Nemesism - (n.) frustration, anger, or aggression directed inward, toward oneself and one's way of living.
''How long is forever? Sometimes just one second.'' - Alice in Wonderland
Numbness. That is all Victor felt. He tried his hardest to feel something, to show some kind of emotion, but even when the paramedics and police asked him a number of questions about his love, he couldn't utter a word.
He wanted to feel something; something physical or emotional. He sat in the waiting room digging his nails into his wrist trying to get some kind of reaction from his body, but it was like his brain wasn't working. His nerves were as damaged as his heart.
Yuuri's parents arrived, his mother had tears gushing down her face, sobs racking her body as her husband put his arm around her, his face buried in her hair to stifle his cries.
The word of Yuuri getting hit by a car seemed to spread like wildfire. Yuko and Takeshi also showed up, Yuko wearing an oversized sweater over pyjamas and her hair standing up on end. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks while she stared out a window.
Takeshi said he was going to go to the bathroom, and came back 10 minutes later with his eyes puffy, and small tremors passing through his body.
Victor knew that some of their skating friends had been notified. His phone which was placed on the table in front of him was constantly buzzing and vibrating. He saw that he had 5 missed calls from Yurio.
He had no idea how the young Russian skater received the news so quickly, but every time he would call Victor just couldn't seem to get the courage to answer him. He knew that if he tried to talk his current foundations would crumble, and he wouldn't be able to pick himself up.
Yuuri's heart had stopped twice on the road, and the paramedics were able to bring him back both times. Two times, Yuuri's heart stopped and he faced death all alone, and with no one there to be by his side. Yuuri would have died, and Victor wouldn't have ever been able to confess his love.
Did he love Yuuri? Victor didn't know. He knew they had something more between them, but he felt that the Japanese had no interest in him.
But he imagines Yuuri every night, and every time Yuuri is with him everything just seems to make more sense. Victor had his fair share of women in his life, but compared to Yuuri all of them seemed meaningless.
Victor felt his hand clutch at his jacket near his heart. He was Yuuri's coach for god's sake, he does not need this stupid romance.
He cares for Yuuri as a friend. Yuuri was his best friend, and if he doesn't make it out of this Victor doesn't know what he would do with himself.
There would be no purpose. How could he go on living, how could he ever love to skate again, if his precious Pork Cutlet Bowl wasn't right beside him. How-
''OI! SOMEONE BETTER EXPLAIN WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING!'' Jumping, Victor looked up to see a certain blond Russian teenager, his ears red in anger, and a scowl plastered on his face.
He was wearing a black hoodie and pants, and a black tuque was covering his head. Typical.
Victor wondered how he ended up getting here so quickly, but the look the angsty teen had on his face right now showed that asking him wouldn't be the smartest idea.
Victor kept his head low as the blond finally spotted him and marched up to where he was sitting. He felt his death glare staring down on his scalp, but Victor was still in shock, and made no move to look up at the boy.
Suddenly, he was yanked up by his still damp jacket and was face to face with the Russian's teal coloured eyes.
''The hell happened Victor?'' He snarled, his eyebrows completely knitted into a frown, teeth baring like a cat.
Victor studied his face blandly, showing no emotion as he stared back into his eyes, noting the sparkle of concern that resided in his irises, and the way the bottom of his eye was twitching; not being able to hold the angry composure for long.
Victor couldn't say anything. Not now. He turned his gaze away from Yurio his eyes tilting to the floor not wanted to speak.
Yurio was shocked at the way he was acting and knew something bad had happened. He shook his jacket, calling his name a few times before Yuko gently grabbed his shoulder, stopping Yurio in his tracks.
The teen dropped Victor and looked up to the woman his eyes wide as he saw the tear marks on her face, and the way her lip was trembling, her eyes dull and purple at the bottom showing the sleep deprivation she was suffering from. The young mother looked to have aged 10 years.
Yurio's anxiety grew bigger and bigger. What could have happened to make everyone act this way? All he heard was that someone got hit by a car, and to meet at the hospital and-.
