Chapter Two: Moving On
"Kagome…" Sango spoke up concerned for her cowering friend, "Are you okay?"
"She's hurt." Sesshomaru spoke up on her behalf, his eyes closed as he began to explain their well thought out lie, "She was attacked by a nauseatingly hostile demon deep in the forest. The vulgar beast attempted to force himself on her…" Sesshomaru hesitated for but a moment, opening his eyes to look at the terrified group of friends Kagome had, "I prevented the worst of it." They all sighed in relief, but Sesshomaru almost had trouble keeping the lie together himself. He was disgusted with his actions. The most fluid part of his story was when he was pretty much insulting himself at the beginning.
Kaede hurried over to Kagome's side and began examining her. She was wearing Sesshomaru's haori, which was an odd sight for everyone. Sango hurried over as well, with Shippo on her shoulder. Miroku stepped up to Sesshomaru and bowed, thanking him in the most grateful way he could come up with. Inuyasha, on the other hand, was dumfounded. He realized instantly… it was all his fault.
"Come on in, child." Kaede said, guiding Kagome into the hut. Kagome and Sesshomaru shared one final glance as she entered the hut and was no longer in his sight.
"Thank you, Sesshomaru." Kaede bowed to him before following Kagome.
"Yes, thank you. I don't know of a way to repay you for what you've done." Sango said and hurried in.
The several thanks he was receiving made things awkward. Sesshomaru's knowing that he did not deserve such sincere thanks from these people left him sick. He didn't enjoy being thanked by humans, but being thanked in this situation was almost too much to deal with for the demon lord.
"Sesshomaru." Inuyasha finally spoke up as each of his friends retreated into the hut to tend to Kagome and any wounds she may have. Sesshomaru turned to his younger brother, expecting some sort of sarcastic remark. Inuyasha moved toward him and stood strong. "Thank you. I know you and I will never get along, but I do appreciate you bringing Kagome back to us. I owe you one."
"You owe me nothing." Sesshomaru said stoically and turned from his brother. Inuyasha's eye twitched and he was ready to yell at his brother, but the thoughts of Kagome's situation calmed him fast. He just left things as they were and turned to the hut, stepping inside to see what Kagome had to say.
"Would you like something to eat, child?" Kaede asked, stirring some stew over a fire.
"No, thank you. I don't feel up to eating right now." Kagome said weakly, "I mostly want to sleep."
"Then sleep." Inuyasha said a little more annoyed than he meant to, causing Kagome to flinch.
"Inuyasha!" Shippo yelled and threw an acorn at the idiot half-demon's head, "Stop being mean!"
"You have no idea what Kagome truly went through out there." Miroku said with a lot of concern for Kagome, "You're going to need to give her some time to adjust to such a trauma."
"Kagome, if you need to rest, take all the time you need." Sango said, comforting her friend to the best of her ability. Kagome just nodded, a low whimper escaping through her nose.
"I'm sorry, Kagome. I didn't mean it so harsh." Inuyasha apologized and sat down across from her.
The rest of the night was pretty quiet. Everyone was afraid to speak around, but who could truly blame them? Even Kagome understood their silence. What was there to say about something like this? What would make things less uncomfortable for anyone there? What would make things more comfortable for Kagome? They could not come up with a single thing to help her. Their silence lasted through the night and everyone soon fell asleep. Kagome fell asleep first, allowing the rest to easily lay down with less apprehension about the entire situation. Inuyasha was the last to finally sleep.
A couple of hours later, a small whimper from Kagome shook Inuyasha from his slumber. His senses were on high sensitivity because of this. He looked up at her, seeing her face distort from pain. She groaned in her sleep again and woke Shippo. It soon got worse and everyone woke up. A moment later, the nightmare Kagome was having pushed her over the limit and she shot up from bed screaming.
"NOT AGAIN!" she shrieked, out of breath as she looked around and realized where she was. Sango hurried to who side and embraced Kagome tightly, the poor girl crying into Sango's shoulders.
"It's okay, Kagome. You're safe now." Sango said to comfort her.
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" Kagome cried heavily into Sango's shoulder, hugging her back, and even causing Sango to cry for her as well.
"There's nothing to apologize for, Kagome. This isn't your fault." Miroku set a hand on Kagome's shoulder. Sango gave Miroku a death-glare that he had never seen before. Miroku quickly understood that Sango was warning him about his lecherous ways, but Miroku had more tact than that and glared back at Sango for such an accusation. Sango quickly calmed herself down and nodded to him.
"Child… Maybe you should return home for a while. Such an incident may be better taken care of by those ye' are closest to." Kaede explained, "Your family might be of better help."
"Yeah, you should go home, Kagome…" Inuyasha said calmly, a drop of guilt in his tone.
