A/N: I didn't realize how long it took me to write this until I came back on here yesterday and realized I had to get my butt in gear! Hope you enjoy, and give feed back if you have any, always looking to improve! :)

Chapter One

I love sleep so much, if I could sleep forever I would, because life is so much better in my dreams. But sadly that isn't how it works, this was proven to me as I felt a buzzing by my ear, which woke me up from my peaceful sleep. I grown, role over and try to ignore it, but it keeps ringing. Finally, I pick up my phone and see that it's Jade, what is she doing calling me at this time? I answer the phone "What?" I mumble grumpily.

"Well good morning to you too" Jade snipped

"What the hell are you doing calling at this time of morning?" I asked sitting up from bed slowly.

"It's 11 o'clock, normal people are up by now." She stated

"Well you know I'm not normal, and I am incoherent at any point in the day that ends with AM."

"Yes I do, know that" she laughed

"Okay, so why are you calling me." I asked

"Because your little-miss-sunshine is sitting in our living room, refusing to leave until you get home. I've tried to tell her you won't be back for a while, but she said she would wait." Jade said urgently.

"I'll be right over." I groaned shutting off my phone and collecting my clothes. I wish the two of them could be friends, Jade says Riley is to happy all the time and it gives her a headache and Riley says that Jade is mean and swears too much. Once I'm dressed I go around the bed and wake him up lightly "Babe, I'm heading out now, Riles is at my apartment alone with Jade."

"Uh-oh" he mumbles

"I know" I sigh "I'll be over later" I kiss him on the forehead and leave.

When I get to my apartment I step inside and Riley is sitting on my couch with her Michael Kors bag in her lap twirling her wedding ring in circles looking at her feet, lost in thought as if she didn't even hear me come in at all. "Earth to Riley" I say as I step in front of her, she blinks a couple times and looks up at me sadly "What are you doing here Riley?" I asked.

"Where were you Maya?" she asked

"Nowhere" bad answer, and I knew it as soon as it came out of my mouth. If I had have said I slept over at my parent's place, or I had to work late so I crashed there, she would have believed me. But saying 'nowhere' gave away exactly where I was.

"Maya," she said my name like she was a mother disappointed in her child

"Riley, I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions"

"I know you can, I just wish you would make better ones."

I sighed, frustrated, I miss when we used to be on the same wave length. Now it feels like we are a million miles apart, she is so put together, she has everything figured out and whenever she visits me I feel like I'm disappointing her and it's exhausting. "Is that what you came here for?" trying to get off this topic, I knew she didn't come over to see me for that reason because the last she heard we had broken up.

"I came here because a certain someone informed me that you had gotten into Rhode Island and were not planning on going." She stared at me for a long moment to see if I would say anything more, and when I didn't she kept going "Now I would like to congratulate you on getting into your dream school, the school you have been trying to get into know for 7 years and when they finally accepted you, I would have loved to screamed and jumped and done are happy dance with you and all."

"Breath, Riles" I could tell she was getting worked up because when she does, she doesn't breathe, she just goes and goes and goes.

"But I couldn't do that, for two reasons. One, because my best friend didn't tell me about this amazing news, I heard about threw Zay." Dammit Zay, I'll have to kill him later. "And two, because she isn't planning on going to the school she's dreamed of her whole life." Now she looked like she was on the verge of tears, which I wanted to avoid at all cost, Riley crying was the worst thing imaginable, causing her pain was something I avoided at all cost. But sometimes it is unavoidable. She looked up at me with questions running threw her eyes, but only one popped out "Why?" she asked simply.

"On which account?" I asked back.

"Both."

I parked a seat beside her and graded her hands in order to comfort her but she pulled her hands away, I smiled sadly and placed my hands under my legs in order not to fidget "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to get you excited over something that I wasn't sure if I was going to accept and then if I was to decide not to go, have you upset at me."