The thought hit him like a truck. Enough to knock the wind out of him, as he finally realized why everyone was here. How could he be so stupid and not think of this?!
''Where is Yuuri?'' He asked Yuko brushing her hand off his shoulder. He stared her down, trying to get some reaction from the usually cheerful woman, but she just stood there staring into nothing as her eyes slowly began to water again.
Suddenly he felt an arm around his shoulder as Takeshi took him away from the waiting room and into another hallway that was seemingly empty.
''Tell me what is happening!'' Yurio began to beg, as he looked up at the much taller man. At this point, he wanted to rip out his hair and scream. He needs to know, he needs to know soon or this anxiety would eat him alive.
And then he just said it. No preparation, no introduction nothing. Takeshi just told him, and the young boy wasn't prepared. He was not prepared for this news at all.
He found himself pushing past Takeshi and speeding to the nearest bathroom. He thought his anxiety would fade once he knew what was happening, but it was actually the opposite.
The anxious pain at the bottom of his stomach flew up to his entire body, gnawing at his throat trying to close it. It made his legs almost crumple to the ground, as he pushed the door open, his hands collapsing on the sink.
He couldn't breathe. His felt like he was choking, but he hadn't eaten since early this morning. No air was able to get through as he wheezed, his fingers tightening around the concrete counter.
His legs shook and wobbled. He felt like he was walking on air. He felt sweat roll down his neck, but the core of his body felt cold.
He had heard of panic attacks before, but he had never experienced one. Sure he has anxiety as much as the next person, but it was never like this.
He breathed through his nose as he was finally able to get air in. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, and couldn't even look at his appearance, and how it changed so suddenly.
He looked like a ghost, his skin so sickly pale, and his eyes wide and fearful in shock.
He hated how he looked. Why was he standing there looking at his reflection when his fellow skater was somewhere in this hospital.
Useless.
He didn't even realize after he did it, but the throbbing and bleeding of his hand brought him back to reality.
He had punched the mirror, and it shattered all around him.
The glass pieces lying broken on the floor, the artificial light from the bathroom shining against them, so small light dances were shining on the dark walls.
Yurio felt the blood drip to the floor. His hand began to feel cold, but the rest of his body still felt like it was on fire.
His wobbling legs seemed to give up as he finally crumbled to the ground, his body crunching against the glass pieces.
Luckily there was no one else here in the bathroom. It was so late at night he doubted that anyone would even show up. So that's why he allowed himself to do what he needed to do.
He let a single tear roll down his cheek, and fall to his hand as it mixed with the crimson blood and plopped to the floor.
''Yuuri was hit by a car, and he might not make it.''
Hey! Wow, it's good to be back how are you all?
I am so sorry for being so absent from everything. I know it sucks to be left hanging on a story, and I kinda just abandoned this one lol. I am back for good now, so you can be assured that there will be more updates.
I had to deal with my fair share of health issues and stuff. I wasn't 100% emotionally and just wanted to be away from everything.
I would like to say that I am fine now, but there are still some improvements that need to be made with my emotional health. None the less, I realized that writing is what makes me happy in this world and I will continue doing so since you guys are awesome :)
Wow, we have 177 follows on this story. That means 177 were waiting for an update, wow I'm so sorry omg
I promise *holds out pinkie* that I will be here for now on. It's good to be back.
I know this story is pretty sad, but I am still building up the plot and stuff. Kewl stuff will be coming soon don't you worry.
I love Yuri on Ice so much and I am so glad to be writing for the fandom.
And on a second note. JESUS MORE THAN 30,000 VIEWS ON CONCERN? I was only gone for a few months I'm in shock that's incredible!
Thank you all so much for sticking by me, ily you all!
Expect more updates very soon, and please favourite, review, and follow, all that jazz..
And I would really apperciate it if you would follow my new and improved instagram! I will be posting a lot of updates there, so if you are interested it's kalluuto
Guess there is nothing much else to say except for Thanks for reading!
Kalluuto, sigining off~ *flies away on magical unicorn*