My original thought of around 3 chapters has been pushed to around 5 chapters. I thought this chapter would cover more plot points then it did, honestly. Let me know what you think!
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Maura

I hadn't talked to Jane in three days about anything other than work related topics. Which not only wasn't ideal but wasn't of my own accord, either. Part of me was frustrated with her but mostly I was hurt, as much as I did not want to admit it.

It was a hard realization that Jane could avoid me so easily. I saw her multiple times per day, as we worked together often. Each time I thought she would stay behind, make eye contact, or invite me over to her apartment- she didn't.

Not only was Jane not apart of my nights, Paul was out of town until Saturday evening. So, I spent each evening and night alone. Which shouldn't of bothered me nearly as much as it did.

That also brought up some emotions I don't care to feel. Before Jane came into my life, loneliness wasn't so much as a fleeting feeling as a permanent fixture. But, at least I was use to it. I am no longer accustomed to the long, lonely nights.

I don't spend my nights with medical journals and a bottle of wine anymore.

I spend them with Jane laughing at a movie and enjoying unhealthy take out.

No longer do I find myself talking to Bass the most about my life. No longer is my home always silent.

Except for the past three days. I asked bass last night if he missed the noise. It has only been 48 hours and my mind is racing. Why was Jane avoiding me? I know we had a disagreement but maybe I didn't realize that it turned into a full fledged fight? Regardless, I missed her.

I promised myself I wouldn't reach out first. I wasn't the one who started yelling about marriage. Who kept badgering about my thoughts and whether I wanted to marry Paul.

It was confusing and frustrating.

Did she view Paul as my potential husband? Did she have a secret suitor whom she wanted to settle down with? She definitely had a reason to be asking all these questions other than what she provided to me.

A light knock on my front door startled me out of my thoughts. I pushed the blanket off of my lower body as I got up from my chair. After unlocking my deadbolt and chain, I opened the door.

"I'm sorry."

Jane stood in front of me carrying chinese takeout and one of my favorite bottles of wine. Her hair was tied loosely into a bun and she was wearing her favorite BPD hoodie.

"Are you? I haven't talked to you in days other than about work and even more than that, you have paid me no attention, either."

Opening the door wider to allow her to come in, I heard her let out a breath she was holding. She went straight for the kitchen, flipping the light on and getting out two glasses. Popping the cork and pouring us full serving sizes, she responded, "I know, Maur, and I am sorry. I thought you would of been mad at me. I mean I came in your office like a crazy person yelling about marriage. I got frustrated when you didn't answer me and I took it out on you. It was all stupid and it was all my fault."

Taking my glass from her, I sipped the deep red liquid.

"I just don't understand. Why was it so important to you? If the questions and thoughts were merely fleeting, why put so much emphasis on the answers?"

Every human has a tell when they are lying. Jane's just so happened to be apparent to me right after we met. She tucks her thumb into a balled fist. So, when she went to respond to my questions and had already presented her tell, I knew whatever she was going to say next was not going to be the truth.

"I don't know, Maur. I really don't. I was just wondering, honest, I had been thinking about it. Just wanted to see where you were at concerning it."

"Concerning marriage and my thoughts around it in general or specifically about Paul?" I knew I had said something she didn't want to respond to when her eyes darted to her feet.

"Why all the emphasis on Paul, Jane?"

Immediately, Jane lifted her head to make eye contact with me. I could tell she was taken back by my bold question. I wanted this conflict to end and the sooner I started asking the hard questions, the better. I wasn't positive what the fight was even about.

"There isn't any on him, Paul I mean. I was just. I want you to be happy, okay? I wanted to know if a husband was something you were seeking. And I needed to know if you could be, would be happy if Paul was that someone."

Jane's words came out much like when she first asked about all of this in my office- fast and jumbled together. She was saying whatever came to her mind without censoring herself. It made me feel a bit uneasy.