"Well how did that turn out" she mumbled

"Not well" I sigh "And as for the reason I'm not going, I think you know why Riles," I hesitate for a moment, reaching to take a sip of water, if nothing more than just to prolong this and maybe figure out a way to stop this conversation in its tracks "I can't leave her." I hate that my voice broke on her, I hate sounding weak, but if I'm going to sound weak in front of anyone Riley was the person to do it for. She was always the fixer.

Her eyes softened a little and she took my hands "I know you want to help your mom as much as possible. But you have to stop with using her as a scape goat to dealing with life."

"I'm not-"

"You are, she has Shawn and Paisley and you can come and visit." She stated

"Yes, but-"

"Have you told Katie about you getting accepted to Rhode Island?" she asked. I shook my head no, I didn't tell mom for the same reason I didn't tell Riley, there was no point in getting their hopes up only to disappoint them, I'd done that in the past enough as it is. Riley stood up abruptly and said "Let's go"

"What where are we going?" I asked

"To go and talk to your mom because I can't get you to go unless she is okay with it." She stated, and it was true, I would never go if she didn't want me to. I still might not go, even if she wants me to, which I'm pretty certain she'll want me to go. She's always wanted me to pursue my dreams.

When we got to the apartment Paisley opened the door "Riley!" he exclaimed and gave her a big hug. Paisley is my little brother, well I guess he isn't so little anymore he's 10 frigging years old. I'm 99% sure that Pais has a crush on Riley. "What are you guys doing here?" he asked

"We came to speak to Katie" Riley said brightly.

"She's just up in her bedroom" Paisley stated walking away with his cell phone in hand, I don't know why Mom got him that so young, I know we couldn't afford it when I was his age, but I appreciated that I didn't have one until I got a bit older, it made me less dependent.

I started going up the stairs and when we got to the door I turned around to Riley and said "I think I just want to speak to her alone," I could see a flash of hurt cross before her eyes, and that was the last thing I wanted to do, it was just I could deal with both of them at once, it would be too much. I would break down for sure.

"Okay" she nodded "I'll be in your room"

I enter mom's room without knocking, knowing she'd be up, she was told bed rest, but mom was never good at bed rest. I guess working on her feet all her life made her never able to sit down, until someone forced her too. And sure enough when I come into the room there's clothes everywhere but my mother is no where to be seen "Mom?" I call.

"I'm in the closet" she called. I walked over to her small walk in closet, where she was sitting down folding her clothes and I sat down beside her picking up and article of clothes and folding it. I remember when we moved in here with Shawn, a little while after they'd gotten married and she was so excited about finally having her own walk in closet, I remember thinking it was so huge. But now clothes skewed everywhere, mom and me both sitting here knee to knee, it felt pretty small. Has it gotten smaller, or have we gotten bigger, I will probably have to go with the latter.

"You should be resting Mom." I stated

"Says who?"

"Your doctor"

She laughed and waved me off "What does that old man know?"

"A lot, he knows a lot" mom was never one to take directions, maybe that's why she went threw so many jobs, until she started at Topanga's and ended up co-managing with Topanga.

"Not about me, lying in a bed doing nothing isn't rest, cleaning out my closet and organizing it is." She states, I must have given her a look because she says "Maya Penelope Hart, do not look at me like I am a child, I am sick, but I can fold laundry. I will not stop until I am dead."

"Mom" my voice cracked and my eyes started to fill with tears.

"Oh I'm sorry honey," she softened wrapping her arms around me tightly "I didn't mean to get you upset, I just can't take all the babying, it driving me crazy!"

I shook my head cleared my throat, trying to cover up my sadness, I didn't want her comforting me, I shouldn't need comfort, she should have to worry about me right now. "Dad's been at it again?" I laughed.

"Gah!" she put her hands to her face in frustration "I love your father dearly, but ever since the last doctor's appointment he's been driving me nuts, he won't leave me alone!" she exclaimed.

"He's worried" we all are; I add in my head.

"Well I'm sick off it." She huffed "Anyway, what did you come over for baby girl?"

"Can't I just come over to spend time with my beautiful mother?" I asked

"You can, but you are my daughter and I can see in your eyes that something is up, spill it." She smiles at me.

