Final part I hope you like it! thanks for all the reviews :) xxxx
Tears on my pillow – Part 2
I spent most of the night crying on my pillow. Mum had stayed beside me, I couldn't remember what she was saying, and all I knew was that she was finally there for me. Offering me the comfort I was needing after rejecting Joey, I was calling it quits, not that I wanted to but it needed to be, we weren't healthy together and I was unsure that I could believe in him again after he doubted me.
My mind ran over our whole relationship, the many obstacles we had got over, the heartbreak and sadness, the lies and laughter. It really was a rollercoaster. To be honest I wasn't ready to let it go, I loved him too much to see him with anyone other than me. But would it really work? Could we actually be happy?
I couldn't help but think about that first kiss. I was once again drunk and let down my vulnerable guard. Joey had responded, his feelings pushing through his lips to mine, until he pulled away. The following day he instigated the next kiss one just as passionate as the first, that when I knew I could ever walk away from him, he was it, the one, not my cousin; he was my best friend and soul mate.
Deciding in that second I needed to see him right now, I picked up my phone quietly, creeping out of bed, now I could as I was no longer connected to the heart monitors. Mum was fast asleep in the chair none the wiser as I crept to the loo, closing the door behind me.
Dialling his number off my heart I waited as it rang and rang, only just realising it was 3am.
"Hello" his voice was muffled, I had clearly woken him up, but just hearing his voice made my heart flutter and in my condition that wasn't great.
"Hi" I whispered trying to be as quiet as I could although I could hear my heart beating loudly as if it was on loudspeaker.
"Lauren? Is everything okay?" his voice slightly panicked at my strange call.
"Yeah its fine, I just needed to hear you voice, sorry" I sighed, feeling myself blush even though he wasn't here.
I heard him chuckle a little "Its more than okay Lo, I'm just surprised after earlier" he replied, I heard him flick on his bedside lamp, making me think of him bare chested in only boxers in his large double bed, a place where I usually slept, not always sleeping but you get my drift.
"I know, my head is just all over the place, I know how I feel, I just have so many doubts" I replied honestly, I wasn't going to lie just to spare his feelings, I had to consider my own.
"Its my fault, I don't know what I was thinking believing her over you, it just broke me to see you drinking all the time, I'm bad news Lo" his voice now rather strained, clearly struggling to tell me exactly how he felt.
"Its not all you fault, you didn't tell me to drink its just what I do, I don't want to, but I'm not sure I can get over the Lucy thing Joey, it just shows to me your another person who doesn't believe in me" I could feel the tears brimming, as I bite down on my lip to try and stop myself.
"Babe, I do believe it you, I just made a wrong judgement and I will have to live with that, live with the fact that you don't trust me, but if you give me a chance I will prove to you every day how much I believe in you, all I want is a chance" I heard a muffled sob escape through the phone.
"I'm not sure if I can yet, Joey you know I love you but maybe it isn't enough" I whispered, feeling the tears fall down my cheeks.
"Love is always enough" he stated as if trying to convince himself.
"Maybe" I whispered, popping my head around the door I noticed my mum shuffle a little in the chair. "I need to go" I quickly whispered.
"Bye babe" he sighed, waiting for me to end the call.
"Bye Joey" and with that I put the phone down. Creeping back into the room, I slid into bed, lying on my side, my thoughts completely overwhelmed with Joey. He consumed them most of the time, but tonight even more so, I missed him more than I ever realised, hearing his voice only concluded that fact.
I had so much to think about, was it worth salvaging what we had fought so hard to have, convinced so many people to accept, because our love was honest and pure, was it really all worth it?
The days passed as I still remained in hospital, but each night as my mum slept I would call Joey, not for long but long enough just to hear him, though we never said the three little words to each other, because we didn't know what it was yet.
I was finally allowed home, as dad helped me from the car, ushering me up the steps of number 5, placing me down on the couch. Switching on the TV he left me to go to work. I was rather happy to have some alone time I had be suffocated by my mum and dad ever since that day, to be on my own was a relief.
I was broke from my trance, engulfed in the TV as I heard the back door open and then close. I just assumed it was Abi as I called out to her, but received no reply, that when his head popped around the lounge door, scaring me a little as I clutched my chest.
"Shit sorry Lauren" he said, bending down at my side watching me intently as I steadied my heart rate. "Are you okay?" he asked concerned, as I let go of my chest.
"Yeah fine, you just scared me is all" I chuckled, lifting my legs off of the sofa letting him sit down next to me.
"How's your heart?" he asked, though I knew there was a double meaning to it.
"Well its still beating thankfully" I chuckled, seeing him roll his eyes at my response "Its healing" I muttered a little more seriously.
"That's good" he replied his eyes moving from me to the TV. A comfortable silence issued over us, I hadn't realised my head had dropped to his shoulder as I felt sleepy. It was just natural, plus he was ridiculously comfy. I didn't want to give him false hope, but it was just nice him being here, no drama just the two of us enjoying each other's company.
"Lauren" he murmured, turning me to face him.
"We're going to be okay" he stated, my face cupped between his hands. I just nodded in response, laying my head back down onto his chest, his arms wrapping securely around my waist pulling me closer to him. For the first time in weeks I felt safe again, as if everything would be okay. Sure we had some serious trust issues that needed working through and I also expected some grovelling, but in all honesty I just wanted my boyfriend back, I just wanted to be loved.
I woke up feeling a little disorientated, Joey fast asleep next to me, his arms not so tight around me. Sliding out of his arms, I crept over to the window, looking out onto the square, I noted it was late afternoon, my mum wouldn't be back for a while yet. Glancing around, that's when I spotted her. A wave of anger rushed through my fragile body, as I dropped the curtain, not thinking I brushed past Joey who was still asleep, swinging open the front door, I scrambled down the stairs, heading straight to her.
"YOU" I shouted, ignoring the nagging feeling in my chest. She turned sharply to see me, her face paling with guilt.
"I fucking hate you" I hissed, shaking my fist at her trying to resist the urge to punch her.
"Lauren I-" she went to continue.
"NO, don't even say my name, I will never forgive you for this Lucy, ever" I hissed, clutching my chest now. "Me and you are finished, we aren't friends were not anything you are dead to me".
"Lauren babe" Joey voice behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders. "I know your angry but your heart babe" he gently cooed me, calming the pulsing anger that had washed through me.
"I think you should go" he stated firmly at Lucy, who was brushing away tears from her eyes, my words finally getting through to him.
"Joey" I whispered, holding onto him, feeling a little exhausted. Sweeping me back up into his arms, my head dropped to the crook of his neck. I couldn't resist pressing a kiss to it, feeling his smirk as he kissed my forehead, holding me close as he carried me home. It wasn't anything major, but it was a start, a hope of something more one day.
I knew I loved him, hell I knew he loved me, it was just a matter of time.