"I still don't know that answer, Jane. I don't know if he could be, possibly. I guess I will have to do some self reflecting to find you your answer."

I could see that something I had said had resonated with her. Instead of being joyful I had given her a more clear answer, she looked disappointed. But, I enjoyed the easiness of my relationship with Paul. Had it always meant to be nothing more than casual? Perhaps. But, that didn't mean I wasn't enjoying him and our time together. Jane even seemed to tolerate him.

Did she think Paul was a good match for me?

As much as I had failed to think of Paul in my future, I had accepted Jane's place by my side years ago.

I simply had thought we would grow old and husband-less together. It wasn't so much of a back up plan than a sever acceptance of reality.

The likelihood of me finding a person that I would want to grow old with more than Jane was nearly impossible. All of these questions about marriage and Paul were making me think Jane didn't share my thoughts and feelings. And that wasn't a reality I am prepared to face tonight. Maybe Jane really did have someone in her life she hadn't told me about. Maybe she was preparing to tell me she was getting married.

My head began to ache.

"I really am sorry, Maur. Can we move on? I know there is a new Grey's Anatomy tonight and you love telling me how inaccurate it is."

Smiling at her, we made our way to the couch with wine glasses and take out in hand.

Friday night, I had found myself in familiar surroundings. After a long week of opening and closing cases, performing autopsies, and all the paperwork that goes with each case, we were at the Dirty Robber. Most Friday night's ended here, drinks enjoyed with friends and food ate while laughing. It had always made me feel included and apart of a team, tonight was no different.

The only thing that was different about tonight was our level of inherbirtation. We had all agreed to try five shots we had never tried before. Frankie's jackhammer shot was followed by Jane and I's pickleback. We had all done 4 shots when the bartender had asked if any of us had done blowjobs. After a snicker from Frankie and Jane, we had all agreed on making the shot our final.

"Ugh, I'm never trying shots again. Even though that pickle back one wasn't awful, the last one did not sit right in my stomach."

We had been walking out towards the cab when Jane had spoke up.

"I must agree with you with the exception of the pickleback. It was awful! I don't know how anyone would willingly drink that." Sitting in the back seat of the car, I said my address and we made the short distance to my home.

"Of course you didn't like it, Maur! You hate pickles! Pickles and whiskey, what more could you ask for?"

"You could ask for a better tasting shot."

Snapping her attention and body towards me, I looked at her also. Jane's cheeks were flushed from the liquor and her hair had seen better days, but she looked relaxed.

Which hardly happened. You always know what Jane is feeling by her expressions. Anger, empathy, and frustrated were the most common. Among the least common, relaxed.

"That was funny, M! Your jokes are getting much better." Taking a moment to finish her sentence, Jane laughed as her attention turned to what was just beyond the glass of the window.

An hour later, Jane and I had finished our night cap and were cleaning up our glasses. Within the last 10 minutes or so, the mood had shifted. Well, Jane's mood had shifted. What began as a laughter filled night cap ended in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, it very rarely was with Jane. But, a silence nonetheless. I knew she had gotten caught up in her thoughts, so I began to move towards the kitchen to end the night.

Standing over the sink washing our glasses, I heard Jane enter the kitchen behind me.

"I think Paul would be a good husband for you. He could provide you with a safe, caring marriage. One day, I would imagine he would be a wonderful father too."

Turning around abruptly, Jane's emotions were once again written on her face. Instead of relaxed like before, uncertainty and a bit of sadness were there instead.

Shouldn't your best friend be happy if they think you have someone in your life you could settle down with? Start a family?

Jane looked anything but happy.

She looked inconsolable.

"Oh. That's good to know you approve of him so much, Jane."

Looking even more deflated than before I spoke, she turned and headed to the guest room for the night.

But, not before speaking quietly into the darkness of the hallway.

"Yeah, he is.. He's probably what is best for you, huh? Goodnight, Maur."