This may contain spoilers. This takes place after, Our Lips Are Sealed.

I do not own Degrassi or the characters. I do wish I owned Mike Lobel though.

Summary: Emma Nelson is forced to see a therapist after being hospitalized for an eating disorder. Her therapist recommends video therapy. At first Emma thinks it's stupid, but after a little while, she opens up. Her therapist tells her no one has to see the tapes, not even her therapist or parents. Emma pours her heart and soul in to every video session. She slowly starts regaining the stability of her old life, along with a new look on life. Will these tapes be the downfall of Emma? Or will they actually help?

Mainly, Emma's the only character. There are random flashbacks with different characters. This story is written as if there's actually a video camera recording. Anything else, is flashbacks, which are italics.

The Tape

Day 3

Friday

Emma walked down to her room and took her spot in the middle of the bed. She hit record. "I remembered that I haven't said anything about my home life or my friends. So, I'm going to now." She took a deep breath, "I live with my mom, Christine or Spike. For about 13 years, it was just her and me. Then, I started at Degrassi and she was reunited with an old crush from high school, Snake. Who just happened to be my Media Immersion teacher. At first, I was totally disgusted at the idea. Then, I saw how happy he made my mom. So, I accepted it. They soon got married and the day before her wedding, Mom found out she was pregnant. She wasn't going to tell him. She was either going to have an abortion or just leave Snake and it would be Mom, me and in 9 months, a baby. I'm happy to say, she didn't go with either of those ideas and now I have a little brother, Jack who is 3 years old." She smiled the first sincere smile in a year. "A few months ago, my best friend, Manny moved in. Her father is very strict and she got caught trying to get plastic surgery. He kicked her out and she came to live here. There's not much to say about Manny. We've had a bumpy friendship, but in the end, we're there for each other."

Emma sat in silence for a minute and then bit her bottom lip, "I saw Jay today. I was walking home and there he was, sitting on the hood of his annoyingly bright orange civic. I tried to pretend I didn't notice him, but after I walked by him, he slid off his car and started walking with me."

Flashback

Emma's walking by Jay's car and he starts walking next to her. She pretends like she doesn't notice him and keeps walking. Jay sighs, "Still hate me I'm guessing."

Emma looks straight ahead and says quietly, "I never hated you. I just hate what happened and you just happen to be apart of what happened."

Jay glances over at her and shoves his hands in his pockets, looking down, "I talked to Sean. He knows. Ellie told him."

Emma shrugs, "I don't care. Everyone knows anyway, I don't care if he knows."

Jay stops walking and grabs her arm gently, bringing her brisk walk to a halt, "How are you? I heard about..."

She looks at him and studies his face, to try to see if he actually cares. "The truth? I've been better. A lot better. But, I'm working on that."

Jay smiles softly, "That's good. Toronto needs their Green Peace back."

Emma smiles and lets out a soft laugh at her old nickname, "I haven't heard that name in a really long time. I kind of miss it."

"Well, I'll be sure to call you it whenever I see you."

"Good. I have to get home. I'll talk to you later." She gives him a small hug and he, shockingly, hugs back, "Stay out of trouble Jay."

Jay smiles, "I'll try."

Emma walks away.

End Flashback

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I thought he would try and get me to go back down to the Ravine.

But, he didn't. He was nice. He cared." She sighs, "I haven't spoken to Sean since the day he went back to Wasaga." She lets out a short laugh, "First time I skipped school, I went to find someone. Second time, I lost someone." She hit the stop button.

Day 4

Saturday

Emma is walking the path to get to the Ravine. Camera and tripod in hand. It was an early Saturday morning, she knew no one would be there. She walks to a picnic table and sets up the tripod, placing the camera carefully on top. She sits on the table and hits the record button, after looking around a few times to make sure no one was around. She flashes a fake smile at the camera, "I didn't feel like being locked up in the basement today. It's getting too nice out to hang out inside. So, I took my little session to the Ravine." She looks around, "Different during the day. I use to come here in grade nine and pick up the trash. At night, there's music, bonfires, kegs, smoke..." She trailed off, sighing. She looked over to her left, "The van is gone or maybe it's only here at night. I don't even know if that thing worked or not. I don't know who it belonged to. Didn't think to ask I guess. Too busy going down on Jay." She laughs at her own stupid joke.