"What?" Kagome replied wide eyed, "You hate it when I go home."
"You've never had something like this happen either, have you?" Inuyasha snapped a bit, causing Kagome to flinch and lower her head. He quickly calmed down. "There's nothing more important than you getting better, Kagome. Something like that… It should have never happened. If you need to take some time back home, then do it without worrying about any of us here, okay?"
"Inuyasha…" Sango blinked in surprise at the rather mature response he gave.
"I agree with him." Miroku spoke up, "If you feel the best care is in your time, you should go immediately. The longer you wait, then the worse things may get for you."
"I don't know if the best care is in my time though…" Kagome responded with a sigh, "The people I'm closest to are in this room. I love my family, but I've spent more time here with you guys than I have with them in so long that I often feel closer and safer with all of you than at home."
"Obviously you shouldn't…" Inuyasha let slip out, receiving glares from the rest, "That's not supposed to be mean or something, okay! But that happened here, in this time! She had to be saved by Sesshomaru of all people! What do you think would have happened if he wasn't there? Huh?" Inuyasha shouted angrily and received only depressed looks in reply. "Exactly!" he exclaimed and crossed his arms angrily, "I don't like it anymore than you guys, but I'm also well aware that this is all my fault!"
Yet more words to shock the entire group, but none of them disagreed. They were all secretly angry with him because he had come home without Kagome, saying she had run of after catching him and Kikyo again. "Agh… I know running off to see Kikyo hurts Kagome, but I keep doing it. The stupid thing is that even with this happening, I can't even promise that I'd stop! My decisions are putting her in danger and even though I know it's really stupid… I can't just forget about Kikyo. I know I'm supposed to protect Kagome, I want to, but… that doesn't take away the thought in the back of my mind about how everything between Kikyo and I was forced to an early end by that bastard Naraku."
"I know, Inuyasha…" Kagome replied sadly, refusing to look to anyone, "It's why I've never asked you to let her go or called my soul back to my body. I know you care for her and that you can't just stop. I know that your story was tragically cut short and her suddenly begin back in your life is devastating. I'm also from a completely different time period and we don't even know if I'll be able to stay here once the jewel is complete and Naraku is destroyed. How can I ask you to choose someone that may not be here the moment the mission is complete? That wouldn't be fair for you… but this also isn't fair for me."
For the rest of the group, this was probably one of the most awkward conversations to witness. Right in front of the rest, Kagome and Inuyasha were opening up to each other in ways that they had never done before. Each of them were all as still as statues, fearing that their movement would cease the rather interesting conversation that seemed to be getting the two farther in understanding each other. Inuyasha's more mature reaction toward this circumstance left the group bewildered. Little Shippo was the only one that felt a little lost, but he was understanding some more of it now. All he knew was that Kagome was attacked; he did not understand the severity or what such an attack meant.
"I know it's not…" Inuyasha sighed and rubbed the back of his head, "How do I make such a decision?"
"You don't." Kagome said with a small, weak smile, "I won't ask you to choose because there is too much in our future that we don't understand, and can't understand. I won't ask you or Kikyo to wait for those to be revealed either. If you two want to be together, then the one who needs to make the decision here is me. I will continue to hunt the jewel shards with you all. I will help Sango get her brother back and Miroku rid himself of the Wind Tunnel. I will make sure you and Kikyo get your well-deserved revenge as well. But as of this moment, it's time that I move on and follow my own path."
"Kagome, what do you mean?" Inuyasha asked, shocked and confused.
"I mean, Inuyasha… That I will no longer wait for you to choose me because I don't want you to choose me anymore." Kagome smiled a bit bigger, it obviously a forced expression.
"Kagome… You can't mean that." Sango placed her hands onto Kagome's shoulders.
"No, Sango. I do mean it." Kagome said and closed her eyes for a moment. She stood up from her place in the hut and opened her eyes again, a major shift in their vibrancy. What were once the beautiful and bright brown eyes that belonged to the Kagome they knew, were dull and lifeless orbs of what couldn't be anything more than a broken soul. "Inuyasha doesn't need to be held back by someone like me."
"K-Kagome." Inuyasha stood up to face her, but she walked casually out of the hut. No one had the courage to follow her at that point. Shippo was about to, but was stopped when Sango picked him up and held him close. For a few long agonizing seconds, the hut was dead silent.
"What… do we do?" Sango finally broke the silence.
"Kagome looked so… beaten, defeated..." Miroku and then shook his head, "That's putting it lightly…"
"What she went through must be worse than we thought." Kaede chimed in from her corner of the hut, "Her body is as broken as her mind. Someone in her situation needs to be watched. Anything can tilt her over the edge or bring her back from this gloom that she's found herself thrown into."
