I didn't expect anything else because, during our discussion at their home before dinner the day after Harm and I met them, they'd voiced their concerns about the possible damage done to Abigail by the previous family and, while lending us their support in whatever decision we make, advised that we proceed with caution.

Peggy commented on how much the girls look like they could be our biological children, given their hair color. She also noted the fact that Abigail has brown eyes like mine and that Sami's eye color could easily have been passed down from Harm.

Mattie seemed to be excited about them and managed to snap a picture of Ty and the girls at the drawing station and one of me and the girls when we were saying goodbye. She said that she'll have the roll of film developed tomorrow so that we can show Harm the pictures when he gets home. Mattie's acting like they're already members of the family.

Ty, on the other hand, hasn't said anything about the girls. When I asked him directly about them before he picked a movie to watch, he said that he was "still thinking about it." I think in little boy talk that translates to, 'I want to talk to my dad about it.'

Ty and I are sitting on the couch, looking at the TV, but I don't think that either one of us could tell you the name of the movie that we're watching.

"I miss Dad," Ty says out of the blue.

"I miss him, too." I turn on the couch to face him before taking his hands in mine. "He's been gone before and he'll have to go again, but he loves us, and we have to understand that he's working and that he'll be home as soon as he can."

"Can I sit in your lap?" Ty asks in a little boy voice that surprises me.

"Sure," I answer immediately.

I wonder what brought this on. He hasn't wanted to do this in a long time. He's almost too big to sit in my lap. I wonder if he's jealous of the attention that I was giving the girls today ... or maybe he just misses Harm.

He climbs into my lap, and I wrap my arms around him.

We just get settled in and our eyes turned back to the TV when the phone rings.

I make a contorted reach for the phone so that Ty doesn't have to move off my lap, but it causes a muscle twinge in my back that sends a 'don't do that again' message to my brain.

I press the talk button and answer with a pained, "Rabb residence."

"Hey, everything okay?" Harm asks.

"Is now. You have great timing. Hold on a minute. Someone needs to talk to you even more than I do." I offer the handset to Ty, telling him, "It's Dad."

TY'S POV

I grab the phone. "Dad, is it really you?"

"Yeah, it's me," Dad says with a chuckle.

"Are you coming home soon?"

"I am, very soon."

"When?"

"If I tell you, you'll have to give the phone to Momma so that I can tell her before I have to get off the phone, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm leaving the ship tomorrow, but my flight to San Diego doesn't leave until Wednesday morning. That means that I'll be home a full day earlier than I was scheduled to be."

"Really?"

"Really, now let me tell Momma."

"Okay." I give the phone back to my mom with a big smile on my face now that I've been able to talk to my dad.

"May I go get some grapes for a snack?" I ask before Momma gets the phone up to her ear.

MAC'S POV

I give him a "sure" while I'm lifting the phone to my ear, and he jumps off my lap. A one-minute talk with Harm, and his appetite's back.

With the handset at my ear, I say to Harm, "He really misses you."

"I miss him."

"I'll bet that you miss a bed that you fit in, too," I comment.

He chuckles. "Yeah, but I miss who I share that bed with more."

"I miss you, too." I'm sure that Harm can hear the smile in my voice.

"I called to tell you that I'll be getting off this bucket of bolts tomorrow and I'll be home on Wednesday."

"That explains the smile on Ty's face. You've already told him."

"Guilty."

"Well, on Wednesday, I've got a little belated Valentine's Day planned for you to make up for being so short with you the other night when you were just trying to be sweet."

"I didn't have a chance to shop for a gift after my original plan got all screwed up," he says disappointedly.

"You don't have to shop. You being home again is all I want. It's the perfect gift."

I think that my words must have caused him to get choked up because I hear him clear his throat before he changes the subject with questions about today.

"How did art camp go today? Did the girls come? Did they spend any time with Ty?"

"Mattie put together another successful event, and everyone was very impressed with our daughter's abilities to put an event like that together," I tell him, bragging on Mattie some before I get to the answers of his questions.

"The girls came for a little while. There were different reactions to meeting them. Your parents thought that the kids were adorable, but they still have their concerns. Mattie acted like they were already ours. I don't know how Ty feels. He did talk to them for a little while, but he hasn't said anything to me about what he thought of them. I think that he wants to talk to you about it."

"I hope to get in early enough on Wednesday to pick him up from school. If I do, I'll get the scoop from him on our way home. I hate to do this, but I need to go so I can get some sleep. I want to ace my early morning qual flight so that I can catch the ride to Andrews in the afternoon. Remind Ty that, since I'll be in the air most of the day tomorrow, I probably won't have a chance to call, but I'll see him on Wednesday for sure, and tell him that, if I get in early enough, I'll pick him up from school."

"I can do that for you. Anything else?"

"Yeah, one more thing – good luck at your doctor's appointment tomorrow."

He can be so sweet. "I love you. I'll see you on Wednesday."

"I love you. Bye."