"Manny asked if she could watch this tape. I told her no. She got kind of upset and stormed away mumbling something about us being best friends and that we're suppose to tell each other everything." She shrugs, "I guess I just want something that actually stays a secret. I don't know what privacy is anymore. Is it that my own fault? Or the fault of others? Mine, I guess. Others wouldn't know if I didn't say anything. Then again, some secrets people just find out. Few people know about my father." She stares off in to the bushes for a minutes, the looks back, "Before my mom had Jack, I went in search for my father. I was told he was a doctor. So, I searched for a Dr. Shane McKay. I found one. I skipped school with Craig and went to his house. It wasn't him. He was black." She chuckles, "Then Craig and I searched Snake's computer, and found him." She sighed, "He wasn't a doctor, but a patient. After my mom had me, Shane took acid and either fell or jumped off a bridge. No one is sure and it's not like we can ask him. He doesn't remember. He remembered me though, but only has baby Emma." She shrugs, "I write to him and visit him occasionally. It's weird, but comforting. He doesn't judge me because he doesn't think there are any bad things in the world. I wish I could think like that."

She stops again, hearing rustling coming from the woods. A few moments later, Jay steps out. He looks shocked to see her there. She debates hitting the stop button, then decides against it. He slowly walks over, not sure if she's ok with it. She smiles softly and he sits next to her on the table.

"What are you doing?" He asks, curious.

"Therapy." She says quickly.

"Talking to yourself is therapy? I thought they put people away for that." He jokes.

Emma smiles and rolls her eyes, "I'm not talking to myself." She thinks for a minute, "Ok, well I guess I am. It's called video therapy. I don't like talking about things to strangers. A camera can't judge me."

"Why don't you just talk to Santos?"

"It's not the same. She doesn't like listening to my problems when she has Craig on the brain, which is all the time. Everything has to be about her."

He nods, "Yeah, I kinda figured she was that kind of girl." He looks at her, "Want me to go? So you can finish."

She hesitates, then shakes her head, "You can stay, as long as you don't mind that I keep the camera going."

He looks over at the camera and sees the red light still on, "Guess I should have looked to see if it was recording."

"Sorry."

He shakes his head, "It's ok. I just don't know what I'm suppose to say."

She laughs, "You don't have to say anything. We can just talk. About anything. I promise no one will see the tape."

He smiles, "Alright."

They sit in silence for a minute, then Jay looks down at his shoes and back up to her, "I missed you, you know." He mentally slaps himself for sounding lame.

Emma blushes a little, "Sure it isn't the blow jobs that you miss?"

He's taken back by how easily that just came out of her mouth. "It wasn't like that."

She raises an eyebrow and looks at him, "Then, tell me, what was it like?"

"We talked. It wasn't just about the hooking up. Yeah, the hooking up part was nice, but we could actually keep a conversation."

She nods, "Yeah, I never thought that would happen. Well, I never thought any of that would happen. You were always such an ass."

"I'm not like that. Well, I am, but it's like a mask. I don't like letting anyone in, you know what I mean? When I do, either I mess things up or the other person leaves."

She sighs, "I know exactly what you mean."

Jay cracks his knuckles, a small nervous habit of his, "Remember when you asked if I thought you were weird?"

She laughs, "Yeah, I remember. You said I was "no weirder than the rest of us"."

"And you told me that everyone thought you belonged in a straight jacket."

She nods, "Yeah. Why did you bring that up?"

Jay shrugs, "I just wanted to tell you, that you're not. And you don't. You're the strongest peeson I've ever met. And knowing that you've made mistakes, is kind of comforting."

"How is it comforting?"

"I always thought you were perfect. I never thought you could anything wrong. It just shows that no one is perfect. Maybe, you need to see that." He leans over and kisses her softly, then gets up, "See you around Green Peace."

Emma sits in shock as she watches him walk away. She turned to the camera and hit the stop button on the remote.