"What do mean, Kaede?" Shippo asked curiously, looking to where Kagome once sat.
"I mean that there is something more to this. I can sense Kagome's power wavering. Sesshomaru claims to have prevented the worst of what could have happened, but what is considered the 'worst' to someone like him? I can't imagine he cares too much about Kagome's virtue." Kaede explains, closing her eyes as her tone began to shake from anger and fear at the same time, "It is possible that Kagome was indeed fully violated and that Sesshomaru did not consider explaining that piece to us."
"But why would he hold that back? He already rescued her and brought her to us?" Miroku asked.
"It may not be intentional. How valued is a woman's virginity in the world of demons?" Kaede turned to Inuyasha, asking a rather serious and embarrassing question to someone like him.
"What?! I don't know! How am I supposed to? I was brought up by humans, remember?" Inuyasha exclaimed, holding his hands out in front of him as if he were holding the question at bay.
"I see. It is a delicate subject to bring up, but if Kagome's virginity was stolen by this demon, then we must do what we can to show her that she's still the Kagome we all know and love." Kaede explained and then sighed again out of irritation, looking to Inuyasha, "I believe ye' may have made that part of this a bit more difficult with your speech about my sister. With that now on Kagome's mind, she may not be able to be pulled back from this mental hell she is stuck in."
"So, this is my fault too?" Inuyasha asked, truly saddened and riddled with guilt.
"No. You were being honest and if we had understood that Kagome may have indeed been taken, I doubt you would have said such things to her…" Kaede tried to comfort him, but then looked to the rest of the group, "Kagome has always been a gentle soul. Her last words while treading the edge of her sanity were about making sure Inuyasha could be happy with my sister. She likely thinks very negatively of herself right now and needs to be reassured that this doesn't change who she is."
"I don't understand what's going on… What happened to Kagome?" Shippo asked.
"You'll understand when you're older, Shippo." Sango pat the confused little fox demon on the head and sighed, "I'm sorry. We shouldn't have been talking about this in front of you in the first place. Please, just do your best to help Kagome smile. Show her she's important to you and everything will be okay."
"Alright! I'll do my best!" Shippo said as he hopped out of Sango's arms, "To be honest, it's not going to be that hard. Kagome's more like a Mom to me than a friend, so I know I can do this!" Shippo made a confident fist and nodded to himself before rushing out the door to find Kagome. The group was left with a bit of hope in their hearts. If anyone could help Kagome feel better, it'd be Shippo.
The young fox demon found Kagome's scent rather quickly. It was mixed in with Sesshomaru's because she was still wearing his haori, which was awkward and frightening for the young boy at the same time. It made him worry whether he'd run into Sesshomaru, but that demon had to be gone by now. He hurried along to Kagome and found her sitting on the bridge, staring down at the water glittering under the moon. Shippo was quickly put off by the look in Kagome's eyes. She wasn't herself at all. She usually enjoyed the water and the night sky. She came out here to relax when she was deep in thought about something, but now it was like she did it on reflex, as if muscle memory was what brought her here.
"Kagome?" Shippo slowly approached and pulling Kagome from her trance.
"Hey, Shippo." Kagome replied with very little emotion at all. She didn't sound like the woman he knew and that scared him. The poor boy couldn't help but want to cry. He didn't understand what was going on and all the talk he heard back in the hut sounded unusually bad. Kagome had been thrown, beaten, sick, kidnapped, and cursed in the past, but nothing brought her to this point. Shippo stared back at the woman he thought of as a mother, receiving that lifeless gaze in return and he broke.
"I'm so sorry, Kagome!" Shippo fell onto his butt and began weeping uncontrollably. The tears that streamed down his cheeks could rival the roughest of rivers with the amount of fear they held. He came out here with confidence that he would be able to help her, but that soulless look crushed any ounce of confidence that he had. It only took a moment for Kagome's heart to skip that beat it needed in order to bring her back into a slightly more normal reality. Watching Shippo break down and cry like this was too much for her to stay the shattered soul she was. That instant put a single piece of her heart back in place, giving Kagome just enough to take the young fox demon in her arms and hold tightly onto him.
"I'm sorry, Shippo. I'm so sorry." Kagome whispered into the crying child's ear and the two just embraced each other. Shippo clung to Kagome so tightly that he was shaking. She set her cheek on top of his head and brushed his hair down with her hand. She was still important to him. She was still important to all of them, no matter how horrible she felt about herself. What happened, happened. There was nothing that could change that, but she couldn't just check out like she planned. Sango and Miroku had each other and would be okay. Inuyasha had Kikyo and would be okay. Shippo had no one. Sure, Sango and Miroku would likely take care of him, but there's no replacing a Mother…
"I'll be okay. I have to be… For Shippo."