"Okay" I sigh, I've put it off long enough, time to go "So I got accepted to Rhode Island" I started, but before I could even finish mom had flung herself at me and was squealing in my ear I'm surprised I didn't go deaf. "Owe, mom, my ear"

She sat back down and patted my legs quickly and grabbed my legs "Oh, my sweet baby girl, I'm so happy for you!" she smiled widely, tears forming in her eyes.

I can't do this, she looks so proud, but I have too. I can't possibly leave her "Mom, I'm not going" she dropped my hand immediately.

"Why not?" she asked

"I-I" I know she's going to be made, I just know it but in this moment I cannot come up with another reason why, nothing is coming to mind, even though I've come up with many prior "I can't leave you." She stood up abruptly and left the closet, not saying a word to me. I follow her out and she is pacing from the window to the end of her bed, after a few moments I stop her by her shoulders "Mom, stop it" and she stopped and sat down on the edge of her bed.

We sat there for a while not saying anything, I didn't know how to pick things back up, and she was lost in her own thought, so we just sat there. Until finally she broke the silence "Do you know what I have always wanted for you?" I could find the words, my brain just was drawing a complete blank on every word in the English language so I shook my head no "I have worked my whole life to it to give you, but I was never enough, all that I could give you was never enough. It's something you have to find on your own, but now I'm the one to hold you back, I can't…"

I waited for her to finished, but when she didn't I asked "What is it?"

"Happiness" she said simply "I want more than anything for you to be happy, to follow your dreams and believe in something again."

"I am happy mom"

She laughed sadly and touched my cheek "I wish, more than anything, that you were, but you aren't, I've seen you happy and this isn't it." She picked up my hands gently "Seeing you happy is all I've ever wanted for you. I will never forgive myself if I am the reason you don't find it."

Tears were perched on the lid of my eyes, waiting to spill over "But I won't be happy, being so far away from you, worrying."

"You worry when you are here with me, and you will worry if you are away from me. So why not go away, at least then you will be doing what you love, instead of working at a crappy bar." She cupped my hand together and lifted them up to her lips and kissed them "I want so much more for these hands, they are capable of so much more then mixing drinks and cleaning table, like I did."

"I won't go" I said stubbornly.

"Well" her voice sounding equally stubborn and determined "If you stay in New York, it will not be for me, because I will not be allowing you into my home."

When those words came out of her mouth, my whole body went numb. It was a good thing I was sitting down, because I don't think I would have been able to stand right now. The one stable place, the one stable person in my whole life, who's always stood by me, doesn't want me? "Y-you don't want me?" the shakiness of my voice matched the shakiness of my body.

"I love you so much, and if you go to Rhode Island, you can visit whenever" softness formed in her eyes as reassurance, but I didn't feel it "But if you stay here I couldn't look into those beautiful blue eyes and see crushed dreams, that would kill me before cancer ever will." And those words right there were what broke me, and when it started it didn't stop, one tear came and another, and another, until I was sobbing in my mom's arms for god knows how long. I tried to stay so strong, for her, I tried to be the person everyone needed me to be for so long, but now I am so very tired.

When I had finally stopped crying, I don't think I word was said after, but we knew an agreement was reached. I would go, I would go and pursue my dreams, for her. When I had been gone long enough for her to be satisfied, I would come back home to my real life. I went to my room and Riley was sitting on my old bedroom floor strumming at my guitar, she looked up at me seeing my tear stained eyed, but god bless her, she doesn't comment on them. "Do you ever play the guitar anymore, I remember you used to play all the time?" I shook my head no.

She got up taking the guitar and putting it in my case and picking it up "Do you mind if we take it?" I shrugged indifferent "So what's the verdict?"

I smirk half heartedly "I'm going" I said simply.

"She's okay with it?" Riley asked

"She doesn't want me here." I hiccup out. Riley's smile falls as she embraces me in a hug.

"I know you don't think so, but you will thank her someday." I shake my head. I just hope that there is a someday to come back to.

And with that we left.